We cannot go back in time to prevent the damages we incur in our minds and in our bodies. There is no turning back the clock or hopping into a time machine.
The damage from domestic abuse is severe and eventually deadly. It is not a game to be won. If someone is abusing you, this is not a game you want to play.
It is their game. You think you are a participator in the relationship but you are just a victim of their game. Their game is their sickness. Their addiction.
It is part of their game, to make you feel like you have a chance to win. It is part of their manipulation to make you feel sorry for them, make excuses for them, make exceptions for them.
But there are no exceptions.
Your love will never be enough. Your benevolence will never be enough. Nor will your cooking, your working, your sex, your beauty, your compassion or your suffering.
Your suffering will never be enough.
Your denial won’t save you. Your forgiveness won’t save you. Your strength and courage to stay in the relationship won’t save you.
They hate all of it. They will demand all of it but they hate all of it. They have contempt for you. They have contempt for your devotion to them.
They will never respect you. They will never love you. They will never have compassion for you.
They will never think you have suffered enough. You can tell yourself that they don’t mean to cause your suffering, but it doesn’t make it true.
You can tell yourself that they don’t comprehend the fact that you are suffering, but that does not make it true.
The infliction of suffering upon you is their goal. Make no mistake. It is intentional and deliberate.
You can make excuses for them in your mind but it will not protect you.
The small interludes of “I want to be a better partner to you. I really do love you” are lies. It is all part of the game.
They will tell you “I didn’t really hit you that hard.” They will say “you just bruise easily”
They will say “Well it’s about time you forgave me” Like you had no reason to be upset that they hurt you.
They will convince you that you started it, you deserved it, they could not control themselves.
If you are in an abusive relationship, get out.
It is their game. You can’t beat them at their game. Everytime you think you have any control, it is just their way of manipulating you. They will allow you to feel safe for a little while and then they will hurt you more than the last time.
It is never enough. It will never be enough. They will never be satisfied. It is their addiction.
They are addicted to hurting you. Hurting your feelings. Hurting your mental stability. Twisting your mind. Hurting your body. And then doing it again.
And then doing it again. And then doing it again. And again. Again.
Every time they hurt you they will want a little more next time. They will not be satisfied the next time, with the same level of hurt they inflicted the last time. it will escalate and escalate and escalate.
It is their game. They are the master. You will lose. You cannot stay with them without bringing out more and more contempt from them.
Contempt cannot co-exist with love.
If you are living in an abusive relationship, please reach out for help. Call a women’s abuse center, a domestic abuse hotline. Get resources from your doctor, therapist, internet (but not from home), but get help.
Your time is running out.
Each explosion of their anger will be worse than the last. They will pull the reigns in tighter and tighter on you.
If they are emotionally and mentally abusing you, that will get worse. It is likely that it will turn into physical abuse. But even if they never physically abuse you, the mental abuse will increase and you will be destroyed.
Read some of the stories of people who stayed too long. You can find them on wordpress and on youtube and lots of other places. They will tell you their story because they don’t want you to end up like them.
Some of the stories cannot be told by the victim. They can only be told by the family and friends of the victim, because the victim is no longer on the earth to tell their story.
Please be careful looking at things like this online. Your history will likely be checked on your computer. Don’t think it won’t. Mine was.
Get help the safest way you can but do it now.