There are bullies in the adult world. I don’t understand why adults act like 6th graders but it is so. Adult bullies want to get ahead of you and they want to crush you down to do it.
This can be a catalyst for anxiety and depression in the target person. Why do they target a nice person like you? The same reason they target a nice person like me. They resent the fact that people like you.
They resent the fact that you are nice. You are different from them and they don’t like you. it is not a loss for you that they do not want to be your friend. Do you want to be around all that negative karma to hang out with them?
They enjoy destroying your self-esteem. Just remember your self-esteem is generated from within you. Don’t allow them to crush it from the outside.
Obviously there are some situations that there is no good remedy for. Sometimes we are defenseless against them. It is very sad. But here are some ideas that have worked for me.
I offer them in case they may be helpful to anyone. You may be in a situation like the one just came out of.
Try not to stoop to their level. They are better at this game than you are.
My father used to say “Never bet a man at his own game.”
It does not usually end well if you try to engage in a battle with someone in something they are clearly more rehearsed and much better than you in.
This means, don’t gossip, because they can out gossip on any day. Don’t try to discredit or undermine them. You don’t want to get in an escalating bully battle with them to see who drops out first. It won’t be them.
If you are very good at one aspect of your job, just focus on that. Do a little extra and make sure the boss happens to come upon or overhear the good work you are doing.
Do some extra research on the subject you are studying in your class. Bring it to the teacher , but not in front of the bully. Rather than try to make the bully look bad, work on shining light on your good work.
When the bully tries to tell tales about you to the boss or to the teacher, they will have more of an image to tear down than if you had not been in the teachers mind at all.
The bully is not making the efforts you have, so the boss will be thinking that you are a better worker and a more dedicated, creative one who takes initiative.
The boss is more interested in who makes the company look good and who will help make him more successful. A great employee makes the boss look good. It is their best interest to keep you.
When the bully comes to talk about you, the boss will consider what they have done lately, compared to what you have done lately. Rather than being fascinated with the bully’s gossip they will wonder why they are in there complaining about you instead of doing productive work.
I have recently done this and it worked beautifully.
They will see that you are helping the company while they are wasting company time.
Whatever your situation, remember that the person in charge does not usually want their time wasted by a gossiper who is going to cost them time investigating and talking to you. They want you, because of what you personally bring to the table.
Know what your strengths are and make sure the person in charge knows. This will protect you better than any counter bullying or gossiping. The boss will most likely be annoyed at the time that the bully is wasting and recognize the time and money you are creating.
If your immediate supervisor like the bully then you may have to make yourself and your good work known to the higher level superior. Also, make sure your coworkers see you as a person of integrity. They will vouch for you.
In a classroom, the teacher will appreciate that you are concentrating on learning. A teacher loves when a student is interested in their subject. They feel flattered and their self esteem goes up.
The bully coming in and complaining about you to them or to other students means they do not care about the subject. They are mostly interested in 6th grade level social games. You will be the more respected one and the bully’s words will not have any credit.
Timing is everything. If you are aware the bully is going to talk to a supervisor about you, head them off at the pass. Go in to see the teacher/ boss before they get to them. But with your work / research, not anything about the bully.
As far as you are concerned, the bully does not exist. Let the boss see you as the mature one. You were too busy thinking about the company to worry about some 6th grade social antics.
If you really time it right, you will be leaving the office just as the bully approaches. When they see you, they will assume you went in to counter them by talking about them. The reason they will assume this is that, it is how their mind works. That is what they would do.
When they go in, they will mention that they think you were talking about them and then defend themselves by bashing you. Believe me, this makes them look bad, not you.
The best part is that you did not do anything wrong. You did not take the bully down. They took themselves down. They look paranoid and immature.
If you feel really brave, do something nice for the bully right in front of the group. Bring her a coffee in front of everyone. It will confuse them. LOL
Try not to do anything visibly offensive. Let’s call it passive aggressive.
Take the higher road. In the end it will serve you.
Go with your strengths. Think about what you are better at than they are.