anxiety, codependence, mental health, mental illness, relationships

Light the Menorah / Ode to an Angry Ex-Boyfriend

We were standing in the back of a parking lot
You and I
Next to a huge pile of fertilizer
A big smelly pile of manure
You were smoking cigarettes

I was trying to make small talk with you
One year of living together
You still didn’t really get me
Didn’t understand the way I see things

Your cigarette was almost done
I looked at the manure mountain
Don’t drop it near the manure
I said
We don’t want to light the menorah!

I laughed out loud at my play on words.

You just looked at me
Wondering whether or not to be offended

You usually came to the conclusion
to be offended
Before I could explain anything
You wanted to be offended
You were always seeking a reason to be angry with me lately

You said “What do you mean?”
Looking very annoyed
I said “a menorah is something with candles that you light,
We are standing next to manure.
It was a play on words”

You looked more annoyed and confused
You said,
“But what do you mean?”

Me – “The manure fertilizer is flammable.
A menorah is candles that light with fire”
You – “It doesn’t make any sense. Why did you say it?”

Me – “It was a joke.”
You demanded, “Explain it to me!”

Me – “The moment is gone. It isn’t funny if I have to keep explaining it.
Just let it go.”

Then I had another thought about the manure
This big pile of fertilizer is like our communication.”

You – “I don’t understand”

I explained, “Our communication is like the manure”

You – “I am still trying to figure out why you were talking about a menorah”
Me – “I know”
You – “Why did you say it?”
Me – “It was a joke”
You – “How was it funny?”
Me – “It isn’t funny anymore.”

You – “I don’t understand”
Me – “I know”
You – “What do you mean?”
Me – “The way we communicate with each other”

You – “What is the point?”
Me – “The point is that our communication is like this pile of manure.”
You – “I don’t understand”
Me – “That’s the point.”
You – “What is the point?”
Me – “That you don’t understand the point.”

You – “You don’t make sense when you talk. Can’t you just say what you mean, like other people ?”
Me – “I am saying what I mean.”
You – “I don’t understand”
Me – “In not understanding, you do understand”
You – “I don’t understand you”
Me – “I know”

2 thoughts on “Light the Menorah / Ode to an Angry Ex-Boyfriend”

  1. *sigh*
    Felt the strain from my corner of the world.
    It’s sad, but it’s also funny how communication just becomes so damn near impossible at the end.
    Two presumably smart people end up looking like idiots to each other.
    And there’s not a thing that can be done.
    Sad indeed. Yet your dialogue made me laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I enjoyed your comments. I do see it as funny in retrospect. As I said in my About page, I am very abstract in thought. This guy that I was with (for too long) was very concrete in his thoughts. Also I have a sense of humor and tend to make silly jokes about weird or ironic things that I notice around me

    . He not only did not get my sense of humor. I think he had such anger issues in his own mind, that he hated it that I could laugh and find humor in things, He wanted me to be miserable with him. He was also very paranoid and controlling.

    But this manure situation actually occurred. I remember standing by the big fertilizer pile and suddenly becoming alarmed that he was going to flick is cigarette into it.

    It was such a frustrating (yet typical) conversation between us. But even at the time, I was picturing someone else listening to the conversation and getting exasperated listening to it. I was picturing it in my mind, like we were on tv. sitcom. It was something I frequently did when I was with him, as a coping mechanism,

    It’s good to smile and laugh at things sometimes. I am glad you liked this post. I have listened to some spoken word poetry on youtube and find it a fascinating, very expressive art. I am going to try to make a video of this tomorrow.

    Just so you know. I was writing this as I posted it so you are the first person that ever heard it.

    take care 🙂



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