abnormal psychology, health, Holiday depression, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, neurology, psychology, suicide, Suicide holidays, suicude

Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Ideations are on the Rise This Week as Search Terms / If You Ended up Here Please Read This

I looked at my searched terms and I noticed a dramatic increase in the search of suicide and suicidal thoughts. I must assume that this is a direct correlation with the impending holiday season.

To many people, the approach holiday season is like impending doom. There are so many potential triggers that are likely to send someone into a severe depression.

It is hard to find people that are compassionate and will actually listen without judgement. Most people find death and suicide so disturbing that they are not willing to let the existence of such things into their reality.

So what ends up happening is when someone mentions having thoughts of killing themselves, the responses are as follows:

1. Oh, Don’t talk like that!

2. You don’t really mean that.

3.  Everyone gets depressed. 

4. You aren’t the only one with a hard life. Why does everything have to revolve around you?

5. My personal favorite …Everything isn’t ABOUT YOU!

6. You have a great life. 

7.  There is nothing really wrong with you. 

8. Did you take your meds today?

9.  You are just trying to get attention.

10. You would not actually do that.

So, these are all actual things I have heard people say in my field of healthcare work. I have had patients that were suicidal and other healthcare workers actually said these things to them. Needless to say, I promptly sent them out of the room.

The thought of suicide is disturbing to someone listening, but it is much more disturbing to the person.

People that have suicidal ideations, have tried everything else to feel better. They have already racked their brains and tried to reach out for help over and over again.

It is rarely something that suddenly occurs to a person and they do it on a whim. I would venture to say that by the time someone searches the term suicide on the internet, they have already spent months trying to get real help …if not years. 

Some people are helped by a good therapist to deal with depression and anxiety. Others are not helped. It may be a bad patient/therapist match or they may be a person that therapy is just not the thing that will help them.

Meds work for some people. Medications for mental health are precarious at best. It takes a while to find the right medication and sometimes pills do not help enough.

“Have you taken your meds today?” is really not helpful. In fact the answer could be extremely complicated and not a yes or no answer. People have several meds in their arsenal. They are adjusting the dosages on a daily basis, trying to get some relief.

The extreme lack of validation is devastating to a person. If you are feeling suicidal and someone tells you “Everyone gets depressed. Just suck it up like the rest of us. Everything does not revolve around you” how does that make you feel?

You are in a severe state of mental torture. Then someone says they have depression sometimes too, so you should get over it….This can add to the feeling of isolation. 

People who have not suffered from severe depression do not know what it is like. But even people who have been suicidal in the past do not always believe a loved one when they  try to talk about this.

If you are feeling suicidal then it hurts to be invalidated and brushed aside. It makes you feel more worthless and hopeless. 

Something in your brain has become so traumatized that it is telling you that it cannot tolerate any more pain. Your very own brain is against you and telling you to end it’s torment.

Having your own brain work against you like an enemy is a very very frightening thing. You do not want to do what it is telling you to do or you would not keep reaching out for help, from those around you, from meds, from therapists and then finally from a stranger on the internet.

They think you have a choice to just “stop it” or “turn it off”. It is not that easy. You can’t just flip a switch and turn off thoughts of suicide. You have been consistently traumatized by things for a long time and the brain has become exhausted. 

The first thing is to validate you and your feelings. I know you feel terrible fear and pain. It has been building for a long time, probably from years of traumatic events and people constantly invalidating you.

By this point in time, you have been invalidated so much by so many people that you feel alienated and like you are different from everyone else.

Someone who has suicidal thoughts may be very compassionate to others. They can be the person that other people tend to count on and expect to be strong, no matter what. 

Some people end up self isolating because they feel they are invisible to other people or that they do not belong. They may feel very taxed by the company of others, especially when they cannot talk about whatbis going on inside of their own brains.

People can get to a point where their  brain is telling them that it cannot tolerate the mental torture any longer. This is not intended to be selfish.

I dislike hearing people call suicide selfish. The person who commits suicide is not trying to abandon anyone. Their intention is not to hurt anyone.

It is a state of emergency that people get into and they cannot figure a way out of it. 

If you have had suicidal thoughts before then you know the extreme feeling of lonliness and hopelessness.

The holidays are coming and there are elements to certain holidays that can betriggerring. Sometimes feelings of loss, isolation, and grief can become amplified.
Having to hide your feelings and thoughts about depression or suicide can make it worse. It can seem like you are the one person that no one wants to listen to.

The holidays require an extreme effort of acting just to get through. The acting feel tedious and exhausting.

One thing that can help to endure the holidays is the Spoon Theory.

If you have not heard of it then you can easily find it on google by typing in Spoon Theory. You can make it more specific by typing Spoon Theory mental illness.

You do not have to fullfill everone’s expectations during the holidays. Just because other adults expect certain things does not make you obligated to do all of them.

Self care and self love are very important during the holidays, particularly if you tend to become more depressed at that time of year.

13 thoughts on “Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Ideations are on the Rise This Week as Search Terms / If You Ended up Here Please Read This”

    1. Yes I have heard them too. The one that triggers me the most is “everything is not about you” especially when it is said to me by my ex husband who never made anything about me and always made everything about him…and still does…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Reblogged this on and commented:
    The holidays are a terrible stress for me and when deeply depressed I become suicidal. I understand it now and with my meds and therapy I can cope much better. Here’s for those who may need some compassion.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for reblogging, Tessa 🙂
      I was thinking that I might do something special here for the holidays. Maybe we can brainstorm together about some ideas.
      We could get a few people involved to pass the word along. Anyone who is feeling bad on the holidays or wants to start their own traditions and avoid the torture of the family members that are manipulative can let us know how they are feeling and what they are doing on those days.

      We could make it like an all day talk line. I could make the center on my blog or we could have more than one place for people to leave messages . This was no one would feel alone .

      We could do one on Thanksgiving , and then one starting on Christmas eve going through christmas.
      What do you think? I have seen blogging parties before. It would be kind of like that.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for this post, I am identifying with so much of it. It hurt so much when family don’t understand and expect you to feel better simply because they say you need to , it makes me feel worse. I wonder if they are a shamed of me, they just don’t know I don’t want to feel like this either. Trying to figure out how to just snap out of it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was thinking we could do something special on the holidays for people to connect with each other here. I could open the blog on Thanksgiving and then again for christmas for people to post about how they are feeling and what they are doing.
      Other people could respond to posts. Maybe I could accept guest posts on those days.
      What do you think? There must be a way to do it.


  3. One of my favorite topics, the dreaded fucking Hallmark Holidays! Chronic depression can start right about Halloween and build into an uncontrollable monster of shoulds, have to’s and what’s wrong with me’s by Christmas day., The fear of loss of love from a dysfunctional family who uses emotional blackmail as a stocking stuffer is almost tangible. My solution? Last year I told everyone, “I quit. I am no longer doing holidays, they suck, and I will create my own traditions and perhaps a new and different one every year. I may spend the day alone eating foods I never eat, watching movies or doing whatever I feel like to celebrate. There will be no stress, no triggers, and y’all are free to spend it in whatever way makes you happy. DO NOT GIVE ME A LOOK OF PITY! This is merely a restructuring of something that has never worked for me. My life is not conducive to fitting into the happy holiday box. I took back my power. Just rejected a pleading offer to show up at a friends for Thanksgiving. I thanked her for the invite. She is dreading cooking the whole thing while the men sit around scratching their balls. Gee, how fun, I’ll pass on this most dreaded tradition. I love Thanksgiving, every day is Thanksgiving, why spoil the holidays with tradition, take back your power, and DO NOT WORRY HOW OTHERS REACT. That is their choice. And by all means, isn’t watching others squirm out of jealousy that you have the courage to bail out much more fun than suicide? For me it is. Happy fucking holidays!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree that your way is better than going to the family events just because you feel obligated to do so. We are not obligated to do what people want us to do when all they have done is create torture for us during the holidays of the past.

      You can create your own traditions and those will be true and meaningful to you. Maybe we can even create a tradition on here. I have my wheels turning in my head now. Maybe we can do a get together on wordpress during thanksgiving and then again on christmas.

      Everyone who does not enjoy the holidays with their families can check in here and let everyone know what they are doing.

      Let’s start new traditions that are meaningful rather than being sucked onto old family traditions that were designed to confine us and manipulate us anyway. People need to know that they do not have to feel shame or guilt for avoiding holiday activities and invitations that do not serve them in a good way.

      Liked by 1 person

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