Remember

I remember how you used to call

All the time

Anytime

Just to say hello

Just to hear my voice

I remember how it felt to know

That if you had a free minute

You would call

And if you were busy

You were thinking about

When you were going to call me

I remember when you used to say

“I thought of you today”

and ask me

“What kind of state of mind are you in?

Have you had any trauma today?”

I remember when you used to listen

When I was sad and

when I felt very low

I remember when you used to stroke me

comfort my mind

Validate my soul

Make me feel my existance mattered

to someone

to you

It mattered that I existed

It mattered how I felt

It mattered what I needed

It mattered that I was there

I remember when you needed me

to be your friend

to be your ally

to hold your hand

I remember when you thought

I was pretty

I was smart

I was funny

I was worthy

I was important

I was special

I remember how it felt to be

One with you

The one you valued

The one you felt blessed to have

as your friend

as your lover

I remember…

and it hurts

The Place I Will Always Call Home

GentleKindness

Home

is the feeling I have when I’m with you

Home

is the sound of your voice

Home

is the warmth of your hand holding my hand

Home

is the smile on your face

Of all of the places I’ve lived in my lifetime

There’s none that can  truly compare

To the way that I feel

When you hold me so close

And you  stroke your hand over my hair

The way you support me when I am successful

And catch me whenever I fall

So we may end up

In a house here or there

In the places

where you want to roam

I know in my heart

Anyplace where you are

Is the place

That I’ll always call

home

 

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The Value of a Caring Friend

When you are haunted by depression or severe anxiety, you need someone who is on your side. You need a good friend who understands and accepts you for who you really are. They are your support system for surviving the pain of mental and emotional suffering.

For people that are recovering from domestic abuse, they are also the person that reminds you that you never deserved the abuse. They are there to keep you from making the choice to go back, when you forget how bad the abuse was.

If you have any kind of mental illness or psychological injury to your brain, you need a support system. If there is a person that is always there for you when you are hurting, they are the key element to your support network. It is good to have other means for reaching out as well, but they are the one you can just be with, and you feel better.

People that really know you and care about you, know when something is wrong by the sound of your voice over the phone. They know by how you sound without you saying anything.

Those people are hard to come by. Value them and take care of them when you are able to. People that know how to listen, and care enough to notice how you are feeling are blessings to be cherished.

Most people are too busy with their own agendas to stop and pay attention to someone else. If someone pays enough attention to you in general to be able to tell when something is wrong, they are in the minority. If they then take the time to listen and to help you, then they are friends to be treasured.

I can only think of a few over the years.  Sometimes there are long periods of time with no one like that in your life. There are so few people who will ever care about you so much that they will drop what they are doing to listen. When they cannot, they will create a time for you as soon as they are able to. They will let you know to hang on and they are working on making a time for you, just because they care.

Do not take these people for granite or push them away carelessly. It could be years before you find another person you can call when you need help. Picture what it would be like not to have them in your lives. Then you will see how much of a blessing they are, even if they are not perfect.

I am not talking about abusers who are nice to you in between the abuse. I am talking about that person that really cares about your feelings and your well being. That person that can tell when you are upset about something before you tell them

This is the person who boosts your self esteem when you are crushed down by others. The one who helps you to feel good about yourself..

You may not have anyone like that right now, but they will come. When they do, remember what it was like when you had no one to call.

May all of you have or find someone who knows you and cares about you like that. Forgive them for their shortcomings and value them for just being there for you when you need them.

Blessings,

Annie

Domestic Violence and Abuse Against Men

Domestic abuse of men is much less heard of  than that of women. It is not culturally accepted of believed that men can really be severely abused by women.

Women are considered the “weaker sex” therefor how could they inflict such damage upon men to be considered abusive? There are a lot of men, however that are in domestic abuse situations that are both mentally and physically dangerous to them. Men are sustain serious injury from objects being thrown at them and being attacked with heavy objects during the insane rage of a narcissistic partner.

Men do not tend to let anyone know when they are being abused. If a man is being physically abused by a wife or a girlfriend they feel that it will be embarrassing to tell anyone. In most cases his family and friends would not believe him. They may even laugh at him.  But domestic abuse, weather physical or mental abuse, is far from a laughing matter.

If a gentle, non-violent  man is subject to physical abuse by a woman,  he may not defend himself against her l attacks. There are women that hit, kick , throw things and burn their spouses. The men do not want to hit her back and they have no way to defend themselves. They allow themselves to be hit and injured and hope that it is just a one time occurance.

They fear that they will injure her if they try to physically defend themselves. Men in our society are also in danger of being accused of abuse. They may be in fear of leaving bruises on their attacker, in their attempt to defend themselves, that she will use against him. The men just cover up the scars and keep it a secret.

There are numerous reasons for a man not to leave the abusive relationship. He may feel that he still loves the person and wants to do better so that the abuse will stop. It is the same mindset that women have when they begin to believe that they deserve to be abused. The narcissist twists the mind of their victim into feeling that they are responsible for the anger of the abuser.

The victim believes that they did something to cause the abusers rage and that if they can mend their ways , the abuse will stop. The victim feels guilty and the abuser plays upon the guilt and feelings of worthlessness of the victim.

” boys are less likely to report
sexual abuse due to fear, anxiety associated with
being perceived as gay, the desire to appear selfreliant,
and the will to be independent.

• In a male-perpetrated assault, the male victim is more
likely to be strangled, beaten with closed fists, and
threatened with guns or other weapons.

• In a female-perpetrated assault, the male victim is
more likely to be kicked, slapped, or have objects
thrown at him.
American  Medical Association

Men are conditioned by society to be the strong and protective sex. They are taught never to see themselves as victims and that society will not believe their cries for help. it is not in the paradigm of the general population that men could be victims.

This makes it very difficult for men to seek help. They fear any stigma attached to male victims of physical abuse.

There are also situations of severe mental abuse of men by their partner. This is similar to the mental abuse of women by a male partner. The abuser criticized the victim and calls them names.

The victim can be manipulated about finances, work and seeking their own health care. Women who are abusers and also control the money may refuse for the victim to  have medical treatments, refuse for any mental health care, refuse food and other basic needs of a person’s well being.

There is also abuse of men by male partners and by family members who they live with. Males attack males with open fists, knives and other weapons. The attacks can be of a violent sexual nature as well.

With the economy being on a downturn, I would predict that the cases of men being abused will increase. As men find it harder and harder to get good paying jobs (or any job at all) they will have to settle for living with anyone who is willing to take them in.

The lack of being able to support themselves will reduce the choices they have as well as reduce their self esteem. The loss of self esteem open someone up to allowing a narcissistic person to have control.

Some men are afraid to leave  because the wife threatens to abuse the children or cut off his contact with the children. This is emotional and mental terrorism. The domestic abuse helpline is for help with this kind of abuse.

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime

men experience many of the same psychological
reactions to violence as women. These include:
• Guilt, shame, and humiliation
• Anger and anxiety
• Depression
• Withdrawal from relationships

I have put  some links below that could be helpful to men who need to seek help. The denial and fear of seeking help could end in someone’s death and will most certainly continue to destroy their mental health and well being.

The statistics gathered by the National Coalition Against Domestic  Violence are that 1 in every 14 men has been physically abused by a partner.

Domestic Abuse HelpLine 1-888-743-5754 (this is a Help line to assist men to get out of abusive relationships and find resources for help with any legal issues , financial and housing problems that can occur. They can guide you to the proper help if you are under threat from someone that threaten to abuse your children or keep them from you if you leave.)

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-men.htm

Click to access MaleVictims.pdf

http://www.batteredmen.com/bathelpnatl.htm

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence-against-men/art-20045149

http://www.medicaldaily.com/domestic-violence-against-men-women-more-likely-be-intimate-terrorists-controlling-behavior-290662

http://www.batteredmen.com/

Insomnia Poem

GentleKindness

Insomnia Sucks
I can’t count the ducks
They say to count sheep
It don’t put me to sleep

Imagery is great
But it keeps me up late

Now it’s 6:30
The dishes are dirty
I know I should wash them
But I want to squash them

If this made you smile
Then it was worthwhile

And I know that you know
And you know that I’m so
And that sounded brainless
The sheep are now nameless
My mind is so aimless

Too tired to write stanzas
About what a woman and man does

This poem gets worse
With Each Passing Verse

Or maybe it’s clever
In some profound way
It might change your life
Or just make you say…

“You should go to sleep
You’re brain is not deep
You’re just overtired
And think you’re inspired
But thank you for trying
Your poem I’ll keep”

So now it is time

View original post 76 more words

Insomnia Illness Poem

GentleKindness

Near faint from exhaustion
Vision is blurred
Body craving sleep
Covers undisturbed

Obsessive, compulsive
Anxious, depressed
Pick one, any one
Have no success

Insomnia like a virus
Attacking my cells
Brain cells depleting
Self-loathing swells

How did it happen
I can’t recall when
I used to be normal
Like regular women

Torment of brain storm
Strangling health
Desperation burning
Trembling hell

Sleep will come find me
It knows where I hide
Alone in my torment
Imprisoned in my mind

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Ideas for Lessoning Severe Insomnia

I like listening to talks by Ajahn Brahm. He is a Buddhist monk who gives talks about how to live with a more peaceful mind. His talks are about anxiety, depression and other mental health focused issues. The talks are on YouTube and can be searched by his name.

There is one talk I remember in particular that had a section about insomnia and worrying at bed time. He gave an interesting technique that I would like to share with you.

At bedtime you take off your shoes. Nearly everyone removes their shoes at bedtime so this technique can be used by almost everyone.

You take off your left shoe and call that one The Past. Then you take off your right shoe and you call that one The Future. You set down each shoe and leave them on the floor, outside of the bed. Take off the left shoe and set the Past on the floor. Take off the right shoe and set the Future on the floor.

You never take your shoes to bed, so this way, you remember to leave the past and the future outside the bed. Do not take them to bed with you. They will be there in the morning.

I like this technique because if you associate it with your shoes, then you will always remember it.  You can remember not to take the pain of the past, or the anxiety over the future to bed with you. Set them on the floor and they will be there tomorrow.

Not that I have been able to do this every night, but it is something to work on. It is true that your problems are not going anywhere. They will still be with you tomorrow.

Just as your shoes can wait until tomorrow for you to put pick them back up again, so can the past and the future.

There is nothing that you can do to change the past, recover from past trauma, or to ensure the future, while you are trying to get rest.  Those things just keep you awake. If you could actually just take them off, as easily as your shoes, then you could relax and get to sleep.

Insomnia is caused by worrying about the past and the future.Memories of the past torment you. There are things that should have been …..and things that should not have been….

The future is an unknown and your mind tends to experience obsessive  thoughts about what is going to happen in the future. We have fears of certain things happening.

Sometimes we do not easily identify our thoughts as being past oriented. We think of the past as something that happened years ago. But in reality, anything that happened prior to this moment is in the past. Things that happened at work today and the conversation we just had an hour ago, is in the past.

I am sure it would take a high level of mindfulness (perhaps enlightenment) to  be able to remove the most recent thoughts from our heads, but it is fascinating to me that some people can do that.  Perhaps we could simply allow those thoughts to occur but not feed into them.

I  spend hours each night feeling bad about things in the recent past.  Then I spend precious sleep time   worrying about what events are going to trigger me into post traumatic stress tomorrow.

I am so fearful of being in mental trauma that I fear the triggers of the next day. It is like impending doom. Tonight I am fearful of taking my daughter to therapy tomorrow. I do not like going to therapist offices. I do not like the video camera filming me when I get called in to discuss how I feel about her progress or lack thereof.

The entire situation surrounding her having to go there, is traumatizing to me. Every time I have to go to the office, I a forced to relive trauma . So every week, the night before the appointment, I lay in bed and picture how they will traumatize me in the office tomorrow.

But the truth is that the lack of sleep makes it worse. The more sleep deprived I am tomorrow, the worse the trauma will be. There is nothing productive I can do tonight other than to sleep.

So tonight I will try to take off my shoes and leave them beside the bed, on the floor. The left shoe is my past trauma and the right shoe is tomorrow’s post traumatic stress. Neither one of them belongs in the bed with me tonight.

The  theory of mindfulness says that we should care for our thoughts. Even if  we cannot dismiss them as easily as taking off our shoes, then we can at least be kind to them. Our thoughts and feelings  do not require judgement from us. They are just our thoughts. it is what our mind is choosing to do.

We can be kind to our thoughts by allowing them to exist without judging them or shaming them. If we just let them exist as they are, then  maybe we can not attach so much energy to them. The less energy we give them, the less powerful they will become.

If we can lesson the severity and the energy of the thoughts of the past and the future, at bed time, then it is a good step. It may be easier for us to sleep, than if we fight with our own thoughts like they are our enemy. If they are part of us then so  be it.

Let them exist and then let them rest until tomorrow. We must get  sleep for the sake of our mental and physical health. Perhaps bedtime is the time to focus on our spiritual strength, rather than our mental weaknesses.

I have been pondering these things and cannot do them any better than you can, but I would like to learn. The more we consider mind / body / spiritual connection, in my opinion, the more accepting of ourselves we can become.

Namaste,

Annie

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Interpersonal Relationships

GentleKindness

Adults that grew up living in the home of an alcoholic ( or drug addict) parent tend to have some problems with interpersonal relationships.

As a child their world was unpredictable, unstable and unsafe.

Children need to feel that they can count on their parents to care for them and to love them. Adult children of alcoholics did not have this type of experience.

There are stages of development that require proper nurturing , support and guidance.

Children in alcoholic households do not properly progress through these stages, particularly in regards to social interaction. They did not develop a sense of self and sense of self-esteem, like other children do.

Other children were growing up in families which defined clear roles of each family member. Each member had a place and a value in the family. The roles and responsibilities of the children are appropriate. The family works together as…

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ThE NOiSy CLocK

 Quiet the ClocK

https:wordhttps://soundcloud.com/annie-mimi-hall/quiet-the-clock-spoken-word

The clock ticks on

tick tick

The hands

go round

round and round

The time elapses

tick tock

‘Till I feel drowned

That heartless clock

Tick tick

I turn away

tick tick

To make it stop

Stop. STOP!

I want to rest

And

what  I want

is…

for time to stop!

Just for an hour

Let me catch up

I need to rest…

I have  become

tick tick

Simply exhausted

tick tock

This linear time

tick tick

Torments my mind

tock tick

I want to change

tock tick

 I know it’s strange

tick tock tick tock tick tock

For god’s sake! , Enough already, with the tick tick tock tock

Tock tick tock tick NOW STOP!

SSHHHHH!

sshhhh!

shhh!

shh!

Quieter

Be very quiet

whisper

very

very

very

softly

s  o   f   t   l   y

Be very still

Untie your mind

Just turn away

Pretend you’re blind

Pretend you’re deaf

Become oblivious

and now…

you will find…

The clock has stopped

{finally)

I made it so

(I think I did)

It needed a “time out”

(time out)

to save my soul…

(my tortured soul)

Just let me rest…

I’m very tired

No tick , no tock

No tock , no tick

no tick tock tick tock tock tick tock tick

Universal silence

Universal bliss

Be very still

Shhh!

Don’t wake up

the clock

Don’t wake him up

I don’t want to hear

That NOISY CLOCK

Thief ….Sound recording of my Poem about domestic mental abuse and violence

Thief

This is the link to my recording of my poem Thief

You stole my mind

Just for a time

The things you did

Should be a crime

You tore me down

You crushed my soul

You tortured my brain

With the lies you told

You twisted truth

Till I could not tell

What was up

 what was down

What was normal

What was hell

It lingers still

In the dark of the night

In the edges of my brain

Where you planted your dark light

The doubts of myself

The fear of new pain

There are parts that you broke

In my poor injured brain

I am glad that I left

I wish that you were really gone

But you’re still in my mind

When the lights

Are not on