abnormal psychology, life, mental health, mental illness

Mental Illness and Bad Relationships

I have noticed that a lot of people with mental illness are sensitive, compassionate people. Many of us were mentally abused as children by our parents or as adults in domestic abuse situations.

Many of us experienced both dysfunctional families as children as well as domestic abuse as adults. Due to having been forced to tolerate abuse as a child, we ended up in similar relationships as adults. We have no frame of reference to make proper choices. It must be learned the hard way.

The chances are that we were born with sensitive personalities. We are sensitive to how others feel more than other people are.  We get our feelings hurt easily and we notice when others are displeased with us quickly. In addition, we have had our self esteem damaged from mental abuse.

It is difficult for us to attain and maintain healthy relationships. We end up with people around us that are hurtful. Many of us are afraid of abandonment and do whatever it takes to please the other person. Others of us are afraid of commitment and will avoid relationships for fear of getting into another painful situation.

We are people that have a lot to offer to others. We are kind and have an understanding of other people’s problems and feelings. It is sad that we end up with people that bring us down and lower our self esteem.

The fact that we repeat patterns of unbalanced and unhealthy relationships, holds us back from being able to do things that other people can do.

There are people who would be good for us to have around us. There are friends and romantic partners who would encourage and respect us. Yet we gravitate toward the familiar patterns with familiar dysfunctional roles.

Some of this has to do with the chemistry in the brain and other neurological dysfunction. Our brains are wired to repeat the behaviors and patterns that we are used to.

I am trying to work on these areas in my own life.  I will post blogs with any information I find, and any discoveries I make as I am on this path.

The more I have been able to connect with other people who are in similar behavioral patterns to mine, the more I think that all of us deserve more from life than we have. We deserve to be healed and we deserve to have support and encouragement.



19 thoughts on “Mental Illness and Bad Relationships”

    1. It is about all of us, who had harsh childhoods. I did not really realize until lately, that the feeling I developed about my lack of power, lack of belonging, lack of importance, and lack of any consequence, has carried over into my adulthood. This is the reason I am sitting in this horrible place and living in poverty, even though my education and my skills should have me living at a much higher socioeconomic level . There has to be a way out. I am trying to find it, one post at a time.
      Everyone here is wonderful and I feel a validation of my feelings and trauma here that I have never found and I do not believe any therapy could provide.
      Therapists do not share personal storied. They do not relate to you in a real way.
      We are creating a “Gentle Village” here that will help all of us to heal. I am very very honored and blessed to be a part of the “Gentle Village” I am going to write a post about the gentle village later today.
      Thank you for listening to me and I am so glad you felt validated by the post. It is imperative that we can be validated. I really don’t think therapy is enough validation for anyone. Also the meds are there in our cabinets but they are not compassionate ooh that sounds like a poem…..The Meds Just Sit there, Looking at me, But they are not compassionate, they are not forgiving. When you see the poem later, you will know that I came up with the idea while I was talking with you 🙂


    1. Thank you for offering your kind heartfelt words to me. I think that people that are sweet and sensitive , like you and I, get beat up in the world by others that see those qualities as weak. More and more I am coming to believe that the qualities of compassion and caring about others , are not inferior qualities. They are not weakness. In fact they are strength. The word needs people who are gentle and who are able to be see and care about other people in horrible plights.
      Thank you for being yourself and thank you for reading my posts.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. You are indeed making a difference Annie. I can relate to this post. The part about mental abuse, my father is the craziest man I ever met. He is the most vile and venomous person I know. Very irresponsible too. And while his vileness didn’t do as much damage as one would expect, it has definitely made me not want to rely on any man. I’d rather just do things for myself by myself and I’m very sensitive to people raising their voices at me and saying harsh things. I can’t stand it being done to others too because of my own experiences. It has also made me very sensitive to the feelings of others. And also, it is hard for me to connect with men. I’m always so cautious and don’t give second chances. All because of what I went through. You are right. We have a lot to offer. And we definitely deserve support. Still, I believe it will all be well. Thanks for this post Annie.
    Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am a very sensitive person as well and feel the trauma of other people which makes my PTSD even worse. However, I have changed patterns and have developed a wonderful loving relationship with my husband. My home is full of warmth and love. Something I never had as a kid. I think what helped me to create this life for myself is that I began to believe that I was worthy of great love and deserving of great love. Now, I have to tell myself every day that I can trust this type of love because I too have abandonment issues.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, that is such a cool thing to say. My boyfriend said something very similar to me. He said I could write a book and that I speak in a way that is accessible to people. I hope that is true and it makes me happy . 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. F**king fabulous Annie!
    The healing process is about releasing the dysfunction from our hearts and from our souls… and our ultimate goal is to surround ourselves with healthy and nurturing relationships in every area of our lives..
    It takes time and baby steps..


    1. I actually really loved the F**king fabulous comment. It was Fu$#%26cking Awesome ! 🙂
      Did you ever read my poem called Don’t F&^@$ck with my manic phase ?
      and also my poem Addiction
      These are the more hardcore ones. I post them on my poetry blog but not on the gentlekindness blog usually

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Love it – sometimes a well placed f-word is absolutely essential.

        Some people think it’s very crass – I was once one of those..
        I didn’t say a single swear word until I was 38 years old.
        Then… finally I got angry enough… and for the first time in my life I was a volcanic eruption of spewing obscenities!

        My counsellor said she was happy I had found my ‘inner bitch’ and that it would settle. I had no idea how to handle the amount of anger I felt..

        It did settle :o)

        Obviously I had held quite a lot of pain in, in those 38 years :o)


    1. Thank you for saying that to me 🙂 Your words are valuable to me. It is important to me , to be able to connect with people in a meaningful way. There are so many people around me at work and in the house I live that do not understand where my heart is coming from. They are not people that value connection or compassion. They have no compassion for me.
      My sweet, gentle boyfriend, whom I love very much, said to me once that he is a person who belongs in the “gentle village” and that he could see that I was a gentle village person too.

      It is so hard for us to survive in this harsh world. The people are rough and insensitive.

      I have finally found the gentle village people that i have been looking for. They are here on wordpress and they are scattered all around the world.
      Please take a few minutes to read my flowers story. I know in my heart that you will understand it and it will also make you giggle and smile a little. 🙂

      Blessings to you,

      Liked by 1 person

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