mental health, mental illness, stalking

January is Stalking Awareness Month

January is stalking awareness month. Stalkers are dangerous people. They are controlling and obsessive.

They will focus their attention on one person and spend inordinate amounts of time making sure they know where they are and what they are doing.

Stalkers will contact the victim to let them know that they are being stalked. They will call or send text messages to inform the victim that they know what they are doing. It is very unsettling for someone to call you and tell you they know what you are doing and who you are with.

There are different methods for stalking.  Before social media and cell phones, stalkers would physically follow their victims and watch them with binoculars.

Nowadays stalkers use downloadable apps to follow their victim. The victim’s cell phone can be tampered with to add a tracking app. The stalker can follow the person using their cell phone.

My personal experience was with cyber stalking, My ex used to call me and question me about what web sites I visited. He seemed to know what web sites I had memberships to and what days I went on them.

One time he called me . just minutes after i had gone onto Christian Mingle.com. (I had already moved and broken up with him). I clicked into the sight, entered my password and bam, the phone rang.

It was him and he was questioning me as to why I was on the dating site. At first I started to defend myself, reminding him that we had broken up and I was free to look at the dating sights. After a few seconds the light bulb went off.

I asked him how i the world he could possible know that I had just been on that particular sight. He told me that he had a program installed in my computer, when I used to live with him. He was able to follow where I went from his own computer, while I was on mine.

He said it followed me by my email address, but it is hard to know if he was telling the truth. I immediately changed my email address and closed all of the accounts I had. It took me a couple of days to change everything. It was really a pain to have to do.

Once he finally confessed to me,  lot of other things began to come together and make sense. I never understood how he would end up outside of the stores and places I used to go, when we were dating.

One time I told him I was going to the grocery store but I ended up shopping on Amazon for a while first. He called me from work and asked me why I had not gone to the store. He asked me why I was on the computer and not at the store yet. I was confused at the time about how he knew I had not left yet. He was supposedly already at work.

It seems to me that he had to be accessing my emails as well. I sent someone an email one day  that I was going to physical therapy. I decided to get my nails done after therapy. I walked over and set up the time with her for a half an hour from then and I walked over to Quick Check to get a coffee while I was waiting.

When I came our of Quickcheck, he was  there. I thought it was a weird coincidence and he did frequent that store to get coffee. When I saw him, I said hello. He was angry and looked at me as if he were disgusted.

“I thought you were only going to physical therapy and then straight home,” he said accusingly.

I told him that I had never agreed to come straight home and that I had decided to make an appointment to get my nail done, across the street. He said he was angry because I had not let him know that.

I explained to hm that the nail appt only took  about 20 minutes and it did not alter my original schedule very much. Besides I thought  he was working. What was the difference what I did with my money and my time?

He told me that in the future he expected me to let him know if I intended to stop anywhere on the way home from therapy. I told him that was difficult for me because I like to do things like that, on the spur of the ,moment. I like to pop in and ask them id they have any appointment that day.

He was very angry and asked if someone was meeting me there in the parking lot. I said o and that my appointment was in a couple of minutes. I had to go and walk  across the street to the nail salon now.

He was angry that I would stay there and talk to him. I reminded him that when he had a haircut appointment that he went on time. Therefor I needed to be on time also. The nail technician has a schedule to keep.

He did not care about my being on time and he was still suspicious that some guy was meeting me there.

He must have been following me in his van when I walked from the house to physical therapy. I did not notice or look for that, because I was not aware of him following me.

To this day, I still get creeped out when I see a van the same size and color as his van.

At some point when I lived with him, he bought the computer program and put in on my computer. He added my email to it and was able to watch what sites I went to. I have no idea if he was able to get into my personal accounts or just see where I visited online.

Recently, Linked in sent me an email telling me that my linkedin account had been viewed 3 times in  2 week period. Guess by who? When does it stop ? I have not seen him in a year.

My guess is that he kept going back to the linkedin account, in order to find out where my new job was. I had changed jobs to keep him from showing up at my work. After we had broken up, he showed up and was waiting for me in the dark parking lot after work.

One time he put something in my car and then called me later to see if I get it. It was his way of letting me know that he knew where I parked and that he had opened the door to my car. He easily could have crawled into the car and waited for me to get in.

It was very creepy and that was one the reasons I changed jobs. I never put my new job on linkedin , nor have I put it anywhere on the internet. That is why I do not have it on wordpress either. I never post where I work, because he is still trying to find out.

Stalking causes some victims to have to move in order to be safe. Some stalking situations escalate into violence and even death. Victims of severe stalking cannot fo anywhere without feeling threatened. They end up isolated and locked into their house.

Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Center Inc. hotline: 620-663-2522
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network: 1-800-656-4673

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453

http://victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center

Stalking resources and help link above.

6 thoughts on “January is Stalking Awareness Month”

  1. Wow, I was reading this so intently, I missed my train stop! Whoops!

    I’m so sorry you have to live with that over you all the time. I, too, hope not to be found by a him. But yours sounds very much more severe and dangerous.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my goodness, I am sorry you missed your stop. Very sweet of you to care though. I do not think he is dangerous , in that he would physically attack me. However he is dangerous in that he could cause me to lose my job and I have no other income to take care of my kids. He used to show up at my work and be so inappropriate that I was asked for him to wait outside.

      He would sit right where the nurses were giving report and they would ask him to move because it is a HIPA privacy violation for a visitor to hear about residents. Nevertheless , he would come in and sit there again next time , even though he knew it was not allowed.
      he would argue with me and cuss where my supervisors could hear.

      Even outside he would bang on things. If he was mad about something he would just run up and bang his body into the signs and things that were property of my workplace.

      He did not act appropriate for a work place or for a public place of any kind. He got fired from his job once for anger issues that scared a customer enough that they called and reported him to the company.

      So I do not want him showing up at my job and acting that way. They would fire me just to get him not to show up there.
      One time , after we had broken up, he called me at work and said he was waiting for me out in the parking lot. Him and his brother had been out drinking and they decided to stop by and “chat” with me at midnight , in a dark parking lot, when I was exhausted from my shift anyway.

      It was so stressful that I could not stop him from showing up there when I got off from work at midnight. When it got to be around 11 pm, every night , I would start to worry if he was outside talking to people. He used to talk to the girls I worked with , when they were on their smoke break. I don’t know what he would say to them but they would come in and scold me for not being good enough to him. They thought he was such a good guy for visiting me and offering me rides home.

      They did not hear him yelling at me about everything when he used to drive me home. The entire drive home , he would complain and yell about my kids and whatever little things annoyed him about them. Then we would get home and he would want sex and he would be angry that I was not in the mood. I remember telling him that I was in the mood, before he yelled at me for 20 minutes. Then he would say “OH now you tell me. If I had know you were in the mood, I would not have yelled at you to ruin it. Why didn’t you tell me so I would have been nicer.”
      Really twisted stuff.
      When I began to sleep on the couch, he would get mad about that, of course. I just could not sleep with someone who had so much contempt for me.
      Link to poem below
      https://gentlekindness.wordpress.com/2014/11/29/contempt-was-your-mistress/

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      1. I don’t think I could have handled that. I really don’t know what I would have done in your situation that you describe from the nighttime shifts and him possibly being out there. No, other people don’t understand.

        When I was in high school, I had an ex boyfriend who didn’t want the relationship to be over. He called a lot and I would beg my parents to lie for me and say I wasn’t there. I remember that one time, I got off of my bus and had a mile to walk home, and he was there with his car. It freaked me out. The situation turned out fine, except of course that he “just happened to be in the area” (on a dead end street where I’m the only one getting off the bus…?). It only takes one off scenario like that to make the future an unknown… “Will he be there again tomorrow? The next day?” You know, every day, anxiously peeking out the bus window to see if his car was parked there again or not.

        Woops, I nearly lost the point of what I was trying to say. So after all of the calls and other things, I remember one girl in particular who had this HUUUGE crush on him. And she could NOT understand why I wasn’t swept away, and why I took all of his actions negatively instead of positively. I encouraged her to ask him out. lol

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  2. My ex was a sophisticated telecom pro. I s.t.i.l.l. think he can access my internet behavior, although I’d have no way of proving it. The thought has made me paranoid, at times. Wow….you mean stalkers t.e.l.l. their victims that they are being stalked? YIKES. I’ve said this in jest – in print !! omg. That.is.scary.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I read a story about someone who had that happen. He would text her when she would go places so she would know he was following her. He texted her once when she was sitting with her new boyfriend in her house. He could see them. The boyfriend eventually left her because it was too much stress for him. She ended up becoming agoraphobic and staying in her house all the time.
      He eventually broke into the house. I will try to find the story to send you the link

      Like

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