domestic abuse, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness

My Sweet to Your Bitterness

I was strong
to do all you commanded
I was weak
to make that choice

I was brave
to face your twisted mind
I was fearful
of your retaliation

I was beautiful
but you did not see
I was ugly
as you made me

I was loving
to your unlove
I was generous
to your selfishness

I was soft
to your hard heart
I was flexible
to your inflexibility

I was sweet
to your bitterness
I was gentle
to your callousness

I was stable
to your insanity
I was creative
to your destruction

I was light
for you to extinguish
I was hope
for you to disbelieve

I was peace
to your terrible violence
I was honesty
to your lies

I was intelligent
before I met you
I was stupid
as you made me feel

I was whole
and you took it all
I was broken
and you crushed the pieces

I was blind
But now I see
Not Because of you
But Because of Me

6 thoughts on “My Sweet to Your Bitterness”

    1. Wow ! I have had a few, But let me tell you, I am done with being with people like that. I did not understand how to recognize a narcissist before. This last one really crushed me and I very nearly had to be admitted to a mental ward, over the trauma. I have been watching youtube videos and I found one in particular that describes exactly what happened to me and now I can see the behavioral pattern that the narcissist has. I will not get drawn into their world again.
      Here is the link to the video that hit closest to home for me. The sudden and severe way I was discarded on my birthday, March 14, was soul crushing. I would rather be alone than ever go through anything like that again. No closure, No explanation, No breakup…Just no contact..POOF!
      The last conversation that I remember was him telling me about how his friends should be doing work for his business and not ask for money. He was making people, including me, do everything from running electrical wiring, moving one office to another town, sales, web design, copy and editing (that one was me) and all sorts of things. He was so angry that people asked to be compensated for their time. He was even complaining about the quality of people’s work, when they were not being paid and were doing it out of kindness to him.

      This last conversation we had was about him making his “friend’s” elderly mother do work for him, This 75 year old woman was on the phone for him, making calls to organize things for the move, training and hiring new employees and lots of other things, maybe 20 hours a week. He began to use her, because the daughter was charging him for this kind of work, and then he realized he could manipulate the mother into doing it for free. The daughter sent him an email asking him to pay the mother for her hours.

      He was so angry at being asked for money and sent her an email back saying “this is not open for discussion” I was listening to him and I told him that I thought he was confusing his friendship relationships with work relationships. Friends are people that are there for you but actual work is a separate thing. He was mad and told me that if I was going to say things like that, he would have to hang up. Then I would be leaving all alone to suffer with this problem all by himself. I felt bad and I stayed quiet. He kept going on. I was waiting for him to say Happy Birthday to me or to acknowledge that in some way. We have been together for almost a year and we had plans to buy a house and run the business together.
      He then said something about people “having” to work for him and not ask for money or they were not is friends. I think I sighed, but I did not say anything. He hung up on me.
      They next day I called crying. He asked if I was ok. I said no. He said he had to call be back. I did not hear from him for 5 hours. He said I sounded bad. It was late 4am, by the time he took my call. I said we should sleep. He hung up and never answered any calls again. No breakup…it was confusing and soul crushing.
      Never again.
      Here is the link to the video. It is very good, for people to know what narcissists do and how to see the patterns , in order get out early.


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