If you have been manipulated and controlled by other people, or in an abusive relationship with someone for a while, then we have to find our true selves again. You have been catering to the feelings and moods of another person for a long time, and you may have lost touch with our own feelings and thoughts.
Your true personality and values can become buried within you, in the middle of constantly trying to read another person, in order to keep them happy or to keep them from becoming angry or retaliating against you in some way.
You can become so conditioned to prioritizing someone else, that you forget that you have a unique personality, individual needs and individual opinions.
Not only do you have them, they are important !
You can begin to reintroduce yourself to yourself. Think about the things that you value and what you want to prioritize, regardless of anyone else’s opinions. Think about what your dreams are, if you were not going to be punished for expressing them.
If you are still in an abusive relationship, you can think about these things, and it will help to reorient you. You may have to keep them to yourself, and think about them in silence. There is value in beginning to identify your own desires and dreams again. They do matter.
If someone is telling you what to think, what to value, and what to prioritize, then they are stealing away your right to be your own adult person.
If you have gotten out of an abusive or highly manipulative situation, then it is time to find out who you are again. It felt like you lost yourself in the relationship. The dominator made you an extension of themselves, in order to have their way all the time.
They may have used you to fulfill their dreams, or just have abused you in order to make you suffer. Yes, there are really people like that in the world. If you were suffering all the time, and they were not listening to you when you asked them to stop, then clearly they had no problem watching you in pain.
Make lists of things you like to do. Then make time for yourself to do some of the things on your list.
You can start with very simple things. Pick something that you used to do, or wanted to do, but were not “allowed” to do that during the relationship. It may be just watching Netflix and eating popcorn for 4 hours. It may be going for a walk on the beach.
The other person, or people, may have controlled what you watched on tv, what music you were allowed to listen to, what books you were allowed to read, or who you were allowed to talk to. Make a list and then try to allow yourself time to do one or more of these things each day.
This is a simple step to beginning to feel that you have the right to make your own decisions. The dominating or abusive person. made all of their own choices about what they wanted to do. Now you are free from them and can do things that you choose to do.
Taking the first step of making simple choices, will help you get to where you can trust yourself to make bigger choices about your life. You should be able to work where and how you want to. You should be able to live the way you want to.
Think about your opinions and your thoughts about things. What thoughts were controlled, or fed to you by the someone else?
What thoughts and opinions are actually your own?
If you have thoughts that you are a failure, or that you are stupid, they may have been fed to you, through behavioral modification tactics.
If you feel that you overreact to your own pain and feelings, that also may have been conditioned into you.
Toxic personalities will minimize your pain and your feelings. They want you to focus on them.
Meet yourself, as if you were getting to know a new person, or someone you had not seen in a long time. Ask yourself what you think and feel about everything you do throughout the day.
Get into the habit of thinking for yourself again, and for realizing that your feelings and opinions are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Blessings for Peace of Mind, and Individual Uniqueness,