Things the little girl was told by her parents…
You are too fat
You are too selfish
You are not trying
You are not good at that
You should think about others
By others I mean ME
By others I mean everyone in the family
But not yourself
You should help your sisters
They are smarter than you
You have to work harder than they do
to do what they can do
Poor thing
No. you can not blame it on abuse
there is no abuse
abuse has nothing to do with your homework
or how well you do in school
You just are not as smart as your sisters
You should forgive your mother
You should go back and take more abuse
It is only mental
She can’t help it
It is not as bad as you say
You made that up
Why did you protect your face when I reached for the salt
I was not going to strike you
what do you mean you do not know you did that?
You clearly blocked your face
You did that to hurt my feelings
I am sure she never hit you
You are making that up
Tell me what is going on with you
You never share with me
You never spend time with me
Why don’t you open up
What?
Why do you say things like that
Your life is not that bad
Why do you complain?
Now
Why have you stopped telling me what is going on with you?
Of course I will believe you
Just tell the truth
Not those exaggerated tales of woe
You are too quiet
You talk too much
You are getting fat again
The whole car will probably tip over
if you sit on that side of it
You know it causes damage to the car
for someone so fat to sit in it
oh you have lost weight
that is because I pointed it out to you
It is my accomplishment
I am so proud of myself
for you losing the weight
It could be more…but…
I guess it is the best that You can do…
So, what is going on with you?
You should go make up with your sister
She did not mean it
I am sure did not really hit you
You are exaggerating
You are the one that has to forgive
You did pretty good on that homework
For You….
We all know you are not as smart as the other children…
You have to apologize
Even though they hit you
You must have upset them
You have to keep going back
for more abuse
You are the scapegoat
GentleKindness 
Reblogged this on mgwebbuddy.
LikeLike
Wow. I hope a lot of people get this message.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I hope that victims of this covert invisible abuse get this message too. The people that inflict it will never change. BUt the victims do not always realize that they were abused. I did not recognize the extent of my abuse. I just thought I was a messed up failure as an adult for no apparent reason.
Now that I am learning that all of the negative thoughts about myself came from my childhood. I am beginning to be able to recognize when those thoughts happen and tell them to go away. They are not my thoughts. I am not a failure or worthless. This is the message I want to get to people.
Thank you so much for the kind words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope you always stay strong. You’re most welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a terrible thing to do to a child. I don’t believe my parents were narcissists, but when I was a child and struggling to learn the trumpet my mother told me that my brother was better. That hurt and there was no reason for her to say it. I can’t imagine getting battered with stuff like that all the time. I am messed up enough mentally without that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are right, There was no reason for her to say that. As an adult it can help to go back to situations like that and think about what you would have done, if you were the parent talking to a child.
If you can see that what your parent did was wrong and that you would not have told the child that, then you can let go of some of your reasons for feeling negative thoughts.
These negative thoughts are put into us…fed to us…by our parents in situations just like the one you describe here.
They are carried into adulthood and we do not really remember or understand where the thoughts are coming from.
We think they are our own thoughts that we are worthless and failures. But those thoughts were programmed into our brain software (or hard drive) long ago.Once we can begin to see that the thoughts were never original thoughts that we came up with, then we can dispute them.
Tell that thought that it has no business hanging out in your brain. Someone else put it there, when you were in vulnerable developmental stages of growing up.
Hope this helps. It is a path and it takes time, but we can combat the bad early wiring of our brains.
Blessing,
Annie ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would never tell anyone something like that, especially a child. That was hurtful and no reason for it. I guess I have another person I need to forgive because obviously it is stuck in my brain and before her passing she had apologized to me and said she couldn’t imagine why she would have done that. She had dementia before she passed so who knows if she could remember it or not. She was in her own world. She also apologized for not getting me mental help as a child. It just wasn’t talked about then even though one of her aunts committed suicide. Would that earlier intervention helped who knows and we’ll never know.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Use anything from that experience that helps to heal you. Dementia is different for different people.
Sometimes they say things that are real and true.
I would form the reality of your conversation with her, in any way it helps you.
She is gone, so she won’t inflict any additional damage. Thank God.
Do you ever wonder about the people who cannot have children but would be loving parents. . .and why the kids go to people who abuse them?
I do sometimes. My aunt and uncle would have been wonderful parents. They could not have kids.
Sad.
LikeLike
Our best friends could not have kids. And they would have been great parents. I always felt so bad, but they spent lots of time with our children.
LikeLike