emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, mental health, poetry, spoken word

Scapegoat

Things the little girl was told by her parents…

You are too fat

You are too selfish

You are not trying

You are not good at that

You should think about others

By others I mean ME

By others I mean everyone in the family 

But not yourself

You should help your sisters

They are smarter than you

You have to work harder than they do

to do what they can do

Poor thing

No. you can not blame it on abuse

there is no abuse

abuse has nothing to do with your homework

or how well you do in school

You just are not as smart as your sisters

You should forgive your mother

You should go back and take more abuse

It is only mental

She can’t help it

It is not as bad as you say

You made that up

Why did you protect your face when I reached for the salt

I was not going to strike you

what do you mean you do not know you did that?

You clearly blocked your face

You did that to hurt my feelings

I am sure she never hit you

You are making that up

Tell me what is going on with you

You never share with me

You  never spend time with me

Why don’t you open up

What?

Why do you say things like that

Your life is not that bad

Why do you complain?

Now

Why have you stopped telling me what is going on with you?

Of course I will believe you

Just tell the truth

Not those exaggerated tales of woe

You are too quiet

You talk too much

You are getting fat again

The whole car will probably tip over

if you sit on that side of it

You know it causes damage to the car

for someone so fat to sit in it

oh you have lost weight

that is because I pointed it out to you

It is my accomplishment

I am so proud of myself

for you losing the weight

It could be more…but…

I guess it is the best that You can do…

So, what is going on with you?

You should go make up with your sister

She did not mean it

I am sure did not really hit you

You are exaggerating

You are the one that has to forgive

You did pretty good on that homework

For You….

We all know you are not as smart as the other children…

You have to apologize

Even though they hit you

You must have upset them

You have to keep going back

for more abuse

You are the scapegoat

9 thoughts on “Scapegoat”

    1. Thank you. I hope that victims of this covert invisible abuse get this message too. The people that inflict it will never change. BUt the victims do not always realize that they were abused. I did not recognize the extent of my abuse. I just thought I was a messed up failure as an adult for no apparent reason.
      Now that I am learning that all of the negative thoughts about myself came from my childhood. I am beginning to be able to recognize when those thoughts happen and tell them to go away. They are not my thoughts. I am not a failure or worthless. This is the message I want to get to people.
      Thank you so much for the kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. What a terrible thing to do to a child. I don’t believe my parents were narcissists, but when I was a child and struggling to learn the trumpet my mother told me that my brother was better. That hurt and there was no reason for her to say it. I can’t imagine getting battered with stuff like that all the time. I am messed up enough mentally without that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right, There was no reason for her to say that. As an adult it can help to go back to situations like that and think about what you would have done, if you were the parent talking to a child.

      If you can see that what your parent did was wrong and that you would not have told the child that, then you can let go of some of your reasons for feeling negative thoughts.

      These negative thoughts are put into us…fed to us…by our parents in situations just like the one you describe here.

      They are carried into adulthood and we do not really remember or understand where the thoughts are coming from.

      We think they are our own thoughts that we are worthless and failures. But those thoughts were programmed into our brain software (or hard drive) long ago.Once we can begin to see that the thoughts were never original thoughts that we came up with, then we can dispute them.

      Tell that thought that it has no business hanging out in your brain. Someone else put it there, when you were in vulnerable developmental stages of growing up.

      Hope this helps. It is a path and it takes time, but we can combat the bad early wiring of our brains.
      Blessing,
      Annie ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I would never tell anyone something like that, especially a child. That was hurtful and no reason for it. I guess I have another person I need to forgive because obviously it is stuck in my brain and before her passing she had apologized to me and said she couldn’t imagine why she would have done that. She had dementia before she passed so who knows if she could remember it or not. She was in her own world. She also apologized for not getting me mental help as a child. It just wasn’t talked about then even though one of her aunts committed suicide. Would that earlier intervention helped who knows and we’ll never know.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Use anything from that experience that helps to heal you. Dementia is different for different people.

      Sometimes they say things that are real and true.
      I would form the reality of your conversation with her, in any way it helps you.
      She is gone, so she won’t inflict any additional damage. Thank God.

      Do you ever wonder about the people who cannot have children but would be loving parents. . .and why the kids go to people who abuse them?

      I do sometimes. My aunt and uncle would have been wonderful parents. They could not have kids.
      Sad.

      Like

      1. Our best friends could not have kids. And they would have been great parents. I always felt so bad, but they spent lots of time with our children.

        Like

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