depression, eating disorder, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse

Things Abusive Parents Say That Can Lead to Eating Disorders, and other mental illness

Things that can cause an eating disorder…

Parents telling you

1. you are gaining weight (age 14 )

2. you look a little fat in your butt (age 15)

3. You seem to have more trouble with your weight than your sisters do (except that the truth is that one of them is way tooo skinny and the others are much fatter than me – but parents said – No, they are just Big Boned and that is why they have to be fat – you have no excuse)

4. The car does not want to hold that much weight (age 35 and I was pregnant – the OB doctor almost hospitalized me for not gaining ANY weight while I was in the first trimester) 

5. Your weight is going to make the car tip to the side (age 35 and I was 6 months pregnant and I had flown across the country for my sister’s wedding, even though I did not feel well and was fatigued)

6. See that friend of yours that is 400 pounds?  His car is very low to the ground because of his weight in it day after day (truth – my friend was 400 pounds. I was 137 pounds. I do not think it was a fair comparison . I was 19 years old and no where near the weight of my heavy friend)

7. You could be as pretty as your friend (age 16)

8. You could be almost as pretty as your friend

9. You look like your mother. She thinks she is ugly. When people think they are ugly they look ugly. You are like your mother. (age 12, 13, 14 )

10. Being under stress from being thrown out into the street by your mother, is no excuse not to watch your weight

11. Do not eat anything in the kitchen that has a label on it that says “Don’t Eat” or “Don’t Drink”  (Everything in the entire fridge and all of kitchen is labelled Do NOt Eat  or Do NOt Drink)

12. Hurry up and eat dinner, I have to go on a date. You are in my way

13. Hurry up and eat dinner, we do not want you here. Everyone is very uncomfortable for you to take so long eating. You are not wanted but we have to feed you, so hurry up  (age 14)

14. Don’t speak unless spoken to. (age 14 )

Don’t just grab food without saying “May I have the…”

But don’t speak.

15. Don’t complain that there is nothing to eat for dinner but scrambled eggs…for three months….

10 thoughts on “Things Abusive Parents Say That Can Lead to Eating Disorders, and other mental illness”

  1. Ugh. I heard some of those from my dad. At age 14, 5’7, 130 pounds I was fat since I weighed 10 pounds more than my cousin, got put on a rice cake diet. After not being able to lose weight, I eventually ate as much of whatever I wanted and truly ballooned out. Took me until well into adulthood to realize I never was fat all those years ago.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is right. You were not fat and I was not fat. The first time my father said it to me was “You look like you are gaining a little bit of weight. I am not saying that you are fat, but you might get fat if you are not careful. You better work on losing the extra weight now. If it is left unattended, you are in danger of becoming very fat”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I grew up with similar comments as well. I was angry for years and blamed them for my eating disorder; but now, I’ve changed. My eating disorder was a coping mechanism to deal with their own issues. My mother was raised by a woman who thought thinness meant success. My father was the same. They didn’t, and still don’t, understand how their perceptions of people are their own problems. I pray that you are able to let go of the anger these very damaging comments. In order to move forward, we need to realize we can’t change others, but we can change how we react to to others both privately and publicly. Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, you are right on all counts. Anyone from an abusive childhood would have developed some coping mechanisms. Could be an eating disorder, smoking, drinking, sexual disorder, derealization etc.
      We have to work through all of it as adule and find out where our issues are coming from.
      Then we can get more traction to move forward.
      🙂 ♡♡♡
      Annie

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I too heard many of these comments over the years from my mother and various aunts. My sister became anorexic her last two years in HS over similar comments from home and school. I went the opposite direction and became bulimic. It’s sad what words can do to twist up our minds so badly that we hate the perfect beings we are. Thanks for this Annie 🙂

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    1. Yes, comments to teenagers, and even adults about their weight can be devastating. My preteen daughter has to lose weight, per the pediatrician, but I never shame her or make fun of her.
      I always tell her how beautiful she is. And she is so beautiful.
      It is a sensitive age and memories of what people said to you at 12 do not go away.

      Like

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