life, mental health, mental illness, self-esteem, self-help, working mother

You are More Than They Tell You

you are more

People around us, especially our family members can tend to underestimate us and place us in a box of what they think they know about us.

Families gossip and talk about other members. There ends up being a perception of each person in the family that is carried by most of the family members.

Then it is passed on as factual  information to other family members but it is not factual. It is opinions of other people about you. This is the perpetuation of your narrative, and your picture as others see you.

You may be disappointed when you bring up an idea to your family or friends of something new you want to try or something you want to be. They still have you in their box, that lives in their heads and will tell you who you are and that you are not suited to do anything other than what you have always done.

Not only that, they are not even aware of all the things you have done, or all the skills you have. You have done things that were not in front in front of them that they know nothing about.

In fact, people get so stuck in their perceptions that you could do something right in front of them that shows a new side of you and they will not even process it.

You are capable of doing more than you are already doing. You are capable of being more than you have been allowed to be. You have potential for all sorts of things. If it is something that you feel called to do, then you can find a way to meet that calling.

Don’t let people put you in a box and keep you there. If they insist in keeping you in a box that exists in their heads, then so be it. Let that box exists for them. You do not have to live in it.

You do not need the approval of family or your friends to expand yourself and begin to reach out for the things you really want in life. There is no point in your life that you cannot grow, learn, and change. You are not stuck with the You that others see.

Sometimes it is best not even to tell people what you are working on or studying. If you know they will discourage you and bring you down, then you may want to keep some of your dreams and ventures to yourself. You do  not have to have their support.

If you feel that you need some guidance, support or inspiration you can seek that outside of your family and friends. You can find people on line to talk to.

You can find a great Life Coach that specializes in the area you are working on. There may be support groups and networking groups online and even in your community.

Do not limit yourself to who other people tell you that you are. Do not accept your rank within your siblings, to be your rank in the world. Do not accept your role within your family to be your role in society.

You are unique and special, with special gifts. If your family does not think you can be anymore than they see you as right now, then they are wrong. You can find your own personal strengths. Some of them might even be the very things your family or friends consider your weaknesses.

If one of your siblings is a writer and the family considers them “the writer” of the family, that has nothing to do with whether or not you can become a writer. If your cousin is considered “the teacher” of the family, that does not have anything to do with whether or not you can be an amazing teacher.

No one in the family has the right to claim a role and then say than you have to settle for a different one. It does happen within the family, but it does not have to translate to your interaction with the world.

Just because you are not in a leadership role in the family, does not mean that you cannot take a leadership role outside of the family. Just because the family may call you the less intelligent one, or the lazy one does not make it true. These are just labels that they chose to put on you, in order to further the agenda of the family.

Some people in your family may even have been telling you that you cannot accomplish things, just to keep you down. There are advantages for certain kinds of people, in crushing down another family member’s self esteem.

You can pursue whatever you dream to pursue and become good at it. You can try different things until you find what calls to you.

Don’t let other people tell you who you are and who you are not. It is not up to them. Spread your wings and fly the direction that you want to.

13 thoughts on “You are More Than They Tell You”

  1. I needed this. Thanks, Annie. But honestly, my family is the most supportive in my recovery with my anxiety. I changed the words, “my family” to “You” meaning me, because I tend to tell myself negative things abt not being able to become the person THEY want me to be instead of being who I want to be. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, that is good if you were able to alter the post to help fit your situation. It shows an ability to think outside the box.
      What other good qualities can we add to your list?

      honest, because you were honest about having negative thoughts.


      Pretty smile

      Thankful and appreciative


      Keep going….i want to see what you can come up with:)


      1. I think they want me to be the best that I can be whoever she is. I’m just not sure if I’m capable of being that person for them or for me. I’m honestly having a hard time since I think I’m the one who is setting the higher standards for myself rather than my family. Did that makes sense?

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Yes I understand that you feel like you cannot live up to your own ideal standards for yourself. You might be a bit of a perfectionist and expect too much from yourself.
      Remember it is who you are that matters more than what you do. People who love you, will love you for who you are rather than being able to accomplish many things.
      Everyone is gifted in different ways. You do not have to compete with anyone else. You are special the way you are.

      We are all on our own path. We will set goals sometimes but we do not constantly have to be goal focused. The goals that you do have must be reasonable and have a reasonable amount of flexibility about how and when you expect to accomplish them.

      In order to be of value to others, you have to be calm and take care of yourself. If you become drained from not caring for yourself or from setting unreasonable goals then you will be too tired and stressed to do anything too well.

      Take your time and be patient with yourself.

      Much love,
      Annie 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    3. You are welcome. We are all on our own path. We can learn and grow and things can get better 🙂 Keep learning about different kinds of mental illness, and about yourself. Be patient with yourself. There are a few videos on the Spartan Life Coach channel on Youtube that you can watch and they might help a little. Look for People Pleaser Syndrome and Assertiveness videos on the channel. I never thought that I could get better at dealing with other people or feeling more confident. But the Spartan Life Coach videos were very helpful to set me on a path to getting better at those things.


  2. Somehow people feel safe with predictability and containing us within boxes not only controls our lives, but ensures that we don’t become a threat to their insecure and selfish needs

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes that sounds right. If they can control us then they do not have to worry about anything we might do that will not be within their agenda. We have to have independence from those manipulative kinds of people.


      Liked by 1 person

  3. thank you, this makes sense to me. Want to achieve greatness but first, let my family see that I can do the job well if they are willing and helpful to support me . I’ve done a 2 weeks reflection away from everything that preoccupy me lately and straighten up all the problems I met and make everything adhere to mu favor….problem solved who says that we can’t change ourselves and the people around us by initiating that changes. I win my emotional battles but I come to ask for my family’s help and your blogs hhelps a lot. I’m free from all the constraints and spiritually wise I’ve been healed.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. yes, they are always there to support me because they know me from the start …sadly though that my hubby cannot appreciate nor know who I am his mind was fully made up and won’t listen to me. I have to run to my family to knock those barriers out from his head and finally say sorry but the pain lingers and it alters me a lot. I’ll write about it soon


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s