Uncategorized

Monopoly Money… no it’s Canadian Money

This is a very interesting post by one of my favorite bloggers. I am sure he would be happy to meet one of my other readers, if you want to stop by his blog and say hello. ūüôā

I was in a chat with his yesterday evening about Canadian coins and currency and how different it is from US coins and currency.

Give this post a read. You will discover the 300 dollar coin and if you are good, Butch might even tell you what the Canadian 100 dollar bill smells like:)

Beautiful images of the coins, too.

Annie

Uncategorized

Quote a Day for Three Days Challenge. .my victims are……bum bum bum buuuuuuuummmmmmm

I often wake up in the morning feeling overwhelmed. The anxiety kicks in at the realization that I have a hundred things to do in order to survive and make sure my kids eat.

The overwhelming feeling of being alone to figure things out, cook, clean, wash, teach, guide, make enough money to keep a roof over their heads, drive them places ( Mom’s taxi service ), worry about their mental health, worry about their physical health, keep track of their emotional well being,…..on and on……

This is why there are supposed to be two people that work together as a team. Most people even have other relatives that help…mothers, grandmothers, sisters…

But I am alone, even though I live in a house with 12 other kind-of relatives.

Water water everywhere. ..and not a drop to drink.

Oh!!!!!! I just realized that this can count for the quote challenge I received a little while ago.

I was nominated by LuvBear

I had not intended to put that quote in this post when I started. It just came to my head because it was so obviously appropriate for what I was describing.

Ok…so Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

Lots of relatives, ex relatives etc. If they do help, which is rare, they have to do it in a way that undermines me.

I live with two narcissistic. …actually three..but he is not quite as bad… well…Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.

Yes, I do deny the extent of the reality sometimes. It is nicer to think that maybe they care and have not been intentionally undermining me all these years. But they have been and it is very sad.

Sometimes the Water water everywhere are the people. So many people around you but you still feel lonely, alone, isolated, undermined, cheated and lied to.

With a house full of people I still feel completely alone, except for my bunny, who I adore and my daughters sometimes. They are young and on their own paths. I do my best to guide them.

13 people living in my house….and I feel isolated, betrayed and mentally abused.

That is my post. I am supposed to nominate three people to do this challenge. Write a post about a favorite quote of your choosing.

One quote, one post a day for three days.

I nominate …
Blahpolar
Inner Dragon
ButchCountry67
Vanbytheriver

You can accept if you like.
Love and peacefulness,
Annie

life, poetry, teen anxiety, teen derpession, teen girls social anxiety, teen social anxiety, teenagers

Poem for Your Teen and Preteen Daughters

Who are we trying to impress
with our compliance to
their ever changing rules?
Who will have our backs
when the crowd turns against us?
The more we try to fit in
by following the crowd,
the more we become dependent
upon the crowd
for our existence
With all of our eggs in one
fickle basket
I dare say we are
destined for destruction
Be yourself
Be unique
No one can take that from you

life, mental health, news

Rainbows on WordPress

My preteen  daughter tells me that the rainbow going across the WordPress page is not alone. She said that there are rainbows added to many of the sites now, in awareness that gay marriage has been legalized in all of the states in the US.

If this affects anyone in a positive way, then congratulations and I am happy that you feel good about this. I have a sister who is a lesbian and has an amazing relationship with a partner that she has been with for years. They bought a house less than a year ago, and are having a great time working on fixing it up and the yard together.

As far as relationships go, she seems to be happier and more stable than me, so I am happy for her good fortune. She is a a very special, kind, compassionate, funny and creative woman.

I am glad I have a pre-teen daughter to keep me up to date on these kinds of things. I honestly just thought that the rainbow on WordPress was pretty and I was happy yo see it there. I had no idea that it was symbolic of anything.

Let us all live in peace and compassion for one another.

Annie ‚̧

horror books, horror movies, life

Hannibal the Series / Horror Movie Story

I am on episode 11 of the first season of Hannibal, the series. I have been watching it on Amazon prime, on my little kindle player.

This is a really great horror, thriller, mystery tv series, based on the book and movie Silence of the Lambs. The main character in the books and also the movie, was Clarice Starling. They did something similar in this tv series in that Hannibal is not the main character, but it one of the main characters.

I do not want to give too much away. The main character in this series is Will Graham, a criminal profiler, who had empathetic gifts bordering on the psychic. He is able to go to the crime scene and then imagine himself as the killer and picture what happened.

This story takes place prior to the time frame of the movie Silence of the Lambs. Hannibal is still working as a psychiatrist and has a private practice. So, he is as yet undiscovered as a serial killer.

This is a very very graphic tv show. Please do not watch it if you do not like horror movies, or are triggered in any way by graphic scenes or violence.

The characters in this tv show are really well developed and the acting is so good that you get pulled into the story easily. There are a few sub plots running that are continuous, but each episode solves one individual murder and concludes at the end. The sub story lines are all excellent and are very psychological in nature.

The story delves into different abnormal psychology ideas and is very interesting from that aspect. The characters each have their own disorders or issues and the psychology element is woven into each episode.

Ok, back to my kindle. Enjoy your evening !

Annie

life, mental health, mental illness, neurology

People That Believe They are Dead / Cotard’s Delusion

Cotard’s ¬†Delusion is a very rare mental illness where the sufferer does not believe that their body is alive in the way that normal people are alive. There are varying degrees of the illness from the person believing that parts of their body are dead to the person believing that they are dead.

This mental illness was named after the neurologist that first recognized this as a disorder. ¬†Jules Cotard did case studies and research in the 1880’s and called the disease “The Delirium of Negation” which is to say that the sufferers thought of their body in a negative way to the point of believing parts did not exist.

In 1880, the neurologist Jules Cotard described the condition as Le d√©lire des n√©gations (“The Delirium of Negation”), a psychiatric syndrome of varied severity. A mild case is characterized by despair and self-loathing, and a severe case is characterized by intense delusions of negation and chronic psychiatric depression ¬† Wikipedia

Jules_Cotard

Neurologist Jules Cortard

Image from Wikipedia

One of Cortard’s ¬†patients, referred to in his research ¬†Mademoiselle X ¬†was a woman who believed that certain parts of her body did not exist. She did not believe that she needed to eat because she did not have the regular internal organs that normal people have.¬†

Mademoiselle X believed that she had been cursed to eternal damnation, to walk the earth as a dead person. There was nothing anyone could say to her, to convince her otherwise and in her mind she was a dead person walking the earth, and was destined to continue on that way.

She ended up dying from starvation, as no one was able to convince her to eat any food. 

There is a recorded case of what seems to be Cotard’s Syndrome, that was documented in, prior to the disorder being named after Cotard.

“In 1788, Charles Bonnet reported one of the earliest known cases¬†of Cotard‚Äôs Delusion. An elderly woman was preparing a meal when she felt a draft and then became paralyzed on one side of her body. When feeling, movement, and the ability to speak came back to her, she told her daughters to dress her in a shroud and place her in a coffin.

For days she continued to demand that her daughters, friends, and maid treat her like she was dead. They finally gave in, putting her in a shroud and laying her out so they could ‚Äúmourn‚ÄĚ her. Even at the ‚Äúwake,‚Ä̬†the lady continued to fuss with her shroud and complain about its color.

When she finally fell asleep, her family undressed her and put her to bed. After she was treated with a ‚Äúpowder of precious stones and opium,‚ÄĚ her delusions went away, only to return every few months. MentalFloss.com

Suffers of Cotard’s Delusion, believe that they are missing certain internal organs or that they do not have a digestive system, blood, or some other internal function. Depending on the person, their reasoning as to why they have lost organs, organs have been taken away, or organs are putrefying varies.

The first stage is called the¬†Germination stage‚ÄĒthe symptoms are psychotic depression,¬†¬†and hypochondria¬†
Next is the Blooming Stage ‚ÄĒ the syndrome develops and the delusions of negation cause the person to negate / disassociate / deny that certain parts of their body exist, or that they are alive at all
The last stage, which often ends in death is the Chronic stage‚ÄĒcharacterized by continued, severe delusions and chronic psychiatric depression.

There have also been cases of Cotard’s delusion that have occurred in people who sustained a traumatic brain injury. In 1996 there was a man who sustained traumatic brain injury from a motorcycle accident and he believed that he had died in the accident. ¬†

Once he was physically recovered, his mother moved with him to South Africa. He told people that he was dead and actually had gone to Hell. He did not believe that he had survived the accident and thought his mother was in spirit form, to escort him and show him around in Hell.

Another incident of this disorder was in New York in 2008. A woman asked her family to take her to the morgue because she had died and believed she should be with the dead people. She reported that her body was beginning to smell like rotting flesh.

Other incidents of this disorder include a woman who went to the ER believing that her internal organs had all melted and that she was almost dead. There was also a man who believed that he was dead and that his daughter’s were also dead.

If you want to read these stories, you can find them at this  LINK for MentalFloss.com

Suffers who do not die from starvation, sometimes commit suicide. They feel that only their body is still walking around and they do not belong here.

“Some people with Cotard’s have reportedly died of starvation, believing they no longer needed to eat. Others have attempted to get rid of their body using acid, which they saw as the only way they could free themselves of being the “walking dead” ¬†New Scientists Health.com

Neurologists theorize that the cause of this disorder may have to do with the part of the brain that recognizes faces, called the fusiform. 

This distorted reality is caused by a malfunction in an area of the brain called the fusiform gyrus, which recognizes faces, and also in the amygdala, an almond-shaped set of neurons that processes your emotions. The combination is a lack of recognition when viewing familiar faces (even the face of the sufferer), leaving the person feeling disconnected with reality.  Scientific American

Overall the research I did shows that this disorder is still a mystery. Some people responded fairly well  to treatment with antidepressants, or anti-psychotic medication. Others were treated with electroconvulsive therapy, which is shock treatment.

Uncategorized

Mind Games

Annie's Poetry

If I sit very still
and breath very softly
I can still hear
the sound
of your insanity
The way it went right
into my nervous system
like a thousand volts
of death
In the blackness
of the darkness
if I sit very quietly
I can hear your screaming
Your act upon my stage
that was as real
to my mind
as the blood
coursing through
my veins
Every graphic detail
entering my senses…
If I sit very quietly
in the darkness
of the 3 am hour
Before the sun rises
Before life renews
I can hear your screaming
Threatening me
that you will stab the scissors
through your neck
impale the blade
straight through my heart
Splattering your blood
in my mind
with utter terror
and surreal horror
that would make a person
teater on the edge
of their own
precarious sanity
If I sit very quietly
in the…

View original post 121 more words

Uncategorized

Monsters …a poem about narcissistic abuse

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

Get away from me

Get out of my life

I have had enough lies from you

You have had your fun

You have done your deed

Now it is time for you 

to move on to your next victim

Get away from me

Get out of my brain

I have had enough obsessive thoughts about you

You burrowed in deep

To my subconsciousness 

Now it is time for you

to be washed off

like the dirt on  my skin

Get away from my daughters

Get away from my sisters

They have no weakness for you

For I have learned my lesson

and passed it on

So that you will never get through

Mark my words

you will never be

Anyone of any strength

For you pick on the weak ones

and steer clear of the strong ones

Like a bully in the schoolyard

Move along on your way

In my…

View original post 94 more words

Uncategorized

Brain Injuries – No Fault Of Their Own

This is an important post about traumatic brain injuries sustained by veterans when they were in the military.

Being exposed to blasts nearby over and over again can cause brain injury, even if the rest of their body is not hit by the explosion.

There is a bar graph statistic in the middle of this post. Please read the original post to see the graph. There are about the same number of soldiers who commit suicide as soldiers who die in combat.

So, once the soldiers are out of the war zone, they still are in as much danger of death, as they were before leaving the war.

Annie ‚̧

Sheri Lawrence de Grom

Traumatic Brain Injuries ‚Äď Part 5 of 5¬†
Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (C.T.E.)
and Conclusion

Thomas Insel, Director of the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) wrote in his director‚Äôs report on May 28, 2012, that ‚ÄúNIMH was established nearly 65 years ago to help the nation address the mental health issues of veterans after World War II.‚ÄĚ

I‚Äôve been affiliated with NIMH for many years and hadn‚Äôt realized the original mission of the organization involved helping combat veterans of WWII reintegrate into society. My immediate thought, is that if the ‚Äėgreatest generation‚Äô needed assistance with mental health issues, why do we still have the stigma we have today when a brain goes bad?

A brain can go bad for many reasons. It can be physically injured as is the case with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). The brain can additionally be injured because the individual witnessed or experienced a…

View original post 998 more words

domestic abuse, life, mental abuse, mental illness, poetry

Blue Pill

As I sit in silence
the terror liquifies
Threatening to surround me
Engulf me
Suffocate me
Just for tonight
I will send the black liquid away
There is only one certain way
Ironically it is to be
a little bit
Like you
Just for tonight
I will swallow the blue pill
The one that makes reality
any way you
want it to be
Just for an hour
I will remember you as kind
Caring sweet and mine
Our love transcending time
Just for tonight
I will put the red pills away
I will take them another day
I know it is necessary
But just for tonight
I will believe what isn’t right
I will recreate the play
In your twisted lying way
I will picture that you loved me
I will know that you were loyal
I will believe all the lies you told
in order to find out
what was in my soul
I will see your inner soul
as vulnerable and feeling
I will go back in time
to the beginning
When you sat in awe of my
feminine beauty
Brushed my hair
and stroked my skin
I’ll forget the evil
that I let in
Like a vampire
in the night
That requests permission
to enter your castle
To engulf you with passion
romance and pain
The monster that drinks
your life force away
while you are screaming for more
and more
Never should have
unlatched the castle door
Just for tonight
the blue pill
will allow me
into your world of
deception and fantasy
The one you drugged me into
as your contempt for me grew
But tonight I know
you loved me
That is what the dreams will say
It will make it
so much harder
to take the red pill again