Two New Videos About Narcissistic Abuse

I was able to make an upload two new videos to my YouTube Channel today.

The first one is a Part One in a series of videos dispelling the myths about abuse victims.

The second one is about the idealization phase of narcissistic abuse. What is it? Why does it work? Who does it work on? How can you avoid being duped by this tactic?

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shevioletmoon
    Aug 10, 2015 @ 15:43:05

    There is this quote I found that read something like, “Never allow loneliness to drive you into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with.” Well, what if I did? I left my abusive husband and moved three hours away, found a roomate, started school again and everything was “okay”, but my roommate wasnt interested in friendship. I was here tenant and nothing more. I made no friends where I moved to and I a bit of an introvert. Its not like I didnt try though. People these days just arent interested in making new friends or adding someone to thier clique. My life with my narcissist was miserable and I was lonely as well. But living with her was just the same. There were times when I thought, I might as well go back to him. I not blaming my roommate for being the way that she was but if she had at least made me feel welcome and we had some type of connection that made me feel like beginning anew in that state was worth it because I wasnt alone, I didnt need to go back to my husband. But she just want that. I would hear her with the boisterous laugh that she had with her friends and family on the phone and wish I could share in it with her. It would make me depressed actually. I began to get so lonely. Just as lonely as I had felt with my own husband. My insecurity lead me once again to think that if I was this lonely living here I might as well endure it again going back to him and his unkind treatment.So I did. I’ve never done anything so stupid in my entire life. If only I could go back to her. Bwahaha!

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  2. shevioletmoon
    Aug 10, 2015 @ 16:27:59

    I enjoyed you second video as well except my narcissist is literally a mute. He didn’t stroke my ego at all when we met. He didn’t make me feel good about myself. He didn’t do anything about myself. Nor did he speak about himself. Every time I tried to get him to, he would get upset. So I took that as whatever I was asking him, it must have been so traumatizing for him that he just couldn’t bring himself to divulge it. I am a very caring person and yes, I do feel like I need to know about a person’s past so that I can make my own judgement about whether they are sane enough to be with because trust me, in the past I had dated a few boys who came from dysfunctional homes (I did too) and I did not want to repeat that. So with him, the more I asked about himself or his past, he would literally get upset. So I just kinda went with the flow. Even to this day, I have no idea what may have happened behind closed doors in his family. Maybe he was abused or molested, I wouldn’t know. He still doesn’t tell me much. I told him everything. Sometimes I feel like I told him too much because like you said, I don’t think he really cared.

    It’s like he has no emotions towards me at all. Back in 2003, I had a serious car accident on a busy Interstate, the car was totalled but I suffered minor scrapes and shaken up. When I called him he acted weird instead of concerned. He didn’t even ask me if I was ok. He didn’t seem panicked. When he finally showed up at the scene, he didn’t hug me or act as if he cared, he just…I don’t know, it was just really awkward and embarrassing. I’ve never felt so unimportant to anyone in my life…

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    • gentlekindness
      Aug 10, 2015 @ 21:22:15

      This is a very good point. Loneliness can be out worst enemy. It can make us go back to an abuser or it can lead right into the arms of another abusive person.
      This is one of hardest parts of recovery from narcissistic abuse…being able to be okay on our own for an extended period of time.
      The other part of the picture is the ability to be able to self generate those good feelings of self worth and self esteem.

      People that grew up with abuse are very disadvantaged in these areas of self generating self worth, setting boundaries, saying no, and feeling okay when we are alone. Being alone can be so hard because those “mental tapes” are loud and easier to hear when it is silent. The taped that tell us we are not worthy and never going to find a healthy relationship. If we believe those voices then we will end up back with the abuse or with another abuser.

      I believe there are ways to break this cycle and to counter those mental tapes. I have been working on some audio meditations for these issues. Stay tuned to the blog for announcements about new videos and audios.

      Also take a look at my Life Coaching page. I always individualize it for the particular unique person and their situations.
      I put the link below for the life coaching page.
      Hang in there. You are a survivor.
      http://gentlementalannie.com/free-coaching/

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    • gentlekindness
      Aug 10, 2015 @ 21:28:12

      I would have felt embarrassed and awkward in that situation too. There seems to be lack of empathy with him. People that come from abusive families react differently in order to survive the abuse. Some people become narcissist and go into their own world of delusion and turn off their empathy and any ability to feel anyone else’s pain. This is a coping mechanism in order to avoid feeling any pain themselves.

      You are a survivor and you will be able to get your life on a good track. Sometimes it helps to view a web site which has a list of Core Values. Once you can identify which core values are the most important to you then you can gear your decision making, and choose the people who you want around you based on your personal core values. Otherwise making decisions becomes kind of a “throw the dart at the board” kind of thing.

      It is important that we have people, jobs and other activities and situations in our lives that are meaningful and fulfilling to us.

      Blessings
      Annie

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  3. gentlekindness
    Oct 08, 2015 @ 20:13:49

    Reblogged this on Gentle Kindness .

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