Safe Dating – Some Predators Establish Trust by Telling You Personal Stories that May not be True

The world is full of all kinds of people. Some people are honest for the most part and other people are dishonest. The dishonesty can be at different levels and for different reasons. Dating can be a harrowing experience and it is hard to know who to trust and who not to trust.

When you are first getting to know someone you should go at a pace that is comfortable for you. Rushing too fast into emotional intimacy and sharing of personal information too early can end badly. This is someone you do not know and you have no way to know what kind of person they really are.

People normally open up to another person a little bit at a time. Be wary of anyone that shares extremely personal stories with you on the first couple of dates. They may be telling the truth but they also may be making stories up in order to make you trust them. 

Some predators establish trust with you by telling you very personal things right away and then saying that you are the only one they talk to about this. If they do not know you yet, then why are they choosing you to share something this personal with? Just be careful.

Some predators will make up or exaggerate stories about their past in order to gain your sympathy and to establish trust. Then they put you in a position of feeling like you now have to share something very personal with them. 

Avoid giving out very personal information on the first few dates. Do not go to the next level of trust too early in a relationship. Only share things you are comfortable sharing and not just because they shared with you. Some people want to know about your past in order to know ways they can trigger feelings in you, in order to manipulate you later on.

If you are in doubt then don’t do it. If it does not feel right then do not say it. If someone shares something that seems to personal to trust anyone you just met with, then this might be a red flag that the person is playing a role in order to make you think they are someone they are not.

This video is just to remind people that some people are truthful and others are not. Unless you have gotten to know someone, you do not know what their intentions are yet. 

Go at a pace that makes sense to you and do not let someone else guide the pace if emotional or physical intimacy for you. Know your standards and set your boundaries. Be kind about it but firm.

If something feels wrong or seems to contradict what you know to be true, then be proceed with caution. There is plenty of time to get to know someone a little at a time. Friendship is the best basis for a relationship. You should enjoy your time together and feel safe and respected at all times. 

You should feel like you can let them know if something is uncomfortable to you. You can find someone that you will be happy with and that is safe if you use your head as well as your heart. You want someone that has a healthy respect for boundaries and that goes at an even pace with the relationship.

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cat
    Aug 13, 2015 @ 10:14:25

    Great advice. Is this you in the video? If it is, you did really well chatting into the cam

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 14, 2015 @ 12:16:29

      Yes it is me. Thank you. Some of my youtube videos are more relaxed and some are more nervous. This one I was on the nervous side. I tried to control it. I am not too afraid of making the videos but they pick up whatever state I am in at the time. I am not sure how I came across.

      Thank you for watching it. My youtube channel is Annie Mimi Hall.

      Like

      Reply

  2. nombre de la pluma
    Aug 13, 2015 @ 14:38:42

    This is why I am always so quick to confess that most of what I write are lies and opinions, oh and also I’m happily married and not interested. But I’m human and my eyes do function properly. Or improperly depending on your judgement. Don’t trust anyone over 2 years old. Strike that, don’t trust anyone. Odds are, they want something. Choose whether to fulfill that request, or not.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. jasminehoneyadams
    Aug 13, 2015 @ 20:13:06

    Have you ever come across (you’ve done more research into this than me) anyone who has started off with the “tells something personal, only person I’ve told” thing, then has gone on to make out they don’t want to meet your friends because they’re shy/embarrassed (to make out low self esteem). One of my friends several years ago started dating someone like this and I can’t be around them any more because he started really obviously making up the most ridiculous stories (olympic fencer, paramedic, in the Army during Iraq… you name it he had apparently done it and was 26 when we met him, I kept an open mind until he said something that I knew to be untrue due to my being an archaeology graduate, and I thought I’d let it slide), but then he also started obsessively texting me and harassing me to do things that I really wasn’t comfortable with, and when he didn’t get a reply to any given text message within a few minutes, he would send another and another (usually pretending to back off eg “no pressure” or “only joking”) then he started calling me at odd times of day and night (when he was still dating her). Now he doesn’t work at all and she’s ended up off work with depression and they stay home all the time and so many alarm bells went off that I can’t go near their house because I will call him on it and I know she won’t believe me. But I just wondered whether this would be a narcissist or not, because I’ve never been quite sure. He’s clearly manipulated her into doing whatever he wants, and I know from other friends that I’m not the only person he’s tried to have an affair with, and now they’re engaged (and she owns her own home so I can guess how that’s going to go when he divorces her and takes his “share”). It preys on my mind because I feel like I should have said something to her at the time but every instinct told me to run as far away as I could and never look back (there was that brain-bleaching feeling that I get when I’m around anyone who behaves like my mum, and she was diagnosed borderline but I’ve never been 100% sure how accurate that was). Anyway, long story short, would he be a narcissist or a psychopath or borderline, do you think? I’d like to work it out for future reference if nothing else because he literally made my skin crawl, I felt like a trapped rabbit.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 14, 2015 @ 12:31:39

      Definitely sounds like a narcissist. He did not want to meet her friends because 1. He does not care …and 2. He will try to isolate her from her friends.

      He called you as a triangulation tactic to torment her and to try to get you and her into a fight. They love to cause friction between people. They thrive on chaos. It keeps them entertained and feeling grandios because they caused it.

      It is hard to tell whether someone is a narcissist or a psychopathic narcissist. You would have to know more about his behaviors and if there has ever been any illegal activity of any kind.

      Narcissists do not care if they cause pain to people but when they do that it is to get something.

      Psychopaths will cause pain (physical or emotional) just for the purpose of causing someone pain

      Narcissists are on a spectrum scale. The highest end is 9 characteristics. If they have 8 or 9 then they are a psychopath.

      There is a video on youtube. Sam vaknin Psychopath test. Or maybe it is called The Nine Traits of narcissism.

      You could find it. If not I can send you a link. I am on my cell right now. I need to send it from my computer.

      You might be able to tell how many of the traits he has…but he might keep some hidden…so it is tricky.

      The higher someone is on the 9 Trait scale, the more dangerous and potentially volitale they are. More and more unpredictable ..like a ticking time bomb.

      I do not know if she would believe you. But you could send her the link to the Self Care Haven video on youtube called Five Powerful Ways Narcissists get Inside of Your Head.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • jasminehoneyadams
        Aug 14, 2015 @ 20:53:13

        Oh I didn’t think of psychopathy! I found it fine. From what I know about him I put him at an 8. Very, very chilling. I would say psychopathic side of narcissism then, given the things he said he wanted to do to me. I forget about that category because I’ve never met one I could put my finger on and say “you’re a psychopath not a narcissist” or “you’re a psychopath not a sadist” and I know that not all sadists are psychopaths (there’s a huge subgroup of both in the BDSM community) but I do forget sometimes that psychopaths are sadistic too (so, as far as I can tell, you can have a sadist who isn’t a psychopath, but not the other way round, right??). It would explain that “gaze of Sauron” response I got from this guy – I get this sort of caveman need to flee when I get around anyone like that, like they’ve poured bleach over my brain and all I can think to do is run away. I don’t think I want to get involved because he scares the crap out of me, but she really should know and it’s been gnawing at me and I get so mad because I wish I was stronger and could stand up to people like this instead of running away. I will think on what to do.

        Liked by 1 person

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