Nine Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopathy

Narcissistic Personality Disorder has nine traits. In order to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder a person must have at least 5 of the traits.

Narcissism is on a spectrum.

There are many people that have 2,  3 or 4 of the characteristics on this list. These people may have elements of narcissism. They would be said to have “narcissistic traits” but rather than  “full blown” narcissistic personality disorder.

People that have all 9 traits would be diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder. They are a psychopath. The more traits someone has, the more potentially dangerous they are to you.

It is difficult to know a psychopath well enough to be able to identify all of their traits because they keep things hidden and cover up their pathology by acting like a different person when they interact with others.

Here are the nine traits of narcissistic personality disorder.

1. Grandiosity –  This is an unrealistic view of oneself that they are bigger than life and better than others. They feel that they have a godlike, divine or extremely powerful purpose of being on the earth. Their very being is to be admired and obeyed. Nothing is more important than they are.

2. Arrogant and Domineering – think they are better than everyone else. They know more than anyone else. Controlling of others and dominating. They see others as inferior to them in intelligence, vision, looks, and everything else. They expect other people to admire and be in awe of them.

3. Preoccupation with Success and Power – They have a need to be powerful and have a cult of followers that admire them. They like to have a harem of sorts of people around them, as if they are a king or a queen. Their drive for success and power is due to their need for narcissistic supply and to get into positions where they have manipulate people.

4. Lack of empathy – an inability to care about the feelings of others or put themselves in someone else’s shoes in an emotional way. Actually narcissists and psychopaths have a cold empathy which allows them to understand your fears, weaknesses, hopes and dreams. They can take an inventory of you and then use the your feelings against you.

5. Belief of being unique – They believe that they are very special and that they are better than everyone else. They often think that they have a unique powerful purpose that sets them above everyone else and gives them an excuse to do whatever they want and take whatever they want.

6. Sense of entitlement – They feel that they are entitled to anything and anyone they want.   This includes things that belong to other people. It includes taking over the lives of other people and using people and then throwing them away like trash.  There is no appreciation when people do anything for them because they were entitled to it, in the first place.

7. Requires excessive admiration – they want to be admired and paid attention to all the time. They have no tolerance for anyone else being in the spotlight. Because they need to have their false self validated, they need people to pay attention to, talk about, admire and basically worship their false self. That way the illusion of the false self stays strong.

8. Exploitative – they will take advantage of other people for their own best interest. They will take more than they give, refuse to pay people for their services in a fair way …if at all, and use people up until there is nothing left of them

9. Envious of others they are resentful when other people have things that they feel entitled to. They become angry when they see that other people have things that they do not.

It does not matter if the other person worked for it and they did not. They are envious of the property,  authority, and reputations of others. There is speculation that they are 

I have included a documentary below that you might find interesting. It goes through each of the nine traits of narcissism and explains them. 

Sam Vaknin is interviewed in this documentary. He is a level 9 narcissist who is unusual in that he is self aware. He is aware that he has this disorder.

One of the things that Sam says in this film, was very familiar to what I heard my most recent ex narcissist say many times.

Sam says  ” …the slightest hint of criticism or disagreement threatens the precarious balance that I have created over many years…the balance that constitutes my personality…you are out to destroy and kill me, so I am out to destroy and kill you..”

My ex used to get disproportionately angry when anyone criticized him or even offered any advice or suggestion that he change anything. Even suggestions from business coaches, that he paid to advise him, were taken as a threat.

Any time anyone disagreed with him or suggested that he change anything, he would become so angry that he would become violent and inflict self harm in front of them.

I think this was a way of acting out and also of frightening people. He would scream, he would hit his own head with his fist. On a few occasions he actually strangled his own neck with his hands.

He also was known to yell in anger and rip and tear his own shirt, in front of his employees. He would threaten self harm and even suicide when anyone asked him to do anything. He said that people should do things for him. They had no right to ask him to do things, because he could not tolerate any demands.

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27 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. charlypriest
    Aug 23, 2015 @ 09:05:42

    You have just described the nutjob I was with

    Like

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    • gentlekindness
      Aug 24, 2015 @ 05:48:53

      Yes the way you described her to me before, I thought she was probably psychopathic. There is entitlement, angry outbursts not getting her way, feeling like she deserves special treatment, and violence when she feels that her world is not under her complete control.

      Female psychopaths are just as dangerous and can cause the same level of mental and emotional torment to the victim, as male psychopaths. Female psychopaths often can use their beauty and sensuality to lure victims in for the kill. They will mess with your mind and try to destroy your mental stability. Then watch you writhe in pain just for their own entertainment.

      I am sorry you had to go through this. You deserve better .

      Like

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      • charlypriest
        Aug 24, 2015 @ 10:30:26

        I ran out of that nutjob when I started seeing the first signs, at first I thought she was too jealous, if she saw me talking with a girl. Then I thought she was too controling when I was talking with a guy and she would be angry because she said I didn´t pay her attention. And when she literally went into a rage and grabbed a knife for the first time, after I subdued her on the ground I said ” see ya”. Out I went never to look back. I realise it was all about her and she having control over everything in my life, so even though I was homeless at the time, I thought it would beat sleeping outside than stay with this crazy ass girl. So quite interesting and frightening at the same time, so I was with a narcissist psychopath…. man, that´s quite something if I start thinking about it, which I wont.

        Liked by 1 person

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 25, 2015 @ 02:32:09

      I think you were right to leave. You managed to get yourself back inside without her eventually. I am glad you did. I have used to be friends with severeal homeless people when I used to eat at the soup kitchen …which I am about to end up eating at again soon.

      I found that it is very difficult for people to get back inside once they are outside. The system works against people. It is hard to get a job with no address, no where to take a shower, no alarm clock to wake you up, no place to wash your clothes. I used to wash the clothes and sleeping bags of a few of the people.

      And yes you might be better not thinking about her too much. If it is past then it is past. As long as you do not end up with anyone like that again. You know now that the extreme jealousy thing is a red flag, so you would pick up on that next time. Also they blame other people for everything that is wrong in their lives, any mistakes they make, any failures or shortcomings. All of it is someone else’s fault.

      Stay safe 🙂
      Annie ❤

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      • charlypriest
        Aug 25, 2015 @ 07:17:33

        haha! It´s very true what you said. I can laugh now, not at the time. But yes, this girl would blame everything that went wrong with her to society, her mother, me, you name it but never to herself. I did thought she was a bit nutty, but I was homeless at the time and that was the only roof and food I could find. I´m over that now, I have a pretty good way of putting the past in some far off part of my brain in a tiny compartment.

        Liked by 1 person

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 25, 2015 @ 08:35:15

      It is never funny at the time. My ex used to blame the government, his employees, his partner in the business, his business coaches, his brother who he never saw, his father for dying on him and most of all his mother.

      The complaining was constant and incessant. Hours and hours of it.

      He also claimed his exes were abusive to him emotionally. And he said how he always let people walk all over him and he was codependent.

      But anytime we were in a situation where things were not perfectly going his way he had no trouble telling off the cab driver, the hotel clerk or the waitress.

      It was a contradiction I could never figure out at the time. He seemed to hold his own to the point of being an unreasonable maniac with anyone in a service position.

      I could not see how he could be so aggressive and intolerant but then he also let people walk all over him.

      I never saw any situation where he was not dominating. His “poor me” stories were lies to get me to feel sorry for him.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • charlypriest
        Aug 25, 2015 @ 09:26:23

        F..ck him, that´s my only response to these nutjobs. At least if it was a guy I´d beat the shit out of him, but the laws as they are here in Spain, I can be in the South Pole and if the girl say I hit her, and she actually has hit herself and then blames the guy, you are going to trial for domestic violence. And quite a lot of women, not only these narcissist psychopaths, but a lot of women have taken advantage of this new law. Which for me, it´s a disservice to other women that really are suffering from abusive by a guy. But since, the abuse from a woman to a guy is never on the new, is not cool for a guy to say this girl punches me and I really can´t do much if I don´t want to land in jail, then you are always on the loosing end. Not in my case, because I had a good lawyer which I´m still paying the people who put up the money for me to pay her( it was a she the lawyer), and the witnesses as much as the prosecution pushed them and pushed them to say how they saw me hitting her, they just stuck to the truth and said they never witness any punching, that it was actually her who was grabbing me and me saying, which she actually did take my wallet with 30$ inside, I had the wallet returned by the police but no money in it. So they told the truth as to what I said outloud, which was “give me back the wallet, she´s stealing it” and that was that. You can imagine the surprise when it was actually me who called the police and the next thing I´m in handcuffs waking up the next morning being charged for as they call it here in Spain and they ask for a 1 year sentence “violence of genre towards woman”. And even though I was innocent, I was lucky to have been found not guilty and she was found by the judge to have made a false accusation, so she´s the one paying now, when she wants that is. I´d rather not even go and seek her out to tell her to pay up the full amount, I´ll pay it myself. She´s in the past, in her own crazy nutty world. I´m good now, with my fascination for writing, reading, and getting the little jobs that come up once in a while in this screwed up economy we have.

        Liked by 1 person

      • lynettedavis
        Mar 06, 2016 @ 02:29:30

        Exactly. The “poor me” are just tactics to lure their victims in. Once in, it’s very difficult to untangle ourselves. We feel emotionally invested in them. For malignant narcissists, just listening to them, for even a few minutes, can be detrimental to us because that’s all the time they need.

        Liked by 1 person

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 25, 2015 @ 08:44:51

      He told me that one of his exes sent him court papers to sue him as a way of breaking up with him. He made the story out that she was mean and crazy.

      Another ex sent him a letter telling him he was abusive and mentally ill.

      These things should have been red flags to me but somehow he was able to get me to believe the exes were mean and crazy.

      I wonder what he sais about me?

      ” That crazy bitch Annie ! She never let me talk because she never listened. And she would not even help me with the business. ”

      Truth- I never did anything but listen to him complain and I spent 3 -5 hours a day doing work for his business with false promises of being paid, getting a house together.

      He even sent me pictures of houses he clearly never intended to buy. I still have one of them. It was so beautiful…in Santa Cruz Cali.

      I told him I coukd move anywhere that was not all the way across the country because of my arrangement with my ex about the kids. So he ended up placing a bid on a house in Oregon….as far from New Jersey as you could get.

      I was heartbroken and confused at the time but now it makes more sense since he never intended to move me with him anyway.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. Cat
    Aug 23, 2015 @ 13:27:40

    I watched that man on video once before, he’s scary!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 24, 2015 @ 05:44:37

      He really is. Many people think he is an ally of abuse victims. His information is good and can be learned from but I would not recommend any contact with him via email or anything else.

      Psychopaths can appear very charming and benign. They do not seem dangerous at first. People get hooked before they know what they have gotten into. The best thing is to study about their tactics and the red flags. One red flag is consistent, which is that they always blame others for their failures, mistakes or anything that goes wrong in their lives.

      If they lost a job, they blame the boss or a coworker. If they have money problems they blame the government or a specific person or a group. They will tell you that their past girlfriends and wives abused them and were crazy.

      They claim that they are the victim of many people and even their friends turn on them.

      The other red flag is their feeling of entitlement and they get indignant anytime they are not treated with VIP treatment.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. Tara
    Aug 23, 2015 @ 14:19:10

    I was with someone like this, and when we studied this in college, I saw for the first time, what I was in for so many years….the danger I was in. I was very young when I was with him, and we had a child. Luckily, the child cramps his style, so we don’t have to deal with him unless I need my child support. Stay away from these people! They are difficult to spot, and by the time you see what they are, it seems to be too late, but it’s never too late to run!!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 24, 2015 @ 05:39:17

      Thank you for sharing your story to warn others. I am sorry you had to go through this and that your child has no real father. But it is better that the children do not interact with people like this.

      You are right that these people are very dangerous. They are hard to spot and are very good at manipulating people. They can appear very charming and sweet. The best red flag to look for early on is that they will always place the blame on other people for their own mistakes, faults, or failures.

      Like

      Reply

  4. Miss Evelyn
    Aug 23, 2015 @ 15:21:38

    I think my husband is all the above.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 24, 2015 @ 05:36:07

      Anyone with all of these traits is dangerous and not to be trusted. They never tell the truth unless it is intermixed with lies to confuse you. They often lead double lives and have other relationships that are hidden.
      Be careful in all interactions with anyone like this.
      I wish you safety and peace of mind. I am very sorry you ended up in this situation.
      Hopefully one day you will be able to light the way for others who are stuck and confused. You can come out stronger and wiser, but for now be as safe as possible. Do not do anything that will cause them severe anger at you until you can make your way out of the relationship.
      Annie

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

      • Miss Evelyn
        Aug 24, 2015 @ 14:06:33

        Thanks Annie. I haven’t been doing anything to make them angry. I have been more assertive and that’s as far as I went. I knew going against my husband is not an effective method. Ever since I discovered my husband is a Narcissist, I have started to question whatever he says to me. Nothing is the truth as you stated. He says things to keep me on the edge, waiting for me leak out some secret. x

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Ava Savage
    Aug 23, 2015 @ 22:58:34

    My ex is all nine and would love me to come back to him. I was miserable, now he wants to guilt me into his life by saying he has no reason to go on living without me. I am glad to have found your site to enable me to see him as he really is.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Aug 24, 2015 @ 05:32:50

      Threatening suicide is a typical psychopathic tactic to hoover an ex back in. You are not obligated to give in to that tactic. You are not responsible and if he is a psychopath then he is lying to you. Hoovering is a narcissist and psychopath technique. You can look up the term “hoovering” on google, and on YouTube. I have not done a youtube video on this yet but I will soon.
      Thank you for sharing and please stay safe. These kinds of people are far more dangerous than most people think.

      Annie ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  6. lynettedavis
    Mar 05, 2016 @ 16:50:47

    Reblogged this on Memoir Notes.

    Like

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  7. gentlekindness
    Jun 25, 2016 @ 06:11:17

    Reblogged this on GentleKindness .

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. revengestar
    Jun 25, 2016 @ 07:16:45

    I disagree with the title. Psychopaths DO NOT share all those traits with narcissists. While all cluster b disorders do have some similarities, i do not require constant admiration since not all psychopaths are narcissists. Those you write about are narcopaths, not the same.

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    • gentlekindness
      Jun 25, 2016 @ 07:28:32

      Thank you for sharing that. This will generate some conversation. Psychopaths do not need constant
      admiration. I have heard of some that can spend long periods of time alone.
      Thanks again,
      Annie

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • revengestar
        Jun 25, 2016 @ 07:30:58

        if you want a different approach you can drop by sometime. Psychopathy is a spectrum, not everyone is the same. I have a post about that, but i am not going to self promote on someone else’s blog because again i am not a narcissist.

        Like

  9. warriorprincess626
    Jun 25, 2016 @ 17:55:56

    This describes my father perfectly, and my mother.

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  10. warriorprincess626
    Jun 25, 2016 @ 18:26:12

    Reblogged this on warriorprincess626 and commented:
    This blog post describes my father perfectly. My mother may have some of the traits as well. I am grateful this was posted.

    Like

    Reply

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