I saw the following quote on another blog late last night. It must have been in my mind as I slept because I woke up thinking of it.
If you don’t have any enemies then you are not standing up for what you believe in.
from the blog Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Everyone feels differently about having “enemies” and I would venture to guess feels differently about the definition of enemy. Personally I would say that for the purposes of this quote, I am thinking of anyone who intentionally and directly targets negative energies against me.
This would include undermining me, demeaning me, intentionally trying to lower my self esteem and otherwise targets me and thinks of ways to unbalance me mentally. I have no one that is physically abusive to me at this time.
I often wonder what it is about me that makes people want to undermine me …when that inevitable occurance happens. I am aware that some of my “loving family members” are taking what does not belong to them by violating my boundaries and my rights.
There is a value to them in what they end up with at my expense. They are willing to ruin aspects of my life, hopes and dreams because they want something that is mine. But this is a story for another day.
More in line with the quote are work enemies I have had in the past who intentionally and maliciously harrasser me. The reason…..I did not understand at the time.
They would accuse me of being a bad worker and say that I had to be supervised…..spied on and harrassed. But I knew I was a better worker than the ones she was friends with who used to hide behind doors in darkened patient’s rooms, texting on their cell phone for hours.
No, there was a seething resentment that made her blood boil. There were a few women similar to this, at different places I worked. I eventually tried to notice what occured right before a fresh line of fire.
Generally it would be something like a family member of a patient coming to the front desk to request me for the night, to take care of their elderly mom. This was not unusual for me but it rarely happened regearding the other nurse aides.
Instead of being happy that the families praised my integrity and kindness, these nurses would punish me for this. If they had to switch the assignments around in order to assign me to a particular patient, they would give me extra patients or extra work of some kind.
This was bad but in a worst case scenario they would follow me around, nit picking about the trash not being emptied in the patient bathroom that had one tissue in it.
The thing that would bring out the fury of a supervisor like this was when I came up with a creative solution to a safety problem with one of the elderly patients. There was something about going outside the box….or perhaps thinking for myself….or perhaps thinking of something they could not.. ..that brought out spitting hatred which resulted in my punishment somehow.
There have also been times when I have generated enemies by breaking rules that had to be broken. When I say “had to be broken” I mean in all good conscience I had to break them.
I had dementia patients who would sometimes get very agitated and be climbing out of bed. If they wete also a “fall risk” due to their inability to walk unsupervised then the darkened room and increased agitation were a dangerous combination. The possibilities of types of injuries in a fall were one more horrifying than the next.
So I would leave a small lamp on and either ge6 a floor mat or throw pillows on the floor next to the side of the bed they would fall out of.
Technically floor mats are by prescription only and if their doctor had not ordered them you could not use them, even in extenuating circumstances that were a clear and obvious danger. I was one of very few aides who would break this rule…..I am thinking of a fellow aide I greatly respected as the other person who would risk being scolded to protect patient safety.
This kind of move on my part seemed to be infuriating to my “enemies” even though we would never get in trouble for it because the doctors neve4 ever came in at 10 pm and neither would any state evaluators. The only people that ever came into the nursing home at 10 pm were EMT’s and first responders in an emergency. And they would hardly have time to be checking through huge books with patient charts to see who had a prescription for a floor mat and who did not.
The third kind of “enemy” I tend to end up with are people that just target me to attempt to lower my self esteem, intimidate me into doing what they want and generally just use emotionally manipulative tactics to try to generate emotional reactions.
It is good to be able to identify the diffetence between someone who is having a genuine convetsation with you and someone who is attempting to control the conversation by using tactics designed to elicit an emotional reaction.
Remeber reactions are just that….an automatic response to an action by someone else. Automatic emotional resonses come from being triggered in areas that you were wounded in the past and still have open emotional wounds.
There are people who enjoy discovering what open emotional wounds you have and then intentionally pushing buttons to trigger them. I can only assume these arw unhappy, yet controlling people who feel entitled to cross your personal boundaries.
The worst case scenario is to end up in a partner relationship with someone like this. But random narcissists sometimes show up to play these covert games with you.
The first thing I would suggest is to differentiate between genuine conversation which has a productive purpose and words with the sole intention of manipulating your emotions or behaviors, such as threats , even “joking” threats where someone either denies saying it or reframes the conversation to say they were not serious.
This all somehow goes back to this quote because I always do feel compelled to stand up for what I believe in, which often simply takes the form of being myself and communicating about what I believe to be true and right.
I will never be convinced to cut corners at a job to save time and money or to follow stupid rules, if the result could be someone getting sick or injured. This includes psychological injury and I have been in situations where nurse’s behaviors were causing psychological injury to the patient.
I once had a nurse punish my patient who was too depressed to come to the dining room for dinner. She instructed me to give het clear liquids for dinner like we give people with tummy trouble like the flu. This was a punishment intended to instill pain and fear.
You can use your own imagination to guess if I sent an 85 year old woman, suffering from depression, to bed without her dinner or not.
So I end up with various enemies and often it does relate back to the quote I started rhis post with. It is better to be yourself and to feel good about your self esteem than to try to please everyone
It is not possible to pleaae everone anyway. What makes one person happy will upset someone else. Sometimes a person will assume if they are the sqeaky wheel that you will submit and comply with their wishes just because they are a pain or because they threaten you.
You have to take each situation individually but think of yourself over people that cross your boundaries. Genuine conversation is logical and not for the purposes of one person asserting their “inherent dominance” as a person over you.
Once they tire of you hopefully they will move on. The less of an emotional reaction they get …the more bored they will become.
Situations with family are difficult to get away from. Sometimes as an adult there is a time to limit contact with people. Otherwise try to figure out what emotional response they trying to elicit and give them a completely different response…like boredom or apathy. Attention seekers despise apathy.
So that was my quote of the day. I will add the link to her blog when I get a chance. I am on the cell phone right now. Gotta go….dr. Appt