I Cried

You came into my life like a bright light 

and filled my world with hope and friendship

I felt stable and strong 

Our love made us both stronger 

more creative, more inventive

better to face the world together

I never had such hope for myself and my life

I never believed in humanity and it’s goodness

so much before I had you

I CRIED

Tears of Joy 

and Relief

that I had someone

who actually understood me and

loved me for myself

and who I am inside

BUT THEN…

All at once

You began

to criticize and blame

Placed GUILT and SHAME

upon my unsuspecting mind

AND YOU

You denied that it was happening

and said it was MY brain

gone amuck 

gone fishing

gone crazy

(I wondered …

if you were right?)

Was my brain leaving my head?

Was I better off dead?

Like you said…

AND THEN ….

I had heard you demand things

that were unreasonable

You said I must do them

I absolutely must help you

AS IF…

Our relationship depended upon it

I remember trying my best to do them

losing sleep to get them done

for you

because I valued our friendship

and I loved you no matter what

I took pity on you

You seemed so desperate

your life was crashing

your business was crashing

I was the only one

who could save you

BUT THEN…

you asked me

WHY I WAS DOING THOSE THINGS?

I said

because you asked me to do them…

I was working on them because

  you said it was URGENT

and EMERGENCY

like your very life depended 

on it

and on me

doing those things

AND THEN…

You said ,

“WHY IN THE WORLD

WOULD i HAVE ASKED YOU

TO BE DOING THOSE THINGS,

WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE WHOLE TIME,

TO BE DOING THIS OTHER THING?”

You said…

Who told you to do those things

and waste our time?

Ruin our future…

Why would you have had me doing that…

WHEN…

You really needed me to be doing

THIS OTHER THING

This other thing that was

URGENT

an emergency

AND…

I had let you down

I had let you down by not doing the thing

that you thought about in your head

suddenly

when I was in the midst of doing the other things

(and you never told me)

that you said I must do

You had said….

that

our relationship depended on it….

NOW…

you scolded me

SHAMED ME

placed the BLAME on me

for doing one thing

when I should be doing another…

I was sad

I was sorry

I begged you not to leave me

I CRIED

And then…

I did the thing that you wanted

I worked really fast

and stayed up without sleep

again….

And then….

You asked me what happened to the first things that you asked me to do….

Why was I neglecting them?

Why had I stopped working on them?

Was I stupid?

Was I cruel?

Didn’t I care about you?

when those things were so

important to you

and

our relationship depended upon it….

AND I CRIED….

10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. acquiescent72
    Oct 22, 2015 @ 16:16:01

    I want to hug you, or someone, after reading this…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Oct 22, 2015 @ 20:23:40

      Go hug someone. It is great for your health. Hugging gets the oxyticine flowing (i think I spelled that wrong.
      You could hug me but I am in the computer so send me a virtual hug and I will hug back ,,,LOL

      Much love,
      Annie ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches.
    Oct 22, 2015 @ 17:41:33

    Powerful, breathtaking gasps in every line – it hit me in the gut. You have an amazing ability to take words and turn them into a visual reality of what happens in our world when life goes wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Souldiergirl
    Oct 22, 2015 @ 21:09:19

    I completely get this Annie-hugs to your precious heart

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Jules
    Oct 22, 2015 @ 22:43:05

    Love this, (hugs)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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