PTSD Re-traumatization and Self Isolation

PTSD is a term most people have heard, but often they do not really know what it means.

If you tell someone you have PTSD, it may be hard for them to know what you mean by that, unless they have it themselves or maybe they have a close friend or family member with it.

People with PTSD have trouble with relationships, but not for the reasons people think.

Once you have been traumatized, and then re-traumatized by triggering situations, you feel generally unsafe and there is a natural tendency to want to retreat…back up your steps and run for cover.

People with PTSD can be re-traumatized by people who do not understand, and by people who are more concerned with their own agenda than really understanding.

When someone with PTSD has certain triggers, and explains those triggers to someone, it is important that they are validated and respected. If someone wants to care about a loved one with PTSD, they need to really listen to that person, when they talk about what triggers them. 

*A person that intentionally uses your triggers against you is dangerous to your mental well being. 

But then there are people who just don’t want to listen to or respect your boundaries. Your perceptions are not of an significance to them. 

Everyone has personal boundaries, but people with post traumatic stress disorder can suffer severe re-traumatization when a loved one does not honor their trigger boundaries.

Some triggers cannot be avoided, such as loud noises that may occur independently from either person. However, talking someone into going to a loud dance club, or guilting them into going to fireworks, when it has been made clear that loud noises are triggers, is abusive.

People who have PTSD from the military, and people who have PTSD from domestic abuse have different causes for their symptoms, but some things are the same.

The fight-or-flight mode is activated by the amygdala. If the brain perceives a threat, even if that threat is not real, the amygdala will send chemicals into the body like adrenaline and cortisol.

 The feeling in the body of a “perceived threat” and a real threat is exactly the same. The same physiological responses occur, including blood pressure elevation, and feeling of extreme fear and the feeling that you have to act right away.

Someone who had their jaw fractured by an abusive boyfriend, who suddenly stormed towards them in a fit of anger, may be triggered by someone coming quickly into their personal space, especially if that person is angry.

Once you have asked someone not to do certain things which trigger you, it is a terrible feeling when they still continue to do them. It feels very violating, and only serves to break the trust bond.

Relationships need to be based in trust. Intimate relationships, as well as friendships and family relationships have to feel safe. If one person does not feel safe, then there is a lack of understanding and a lack of trust.

Without both parties feeling safe, the relationship will break down. People with PTSD can find it difficult to trust again, after others have invalidated them about their symptoms.

Sometimes someone will disbelieve you, minimize your trauma, or accuse you of trying to manipulate them with your explanations about your trauma and your triggers. This is very painful and re-traumatizing.

People who have PTSD or C-PTSD from abuse were invalidated as part of the abuse process. Their emotions were minimized, disregarded and made fun of.

To have someone close to you minimize your PTSD, or disbelieve you is re-traumatizing. It gives  the victim into an emotional flashbacks or actual sensory flashbacks.

You can only tolerate being traumatized and re-traumatized so many times.

Soldiers that come back from war only to be disrespected by civilians, or invalidated and ignored by the Veterans Administration, are being re-traumatized.

It is a way of invalidating a person’s reality. This has negative effects on the person’s mental and emotional state.

People with PTSD can be perfectly good and caring partners and friends. They just need validation, respect and understanding.

But after repeated re-traumatization, a person feels isolated and too vulnerable to take a chance on trusting another person again. This leads to self isolation, depression, and often suicidal thoughts.

Evolutionary psychology tells us that our subconscious brain feels threatened by the potential that we would be completely isolated, shunned or thrown out of the social circle.

A Little Evolutionary Psychology

In the past, humans lived in social survival groups called tribes.  Being accepted and included by the tribe was critical for survival. Being shunned would have meant death !

Our primal brain  (called the reptilian brain) perceives rejection by the tribe to be potentially life threatening.  When we are feeling a similar kind of threat, it triggers the fight or flight response in our limbic system of the brain. The amygdala becomes active and send all kinds of alerts and chemicals into the body.

Technically, we could survive living alone and isolated these days, but we were not meant to live in isolation… especially isolation due to “mobbing” or “scapegoating” by the tribe.

This is one of the reasons that scapegoated family members, suffer such severe mental and emotional trauma.

People with PTSD need to feel that they will still be accepted by the Tribe (family, community…whatever applies to the situation…).

They need to know that their personal reality will be validated, even though it may be very different from that of other people. The experiences someone with PTSD has endured may seem strange to people that have not ever had that kind of trauma in their reality.

Isolation can cause death by suicide or “failure to thrive.”

Self isolation will almost always cause severe depression. But being re-traumatized is just as bad, and the brain will try to lead people away from that pain.

Our primal brains are designed to take us away from danger, or perceived danger….and towards pleasure. But the “away from danger” is the priority.

Re-exeriencing the feelings of danger, fight or flight chemicals and physiological responses, is not something that anyone could tolerate on a regular basis.

We were not built to feel in danger all the time. Being in a state of hyper-arousal all the time depleats the immune system and causes mental disorders.

People with PTSD need understanding and validation.

They need their loved ones to be sensitive to their triggers, and to pay attention to what the person asks and needs. 

Otherwise. the relationships cannot continue in a way that is safe for the PTSD sufferer. The person with PTSD will shut down and crawl inside of themselves. No healthy relationship can be sustained without safety for both people. 

 

19 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. emergingfromthedarknight
    Jan 31, 2016 @ 09:51:38

    Reblogged this on Emerging From The Dark Night and commented:
    A brilliant post on PTSD and its impact.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  2. emergingfromthedarknight
    Jan 31, 2016 @ 09:52:21

    Beautifully articulated…i just had to reblog ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Joe Hupp
    Jan 31, 2016 @ 10:08:14

    Reblogged this on Joe's blog and commented:
    I happen to have a friend with PTSD which came from a military scenario….. I completely understand what Annie has written here….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Joe Hupp
    Jan 31, 2016 @ 10:09:55

    Well written, Annie! As I have said in my reblog, I have a friend with military-caused PTSD and I completely understand what you have written here

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Feb 01, 2016 @ 08:58:02

      Thank you, It is very kind of you to say. I think your friend must be blessed to have a friend like you that is understanding .
      Nice to hear from you.
      Annie 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Joe Hupp
        Feb 01, 2016 @ 10:47:35

        I am learning more about every mental illness that people can get – anxiety, depression, PTSD (not so much C-PTSD) and more helps me learn about the illness and help those overcome their triggers!

        Liked by 1 person

    • gentlekindness
      Feb 01, 2016 @ 11:45:43

      I can send you some links about C-PTSD if you are interested in learning a little bit about it. It is a kind of PTSD.

      The symptoms are basically the same as PTSD with flashbacks, although there are emotional flashbacks also. And usually trouble with self esteem, negative thoughts about oneself etc.

      It is caused by on-going abuse in an environment that the person is entrapped into or that they cannot figure a way out of. They cannot walk away or they perceive they cannot leave due to brainwashing or threat of violence.

      C-PTSD can be from childhood abuse where the victim cannot get away because they are unable to financially support themselves or survive on their own. Domestic abuse victims can be trapped financially or from brainwashing tactics of the abuser or threats.

      Also kidnapping victims and situations of entrapment, with ongoing abuse.

      I have posts about it that I can link you to. It is difficult to find information about on mental health sites because it is not currently listed in the DSM ( the manual used by psychiatrists to diagnose). Some therapists know that it exists as a real disorder and others do not understand it.

      Being someone that grew up in a mentally abusive background, I do know it exists. And having C-PTSD makes people vulnerable to predators that are domestic abuse partners.

      Feel free to connect with me anytime about these topics. It is always nice to hear from you.

      Annie

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  5. Linda Lee
    Jan 31, 2016 @ 10:33:33

    This post is amazing. I hope you are writing a book!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. Trackback: PTSD Re-traumatization and Self Isolation | GettingrealwithPTSD
  7. GettingrealwithPTSD
    Jan 31, 2016 @ 14:40:51

    I reposted this and one of my followers found it ever so helpful — keep up the good work 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. Linda Lee
    Jan 31, 2016 @ 20:03:51

    Reblogged this on Healing from "CrAzY" and commented:

    This post, written by Annie on her Gentle Kindness blog, is one of the best explanations I’ve ever read on the reasons why close relationships are so difficult for people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
    My husband and I were both diagnosed with PTSD before we met in 2003 when we were in our early fifties. We had each gone through the devastating heartbreak of multiple failed relationships prior to meeting, and we had both given up hope of ever having a good, lasting, loving relationship. We are so thankful that God, in His infinite grace and mercy, had a different plan for the rest of our lives.
    In this wonderfully insightful post, Annie wrote:
    “People who have PTSD or C-PTSD from abuse were invalidated as part of the abuse process. Their emotions were minimized, disregarded and made fun of.
    To have someone close to you minimize your PTSD, or disbelieve you is re-traumatizing. It puts the victim into an emotional flashback of their perception of reality being intentionally altered.”
    This is SO TRUE. If you or someone you care about has been diagnosed with PTSD, I hope you will read the rest of what Annie has to say on the subject of PTSD, Re-Traumatization, and Self Isolation.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  9. Animal Farm
    Jan 31, 2016 @ 22:45:39

    This is brilliant and I am so glad I returned after months of not being on WP to find this. I just found out I was diagnosed with PTSD as a secondary diagnosis with epilepsy Grand Mal tonic clonic and I forget the other type. It freaked me out at first but makes total sense. Thank you for posting and bringing to light the depth of PTSD.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. Naomi
    Feb 01, 2016 @ 23:18:54

    The only people that I have found, that really “gets it” about PTSD, are here, on WP.
    Thank you so much for your post. You are making my world a better place to be in.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  11. luckyotter
    Feb 02, 2016 @ 01:04:42

    What a wonderful article!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. ShiraDest
    Feb 02, 2016 @ 16:52:33

    Reblogged this on ShiraDest Community Cooperation Blog and commented:
    Reblogging with comment (on 2nd to last paragraph) that even when we try to look ‘normal,’ those close to us are often irritated by that startle reflex and/or constant vigilance, but we need them to understand why we feel compelled to discreetly watch our surroundings. Thank you for this post. -Shira, 2.2.12016 HE

    Like

    Reply

  13. sketchesnscribbles
    Jan 07, 2017 @ 03:49:48

    I was so happy to read this because it explains so much of how my PTSD has responded and made me respond in my years of constant fear and stress. Thank you.

    Like

    Reply

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