Feeling Safe and Deflecting Shame from Others

The people that try to make you feel guilt or shame over not doing what they want you to do, are just serving their own agenda.

If they continue to try to emotionally manipulate you, they have no concern for your reality. They do not respect your right to see things from your own point of view.

People will claim to know what you should start doing…or stop doing..that will make you a better person. But take a closer look and see that they are trying to get you to fit into their own agenda.

You do not have to change your core beliefs to make someone else’s reality more comfortable. They are clearly not changing their beliefs to suit you.

If you are not trying to guilt and shame them, then what right do they have to do it to you. What gives one person, or one group of people, exclusive rights to know everything that everyone “should” and “should not” be doing?

Shaming people is not loving. Any group or individual that is making you feel bad about yourself, or trying to make you question your own truth to support theirs, is more concerned with serving their own agenda than wanting you to be your authentic self.

People that claim to care about your best interest, but try to shame and guilt you into changing for them, do not have your best interest at heart….but they have their own best interest at heart.

So let them continue to follow their own path and do what they feel best supports them…..while you follow your own path and do what best supports you.

Why is it okay for them to want an environment they feel safe and supported in….but you are selfish because you also want to feel safe and supported?

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. The Narcissist's Wife
    Feb 07, 2016 @ 17:57:39

    Reblogged this on The Narcissist's Wife and commented:
    Something a lot of survivors have to deal with…. Shame from the people around you. As though your mistakes are somehow worse than any mistakes the people around you ever made.

    Don’t let other people try to make you feel ashamed of your past. Lift your head up. Put one foot in front of the other and keep doing your best to move forward, to make better choices… And if anyone wants to keep you feeling ashamed of your past, then know that they are NOT concerned with your wellbeing and neither do they have your best interests at heart.

    Be wary of people who want to “help you”, when it costs you your dignity and self-worth to receive their “help”.

    Liked by 1 person


  2. emergingfromthedarknight
    Feb 08, 2016 @ 00:39:37

    Its so important to know this…i am lately trying to stay away from people who do this…when you have been invaded and shamed when young this pattern repeats…it is so important to listen to your own heart…

    Liked by 2 people


    • gentlekindness
      Feb 12, 2016 @ 07:34:06

      Sometimes it is hard to stay away from people who want to make you feel shame. People want to shame us in order to get en emotional reaction from us and to control us. It sometimes comes from people we do not want to believe would do that to us. It is sad.

      Liked by 1 person


      • emergingfromthedarknight
        Feb 14, 2016 @ 02:10:21

        Yes, I have just been reading a very good book about shame and it made me realise how much I was shamed in the last relationship and yes, it was a form of control as he did not like me expressing real feelings. It is very sad to accept this treatment and to recover we need to learn we never deserve to be shamed.

        Liked by 1 person

    • gentlekindness
      Feb 19, 2016 @ 08:53:09

      Let me know the name of the book. I will add it to my Amazon wish list. Tax refund is coming soon, and I will be able to buy a few books



      • emergingfromthedarknight
        Feb 19, 2016 @ 10:32:25

        Hi Annie. The name of the book is Conquering Shame and Codependency, 8 Steps to Freeing the True You by Darlene Lancer, I found it packed with insight and she draws information from a lot of other sources including her own recovery. I got it on Amazon.

        Liked by 1 person

    • gentlekindness
      Feb 21, 2016 @ 07:32:53

      Thank you for the info about the book. I will add it to my Amazon wish list. šŸ™‚



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