Needing to Please Others for Affection and Approval – Codependence and People Pleaser Syndrome


love me

There are many of us who asked to be loved by a parent who either refused to love us, or was incapable of loving us. This can carry over into adulthood as a disorder called codependence. People who have codependent tendencies also have People Pleaser Syndrome.

The traits of People Pleaser Syndrome include difficulty saying no, a phobia of upsetting people and being around negative emotions, and a tendency to do what others want even if it causes you discomfort or even harm.

This need for approval and love was not gratified as a child, and there is still a longing for approval from others. There can be a confusion between people loving you and people approving of you.

People can approve of your actions because your actions meet their own agenda. This does not necessarily mean that they love you, or even like you. There can be a tendency…

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Wayne Holmes
    Feb 07, 2016 @ 12:12:35

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. Because of this, I’ve gotten trampled on and list touch with who I am and what my passions are.



    • gentlekindness
      Feb 07, 2016 @ 17:11:34

      Being brought up in certain kinds of emotionally abusive households teaches us that thinking of ourselves at all is selfish. But in the mean time, the very person labelling you as selfish and thoughtless is focusing on themselves to the exclusion of you.

      Parents that refuse to allow their children to express their feelings about what is happening to them, deny those children the ability to learn how to take care of themselves emotionally.

      It is not selfish to care about your feelings,. It is normal to say No to things that make you uncomfortable. You have just as much right to be and feel safe in your environment as anyone else does.

      People that demand you to sacrifice feeling emotionally, financially,or mentally safe just to do what fits their own agenda, are not good friends or loving family.

      Once you can love yourself, you can find people to care for that will truly appreciate you for who you are.

      Much love,
      Annie – 💕💃

      Liked by 1 person


  2. unmindfulness
    Feb 07, 2016 @ 17:22:51

    Oh that post is so spot on! I’m one of those who is always dependent on people and doing everything to help. I go out of my way to help people and took me long time to realize they never help me back when I needed… I’m making an effort now to stop depending too much on others but I must say its not an easy task to change that! 😊

    Liked by 1 person


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