Depression, Loneliness and Invisible Illness

Depression and loneliness can exist together, but they are not exactly the same thing.

Loneliness is something experienced by all people at some point but it is not always accompanied by depression.

Usually loneliness is thought of as occurring when people are alone,  but this is not always true either.

Some people experience loneliness in combination homesickness , when they are away from familiar people and surroundings. They can feel this even when there are people around.

Other people feel like they do not fit in and this leads to lonliness with people around. Some people feel more lonely around groups of people than they do when they are by themselves.

There are other circumstances where people experience lonliness with other people around. Some of these circumstances tend to cause a co-existing condition of depression and lonliness.

People with invisible illnesses like chronic pain, chronic illness, and mental illness often feel both lonliness and depression. There is a feeling of disconnection from others when someone cannot find anyone that can relate to what they are going through.

Toxic loneliness is something that happens to people that cannot tolerate being alone or cannot tolerate bring without an intimate partner.

Ross Rosenberg coined the term “pathological loneliness” when he was doing research with his clients that suffered from co-dependence.

He discovered that one of the reasons so many people go back into abusive relationships is the pathological loneliness.

Both the terms toxic loneliness and pathological loneliness refer to this intolerable pain associated with being alone.

Usually the abusive partner lures the victim back in with false promises that things will be different. The victim who is suffering from such severe emotional / mental distress from being alone takes their chances and goes back.

In the mind of the victim, the pathological loneliness and the depression that goes along with it, is more painful than the abuse was.

People with codependent personalities usually developed pathological lonliness as children from neglect and abuse.

Depression can also develop out of childhood abuse. This can be any type of abuse, including emotional and psychological abuse. People that were abused as children often have complex post traumatic stress disorder as adults.

C-PTSD can involve depression, anxiety and sometimes pathological loneliness. There are often internal mental tapes that play inside their head that repeat negative things.

Being alone can make the internal dialogue louder. Thoughts of worthlessness, shame and failure play over and over. These tapes are implanted in the subconscious during childhood by others.

Many people with C-PTSD do not realize that they have actual trauma that is the same as PTSD which was caused at multiple ages and multiple circumstances.

Many people who have mental illness like depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder had chaotic, traumatic, abusive or emotionally devaluing childhoods.

People with depression have organic differences in their brains which can be seen with brain scans like an MRI. Certain parts of the brain that are supposed to light up to show activity, do not light up.

Depression can also co-exist with anxiety disorders. The sensations of imminent threat that occur with PTSD and CPTSD, can be felt alongside of depression and loneliness.

Sometimes it can be hard to differentiate one feeling from another. It can be helpful to people to be able to identify what sensations they are feeling.

Sometimes looking at the feelings and figuring out what is based on current circumstances and what is from early programming can help.

People with disorders of depression often feel lonely because they are unable to find people to understand their illness. Being disbelieved and invalidated can open up old wounds from childhood.

Some people are unaware that they had any abuse or emotional trauma because it happened at a very young age. The brain stores memories differently before the age of five.

Conditions like depression and toxic loneliness are no less painful than other illnesses. Unfortunately many people are not empathetic about invisible illnesses.

Your reality and your experience with suffering is your own, and it is valid. Healing can begin with validating yourself and being open to the root causes of your feelings. 

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. scienceofbeingblog
    Mar 19, 2016 @ 02:56:51

    Wonderful post! Thank You for the insights and very relevant information. So many of us experience some measure of loneliness and depression at one time or another, yet we don’t seem to understand it or even recognize it in others! Very interesting.

    Like

    Reply

  2. maxinesusanallen
    Mar 19, 2016 @ 08:49:03

    Great post really hope people read and share. Mental well being needs to be spoke about. It needs the stigma to be removed and openness to take its place.

    Like

    Reply

  3. emergingfromthedarknight
    Mar 20, 2016 @ 02:18:25

    A very profound post so well articulated..lonliness sets us up with a deep hunger. Due to not knowing what we didnt receive because we had no nurture is a profoundly painful and difficult state to live in…deep wordless depression we attempt to fill in unhealthy ways with unhealthy people…its a set up for narcissistic abuse…this is such valuable information..Thank you for your depth sensitivity and wisdom..♡

    Like

    Reply

  4. emergingfromthedarknight
    Mar 20, 2016 @ 02:19:40

    Reblogged this on Emerging From The Dark Night and commented:
    An extremely articulate and wise post from a very sensitive blogger.

    Like

    Reply

  5. mychildwithin
    Mar 20, 2016 @ 05:23:10

    Reblogged this on my child within.

    Like

    Reply

  6. andreabehindglass
    Mar 20, 2016 @ 10:54:39

    Thank you for posting this! It really helps to be able to step back from emotions and put them in context like this: This has helped a lot! xx

    Like

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      Mar 20, 2016 @ 15:59:08

      Thank you for your comment. I am glad the post was helpful. Stepping outside of the inner chatter to observe it, can help to see it in a different perspective.

      We have to walk through our pain, but our thoughts can be questioned as to their truthfulness. We have to differentiate which thoughts are ours and which ones were programmed into us by others.

      All negative thoughts about ourselves, were fed to us by others, and repeated to us so many times that we think they came from our own brain. While pain ftom experiencing these negative thoughts must be walked through, we can rewire the thoughts themselves.

      Much love,
      Annie

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: