Feeling Lost – Stream of Consciousness Writing

lost

image from Pinterest – source here 

.

If you are feeling lost in the world it does not mean there is something wrong with you. People around you may not get you. They may not be able to see the world the way you do.

.

Some people have a different perspective on themselves and on the world around them. If you are more abstract minded than concrete or superficial minded then you are in the minority and there are less people who can see things the way you do. 

.

Perhaps your thoughts wander to wanting to know what the meaning of life really is…why we are here…why there is suffering in the world. You want to know there is a greater purpose to living than just existing to work and pay the bills. You feel manipulated and controlled too much by the system and by others who tell you what is good for you…or what you “should” be doing. 

.

If you are open minded and have a “searching” type of mind, then people may bore you or frustrate you. You are not always interested in their conversations, and they think that your thoughts are unnecessary or bothersome to them. 

.

You might feel lost because your past was different from other people you know. If you grew up with any kind of abuse or chaos, then the way you feel is probably different than other people. Certain things bother you and it is hard to explain why.

.

lost girl

image source here

Depression and anxiety disorders often happen to people who come from emotional abuse or neglect.

You may have tried to talk to people about this only to find that they do not understand.

.

You have tried to pretend you are normal, but you never fit in. You always feel like you re struggling to find the “normal” things to say. But when you pretend to be normal, it does not make you feel good.

.

The feeling that you are different is always nagging at the back of your brain. 

.

lost man

image source here

.

C-PTSD is Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

.

This is PTSD that accumulated in layers, over time, during situations where you felt entrapped. Growing up with the feeling that you have to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself, can cause C-PTSD. 

.

If you are living under a constant feeling of threat of abuse, or shaming, your brain has to fight back somehow. The amygdala, which controls the fight or flight mode begins to go into a state of hypervigilance. Your brain is on constant alert for things that are threatening to hurt you.

.

If you have C-PTSD from your childhood then it is natural that you feel different from other people. Toxic shame from programming that others put into your brain, can be carried into adulthood. 

.

You may see reality and your place in the world differently than other people. They cannot relate to how you feel, or the things you think about. If you feel this way, it can be hard to understand where you fit into the world…and you end up feeling lost…

.

Just because you are different, does not mean that you do not belong in the world. If everyone where the same, the world would be boring. Special people are able to do special things that other people can not do. 

.

If you are misunderstood by the people around you then it can be difficult to understand where you belong. There are many people that feel lost, but they are spread out and do not always see each other, even when they do run into each other. 

.

.lost man bl

image source here

.

You are not alone and there is a place for you in the world.

.

No one is here by mistake and no one is a mistake. There are people who will target you because you feel different, and they will use that against you. This may end up making you feel like self isolating. 

.

People that feel lost, will often resort to self-isolating, especially when they feel depressed.

.

Anxiety disorder often go along with C-PTSD. Living with anxiety over a long period of time can be draining. Anxiety and depression can occur together. One can lead to the other. 

.

I understand that this is a rambling kind of post. I am tired and I am going to choose not to edit this. It may be rambling but I am going to leave it the way it came out. The main idea is that I wanted to reach out to the lost souls who feel that they do not belong anywhere. 

.

I wanted to reach out to the lost people who are still trying to find their way home. The ones who still have hope that they will find home one day and find where they belong….and those that have lost hope. 

.

There are other lost souls and every one is special in some way. There is something important about being different and not wanting to be something you are not. You want to feel authentic and to be yourself, and there is nothing wrong with that. You should be true to your authentic self. 

.

If you have C-PTSD from childhood abuse, the  you were trained to keep your true self covered up and your thoughts to yourself. You had too many years of feeling that you were not accepted for who you are. Your authentic self is valid and should be heard and seen. 

.

I am going to leave this stream of consciousness now and enter a new realm of consciousness…sleep.

.

Good night… to all those who feel lost or out of place. You are worthy of love and acceptance. 

.

The answers you seek are all around you…and within you…You just have to seek them and ask the right questions.

 


 

13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. emergingfromthedarknight
    Apr 06, 2016 @ 07:32:31

    Beautiful post, Annie. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  2. atribeuntangled
    Apr 06, 2016 @ 10:33:52

    I loved waking up to read your before sleep stream of consciousnes. Thank You and hoping you get some restful sleep. Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. breakdownchick
    Apr 06, 2016 @ 13:46:46

    Thank you for your beautiful “rambling” ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Raign
    Apr 06, 2016 @ 20:18:15

    Thank u. A syncronistic post lead me here. Just encountered one of the most jossling experiences of my lifetime because i had just learned to fly above the lifetime of cptsd and was taken out of flight by someone i had learned to trust. It has lead to another journey in understanding the deeper-deeper meanings of childhood pain not in myself but in others and accepting that many of us are who we are because we felt scared and as if there was no safe place in this world for us as children.
    Im in tears and i thank u humbly for the authentic, non-edited post. It is helpful to know others are out there, who are different and constantly edited out of fear.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. helentastic67
    Apr 07, 2016 @ 09:14:17

    Annie! Don’t know if you have since edited this but I read every word! Really great read. Looking forward to chat on FB!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. sepultura13
    Apr 10, 2016 @ 00:54:09

    Thank you for this post…it summed up how I feel at times. Rambling posts are good, I think!
    🙂

    Like

    Reply

  7. Malctg - The Foureyed Poet.
    Apr 24, 2016 @ 02:14:08

    Hi gentlekindness. One day at a time and write the only was i survive! Thank you for liking my poem Distant Horizon! Peace and Best Wishes. The Foureyed Poet.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: