Who Are You Really?

This concept of “supposed to” …is a brainwashing by society. It keeps people functioning on autopilot like drones.

“Supposed to”…keeps people in abusive marriages.

“Supposed to”….makes children hide bruises their parents put on them, and lie about how their patents actually talk to them…(scream at them)

“Good wives” …are “supposed to” …stand by their husbands…”no matter what”.

There’s another 2 dangerous brainwashing phrases.

“Good…are sipposed to…

” Good wives do this…”

“Good daughters protect their mother’s image and reputation…”no matter what”…..(even if she is abusive behind closed doors)

“Good citizens work 9 to 5 and don’t complain about their job, even if they are miserable”

“Good people”…accept the roles they are expected to do. …accept the identity forced on them by their family…

“Good men”…do what is “expected of them by others”

You can be a good person, and still be living life the way you want to. As long as you are not hurting other people….( the relatives that say you hurt them by living your own life don’t count as “hurting people”)

Other people do not live inside of your body, and they do not have to experience the consequences of your choices. They live their own lives, and they make their own choices.

If you experienced in-going emotional abuse, or emotional neglect as a child….

If you lived with a narcissistic parent…

If your parent was an alcoholic or addicted to substances…

If your world growing up, had no room for being able to express and deal with your own needs and feelings. Β ..

Then you probably have C-PTSD, from abuse that was on-going, and you were entrapped in the situation.

What’s worse…is if the abusive parent…or the enabler parent…told you they loved you…and that their behavior of shutting you down, when you tried to express your needs, was a loving act.

Abuse that is disguised as love or concern for the victim, is more harmful. It is gaslighting, and it confuses the reality of the victim. It causes PTSD .

So, many survivors of childhood abuse, have C-PTSD as adults. There are “emotional flashbacks” that suddenly cause you to feel fear, sadness or anger.

You were conditioned to focus your attention on the narcissistic parent. Your needs and feelings were of no consequence.

The result of years of this kind of mind manipulation, can often be the emergence of “People Pleaser Syndrome.”

This explains why you might believe those conditioned phrases like “Good girls don’t disagree with their family”….or “real men stay in the relationship…or the job they are in …..even if tbey are miserable.

Why?

Because…. “your feelings don’t matter.”

If you were conditioned to ignore your own inner guide, that leads you in the direction that is best for you…then you may not even know how to feel, or hear, or interact with that guide.

Your inner voice wants to guide you in directions toward being supported, following your passion….and away from the pain.

You have been conditioned to fear tbe anger and dissapointment of others as a real threat. But the conditioning you experienced can be re-wired.

“People Pleaser Syndrome” does not really protect you.

It is an illusion.

People who expect you to sacrifice your own dreams for their agenda, are not really your friends….and they are crossing your personal boundaries.

Why?

Because no one taught you anout how to set healthy boundaries, or told you that it is perfectly okay to say “no” to someone…as long as you are not hurting them.

Their claim that your making your own choices, and becoming independent of them, is invalid. Narcissistic parents love to make their adult children feel shame and guilt for “going against them.”

In healthier families, the adult children are treated with respect and dignity…..not made to “be a good son”…..and do what is expected of you by the family.

These patterns can become embedded in the subconscious mind. Then it becomes easy for any narcissist you come acrods, during your life, to manipulate you with shame, guilt, or by attacking your integrity or self esteem.

I am not encouraging you to be bad person. But simply this..

You have the right to decide what “good” means to you…

You have the right to choose who to help…and who to say..”no” ..to.

You can begin to hear and feel that inner guide that wants you to listen to it.

Your true feelings can guide you and allow you to follow your core values. It is the path that matters, more than the individual goals.

So….

Be a “good woman.

Be a “good man.”

Be a “good multi-faceted, spiritual being, that is living a life here on the earth”

Be authentic.

Practice saying no.

Pay attention to your feelings, and honor them, by choosing paths that align with those feelings.

Be yourself! πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ‡πŸ‡πŸ’•πŸ’œπŸ’•πŸ’œπŸ’πŸ’œπŸ’πŸ’•πŸ‡πŸ’πŸΌπŸ£πŸ‘»πŸ’•πŸ’œπŸ’•

 

16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DaisyWillows
    May 10, 2016 @ 21:26:33

    Chapeux! ties in with what I have been ranting about in some small way. πŸ˜€

    Like

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  2. acquiescent72
    May 10, 2016 @ 21:27:53

    A few months ago I had an appointment with my therapist and we were discussing the concept of “should of” and she explained to me that “should” is a form of self-judgement and if I kept that standard on myself, eventually I will wake up and see that I should all over myself… πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • gentlekindness
      May 11, 2016 @ 05:44:08

      Self judgement is conditioned into you. Severe self judgement usually is running mental tapes of things that we heard growing up.

      You can visit the web site for more information gentlekindnesscoaching.com
      Or the facebook page.

      Thank you for sharing.
      Sending peace and healing,
      AnnieπŸ’•πŸ’πŸ‡

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  3. lynettedavis
    May 10, 2016 @ 22:51:19

    This is such an on point post. Whenever someone says someone “should” be this or “should” do that, it is definitely a form of manipulation, and it’s always for the benefit of that person. It always fits their agenda, enforcing the fact that your feelings don’t even fit into the equation, while it slowly kills us like poison, destroying us from the inside. This is a good argument for therapy so we can begin to understand how these tactics work against us and begin the process of unlearning them.

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    • gentlekindness
      May 11, 2016 @ 05:41:33

      πŸ’•πŸ’œThank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts. This topic has been on my mind a lot, because it keeps coming up with my coaching clients. I am working through these issues with people.

      It is great to see how their self esteem grows, when they begin to re-wire their neural pathways, and re-write over top of the false beliefs that were conditioned into them.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  4. Diana
    May 11, 2016 @ 01:04:02

    So many excellent points made here and twice as many I could relate to. Especially the parts about feelings and being your authentic self. Who would have guessed it would have been so hard. But it’s not so easy to build a strong house, when you come with broken parts. Thank you for this one. Validation is a beautiful thing.

    Like

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  5. A.Dreamer
    May 11, 2016 @ 02:50:19

    I love this! It describes pretty much what and how I feel right now! πŸ’œ

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  6. yourenotaloneinthisworld
    May 11, 2016 @ 17:41:08

    Yes!!! Love this postπŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸ½πŸ‘πŸΎπŸ‘πŸΏ

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. wanderingtrance
    Aug 31, 2016 @ 06:08:34

    Almost every word you said are things I’m coming to terms with now, in just the last few days. For years I’ve had what I thought were ‘mood swings’ but were really anxiety attacks that eventually turned into panic attacks because I denied these feelings. I pressed a smile on to my face when really I was SCREAMING on the inside. Then i’d go home exhausted not knowing why. Because it was never ok to have feelings in my household, because ‘mommy is hurting you because she loves you’. AYE. Thank you for sharing,

    Like

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