abusive relationships, addiction, affirmations, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anxiety, arthritis, depression, emotional abuse, emotional trauma, emotional wounds, empowerment, enlightenment, fibromayalgia, healing, Healing after abuse, health and wellness, Healthy lifestyle, mental illness

Take a Walk with me….




Skin pealing


Back pain


Hang nails


Pink eye


Hair loss

Things our higher spiritual self does not have to deal with.

No wonder we become distracted, redirected and forgetful about being in touch with our higher consciousness level selves.

We can’t even call them on the cell phone, never mind ask them to relate to what we go through.

Getting into a higher level state requires detaching from our  physical selves. It is like ignoring the squeakiest wheel. ….and as we know, the squeaky wheel gets the attention.

We can have wonderful intentions of growing towards a higher consciousness level and then we develop some new pain or disorder…whether mental or physical.

We are subjected to all manner of mind control and persuasion techniques by society and the manipulators within it. And our bodies take more and more of a beating as we age.

Beating yourself up over not being able to get yourself out of your physical self and into a spiritual state, is another beating you should not have to endure.

It is effectually a beating of the consciousness by the consciousness…

A beating of the sub conscious by the sub conscious….

A beating of the mind by itself.

It is a paradox that you must accept the pains without the ego being involved because becoming one with higher consciousness means letting go of and identity with the self….yet repressing feelings about suffering only makes the suffering grow.

So we have to accept the inner child in order to heal…accept suffering as part of existing in the physical realm….sit with our pain to comfort it to ease it….walk through painful experiences to get to the light on the other side….and detach from the ego and identifying with our identity in order to achieve a higher consciousness…..

Yet in detaching from our ego we are acknowledging our identity with it…..so we first have to recognize the ego as a construct that is heavily influenced by brainwashing, false beliefs programmed into us, and manipulative people with their own agendas to serve..

We then can understand that many of our automatic  thoughts and attachments come out of this programming. …making the majority of the tapes running in our subconscious mind basically bad viruses…..and our conscious negative thoughts results of the viruses…..

Then we can begin to understand that We Are Not Our Thoughts….

Once we begin to accept that we are not our thoughts, we can open the subconcious mind to new formatting….better programming….we can alter and add new beliefs…and delete contaminated beliefs…..

A new understanding begins to arise at the back of our brains where those core beliefs are housed….that if our thoughts are not us, then we can observe our thoughts and evaluate their validity….

Holding onto beliefs that no longer serve us is not neccessary. We will not simply stop being ourselves by changing our core beliefs. It is the attachment to those addictive beliefs and thought patterns that keeps us controlled by others….and by our physical existance…..

We are not, in fact, the sum of our thoughts. We can rearrange the furniture in our brains that we call our thoughts. Rearranging the furniture, throwing out old pieces, adding new pieces that better serve our house….

The house remains, even when the things inside are altered.

So who is doing the altering and rearranging? It is not our physical selves….It is not our thoughts that are observing themselves….

Once we begin to realize this, then we catch a glimpse of what is doing the observing….It is not within the brain or the physical body….

It is that higher self…the higher consciousness….that can be awakened to observe and repair the subconscious …where suffering is at its roots….

Thoughts about suffering seem to create more suffering…and fear that the suffering will get worse….or continue to last is the root of the most painful mental and physical suffering.

Yet somehow you are beginning to suspect the most curious thing of all….that by entering this kind of trance….the one you have allowed your mind to enter while reading this….you were able to detach from your physical suffering for a few minutes…..

And so we took the journey together….just you and I….in a higher realm of consciousness….






abusive relationships, addiction, adult children of alcoholics, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, alcoholism, anxiety attack, chronic fatigue, chronic illness, chronic pain, Chronic pain and mental illness, depression, emotional abuse, emotional healing, empowerment, healing from abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, health and wellness, insomnia, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, mindfulness, narcissistic abuse, panic attack, self love, self-esteem, self-help

Self Love and Restoring Balance

Life needs balance. Our bodies are systems of balance. We need a balanced diet or we become sick.

We need balance between work and play, rest and activity, and focus vs. relaxaxing the mind.

We need balance between socializing and time to ourselves. Too much of any one thing throws off something else that is equally important.

Our physical and mental health are dependent upon this critical balance.

We should not negect nature for technology. Nor should we forget about our family and friends because we become too focused on work.

The reverse of any of these statements is also true. We should not neglect our work, our dreams and our vision for our family.

It is a constant struggle to keep things in balance. Every physical problem has to do with something being neglected for the sake of something else.

On-going, extreme imbalance will cause disease, illness, fatigue, and a lack of wellness.

Ancient Chinese medicine was based on the idea of sickness and disease being the result of imbalance. This was an entire system of trying to connect certain health problems with particular imbalances.

The ancient Chinese medicine developers believed that by identifying imbalances early, you can prevent serious illness and diseases.

There are entire health arts related to identifying imbalances, and restoring imbalance in the body. Acupressure, acupuncture, yoga are all about restoring and maintaining the fine balamces within the body.

These arts also restore balance between the mind and the body. It is clear that physical health is intimately intertwined with mental and emotional health.

At any given time, something is bound to be in an imbalance. Our goal should be to look at imbalances if we feel like something is wrong.

Moderate to severe mental health problems can be your body’s way of communicating to you that it needs something. It could be that something is in starvation.

We can become emotionally starved for love and compassion. We can become starved for physical touch.

Emotional starvation can cause every system in the body to suffer. The mind will suffer as well and cognitive processes will slow down.

We were also made to be able to think and create. Being stuck in a routine job and living on autopilot can cause imbalance in your life.

We were made to have a balance, which includes variety and change, as well as the comfort of some predictability.

Remembering the importance of balance will help you to be able to identify and restore balamce to yourself. It is also something useful to pass down to your children or teach others.

Whenever you feel like you are having trouble keeping up with something in your life, or that something is being neglected, see what might be drinking too much energy and time from you.

If something is being neglected, it is due to something else taking too much of your time and energy. We do not always want to admit what that something is.

Even if you are not ready to make a dramatic change, yoi may be able to make smaller ones. Without change we cannot move forward.

Staying stuck in the same unhealthy routine will slowly starve your body and your mind.

Accept your tre self and nurture yourself without judgement. Restoring balance is not about self judgement. It is about self love.

addiction, domestic abuse, emotional abuse, emotional healing, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, narcissist, narcissistic abuse

Keeping Sane After an Abusive Relationship

love is calm

This is an important one. Love is calm and understanding. There is no reason for someone who really loves you to rage at you. There is no reason for them to give you communication that is confusing  or hurtful.

Saying cruel words to someone, in order to make them feel bad, so that they can be manipulated, is not love. Having battles of who is better at what, who is right, who is in charge…none of this is love.

We love our friends and we support them. We may point something out for their own good, if they are heading down a dangerous road. That is our job as a friend.

If someone reacts to this kindness of your offering a different perspective about them and their situation, in a violent angry manner…this is not love either.

If your partner is telling you his opinions about something and then gets angry or calls you stupid when you offer your opinion..this is not love. Someone should value your intelligence and respect your right to have an opinion. They should also appreciate when you offer words of guidance that are given with care and not judgement.

When someone seems to have one set of rules for themselves and a different set for you and other people….this is a Red Flag of an abuser.

If they can come home whenever they wish and not call you to let you know they are running late…but you get raged at for not checking in every hour with them….this is abuse.

Narcissistic abuse becomes like a two person cult. They control you and they manipulate your perception of reality. The aftermath of this cult like abuse, is severe. It takes a long time to begin to regain your perspective of reality, your self esteem and your confidence to move forward.

If you are in the aftermath stage of an abusive relationship here are a few things I have learned that I offer in kindness and no judgement.

1. Do not do anything RASH. Major life decisions should be left until you are more mentally stable. The abuse caused you to develop some mental illness which needs to be tended to. Making major life decisions life moving to another state or getting engaged or married to someone else during this period are ill advised. Wait several months first.

2. Pay particular attention to your health, even when you do not feel like. Make eating, exercising and keeping a proper sleep routine like a prescription. Do it as if a dr, prescribed it for you. Be consistent as much as possible. Eat out of all four food groups, even if it is small portions because you have no appetite.

Your immune system can easily crash from the stress that your brain is putting on your body. Be your own parent and tell yourself when and what to eat, take your vitamins and get rest.

3. Try not to isolate for too long. At the very beginning you may have to isolate because the damage is so severe that you cannot interact with anyone. During that period, at least interact with other abuse survivors on line.

After a few weeks, you need to get out of the house. Staying in the cave will add to your feelings of devastation. Get out to places where you can interact with some people. It does not have to a bar. In fact , the bar is ill advised.

Go places where you like the activity. Comic book shop, bowling, swimming, library, book store, cafe…and say hi to people and have some conversation. It will help you to begin to  adapt back into the regular world, that is not like the cult you were in.

4. Learn. Read, watch youtube videos and talk to survivors about narcissistic abuse and how to heal. The more you learn, the better you can put things into perspective.

5. NLP training. Learn about NLP. You can use some of the techniques on yourself, but it is even better if you get a life coach or a therapist trained in narcissistic victim abuse syndrome. I will write some posts about NLP and you can learn more about it in the next couple of weeks. I am studying to be an NLP practitioner at this time.

6. Self love. You must begin to love yourself again. Take care of yourself like you are your own parent, life coach, therapist, friend etc.

7. Seek help when needed. You may get a few weeks of therapy or life coaching and then you are fine for a month or two. Suddenly you can relapse or crash back into a depression or severe anxiety. You may think. well I already got help. No, if you need help again then you need help again. There is no shame in needing help.

8. Be careful about who helps you. No one who has not been victimized by a narcissist or a psychopath can really understand. Anyone who you confide in should have been through it and has time to recover their sanity. People who do not understand narcissistic abuse will re-traumatize you by telling you that you are exaggerating, paranoid or lying about the abuse. People just cannot understand this experience if they have not been through it. You will sound really crazy to them and the abuse is invisible so they will not see what your problem is.

9. No Contact

no contact

10. Learn to set boundaries


abnormal psychology, addiction, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, depression, health and wellness, life, mental health, mental illness

Compassion for Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

People who suffer from borderline personality disorder usually come from a traumatic and abusive childhood, where there was rejection, abandonment and an overall lack of feeling safe. People with borderline have an ingrained feeling of being worthless and unlovable. 

The idea of intimacy is frightening to people with BPD, because they never had unconditional  love in their early relationships with the adults who were supposed to be caring for them. They have a history of being betrayed at the most vulnerable level.

Why should someone trust a person, when they are sure that they are going to be hurt by making themselves vulnerable?

If you are dealing with a loved one with BPD, it is a good start to let them know that you understand why they would have trouble allowing themselves to be vulnerable.  You understand that they were conditioned by their past trauma, not to open themselves up to trust other people’s intentions.

Babies and children are vulnerable and cannot care for themselves. Parents and caregivers are supposed to create an environment where children feel safe and loved. 

Mental abuse in the form of  “I do not love you when you do that”  or  “I will only  love you when you do what I expect”  is very damaging to the psychological make-up of an impressionable child. 

Borderline personality disorder is usually a reaction to needing to survive in an unfriendly, unpredictable environment. One day certain behaviors were worthy of love and another day the very same behaviors were punished.

 Often the borderline child, was the result of a narcissistic parent. Narcissists change the rules as they feel it suits them. They demand complete obedience of the child and withhold love from their child, when the narcissist feels that the child is a threat of any kind

Narcissists perceive many things as a threat from their children and teenagers including:

1. refusal to obey rules

2. failure to know when the rules have changed, even if the parent has not made the new rules clear

3. The child having opinions that are different from the narcissistic parent

4. Acts of free thinking, independence and autonomy of the child or teenager

5. Interacting with friends that the narcissist has not approved of

6. Pointing out things that are unfair

7. Standing up for themselves against the narcissist

8. Anything that the narcissistic parent did not approve for them to do ahead of time

9. Anything that the narcissist perceives as disrespect

The borderline is usually  brought up in fear of retaliation of the parent. They were also brought up in fear of emotional abandonment, due to the silent treatment and other tactics of the parent.  They may also have been in fear of physical abuse, if the parent was displeased with them.

Unconditional love is difficult for the borderline person to believe and to trust.. They were brought up that love and affection is conditional, based on how “good” they were. 

There is also that feeling of being unworthy. This feeling of unworthiness comes from being made to feel that way, by the actions of the parent. The parent also may have told them that they were worthless, stupid, unlovable and a burden to the parent.

Jerold Kreisman, M.D. is the  author and developer of the S.E.T communications theory. She developed this method of helping borderline patients because the borderline people were not responding to traditional  Talk Therapy. They had trouble feeling that the therapist could be trusted because they have a general feeling that people do not want to help them.

Her theory is outlined in the book  I Hate You – Don’t Leave Me

“Essentially, the S.E.T. communication pattern was developed by Jerold J. Kreisman, MD and Hal Straus for their book I Hate You–Don’t Leave Me.(link is external)

It consists of a three step communications sequence in which the non-BP first offers support to their borderline loved one(“I want you to be happy”); empathy (“I can see how lonely you can get when I go out with my friends”); and the non-BP’s truth; (“At the same time, having friends around gives me great joy, and I need some time with them to feel fully rounded.”) Psychology Today

The SET stands for three steps.

The S stands for SUPPORT.  The E stands for EMPATHY. The T stands for TRUTH.

SUPPORT The idea of support is to reassure the person that you truly want to be supportive and helpful to them. You can remind them that you think they are worthy of care and compassion.

EMPATHY –  The idea of showing them empathy is to create a feeling of trust. The borderline does not feel heard or understood. You have to let them know that you realize that they have pain. Validate and empathize with them about whatever they are feeling. Perhaps tell them that you can understand how they feel and that you might have the same feelings, if you were in their shoes.

TRUTH This one is about helping the borderline person to see the difference between reality and things they may be feeling that are from trauma. It is also about helping them to see what their behavior is, if it is inappropriate or hurtful to others and what the consequences might be if they continue to behave this way.

This method is one of compassion and it has been helpful to some people. Everyone will not respond to this method. If they are too rigid and stuck in their black and white thinking , then it may not work. The person must be willing to try to see things in a different way.

The idea is to get them to realize that it is possible that their perceptions are not always accurate, but they are based on past trauma. If they can accept this idea, then this method seems to be a very good one.

I personally like the concept of this method and I think it could be helpful in dealing with other mental illnesses. Anyone that sometimes has trouble telling the difference between reality and perceptions that are coming from past trauma, could be helped by this.



* please note that some people have borderline personality disorder,  and other people are co-morbid between BPD and NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).   If you are being abused by the person ,  and they have the red flags of narcissism, you may be best to protect yourself and get out of the relationship. At least do some research on abusive personalities, to become more aware of what you are dealing with.

addiction, compassion, life, mental health, mental health blog, mental illness, mental illness blog

Taking Care of Depression and Soul Damage

Things I do to Help Myself When I am in Depression

1. E-Cigs...I buy them a Quantum Vapor. You can also get the supplies online HERE . I actually like visiting the Quantum Vapor shop. It is a strange little shop with people sitting at the bar, hanging out and smoking e-cigs. They have a whole giant menu of flavors of e-liquid (liquid nicotine that you pour into your e-cig)

I find the e-cigs help with anxiety and calm me. You can sit in the shop at the bar or on one of the couches or bean bag chairs. There is a TV and people do not bother you. You can sit peacefully and feel semi social but not be bugged. If you want to chat then you sit at the bar. It looks like a regular bar or like a juice bar.

This is a way for me to  get our of the house but I do not feel anxiety in this particular place, even when I am having social anxiety everywhere else  I go.

2. Ted Talks. I like Ted Talks because they are inspiring and also you can learn about the brain and hear people’s stories. I find that anything that gets my brain working helps, especially learning about the brain itself. When you watch talks about how the brain works, you realize that it does have certain patterns and behaviors. There are neurons that wire themselves certain ways, based on your behavior and experiences.

3. Music. There are songs that speak to the pain in my past. Some songs remind me too much of  traumatic things because they were playing at the time of the trauma. But there are other songs that speak of the same experiences that I have gone through. They help you to feel the pain of it and also feel validated because the person that wrote the song felt that same thing.

What is your list of songs that speak to your soul?

Other songs speak of feeling depressed or broken but there is an element of hope to them.


Other songs give me a different feeling. When I am recovering from a break up, there is a certain list of songs that I need to hear. This is when I get to the point of the anger. After the shock, sadness and grief, you get to a point of anger and then you can begin to come up and out of your pit of darkness that the Fuc#%er threw you into..

Here are my…I am back damnit..I am getting back on my feet in spite of you….songs

Coming Out of the Anger Into Forgiveness and Acceptance. This is the PERFECT Breakup Song of all Time !

Then when I am ready to fight the world again…I LOVE THIS SONG !!!!!!

Time for believing in myself and that  I deserve RESPECT…then along comes Aretha Franklin to kick ass with this song !

Then I have a list of Women’s Empowerment Songs. When I am feeling disempowered, these songs help to give me the feeling of empowerment again…

4. Blogging- writing out things and connecting with compassionate people is great !

addiction, domestic abuse, domestic violence, mental abuse, mental illness

Gaslighting, Domestic Abuse and Cluster B Personality Disorders

Gaslighting is often thought of most often as a technique used by narcissists to control their partners and control them. It is an insidious tactic that when exposed to over time, can erode a person’s perception of reality. The victim will begin to question their own memories and ability to understand reality.

The victim can be left with a confusion about what was real during the relationship and what was not. They do not trust their own memories about what occurred during the relationship. During the relationship this confusion of the victim. allows the abuser to control what the person believes.

It may be important for you to realize that gaslighting is not just a tactic of narcissistic personality disorder. It is also used by abusers that have borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and antisocial personality (psychopaths).

*This does not mean that all people with borderline or histrionic personality disorders are abusers.  Gaslighting is just something that can occur with a person who is  abusive, and who happens to have one of these disorders.

The DSM-V,  Axis II Cluster B group personality disorders

Cluster B: “Emotional/Impulsive”. Dramatic behavior.

301.50 Histrionic personality disorder

301.81 Narcissistic personality disorder

301.70 Antisocial personality disorder

301.83 Borderline personality disorder

 Reference http://n-continuum.blogspot.com/2008/09/


I am in the midst of doing research on the Cluster B personalities and how they manifest themselves when the person is an abuser. If you feel that you are in a relationship with an abuser of any kind, get out. It is most important to get out first, then figure out what personality disorders they had, if you need to.

Do not stay with someone, just to figure them out. If you feel like you are being abused in any way, including mental abuse, then you probably are. The fact that you may be questioning whether or not what you are experiencing is abuse, can be due to gaslighting. If this is the case, you may not be in a position to interpret every behavior of the person, until you are out of the relationship.

If you feel bad around the person, confused about what is happening, afraid or controlled by someone, then you need to get away from them. If for some reason you feel that are trapped in the situation for the time being, then begin to plan your way out.

The longer you stay in any gaslighting situation, the more your mind will be twisted, and your resilience to leave will be broken down.

I will write more posts about these disorders. I am in the process right now, of going over the events in my own past relationships to understand what really happened.

If you have been in abusive relationships in the past and you still feel that your mental health is being affected, it may help for you to learn more about the disorders.

By educating yourself,  you can understand what happened to you and that you were not the crazy one, even though you may have felt that way. It is very common to feel like you are as mentally ill as your abuser was, once you are out of the relationship.

Gaslighting has a very powerful effect on the mind and can carry over into your life, after the abuse is over.

 The more you understand about these disorders, the better you can protect yourself from ending up in another abusive relationship. You do not want to go through abuse of any kind, ever again. However, once we are primed for being abused, it can occur again.

The brain needs to be retrained to understand what to see and how to perceive it. If you are still in a state of questioning your own perceptions about reality, please do the work to heal your brain, before going into another relationship.

After abuse, there is time needed to assimilate what happened to you and what things about your past attracted you to the abuser.  Abusers cannot lead just anyone into a relationship.

Most of us who have been abused, have some mental trauma from our childhood that set us up for abuse. This can be childhood abuse or past domestic abuse.

Doing research about abuse can help to protect you against future predators. There are things that we became desensitized to as a child. We may not  process things that are familiar to us as abuse. Some of the red flags of abuse are things that we are attracted to but we should not be.

It is only in learning more about ourselves that we can understand what is attracting us to certain types of behaviors, or what is not repelling us from certain behaviors. There are early signs that can alert you, before the actual abuse begin to occur.  There are behavioral patterns and personality characteristics that you can learn to be on alert for.

One of the reasons we missed the red flags was because we had never heard of  (or never studied) narcissistic personality disorder and gaslighting. We were not aware that there are people who actually act like someone who they are not…people who lie about events that conversations that you had with each other…people who lie about how they feel about you…..

Education and some mental rewiring can protect us from the next abuser who attempts to gain entry into our minds and our lives. 

acoa, addiction, adult children of abuse, adult children of alcoholics, alcoholism, anxiety, anxiety attack, battered women, bipolar, bipolar disorder, child abuse, depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, therapy for mental disorders

Being Able to Speak About Our Mental Illness or History of Abuse

Some people with mental illness speak freely about it and others are afraid to speak. Many of us have issues of mental illness because we were traumatized and mentally abused. It may have occurred during early childhood and is so far back that we do not really remember. There may be clear memories of some type of trauma or abuse during childhood.

We may have sustained psychological injury at the hands of an abusive partner during adulthood. Often times people are abused in childhood and then end up choosing partners who abuse them also. Not that we know that in the beginning. NO one hooks up with an abusive partner on purpose. They are often very charming and seemingly sweet at the beginning of the relationship.

If we were psychologically injured as children, then we were also probably conditioned that we do not speak of such things. There is secrecy and guilt built into those early relationships. We were taught that we do not talk about abuse, feelings about what goes on on our homes and to keep everything inside.

I remember Pat Benatar’s song “Hell is for Children” and she sings “Be Daddy’s good girl and don’t tell Mommy a thing. Be a good little boy and you’ll get a new toy. Tell Grandma you fell off the swing”

Very powerful lyrics and a great song. This is where the secrecy begins. We are taught that to be “good” means keeping your torment to yourself. Do not involve other people into the situation. Do not talk to people about your problems. Keep everything bottled up.

These behavioral patterns continue into adulthood. They are imprinted onto our brains with big “DON’T TELL” stampers. It is very hard to  break out of the patterns of not talking about things and keeping our “shame” to ourselves. We feel ashamed about what happened to us as children. We feel shame for having chosen an abusive partner.

We do not see other people around us, ending up in these situations. We feel ashamed and guilty. We feel like people will not believe us or that they will judge us. There is a feeling of not wanting to burden another person with our problems. No one wants to hear about MY problems, They are busy with their own problems.

Some of us even have trouble opening up to the family doctor or primary care physician. It can even go so far as not wanting to go to a therapist because we do not think they will  want to listen to. We may not think the therapist or psychiatrist will believe us. Maybe we will not explain our problems properly , in a way that they will understand.

Maybe the psychiatrist will think that his other patients have “real” mental health problems and we are just “faking it” or maybe we are afraid to tell the psychiatrist the whole truth because he never would have met anyone that bad before. Maybe we are the worst one ever and they will decide to commit us to a psychiatric facility.

These feelings have been conditioned into us by abusive people who did not want us to tell on them. They wanted to control us and they did not want to be revealed. Once their game is exposed, they can no longer play.

It is hard to change how we feel, We have ingrained reactions to things. Emotions are associated with anything that triggers memories from past trauma. Even the voice of the therapist sounding like your abusive father’s voice, could send you into post traumatic stress and immediately shut down your ability to communicate with them.

The solution is complex and it takes time to be able to open up to other people about mental illness. Sometimes people will respond in ways that are horrifying to us. Some people treat the mentally ill, the psychologically injured, like they are third class citizens. Like we are not competent , not reliable, not truthful and not worthy.

We already feel a low self esteem and a feeling that we are not as good as other people, if we endured years of mental abuse. If we had to hide things as a child then it is easy to go into that “safety mode” of hiding again.  I put “safety mode” in quotes because it is our old belief system. It was how we survived for years. It was the way we knew that we had to be, in order to avoid further trauma. Not that it kept the abuse from continuing.

It is necessary at some point, for us to open up and speak about our mental illness. We need to speak about our abuse during childhood or our abuse from our ex husband. It is not shameful. Anyone who makes you feel ashamed is not doing the right thing. You should be able to have feelings and thoughts like any other person.

You may have had experiences that are unique and that are so unusual that many people just cannot deal with them and they do not want to hear them. I am not suggesting frightening people or distressing them with your story.

The point is to reach out and find the right people to tell your story to. WordPress is great because we can tell our story here, with an avatar as our picture if we wish. We can be truthful and transparent. It is a healing thing to write about out thoughts and feelings about what has happened to damage us mentally and emotionally.

We are not designed to sustain trauma and keep it locked up inside of us. We are people that need the community of others, We need to be listened to and understood. We must have our feelings validated or we will become more mentally ill.

It is very tricky sometimes to know who is a safe person to talk to and who is not. It is hard to know what part of our story to tell someone and what part to leave out. We are so much in the middle of what is going on in our obsessive, constantly running brains, that we cannot always see the forest through the trees.

Reach out anyway and try to find other humans to talk to. Therapy works for many people, but it is very common for someone to have to try out 2, 3 or even 5 therapists before finding the right one. It is a scary thing to tell a therapist your story, if you are not in the habit of talking about it at all.

I am writing this post in order to validate anyone that has a behavior pattern of never talking about their mental illness or their history of abuse. It may have been the rule of the abusers in our lives that we were not “allowed” to speak of these things, but the times have changed to new times.

If you are, however, still in an abusive situation, please be careful. You do need to be careful who you talk to about the abuser. Call a women’s shelter (or a men’s shelter). Talk to people on wordpress, but be careful to protect your identity.

If we can not speak then we have no voice. If we have no voice then who are we? We lose our identity.

Blessings to all and to all a good night 🙂


addiction, addictive personality, anxiety, depression, mental health, mental illness, ptsd, suicidal ideations, suicidal thoughts, suicude

There is Always Hope

there is always hope annie

Don’t give up! Sometimes things seem hopeless and life feels like it is not worth it. Things will get better. You matter. There is always HOPE!

Much Love,


addiction, addictive personality, anxiety, depression, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, poem, poetry, psychology

Cover me with Roses…poetry for mental healing

Cover me with roses

Cover me with pearls

Turn all of my light off

Let me lie and curl

Cover me with blankets

Cover me with lace

I “breath in”  dark and silence

Dream of elegance and grace

Cover me with solitude

Make the demands all stop

I can’t meet them today

I am all covered

Toe to top

Cover me with blankets

Cover me with pearls

I’m not the one they think

I am a tired little girl

Cover me with nothing

Cover me with all

I am not really here

You will not catch me when I fall

Cover me and leave me

Take sensation all away

The mental torment also

I’ll not come out to play

Cover me with roses

Cover me with pearls

Leave me to my solitude

I am not of the world