Derealization / Depersonalization Disorder Part 2 / Memory Failure

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This is the second part of my posts on derealization / depersonalization disorder. Part 1 can be viewed here.

One thing that I have experienced is a major lack of disorganization of my thoughts.

The thoughts become disorganized, meaning that they do not flow in a logical order. There are pieces of thoughts here and there, that come and then go, and then come back again.

I try to begin with a train of thought and then quickly do not remember where I was going with it. A little later it comes back to me and I can continue on with it for a minute or two, before it is lost again.

Last night I wrote a post from the state of derealization and I will post it next. I had to pause completely in places, to figure out what I was thinking and in those cases I put a “dot dot dot”  … or …Uhg …or something like that and that is where I was stopping to get my brain back together.

risk

The memory fails to function properly. Once in a while I get into a severe anxiety state, that goes into some level of derealization and then my memory just fails. I cannot even remember a simple direction given to me by a coworker.

They will tell me to do something and when I walk down the hall, the memory of what they told me leaves. I don’t just mean that I forget what they told me. I will will actually forget “that” they told me.

I wonder why I am walking that direction down the hall. I make an educated guess as to what I may have been going in that direction for, but I completely have lost the fact that someone gave me a specific task to do.

The harder I try to keep on track, the more nervous I get over the fact that I am not remembering simple directions, the worse my ability to keep track of things gets.

As I mentioned most people that have episodes of the derealization state have trauma of some kind in their past or present. Sometimes situations occur that are too overwhelming and trigger post traumatic stress.

In the case that you are still living with some kind of mental or other abuse, the actual abuse can cause the derealization and / or the depersonalization mode to kick in. Actually, it is more like parts of the grounded brain function are shutting off, than it is like something is kicking in.

out of mind

This can occur to perfectly intelligent and logical people. It is not a sign of lack of intelligence. In fact, the more intelligent, sensitive and creative a person is, the more severely their brain is sometimes affected by mental types of abuse.

The brain keeps attempting to put the abuse into some category of ration and logic. Since it cannot do that, the brain becomes more and more traumatized , as it tried to organize the information surrounding the abuse.

Derealization and depersonalization often goes with another disorder such as bipolar disorder, PTSD, dissociative disorder or a severe anxiety disorder.

Later this afternoon, I will post the writing from the night I was still in the derealization state. I had begun to come out of it enough to be able to write. I talk about what it had been like for me earlier that day.

The worst part of the day had been in the early afternoon. The post was written late that night, while I was still struggling with the symptoms, but I was better than the time of the day that I describe in the post.

Hopefully this will shed some light on this less understood disorder and be of help to people who feel very alone about having this disorder.

I think that most people that experience this, keep it to themselves, for fear of sounding crazy or not being understood. This is also true for me and this is really the first time I have decided to be truthful and transparent about these experiences.

“Those People” with Bipolar Disorder ; Stigma and Misconceptions

There is widespread misconception and stigma about bipolar disorder. Many people have the belief that anyone with bipolar disorder is mentally unbalanced, to the point of not being reliable or trustworthy.

People with bipolar disorder often keep their condition to themselves at work and in certain social situations. There is a reasonable risk of people feeling differently about you, once they find out you have bipolar disorder.

In one documentary I watched, many of the people interviewed, confused bipolar with other mental illnesses like schizophrenia and considered people with bipolar to be out of touch with reality.

When people were asked the initial question of what they knew about bipolar disorder, they began to look somewhat uncomfortable in their body language and facial expression. As they described what they thought they knew about bipolar disorder, they had a detached way of talking about it.

They would say things like  “They get happy one minute and then really angry the next, and then happy again. They are completely unpredictable. Anything can cause them to have a sudden angry outburst.”

The thing that I noticed beyond their words, was the way they kind of detached themselves from people with bipolar, by seeming as though  “those bipolar people” are people that they never interact with.

They had the assumption that it would be very apparent to them that the someone was very mentally ill, if they ever were to run into a bipolar person. The people in the interviews thought that bipolar people were very different from everyone else and that they would not just fit in or blend in with everyone else.

I could feel a real sense of detachment and a wanting to be detached from anyone with bipolar disorder, from many of the people in the interview.  It was clear that a lot of people assume that they never interact with any people that have bipolar disorder.

Since the estimated percentage of people with bipolar disorder is between 2 and 3 percent of the population,  it is likely that most people know someone with bipolar disorder, and that they interact with them at some point, during the course of their day to day lives.

I would venture to say that almost no one could pick out the person who has bipolar disorder, if they were to guess based on personalities and behaviors of the people they know.

Bipolar disorder causes suffering to the person that has it, more than to the people around them There is no reason that you would know that your co-worker has bipolar disorder, unless they chose to tell you. The same goes for your classmates, your waitress, your doctor,your pastor and even your family members.

People with bipolar disorder can to be very kind and compassionate to others, and understanding of people who have pain and suffering. One of the best nurses I know has bipolar disorder. She is far more compassionate to the patients than most of the nurses I have worked with.

If there is a very angry, mean person that you know and try to avoid interacting with, that is probably not the person with bipolar disorder in your life.

The unreliable coworker that you are always covering shifts for because they call out, is probably not the person in your life with bipolar either. We are probably the coworker that is saving your ass, when the other person calls out again.

Enter My Brain at Your Own Risk…Depression and bad thoughts

riskEnter my brain at your own risk

It’s not for the faint of heart

Thoughts that you should never think

And circuits just coming apart

Enter my world if you dare

No one would fault you for not

The ones who have entered before you

Did not always come back to stop

Sometimes we hesitate to reach out for real help from people because we do not feel that they will be able to handle helping us. If we were to be truly transparent to them, it would be too much of a burden. Especially when we are very depressed and thinking thoughts that are dark and disturbing.

It is true that there are many people in our lives that could not handle entering into the world of our minds, at the times when our thoughts are the darkest. There are also people that would not understand,  because the kinds of thought patterns that can occur during severe depression, can be so unusual and unbelievable,  to people that have never had them.

Thoughts of why we should still be living. Thoughts about the worthlessness of our lives, and the pain that feels too much to continue. There many people who are so uncomfortable with hearing thoughts about life and death, that they would ask us not to speak of such things.

Working in healthcare, I have had patients that were suicidal or at least not wanting to live anymore. When they mentioned anything along those lines, the other workers would say the very things that should not be said to someone who is in that state of mind.

1. You don’t really mean that

2. Don’t talk like that

3. You are just trying to get attention

4. Everyone feels depressed sometimes and we don’t go around saying things like that

5. It can’t be that bad

6. It is not that bad

7. You have a good life

8. You would not really do that

9. Don’t say things you don’t mean

The list goes on, but you get the idea. People are so uncomfortable when people say they do not really want to be here anymore, that they say the very things that will shut them down, or worse.

Numbers 8 and 9 above, are almost challenges, to someone who already feels like they no longer want to live. The speaker is not realizing that the person may already have formulated a plan for suicide. The plan may have been acted out in their minds so many times that it would only take a “challenge” like one of those statements, to shift the person from thinking about suicide into the mode of acting upon the already formulated plan.

Suicide can be done quickly and on an impulse. Or it can be carefully planned. All people with depression are certainly not suicidal, but either way, people do not always know how to respond to dark thoughts of any kind, when they hear them.

Some people may react to your opening up to them, in a way that makes you feel shamed. It is like the thought of being worthless, and having no purpose to be here, is a bad behavior. It is an unwanted, outside the norm, unacceptable behavior. Family members may tell you that your saying things like that embarrasses them and not to ever speak of it again.

The problem is there. Sometimes you need to talk to someone about your depression, and no one wants to listen. People want to walk through life and pretend that bad things do not exist. They also do not understand much else than their own particular world will allow.

Severe depression is something that a person needs to talk about with another human. It needs to be heard and the thoughts need to be outside of the person’s head for once.  The longer the dark thoughts go around and around, the more alone the person feels. The lack of anyone to talk to, only increases the feeling that “I do not belong here in the world”

If you already feel alone and afraid then being rejected by someone about your thoughts, makes you feel more alone and more afraid. This is a very sad and lonely place to be. All alone inside your head, with frightening darkness. This is not the way it should be.

. I think that some people are not going to listen to it, no matter what. But everyone is not the same, and there are some people that can handle listening to someone in a deep depression.

I hope that if you are feeling the darkness of depression, that you can find someone who can handle listening to you, better yet sitting with you and listening in a personal way. When there is no one, then we have to find other ways of reaching out, like on wordpress or other online sources.

Depression can be very dark, and being alone in the darkness is  terrible place to be. My thoughts are with anyone who is feeling very depressed now. I wish for you that you can find a safe space to express the thoughts in your mind.

Blessings

Annie

Call My Name Out if You Need Me

Call my name, when you awaken

I will be right by your side

Call my name out

when you are shaken

by some terrible dream in the night

Call my name out loud…

or whisper…

Both are just the same

For when you reach out

to me for help

I will always care the same

Severe Anxiety About Moving Forward, Anyone?

Psychological problems come with thought patterns or tendencies, that are not rational but usually seem very real to us at the time. There are behavioral patterns that have been somehow instilled into our brains.

Here are some tendencies of mine that other people may relate to. I have also seen these tendencies in friends of mine that have mental illness or psychological damage from abuse.

Overgeneralizing :  When a single negative event occurs, my mind will process it as a pattern of defeat that may continue on and on, into the future. I feel like there will be no way out of my problem because the first attempt to fix it went badly.

This is a very difficult habit to break. I assume that it comes out of past situations, where one event was a catalyst for worse trauma to come. Efforts that were intended to make things better, actually made them worse.

We have to learn to differentiate circumstances in which we have some power and the situations in which we have no control over them. It comes down to the serenity prayer. “Change the things we can. Accept the things we cannot change. The wisdom to know the difference.”

Just because our first attempt to solve a situation does not work, does not mean that we cannot find a solution. It just feels that way. It is easier said than done to just “stop feeling like everything will end in doom and destruction.”  When the amygdala is active to a point of hyper vigilance then everything feels like an extreme threat.

Depending on our past trauma, we respond to different things with a physiological response of fear. The triggers to this can be situations, behaviors in others, sounds, smells, places, or anything else that our brain has created an association with of the original trauma.

If our brain has an association of fear with us not succeeding on the first try of getting out of a bad situation, then we will feel doomed to failure when our first attempt fails. If we have trauma associated with “trying to get out of a situation”,  then we will feel the threat before we even attempt the first try.

We feel that there is no way out and we are trapped in a box that is about to be dumped into a river. This is how I feel right now, about the situation I am in. I will post more about it later.

The situation is severely threatening to me,  but logically there must be a way out of it. I am intelligent and resourceful. It is easy for me to forget those two things, when I am in a state of post traumatic stress.

Fear conditioning is an associative learning process by which we learn through repeated experiences to fear something. Our experiences can cause brain circuits to change and form new memories.

For example, when we hear an unpleasant sound, the amygdala heightens our perception of the sound.

This heightened perception is deemed distressing and memories are formed associating the sound with unpleasantness. If the noise startles us, we have an automatic flight or fight response.

This response involves the activation of the sympathetic division of the peripheral nervous system.

Activation of the nerves of the sympathetic division results in accelerated heart rate, dilated pupils, increase in metabolic rate, and increase in blood flow to the muscles. This activity is coordinated by the amygdala and allows us to respond appropriately to danger. About Education site

You can read the rest the above article here.

“Should” Thoughts : Thoughts that we “should” be better or “should” have done things differently. We do not need to punish ourselves for what we did or did not do. We do not need to feel shame over the things that we have done or the things that have happened to us.

This type of “should” thinking causes us to become paralyzed and unable to make the changes that we “could” make. Focus on “can” and “I think I can” like in The Little Engine Who Could.

The combination of fearing failure and feeling shame because we “should” be in a better place in life or we “should” have done or not done something, is disabling. If we understand that our brains have wired themselves to create the anxiety responses in the body, then we can at least forgive ourselves for how we are.

We know that people without mental illness do not have these responses to situations. They do not become incapacitated to drive to work, or change jobs.

Sometimes the most basic problems can seem insurmountable to us. When I finally changed jobs in September, the process was actually fairly simple. But the anxiety surrounding it was incredible. I was sure I would screw things up, end up with no job, lose my rent money and end up on the street (similar to how I feel now).

Life is full of changes that are put upon us, and also changes that we need to make. Staying in the same situation, because we are incapacitated by the anxiety to make the change, is very bad for us.

Sometimes change is for the best and helps us to grow. If we can accept our brains and our feelings about doing things, then we can slowly begin to do the things we fear, in spite of our feelings. We may be able to find ways to get extra help from other people or other resources to deal with the anxiety.

The anxiety is there. Our brains seem to be wired the way they are, at this time.

There is no “should” or “should not.”  There is only “what is.”

Everything will hopefully not end in doom.  We have to make some slow positive additions and changes to our lives, in order to move forward. We cannot judge ourselves for our mental illness. For many of us, it was caused by abuse. For others, it is just the way the brain is wired to function.

Kindness towards ourselves, about our feelings of threat, failure, and fear will help us to move forward one step at a time.

blessings,

Annie

Safe

Cars make noises

as they drive by outside

I want to be inside

where it is safe

Sirens are loud

and invade my nervous system

I want to be  inside

where it is safe

People passing by the house

making noises

that remind me

I do not want to go out there

I want to be inside

where it is safe

Safe inside the house

I am safe inside the house

But where do I go

if I want to be

Safe Inside My Mind?

Healing Requires Feeling

Healing requires feeling

It is nature’s only  way

Of disinfecting

the mental wounds

And closing them to stay

It seems too much to bear at first

Sometimes we want to quit

We regress to places past

And fear the future trauma

But healing always means feeling

There is no other path

That really grows our hearts

And makes us strong at last

Drive safely, Don’t Fall on the Ice, Unplug the Toaster, Pet Your Animals, Love your Children and Say Good Night to Annie

Ten Random Thoughts

1. I am so very tired, I want to stay in bed for a week.

2. I started this list and had no idea what I was going to write.

3. I wish I could work less and spend more time with my kids.

4. I feel sad that my daughter is 18 now. I wish I could go back and have done some things better.

5. Tomorrow I want to let the bunny out to play in my room. I miss him hopping around.

6. I am isolated and alienated by this living situation. I have no friends.

7. My daughter’s new therapist does not care if she retraumatizes me.

8. Retraumatizes comes up in red on my computer. Isn’t is a real word?

9. I learned how to make ❤ on the computer today. This made me happy. Someone on wordpress taught me and they are probably smiling as they read this now and these hearts or for her ❤ ❤ ❤

10. Sadly, that ❤  thing was the only happy thing that happened today

11. This is more than 10 things

12. I am getting more tired

13. My boyfriend has not called and he has always called me every night for 10 months so far. I am used to sleeping with him on the phone

14. I  guess that is why I feel like I have no friends now

15. Maybe he fell asleep and he is still my friend

16. Obsessive thoughts cause severe anxiety

17. More tired now. I was trying to keep going until I could fall asleep

18. I wonder of this top 10 list will make it to 20

19. That’s nineteen

20. I have to take the battery out of my work pager or it will keep making that BEEP noise every 15 minutes all night and drive me  crazy…not that it would be too far to have to drive me

21. My post on the kindness blog did well this week. I think I still have to give you guys the link. One of you found it on your own. Thank you. And now you are smiling because you know who you are 🙂

22. This too shall pass ……..

23. Good Night to all my fellow insomniacs and good morning to whoever wakes up and reads this at 6am, which is going to be an hour after I fall asleep this time

24. We passed 10 and we passed 20

25. Drive safely, don’t fall on the ice, unplug the toaster, pet your animals, love your children and say good night to Annie

26 ❤  🙂  ❤  🙂  ❤

Comparing Ourselves to Others…Shame, abuse, mental illness

This was my response to one of the comments I got on a post. I will not say which person commented but they can feel free to comment here if they want to do so. The reason I am posting this, is because I feel that the concern they had was one I have heard many times from people with mental illness, abuse and psychological injury. 

People who have mental pain, have trouble in day to day situations, where other people seem to float right through. Everyone around us seems to have a better handle on just getting through life, than we do. It is so easy to become discouraged by watching other people do things that we either cannot do, or cannot do without mental anguish.

I wanted this reader and all of you, to understand that we are not being fair to ourselves when we compare ourselves to other people. If we are comparing ourselves to someone who has no mental suffering , then how is that comparison fair to us? 

This was my response to a comment that talked about feeling shame, and comparing ourselves to  other people.

People are good at things that they have had the background, the support, and the early wiring to be good at. Even the things we learn when we are older, are easier to learn if we were wired properly when we were growing up.

A lot of the people you are comparing yourself to had parents that helped them to follow the normal development stages and they also had the mental stability to process all of the stages properly, in order for the neurons in their brains to be set up to do these things.

There are chemicals involved in every process we do. The chemicals in our brains are dominating our feelings and our feelings affect how well we can do things. We have behavioral patterns and they are also linked to the organic connections (neurons and chemicals) in our brains.

If there is any trauma, abuse, neglect during childhood / teenage hood, we can end up with things that are not wired properly. We also end up with the chemicals sending the wrong signals and we feel depression, anxiety and worthlessness about ourselves.

Your feelings of not being as good as other people are conditioned behavioral patterns of your brain. Past trauma, abuse or neglect may have caused these patterns. Your inability to things that other people do, may be related to feeling inadequate to do them, feeling depressed, anxiety etc. This is not your fault that you have these chemical, neurological responses to doing things.

If you feel anxiety about something and someone else does not feel that, then of course they will be able to do that thing, better and more easily than you can. It is not fair to yourself to compare your brain on depression or anxiety with their brain that is functioning perfectly well. It does not mean that you can never learn to do it, but it means that it is much harder for you to do things, than it is for them.

When we have mental illness issues, it is more fair to us, if we so not compare ourselves directly with people who do not have any mental illness or trauma in their background. I have recently come to believe this is true

I spent many years wondering why I felt so inadequate to everyone and why I felt so out of place. I had so much trauma in my back ground that I could not keep up with the people that had brains that functioned normally. It was not that I was not as smart, but it was because my brain was and is so traumatized.

I am learning that we have to be kind to ourselves. In order to be kind to ourselves, we have to understand and feel compassion for the fact that trauma, abuse, neglect, depression, anxiety and any other mental issues, does cause us some disability. We cannot always compete with the other people.

We can learn to heal and to slowly rewire our brains. But mostly we have to talk to ourselves like we would talk to someone else that we knew was having trouble feeling as good as everyone else. You are as good as everyone else, whether you can do everything they can do or not.

We all have gifts and are good at things. You might be good at something that those other people suck at. I bet you are better are being compassionate for another human that feels depressed and worthless. The ability to be compassionate is not a gift that a lot of people have. Compassion is a lost art these days. People who have mental suffering can often also be compassionate to others who have depression and anxiety. That makes you better than them at something.

You are also probably better are being introspective and analyzing things.  Many people  just go with the flow of what everyone else is doing and they do not think for themselves. If you can think for yourself then you are better at that too.

I think that we are just better at different things than most people are. There is room for us in the world too. The world cannot be ok, of all of the people just follow the crowd and are all good at the same things.

I hope this helps a little. You are a unique, independent person that can think, care and love. That makes you special and no one is better than you.
Blessings,
Annie

Once we begin to forgive ourselves for how we are, then it gets easier to live with ourselves. People with psychological trauma usually end up with some kind of post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, OCD or other mental disorder. These disorders can be permanent , because the trauma never goes away. But we can learn to shoq kindness to ourselves.

We can learn to be functional, compassionate people. There are plenty of things we can be good at. If we cannot answer the phones for a job, because we have social anxiety then so be it.  If we cannot work at certain types of jobs because we are constantly triggered onto post traumatic stress there, then so be it.

A person with an eating disorder may not be able to work in a bakery. Well if they cannot do that, it does not make them less than anyone else. It just means that they cannot do that activity safely  because of their disorder. Someone who has a phobia of open spaces cannot work in the mall. So, what of it?

We are ok the way we are. We are trying to heal. We are trying to connect with others. If there are things we cannot do, then so be it. It is not because we are less than anyone else. They did not grow up, or have the adult past that we have had. Someone else may not have survived your situations as well as you did. How do they know what it is like in your world?

We all need a break from feeling shame, inadequacy, and worthlessness. We need to show ourselves some kindness and compassion in our thoughts about ourselves. We are doing the best we can with what we have to work with. We have to work with our brains being the way they are, right at this very minute.

Blessings to all,

Annie

Being Able to Speak About Our Mental Illness or History of Abuse

Some people with mental illness speak freely about it and others are afraid to speak. Many of us have issues of mental illness because we were traumatized and mentally abused. It may have occurred during early childhood and is so far back that we do not really remember. There may be clear memories of some type of trauma or abuse during childhood.

We may have sustained psychological injury at the hands of an abusive partner during adulthood. Often times people are abused in childhood and then end up choosing partners who abuse them also. Not that we know that in the beginning. NO one hooks up with an abusive partner on purpose. They are often very charming and seemingly sweet at the beginning of the relationship.

If we were psychologically injured as children, then we were also probably conditioned that we do not speak of such things. There is secrecy and guilt built into those early relationships. We were taught that we do not talk about abuse, feelings about what goes on on our homes and to keep everything inside.

I remember Pat Benatar’s song “Hell is for Children” and she sings “Be Daddy’s good girl and don’t tell Mommy a thing. Be a good little boy and you’ll get a new toy. Tell Grandma you fell off the swing”

Very powerful lyrics and a great song. This is where the secrecy begins. We are taught that to be “good” means keeping your torment to yourself. Do not involve other people into the situation. Do not talk to people about your problems. Keep everything bottled up.

These behavioral patterns continue into adulthood. They are imprinted onto our brains with big “DON’T TELL” stampers. It is very hard to  break out of the patterns of not talking about things and keeping our “shame” to ourselves. We feel ashamed about what happened to us as children. We feel shame for having chosen an abusive partner.

We do not see other people around us, ending up in these situations. We feel ashamed and guilty. We feel like people will not believe us or that they will judge us. There is a feeling of not wanting to burden another person with our problems. No one wants to hear about MY problems, They are busy with their own problems.

Some of us even have trouble opening up to the family doctor or primary care physician. It can even go so far as not wanting to go to a therapist because we do not think they will  want to listen to. We may not think the therapist or psychiatrist will believe us. Maybe we will not explain our problems properly , in a way that they will understand.

Maybe the psychiatrist will think that his other patients have “real” mental health problems and we are just “faking it” or maybe we are afraid to tell the psychiatrist the whole truth because he never would have met anyone that bad before. Maybe we are the worst one ever and they will decide to commit us to a psychiatric facility.

These feelings have been conditioned into us by abusive people who did not want us to tell on them. They wanted to control us and they did not want to be revealed. Once their game is exposed, they can no longer play.

It is hard to change how we feel, We have ingrained reactions to things. Emotions are associated with anything that triggers memories from past trauma. Even the voice of the therapist sounding like your abusive father’s voice, could send you into post traumatic stress and immediately shut down your ability to communicate with them.

The solution is complex and it takes time to be able to open up to other people about mental illness. Sometimes people will respond in ways that are horrifying to us. Some people treat the mentally ill, the psychologically injured, like they are third class citizens. Like we are not competent , not reliable, not truthful and not worthy.

We already feel a low self esteem and a feeling that we are not as good as other people, if we endured years of mental abuse. If we had to hide things as a child then it is easy to go into that “safety mode” of hiding again.  I put “safety mode” in quotes because it is our old belief system. It was how we survived for years. It was the way we knew that we had to be, in order to avoid further trauma. Not that it kept the abuse from continuing.

It is necessary at some point, for us to open up and speak about our mental illness. We need to speak about our abuse during childhood or our abuse from our ex husband. It is not shameful. Anyone who makes you feel ashamed is not doing the right thing. You should be able to have feelings and thoughts like any other person.

You may have had experiences that are unique and that are so unusual that many people just cannot deal with them and they do not want to hear them. I am not suggesting frightening people or distressing them with your story.

The point is to reach out and find the right people to tell your story to. WordPress is great because we can tell our story here, with an avatar as our picture if we wish. We can be truthful and transparent. It is a healing thing to write about out thoughts and feelings about what has happened to damage us mentally and emotionally.

We are not designed to sustain trauma and keep it locked up inside of us. We are people that need the community of others, We need to be listened to and understood. We must have our feelings validated or we will become more mentally ill.

It is very tricky sometimes to know who is a safe person to talk to and who is not. It is hard to know what part of our story to tell someone and what part to leave out. We are so much in the middle of what is going on in our obsessive, constantly running brains, that we cannot always see the forest through the trees.

Reach out anyway and try to find other humans to talk to. Therapy works for many people, but it is very common for someone to have to try out 2, 3 or even 5 therapists before finding the right one. It is a scary thing to tell a therapist your story, if you are not in the habit of talking about it at all.

I am writing this post in order to validate anyone that has a behavior pattern of never talking about their mental illness or their history of abuse. It may have been the rule of the abusers in our lives that we were not “allowed” to speak of these things, but the times have changed to new times.

If you are, however, still in an abusive situation, please be careful. You do need to be careful who you talk to about the abuser. Call a women’s shelter (or a men’s shelter). Talk to people on wordpress, but be careful to protect your identity.

If we can not speak then we have no voice. If we have no voice then who are we? We lose our identity.

Blessings to all and to all a good night 🙂

Annie

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