Mental Abuse … Let’s Unfriend them and Block Them… Just Like We Do on Facebook !

Yes, I said it. I want to block the manipulative, controlling  people.

I want to Unfriend them… or Unfamily them … as the case may call for.

Not everyone. Just the people that are soul-sucking, self-esteem crushing, and  undermining.

But there are circumstances in which this is difficult to impossible to do. Well, I won’t say impossible. It is a timing thing. You have to put up with breathing the same air as certain narcissistic, manipulative people until you can make your move to disentangle from them forever.

The case of having one of them as a family member and a landlord is one of those situations. You can run but you can’t hide.

Even if I manage to avoid him for weeks, he can still access my apartment. He can still threaten me with taking the keys to my car, and worse…getting rid of my favorite bunny rabbit.

So for the sake of my love for my bunny, I have to behave. Isn’t it amazing that some people have to in control of everything in their path so badly, that they are willing ti destroy another person’s well being over it?

So, I am sympathizing with anyone still living with a mentally abusive person or that used to live with them. I hope that once you are out of there, you will never have to live with a narcissistic person ever again. Living in fear for your mental health is a terrible thing.

If you have nothing to lose, then they have nothing. But they seem to hav way of discovering just what things you could not bear to lose  (the bunny and my car) and then manipulating you with them.

He also will occasionally say horrible things to my young daughter. He once told her that if she and her cousin kept laughing too loud, he would evict all of us from the house.

And …he told her that I would blame her for it because he would tell me she was the reason we were being thrown out into the street.

She was 10 years old when this happened. It was while I was at work, trying to make money to pay his $1,000 a month rent! for 3 tiny rooms in the attic of this huge Victorian house.

The house is beautiful, except for up here, where I live with no dishwasher, no stove , no oven, no living room, no beds and the fridge is in one of the bedrooms, because there is no kitchen to put it in. The shower is broken, the bathroom sink is clogged and the paint is peeling off the walls.

Some of you are already out of your abusers clutches and I am soooo glad. I want you to never subject yourself to anyone like that again.

Those of you still living under the reign of a mental abuser…..You will get out.

You will get out and I will get out!

And when we do, we won’t even look back!

Blessings

Annie

When Someone with Mental Illness Reached Out to You / Scenario 1

When someone with mental illness reaches out to you about how they are feeling, please think before you speak. The cliche things that we have heard a million times are frustrating and make us feel misunderstood.

Presumptuous actions and words can be very hurtful. A person having extreme anxiety or depression can quickly spiral down into a dangerous place for them.

*Be gentle with your tone of voice and your words, as if they were standing on the edge of a cliff.*

Here is a way you can be of “real help” as opposed to “junk help.”

Scenario 1

Robin calls Mary and asks how she is doing. Mary says ,

“I am having an anxiety attack. The repairman is coming today to fix the washer.
The house is too messy to have him here. I am thinking about calling to cancel, but the thought of the phone call is giving me extreme anxiety.”

Don’t Say – “Don’t cancel the appointment. Just deal with it. The washer has to be fixed.”

*Only the person knows how bad their anxiety is. To force them into the situation could cause a much more severe , possibly dangerous state of anxiety, Let them decide.*

Don’t Say – “Have you taken your meds today?”

* We know what pills have taken and why. The meds we have or have not taken today is not the point. It actually draws attention away from what she needs to talk about. *

*The exception to this would be if you are her caregiver or if she has requested that you check in with her because she forgets to take her meds.”

Don’t Say – “Your apartment is fine. You worry too much about a little mess.

*It is not the reality of the mess that is the issue. It is our perception of the mess and the intrusive thoughts that we have no control over.*

Don’t Say – I am on my way over to clean up your house. I’ll be there in 15 minutes. Bye.

*OMG! I am having anxiety just typing this.
We told you that we are having anxiety about someone seeing the house this way. The thought of you forcing us to have you here is terrifying. The level of anxiety that having you see the mess could cause is extreme. This is only triggering a higher level of anxiety and making us want to lie the next time you ask how we are doing.*

Do Say – I understand that you are having extreme anxiety right now. Is there anything I can say or do that would be helpful to you?

I Don’t Say “Bless You” When Someone Sneezes

I have no problem with people saying “bless you” when someone sneezes. I do however, mind that people expect me to say it.  The social etiquette is that you must say “bless you” when someone sneezes , no matter what the circumstance or  how well you know them.

Worse yet, if you do not say it then you are considered very rude. I was scolded by a supervisor at my last job for not saying “bless you” to the secretary. This was the secretary who I could not stand and tried to avoid.

This woman was a mean person who harassed me at work and made my life miserable. I was busy speaking with a client when this secretary happened to sneeze. I said nothing and continued about my business.

My supervisor made a big deal to embarrass me and tell me I should have said “bless you”. She continued to go on about the fact that I had been so rude.

It is so ridiculous. I was very tempted to ask the supervisor if she even knew why people said “bless you” anyway. I mean, for god sake, it is just a sneeze. Why should everyone be so concerned that they have to all rally together and bless the frickin person.

This is followed by another social law that the person receiving the “bless you” has to say thank you. There is nothing I hate more than when I sneeze three times in a row and someone says “bless you” “…”oh bless you” … “oh you poor thing! Bless you !!”  And  I have to say “thank you”…”thank you” … “oh for god’s sake, I’m not dying, Leave me alone. I can’t keep saying thank you, I’m busy sneezing”

So, does that supervisor  know why she is saying bless you anyway?  NO!!!!

If people knew, then they may not say it or call people rude for not saying it.  So let’s clear this annoying thing up.

Why do people just follow these out-dated social customs blindly? Why does no one bother to look it up and find out why they are saying it.

In the year 590 the bubonic plague broke out in Europe. So many people were dying that Pope Gregory I ordered his followers so pray without ceasing and have parades in the streets to pray away the disease. He was hoping all the blessings or “bless you” chants would send the disease away and keep people from dying.

Now, the chance that the person sneezing next to you has the bubonic plague is unlikely.

There is also an old folk belief that when people sneeze their soul flies out of their body. During the few seconds the soul is out flying around wildly, the devil could take the soul. So people said bless you to protect the crazy soul flying around the room.

So, at a professional place of work, I am supposed to bless the soul of the sneezer which is flying around the room, and then get back to the business of being an intelligent , educated professional.

I think people should have the right to not say bless you.  Is it not religious discrimination to force someone to  ask God to bless someone?

And what does it mean when someone who does not believe in God says “bless you” anyway?

I just find it very strange that perfectly educated people never question these things. It is illegal to discriminate based on religious beliefs,  but we scold people for not blessing the snotty sneezer.

So that’s my rant about bubonic plague and souls flying around the room. Tomorrow, when someone you don’t like sneezes , just open the window and let the soul fly out. That is the other folk custom about souls but we will do a blog on that another day.

Annie’s Top 10 List – Things a Nursing Home Aide Does not Want to Hear

10. Beatrice was right there a minute ago.

9. I would have sworn I put a diaper on her.

8. The only juice left to give them is prune juice.

7. The coffee maker in the break room is broken.

6. We are having a fire drill at 9pm.

5. It’s a full moon.

4. You go tell them we  have no ice cream  for dessert.

3. Why is Paul wearing Connie’s nightgown?

2. They just waxed the floor.

1. Aren’t  those Mary’s clothes in the tv room?

Annie’s Top 10 List – Things an Introvert Does Not Want to Hear

10. The whole gang is going out tonight. You should join us !

9. You really need to put down that book and do something fun.

8. Honey, my mother just called and said she’s coming to visit for a whole week.

7. Honey, Mom just called back. She can’t come on Tuesday but she’s taking you to her Red Hat Club instead.

6. We are going to throw you and Bob a big party for your anniversary.

5. OK , I understand. We’ll just have a small family get together instead.

4. Surprise !!!

3. “Family, friends and loved ones. As you know, Annie and I have been dating for six months and I wanted you all to be here when..”  (  “Annie? Annie? She was here a minute ago ” )

2.  The new girl always takes the whole office out for drinks!

1. Are your parents coming in the delivery room too, or just mine?

Top 10 Things That Annie Does Not Want to Hear

10.  You look great for 48 !

9.  You’re 48 ?  Wow, I would have thought you were only 42 or 43 !

8.  You are doing a great job parenting, for a single Mom.

7.  On your day off you should spend the whole day cooking and then freeze the meals.  It would save you a lot of  trouble.

6.  Since it’s your day off and you won’t have anything to do,  you should…

5. I’ve never been there myself,  but you really should go.

4. Don’t worry Mom, the policeman said…

3.  Hi  Mom. I’m okay but…

2.  You know where the yellow car always parks? Turn right after you see it.

1. You can’t miss it  !