Meaning and Reality

You are a unique person and your perspective about things is as valid as anyone else’s. Others will try to force their interpretion of things upon you, but you are a sovereign individual.

People have their own belief systems and their own agenda. Being sleep deprived, and tired from the daily struggle to survive can take its toll on your will power.

When your will power is depleted, it is easier for people to persuade you towards their interpretations. Even the media, and society can influence us to go against our true feelings about what we see and hear.

You can pretend to have a “hold button”  like one you would find on an office telephone. Deciding what meaning to attach to things can wait until your will power is higher.

Low blood sugar and sleep deprivation are two main things that can keep you from thinking clearly. Feelings in the body are always telling you something. Intuition is felt in the body. Bad feelings about something are felt in a physical way.

Things like being tired , stressed and uncomfortable are likely to interfere with your ability to feel your true feelings about something. This is why sleep deprivation and withholding food are common tactics of brainwashers like cult leaders.

Don’t allow others to form your feelings and thoughts. Put things on hold, by pressing your hold button. Wait until a bet time, when you can be introspective, to create your personal meanings for things that occur.

All things are not as they seem, and they often are not what others present to you. Truth and meaning can become convoluted.

Believe in yourself, and your higher consciousness to guide you. Rest, eat, and think for yourself. The meanings and perspective of your personal reality are yours, and should support your mental , physical , emotional, and spiritual well being.

Namaste,

Annie💕

Believe in Yourself

Pathological People and Entropy

The Law of Entropy is defined by google as follows:

lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.

“a marketplace where entropy reigns supreme”

synonyms:

deterioration, degeneration, crumbling,decline,degradation, decomposition,breaking down,collapse

The  concept of the Law of Entropy is that everything decays, deteriorates, gets weaker, or falls apart over time. 

Narcissists believe that relationships follow this Law Of Entropy. They know in their minds that every relationship is doomed to end, after a period of slow torturous crumbling.

The only question to them is who is in control of the deterioration as opposed to who is at the receiving end of it. 

Psychopaths and Malignant Narcissists are parasites.

They feed off of the energy, and the resources of other people. Most of the relationships they begin, are with the intention to drain as much from you as they can and use you up.

Pathological Narcissists choose to be  the one who ends relationships before the other person can leave first. If the other person ended the relationship this would invalidate the narcissist’s need to be all powerful, all knowing and all desirable and sought after.

If anyone is going to end a relationship, it is going to be them.

Some malignant narcissists are co-morbid with borderline personality disorder.  This adds another dimension to their pathology. The fear being abandoned, but they have no problem dumping their victims in the cruelest possible ways. 

They take this Law of Entropy a step further and twist it into something that is sadistic. As long as the relationship is doomed and the victim is going to “turn on them” eventually anyway, the narcissistic psychopath will mentally torment them.…perhaps as a way to punish them ahead of time for the betrayal that the narcissist anticipates.

The devaluation phase will not only prove the Law of Entropy…it will take it to a whole new level. This is the design of the narcissist and the psychopath. 

The relationship not only decays slowly and painfully, but the victim is broken down bit by bit psychologically so that when the “Zombie Witch Doctor” leaves the victim, they are a broken shell of who they once were.

The term “Zombie Witchdoctor” was coined by Richard Grannon and you can click on the term to watch the video where he describes this in detail. This is a great video that I would recommend you watch. It is not too long and you will see a new perspective on this issue of how narcissists break the victim down psychologically, as well as emotionally.

The Law of Entropy is learned by the victim. They are broken down emotionally, psychologically, financially, cognitively, and physically.

Victims of psychopaths, and other  Cluster B disordered people,  are often left with PTSD. This can lead to a  compromised immune system, that causes the person to develop infections and  disease. 

*On a personal note… I was hospitalized for infection of internal organs three times after my relationship with a psychopathic narcissist. In addition I was in the emergency room with life threatening infections at least 6 times within a 6 month period. 

The body does not escape the abuse, even if there is no physical striking, punching, kicking or bruising that can be seen by the naked eye. Mental pain always manifests itself in a physical way.

When there are severe levels of trauma, and ongoing periods of forced fear, the body is flooded with too much cortisol and other stress hormones.

Check out this article about Cortisol and Adrenal Function. 

The victim’s cognitive function is been broken down along with their ability to work and function the way they used to be able to. 

Their Executive Function part of the brain is compromised. You can see my video about this topic HERE. 

The skills needed to get up, dust yourself off and recover from financial devastation are lacking. The narcissist will leave the victim in the worst financial state that they are able to. This adds to the suffering and the continued mental interference of the victim by the abuser. 

The Law of Entropy states that things will continue to break down over time,  until there is nothing useful left of them or they die. ‘

The psychopathic narcissist wants to leave the victim is an ongoing state of deterioration, so that they will continue to get worse after the narcissist is long gone from the scene. 

They may even check in with you just to see how you are doing, in the hopes to hear how broken you are and how much of a affect they had on you.  This makes them feel all powerful and enforces their grandiose sense of self. 

Not only does the narcissist see relationships in relation to the Law of Entropy, they also see their  pathological space this way too. The term pathological space was coined by Sam Vaknin. I recommend that you watch his video about this topic HERE.

The narcissist tends to move more frequently than other people. Over time their narcissistic environment is likely to break down because of all the wreckage in the lives of people that have interacted with the narcissist.

If you are in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad much of the time, you should save yourself and get out. 

Trusting after Abuse

Poem posted Trusting again after abuse on my new Convo zone blog

How to trust again is something that all abusers have to come to terms with. There is a question about your own perception and your ability to identify abuse.  Studying the red flags of abuse can help. Your healing will take time and you have to go at your own pace.

Visit my new blog called Narcissistic Abuse on Convozone

You can also see videos about abuse and how to heal from abuse on my YouTube Channel HERE

Emotophobia

Emotophobia is the fear of unpleasant emotions, not to be confused with emetophobia, the fear of vomiting.

There is little online about emotophobia.

The few articles I found offered the suggestion to “stop treating negative emotions as if they are your enemies and can harm you.”

This is somewhat condescending and implies that emotions themselves cannot harm you.

The person offering this advice clearly has never been in a situation where showing negative emotions could harm them.

So, they think it is rather ridiculous that someone would associate their negative emotions with danger.

The problem with this thinking is that there are situations where someone’s emotions can cause them harm.

This advise shows a complete misunderstanding of emotophobia and its root causes.

People with emotophobia are not “treating” emotions as if they are the enemy.

For people that have emotophobia, emotions were the enemy and they were followed by consequences.

People that grew up in mentally abusive childhoods were not permitted to have emotions like other people are.

The expression of emotion, which represents being an individual, is often punished by abusive parents.

Even children who were not physically abused, could have had their right to individual ideas and feelings violated.

Narcissistic parents and other overbearing, maniplulative parents do not want their children to develop independent thoughts and ideas.

They do not want their children thinking in terms of their own needs at all. When their children expressed feelings, the abusive parents retaliated. If the child thinks independently and can express their feelings then it might threaten the narcissistic parent. 

The narcissistic parent wants to create a false narrative about the family. It is the vision of the family that is portrayed to the outside world. Everyone in the family has to back this story up. 

Children are not allowed to talk about abuse that occurs in the home. The narcissist re-frames the abuse to the mind of the child. The child is taught to believe the shared psychosis of the family, created by the narcissist. 

Punishments are inflicted on a child who goes against the narcissistic parent in any way. These can be emotional or physical in nature. 

Everyone in the house is trained to cater to the narcissist. Everyone knows that there are consequences for disobedience. The family members are made into a kind cult that follows the lead of the narcissist. 

These mentally abusive parents, want the focus on themselves. The needs and feelings of the others in the family do not matter.

They demand for the child to cater to their ever changing desires and demands. The narcissist will set rules and then change them when they feel like it. 

The children are expected to follow the rules, even when the parent has not informed them of changes. It is like playing a game with someone who changed the rules randomly and does not tell you. 

In order to survive in this type of environment, the child must learn to constantly read the parent’s body language and tone of voice.

They must anticipate the desires and moods of the parent. If they fail to do so, it is met with negative consequences.

If the child expresses disagreement, or unhappiness with a narcissistic parent, they will likely incur the anger and wrath of the parent.

The smallest indication of disagreement  with the parent can bring out their anger.

For their own protection, these children and teenagers learn to disguise their feelings and push them down.

They do not want the parent to see their feelings because it will be used against them.

If you grew up in this type of environment, then feeling negative emotions was the enemy. It is not something we have suddenly developed an irrational fear of as adults.

This environment causes C-PTSD, which is Complex Post Traumatic Stess Disorder, in many people. This is carried over into adulthood.

So, the advice to “stop treating emotions as if they were the enemy” and to tell people that feeling emotions is safe, does not make sense to someone with C-PTSD from childhood mental abuse.

Adults can also develop emotophobia from ongoing abusive relationships with a partner. Women become afraid to disagree with their partner because they fear the consequences of his anger.

Abusive people do not tolerate their partner exercising their personal rights, or expressing opinions that are different from them.

Again, the brain rewires the neural connections to avoid showing negative feelings. This is a necessary survival tactic at the time.

It is not easily undone. The brain considers it necessary in order to protect the safety of the person.

It takes years to develop this survival tactic and to learn how to detach from one’s own emotions.  The brain becomes wired to avoid entering into situations that may cause negative emotions.

To undo what was a learned survival skill takes a lot of work in re-wiring the brain.

Telling someone “emotions are your friends” does not work, especially without any idea why the person feels such anxiety about emotions like anger and sadness.

The only people who really understand what it feels like to have severe anxiety about showing anger, and sadness to others are those of us that are carrying the C-PTSD that causes it.

This is not a simple problem to just fix. You have to re-wire your programming. You have to learn that it is okay for someone else to be upset with us when we say “no.”

You need to learn how to identify what you want and what decisions will support you in a healthy way.  It is okay if other people do not agree with your choices. 

It takes practice to be able to stand your ground about things without fear of the consequences making you comply with others even when it is hurtful to you.

 

Toxic People Spew Poison

People that care about you…and care about others in general, do not use bullying tactics to get their agenda met. They do not intentionally overblow, contort, and reframe events.

Caring people do not have a ridiculously overblown reaction to a little thing that you did “wrong” ( against their personal rules) and then tell all of your friends, family or co-workers that you victimized them.

Someone who wants to be your friend does not refuse to hear your side of a disagreement, shift blame for their over reaction onto you and then put malicious words in your mouth that you never said.

Toxic people pretend to be your friend until they feel threatened by you, have no more use for you, or you refuse to agree with everything they say…and do everything they want.

Narcissists see themselves as more entitled than you to everything , whether you deserve it more or not.

Narcissists want you to admire their greatness and submit to being their minion.

If you stop catering to their ever-changing whims, they will gather their other minions to turn against you….and destroy things you care about…..friendships, your reputation, your job, your marriage, your business, your self esteem, or your ability to move forward with your life.

They won’t change, even if they tell you they will. If they turned against you or discarded you once …they will do it again…and harder.

Once you begin to feel your self esteem go down every time you talk with someone, it is time to back away.

Once you begin to notice that every time you have a conversation with them you have to go back over the entire thing in your head to figure out what the hell just happened….it is time to back away….or run if you can..

Relationships should involve two people…..

Two different sets of opinions that are respected

Two different sets of personal boundaries that are respected

Two sets of ideals and thoughts that are respected

Two different schedules that are respected

Two different ways of feeling about situations that are respected

Two different sets of dreams , skills, talents and aspirations that are supported and respected

Two different individual people that are respected

Get the idea?

Narcissists are poisonous.

Run.

 

 

 

 

 

Toxic Abusive Narcissistic People

 

 

Life Coaching – When you Get a narcissist for a Client

When you are a Life Coach for victims of narcissistic psychopath abuse, most of the time you get clients who are broken and suffering from the effects of abuse. They are looking for validation and help to reduce the anxiety. The client wants to heal and be able to move forward with their life.

You assume before you get onto a Skype call that the person you will be talking to has been victimized and they are probably going to be a state of trauma. Depending in what stage they are in, there will be signs of psychological abuse, emotional / verbal abuse and cognitive interference.

But every now and then you get a client that does not exhibit any of the usual signs of abuse. You do not see any signs of trauma, C-PTSD, or narcissistic victim abuse syndrome.

The longer you talk to them the more you see that they are disinterested in healing. They are not only disinterested in healing. they are disinterested in considering that anything is wrong with them at all. The longer you are in the conversation the more you realize that they are dominating the entire conversation.

They do not feel that there is anything wrong with them. In fact they are perfect just the way they are and everything that is wrong with their lives has been caused by someone else.

The reason that people do not like them is the fault of the other people. There is nothing that could possible be doing that other people may be responding negatively to. Other people are to blame. In fact everyone in their life in actively trying to interfere with their life.

You try to interject a question or a comment here and there in order to slow down their incessant talking about how people have caused them to become angry and how people have caused them to treat others they way they do. They carry extreme anger towards everyone and everyone around them is against them.

At this point I pay attention to the pronoun density. This is how many times someone used the word “I”  while they are talking. particularly where they could have easily used a different word.

They are talking as if they are on a stage. It is a monologue that sounds pretentious and grandios. I take my pencil and begin to make a tally of how many times they say “I” per minute.

If you are getting 15 to 20 “I” words per minute, then this should be a red flag to you. You may be dealing with a narcissist. Keep tallying for a few more minutes. You get 14 times per minute of them saying “I”. Then you get 17. Then you get 19.

The entire conversation is about how they are better than everyone else and how the people around them are plotting against them in order to ruin them. When you ask what reasons the people have to plot against them, there is no rational answer.

You ask them what they think all these people are getting out of undermining them and they have no answer. You ask them what particular tactics these people are using against them and they cannot answer you. But they are sure that the reason they are in a bad job, have no girlfriend, and are in bad health, is a direct result of these people undermining them.

You ask them what their goal is for the life coaching, so that you can help them with healing. But they are not interesting in healing. They have an ulterior motive for the Skype call. There is an agenda underneath that begins to show itself as you go along.

Dealing with a psychopath on the phone or Skype can be disconcerting. The good thing is that you can recognize them in a reasonable amount of time before they begin luring you in to their tactics. As they are claiming to be the victim of this abuse which they cannot give any real examples of, they are playing games with your mental state.

The best thing to do is to try to detach from any emotional feelings about things they say. Do not be emotionally manipulated by them. Think of this as practice for you, in order that you will be better prepared to teach others. Once they can begin to manipulate your emotions, they have a hook in you.

What is the agenda? Maybe they want you to make a video that will discredit their supposed abusers. Maybe they want to lure you into a sexual agenda. Keep in mind that if a client says something of a sexual nature and it makes you really uncomfortable then it was probably inappropriate.

If they talk about something sexual and it is not related to their abuse, then you should put up one red flag. Try to redirect the conversation onto a non-sexual topic. Preferable back to the abuse they say they experienced. If they refuse to allow you to redirect them and continue to talk about sexual things that are unrelated to their abuse, then you are being manipulated.

If you are dealing with a narcissistic psychopath for a client then you need to make the decisions that you need to make, in order to protect yourself. You can end the call if you need to. You can refund their payment.

Another option is to juts let them finish talking for the rest of the session and act disinterested in any topics that you feel are inappropriate to what the session is supposed to be for. Try to get them back on the topic of the session. Ask them what their goals are for the session.

If they refuse to discuss goals. or tell you what they set up the session for, or if the reason they give you is inappropriate then you can finish the session and then not schedule another one with them. You have every right to refuse a client based on the reason that you do not feel that your skills are suited to their particular goals.

Since they have no life coaching goals at all and are just playing games with you, then you can use this reason. Just email them that during the first session you felt that you were not a good match for them. You felt that their particular issues and their goals would be better met by another life coach.

Or you can tell them that their problems are out of your scope and you recommend that they see a mental health professional. Tell them that you are obligated not to take clients that seem to be out of your scope or what you can legally do as a life coach.

That’s it. If they do not accept your reasons or want to argue with them, that is very narcissistic and you have your final evidence that you are dealing with a narcissist. If someone was in a state of trauma from abuse, they would not be arguing with you about whether you should continue to keep them in order to discuss their sexual life or to help them find ways to destroy their targets.

A narcissist may use you to help them to conspire against their targets. The reason for this is that they know you are empathic and you have skills that they do not have. They can manipuate you into thinking you are being helpful be explaining to them how someone might be thinking and feeling and what they might respond to. Be very careful disussing the thoughts and feelings of other people during a session,

Remember you are there to discuss the thoughts and feelings of the client , not other people that you have not met. Do not them lure you into getting into the heads of other people. These people may be targets of theirs. I let someone do this to me once and I still feel bad that I helped him to manipulate other people.

I had no idea that he was using my skills and knowledge for evil and not for good. He told me he had good intentions towards the people and he needed my help because he did not understand how to talk to people. I ended up helping him lure people into situations that were not good for them.

You don’t want to go there, so be careful.

When you are working with a client, you need to have control to guide the conversation. You should allow them a safe space to talk and you should validate their experiences. This is the first step to healing from narcissistic abuse.

But if you feel that they are taking over the conversation and dominating over you in a pretentious way, then you might be dealing with a narcissist. Be careful and remember to protect your own psychological and spiritual state.

Remember someone saying “I I I I ” 20 times per minute is not really open to hearing any suggestions from you about ways they can change. Change is required to heal from narcissistic abuse. If someone thinks they are perfect then you cannot help them.

Blessings,

Annie gentlekindnesscoaching.com