There are many old adages that are potentially harmful beliefs for you to carry.
These phrases have been passed dwn from generation to generation. They seem harmless enough, and supposedly make you a “better person.”
Compassionate people naturally believe these ideas, and we have made great efforts and sacrifices to stand by the values that these adages teach.
“Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“Behind every great man is a good woman.”
“Turn the other cheek.”
“You only have one family, and you are stuck with them.”
“Good partners support their spouse ( partner) …no matter what.”
“Kindness is always rewarded.”
What is the danger of blindly believing these things ?
Isn’t it “good” to always expect the best from people?
Shouldn’t we believe and trust in others…no matter what?
Isn’t everyone innately good?
Many people are innately good. Many people are basically trustworthy.
There are good-natured people that have a basic respect for other humans and living things.
The problem with adages….other than the fact that they have been brainwashed into us…is the “Black and White” aspect to them.
They suggest certain principles of “right” and “wrong” and create thought pattern behaviors that are rooted in shame and guilt.
Toxic people can use this guilt to manipulate you very easily. Even as easily as asking you a question…
“Don’t you believe in second chances?”
“Don’t you believe in me?”
“Don’t you believe that everyone deserves a second chance?”
“Aren’t you able to see the good in people?”
This is manipulation that plays on your core values and beliefs. These beliefs that have been embedded into your subconscious. …
“Good wives support their husband no matter what.”
“Real men don’t cry. They stuff their emotions dow, and don’t express them.”
“Good sons and daughters always respect their parents.”
“Good people keep tolerating whatever abuse their family fishes out at them.”
There is an implied presupposition in these adages. ..All people are basically good.
You have been brainwashed to believe that if you just love someone enough, they will eventually let down their walls….and you will see the good person underneath all the barriers.
People walk back into houses with abusive partners every day, because someone guilted them into going back.
These adages manipulate you with shame. Narcissists and psychopaths will lead you to believe that they are “good” people, that are just misunderstood, stressed, emotionally injured, etc.
Listening to your own feelings and intuition is good. You need these senses to protect yourself.
You have been brainwashed that “setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm” is noble. It makes you a good person. You will be rewarded for it later.
“Future promises” are one of the favorite tools of manipulative people. They will lead you to believe that if you suffer through abuse now….you will be rewarded later….
But later never comes. You just get stuck in a reality that is being controlled by someone else.
You are not being selfish when you swt boundaries. You are not being selfish when you listen to your own feelings.
If someone is draining the life out of you, then they are taking advantage of you. Itvwill not balance out at some later date.
You are not a bad person if you do not give someone a second chance…a third chance….or a 10 th chance…after they have betrayed you.
People that sacrifice their dreams and desires for someone else are not better people…than people who follow their hearts and their passion….even if it means walking away from manipulative, cruel people.
So let’s “Get our heads out of the sand”
See what is right in front of you, and not what people tell you to see. Trust your feelings and your own perception of reality.
Don’t let people play on your desire to be a good person.
Be a good person. But spend your energy wisely. Follow your dreams. Access your truth.