health, holidays, life, mental illness, religion, spirituality

3:48 oops 3:49 am Time is Slipping…..Good night post

We are here once again to say good night. The day was long and full of pain and also joy. I just posted my Christmas wish list for all of you. I meant all of it sincerely from my heart.

You have given me a safe haven to express and create. A place to be myself without the usual judgement. It is a valuable gift. You are all beautiful flowers in your weed fields.

I am glad to get to know you all, in your ups and downs. I am blessed to have been accepted into this family of talented and creative thinkers. You are each unique and individual in the way you create and think about the world. I have great respect for those who can think for themselves. It seems rare these days.

Of course, in being independent thinkers, we take a lot of heat and a lot of blows to our self esteem from the world. We each suffer in our way, in order to still hold onto our values and beliefs. In the end that is all we have, so we must continue.

God bless the creators, the inventors, the writers, the philosophers, the thinkers and the true healers. The true healers are the ones who listen, observe and connect. It is the mind/body interconnectedness that needs to be healed as a whole.

In the coming year, I hope that we can explore the connection of the mind and the body. To take care of one, without the other is not effective. We need to be mentally healthy in order to achieve physical health. We need to tend to the needs of our bodies, in order to have mental health.

These are all things I wish for us this Christmas eve day.

I wish for peace on Christmas eve. It should be an evening and a night of peace of the soul and quietness of the mind. Let us try to let go of the anxious thoughts and controlling loops that go round and round. Let us let go of the feeling that we have not done enough or not done well enough.

We have done exactly as we have done. There could have been no more or less. We did what we did. The path is still before us. Some of us have a lot more time to travel the path and some of us have very little time. We don’t really know for sure.

The time we are sure of is the present. We have this present moment to be still. Be still and just be.

You are not your past or your present. You are just who you are right now, at this moment. Let us all take a moment of silent peace within ourselves.

As each of us takes the moment at the time you read this, we will be connected together .

Somewhere in the quantum physics world, all of our individual moments will converge together. Even though each of you will read this post at a different time, in a different time zone, we are all reading it together.

You are all reading it as I am writing it. The reality of the fact that you will read it, is becoming a possibility as the words are flowing off of my finger tips.

It is in the possibilities that we are one. It is in the possibilities that we will all be saved. We will be saved from the suffering in our minds. Keep the possibilities as real as the facts. Eventually, the facts will become secondary to the possibilities.

It is in the possibilities that exists hope, faith, forgiveness, acceptance and peace.

Merry Christmas and love to you all,


holidays, life, top 10 list

Annie’s Top 10 Christmas List – My Wishes for All of You

Snapshot_20141031_10I already posted my Christmas list on wordpress. This is my Christmas wish list for all of you. I feel that each of you deserves to have these things. Merry Christmas.

1. To be in touch with your true selves and to feel good about who you really are.

2. For others to love you just the way you are.

3. For others to support you in your dreams.

4. Kindness and compassion from the world around you.

5. Acceptance for your state of mind, your condition and your feelings.

6. Peace and serenity in your minds.

7. Creativity and ability to express yourself in a way that is helpful to you

8. Comfort and safety of your surroundings.

9. A feeling of hopefulness in your hearts

10. Meaningful connection with other people who understand you

health, holidays, life, mental illness, poem, poetry

Holiday Drivers – Annie’s twisted Christmas Song tune to Deck the Halls about Aggressive Drivers

Holy crap ! I am trying to drive to get my last minute errands done, like everyone else. Some of these people seem to think that their errands are far more important than everyone else’s. They are getting aggressive in the stores as well as on the road.

I still have to go out twice more today. I have to take my teenager to the mall and I have to take my 12 year old to the shoe store. I have Christmas money from her dad to spend. She has bad feet and has been walking in cheep shoes. So finally I can get her a good pair of shoes. This is a Christmas blessing !

So anyway, there are pedestrians walking in front of my car. They were crossing the road at an intersection. The car behind me is beeping like a maniac for me to go. Where am I supposed to go? He wanted me to run the people over ad leave their dead bodies in the street? Good lord!

So I stated to have an anxiety attack from the bullying on the road. In order to cope with it, I started writing a twisted tune in my head. I will work on it more later today, to come up with a few more verses. But I was singing it to myself in the car and I was laughing. It helped to reduce the anxiety until I made it one more mile to my house.

Here is the beginning of it. This is what I was singing to myself a few minutes ago, i the car.

Deck the Halls with Materialism

Fa la la  la la   – la la la la

Hit the people with precision

Fa la la la la – la la la la

Clear the sidewalk

I’m not kidding

Fa la la la la la – la la la

All the time I will be singing

Fa la la la la – la la la la

I have things I have to do

Fa la la la la – la la la la

I don’t care a crap for you

Fa la la la la – la la la la

Hit the bar, then drive to Walmart

Fa la la – la la la – la la la

I don’t hold the door for old farts

Fa la la la la – la la la la

Aggressive driving is my style

Fa la la la la – la la la la 

Guaranteed to crush your smile

Fa la la la la – la la la la 

Screw the drivers in my way

Fa la la- la la la – la la la 

My  middle finger has something to say

fa la la la la -la la la la 

There’s no time  to be polite

fa la la la la – la la la la 

I don’t see the dumb red light

fa la la la la – la la la la 

Domination,  Annihilation

Fa la la – la la la – la la la

You better take your medication

fa la la la la – la la la la

holiday ideas, holidays, life, poetry

Good Night Post and a few words about my poem “It Was Wonderful”

It is time once again for all the sleepy people who are not sleeping t sleep. I just re-read that sentence and it sounds sleepy and somewhat incoherent , But this is my insomnia good night blog, It should be a little bit sleepy sounding. Anyway, it is the best I can do.

I just wrote the last post, It was Wonderful. It is a true story. I danced with that old woman today. She was so sweet and full of life. She was in an assisted living facility where I was volunteering. She was just hanging around by the nurses station.

She wanted to meet all the people as they come and go. She wanted to connect with others and to share herself with everyone who was willing to see her for who she was. I am very blessed i happened to come along at that time.

She greeted everyone and came up with something nice to say to each person. She introduced herself to me. She told me she used to ski and swim and do all kinds of athletic things. She was 95 and still walking very well without a walker or anything.

I said to her “I bet you used to dance” Then she took my hands and began to dance with me to the music that must have been playing in her head. I could almost hear it. She twirled me around and even did one herself. She smiled and laughed and said that we were being very fun and crazy.

She was so full of life. More than I am, a lot of the time. She brought me back to life. She connected me with the feeling of having a passion for life and connection with other people. She is a wonderful, passionate soul.

I do not know if I will ever see her again. But I will always remember her. I thought she was so special that she deserved a poem to be written for her. So I did.

I hope you think of her as you read the poem. I did not even have to take artistic license and exaggerate. She was exactly as I said in the poem. It was easy to write. It is like she gave me the poem on a silver platter, just by being herself.

We should all send loving thoughts her way.

With her little, crazy dance with the strange girl in the hallway (me), she has touched all of our hearts.

Sleep well and think of Elsa, the 95 year old lady with more passion for life than all of us 🙂 Let us open our hearts a little more because of her.

Good night and God bless you all this holiday week.


health, holidays, life, poem, poetry

It was Wonderful

She smiled at me

And began to talk incessantly

On and on

Of funny things and happy things

Of beauty and love

Of passion and hopefulness

I did not know her

I was a stranger to her

But her heart was full of love and life

She told me she was 95 years young

She held my hand

And told me I was beautiful

She hugged me

And we danced together

We danced right there

In the hallway of the nursing home

I don’t know why

I couldn’t tell he no

She wanted to, and so did I

She twirled around and swayed

She was amazing and wonderful

At 95 years old

She knew what was important

She said to me “We are a bit crazy and fun!”

Yes we were

Dancing in the hallway

She reminded me of what is important

At 95 years old…

She loved life

And for a few precious moments

Dancing with her

To the music in her head

I loved life the way she did

And it was wonderful

abnormal psychology, holidays, mental health, mental illness, psychology

Christmas Songs and Post Traumatic Stress

I am different from you

Different from other people

I get anxious about things you find easy

Getting up in the morning is terrifying

I can barely leave the house

I get depressed hearing Christmas songs

You love them

I can’t sit in a room full of people

Like you can

With people who  are laughing

Listening to Christmas songs

Singing the words I have heard before

Year after year

Holidays in my past

Traumatic memories

Post Traumatic Stress

Panic attack

Triggered by Christmas songs

I have to leave the room

It is not rude!

It is self protection

Self preservation

It is not appropriate to cry

Listening to the Christmas songs

Everyone enjoys them

But I am different

The songs bring back bad memories

The holiday is not fun for me

My life is different

Not like yours with packages and bows

Mine is full of tears

And post traumatic stress

That blinds my eyes with tears

And puts knots in my belly

I am different from you

You don’t understand me

You do not have the background

Or the point of view

That you could understand

That I am different than you

I am different than the others

Illness rules my mind

Suffering surrounds me

Christmas songs are sad

To my tortured brain

You will not bother to try

To understand

That I am different from you

posted at my new tumblr site

holidays, life, news

Snowman Cheese Ball ?

I just saw Walmart’s suggested gift list video suggestions on youtube. Third on the list is a cheeseball shaped like a snowman. It occurs to me that this has “Funny Annie Blog” written all over it. It must be written in cheese wiz…….

Something to look forward to for later.
I really am going back to sleep this time. I never procrastinate…or do I … I will put that thought off until later……hmmm…
Snowman cheeseball! Say it outloud and try not to laugh. See if you can do it !

holiday ideas, holidays, life

Amazon shopping … Counting Down…20 hours or 12 hours?

Well it looks like different items have different timers on them. I ordered one that said it had to be ordered within 12 hours and 8 minutes with 2 day shipping to arrive on time. Another item says 20 hours and 15 minutes.

If you have Amazon prime, I think they are still claiming 3 days, but I would order sooner. A couple of years ago, the last minute orders did not arrive on time, even if you ordered within their timer.

My favorite Amazon coupon was from Old Spice which is for body spray.It says, and I quote, “Smellcome to Manhood”

That is the current favorite, As we are counting down, let me know if you see any other funny advertising slogans ! I love to watch the ads and think about the marketing tactics. it is all about psychology. Make them laugh, raise their self-esteem, make them feel guilty, convince them everyone else is doing it, convince them they will be cool to be the first to have it, make them feel clever, put on the pressure that supplies are limited , etc

Ok, back to amazon. Goodnight post forthcoming 🙂


holiday ideas, holiday poem, holidays, poem, poetry

Join Me for Love – poem

See me

For who I am

What I believe in

What my intent is

Know me

For what I love

What I fear

What i need

Like me

For how I laugh

How I play

How I share

Experience me

For how I listen

How I see

How I touch

Join me

In growing close

Making memories

Creating magic

Love me

For how I think

How much  I give

How I understand you

holidays, life

Going Shopping Yay !

The severe pain episode has finally subsided.I feel much better today. The low pressure system from the storm must have been exasperating the joint inflamation of the arthritis. Arthritis is a terrible thing. People who do not live with it cannot see the pain it causes.

I also have herniated discs in my neck. One of them is pressing towards the right and seems to be getting worse. It pinches on the nerves in my neck and sends pain down my arm and it makes my fingers numb. It is hard for me to type a lot of the time because of the numbness.

So today I feel very much better. You don’t truly appreciate feeling well until you are really sick. The pain I had yesterday which started the night before was tormenting. It started in my neck and then went into my jaw (it does that sometimes) then into my head. I had a headache so bad, I could hardly see. My eyes would not focus.

It was also in the joints of my hips and knees.

So Annie is back now! Ready to make everyone laugh a little and cry a little. 🙂

I am going to take my older daughter (she is 17) to Target to choose Christmas presents for herself. Her father just gave me the allotted money yesterday. He wanted to get it to me sooner but there was a problem with his deposit that was not his fault. He really does try hard and I know he loves the girls.

But now I have his credit card and an allotted amount 🙂 Yay !!!

By the way, I am sure I am unique, in that my ex husband will trust me with his credit card with thousands of dollars on it, and trust me to spend only $100. He has done it for years. He never worries about trusting me.

He knows I do not believe in doing bad things that will bite me on my dupa (that is Polish for ass) later on. Besides I am still good friends with him and I would not do anything to betray the friendship.

So off I go with the credit card to shop!! I am usually very poor. I live well below the poverty level. A credit card with $100 to spend on each kid is sooooooooooooooooooooo exciting to me ! They need shoes and clothes and stuff. I can get them some make up and hair stuff too.

Also it is nice to go out with each of them individually. It is good mommy – daughter time.

I feel like Wilma and Betty in the Flintstones cartoon. Do you remember that? When they would get the credit cards from their husbands (fred and barnie) they would say “Charge ! it!)

So funny.. I had no idea when I was a kid what the heck they meant by charge it LOL

The daughter just poked her head into my bedroom to let me know she is ready to go shopping now. Wish me fun !!

I have to take advantage of a low pain day (well on my scale low is probably not low to others) while the opportunity is here!

Good night post will be forthcoming !