The art of unconditional love seems to be becoming a rare commodity. This is unfortunate, because we need to live in an environment that supports our emotional health.
Nurturing relationships are important for our mental well being and our overall health. We need people to confide in and to be able to count on to be there for us.
Not only do many people never experience what it would feel like for someone to treat them with unconditional love, some people have never experienced it at all.
I would even go as far to say that some people do not know what a relationship of unconditional love would look or feel like. People that grew up without unconditional love often do not know how to find it as an adult.
This society has become one based on “dealing out” affection, appreciation and love as if it were a commodity.
There are different types of love in different kinds of relationships to each other.
Friendship love is different from romantic love. Love of a mentor is different from love for an elderly neighbor that has been like a grandmother to you have known for years.
Unconditional love should ideally be two sided. One sided unconditional love can become a situation of manipulation and abuse. There are plenty of examples of one-sided unconditional love relationships.
These one-sided unconditional love relationships often involve one selfless person who understands this concept and another person who takes advantage of it. Relationahips like these are likely to end up being exploitative and abusive.
Healthy relationships should support you, rather than pull you down. Unconditional love is when two people choose to love and care about each other.
That love is not contingient on the person being perfect. It is based on loving someone for who they are as a person.
Withholding of love and affection is not used as a weapon. Love is not handed out based on someone acting like the person you want them to be. It is not withheld as a tool to manipulate them into compliance.
I am not referring to feeling closer to someone when they are being closer to you. I am not discouraging giving someone approval when they are loving to you.
A relationship of mutual unconditional love is a choice to try to be patient. It is not jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst about someone.
It is giving someone a chance to communicate with you in a non-judgemental atmosphere of kindness.
Relationahips where both people choose daily treat the other person with value and respect can be rewarding and foster an atmosphere of calmness, trust and safety. These are relationahips where both people can grow and live in a mentally and emotionally supportive environment.
Our society seems to be getting more and more competitive and it is becoming more focused on individual achievement than on relationships.
There is generally more value placed on external representations of worldly success than there is value for interpersonal hhumanity and kindness.
Predators who seek out and target victims for exploitation, in a variety of ways, are becoming more skilled. There are even blogs and web sites that are designed to instruct people how to be more narcissistic.
These blogs I have come across teach that the Machiavellian philosphy of “the ends justifies the means” and they condone man’s inhumanity to man.
As a sensitive or empathic person it is difficult to avoid becoming victimized by people with little or no empathy. Once people are victimized or severely emotionally (or otherwise) injured, they often retreat into a safety zone of distrusting others.
Even one or two relationships in your life that are based on unconditional love and kindness, would add great value and comfort to your life. There are still people who have the ability to offer this to you.
The people that still understand the value of relationships are also sometimes the ones who are most easily injured by the people who see no value in trusting relationships. Other people have become bitter and no longer believe anyone is worth bothering with.
Finding these golden few caring relationships in your life isdifficult. Lessons are often learned in painful, sometimes devastating ways.
Learning about abusive personalities and how to deal with manipulative people has now become a survival skill. It is necessary to know the red flags of an abusive person and to be able to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship early on.
In order to find healthy friendships and partner relationships we must learn how to set healthy boundaries. In turn we have to respect the boundaries of others.
Wasting our time on relationahips that do not nurture and support us is time we could be spending with someone much better for us.
Even interactions with family members who deplete our energy, and lower our self esteem, should be minimized.
Life is too short and you are to valueable to settle for unfullfilling relationahips. Material things do not make up for meaningful relationships.
Value yourself and believe that there are people who would value you for the person who you are inside. You are worth it and your quality of life matters.
GentleKindness 