blog awards, blogging, mental health blog, mental illness, mental illness blog

Encouraging Thunder and the Sunshine Blogger Award

Encouraging Thunder Award.

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Thank you to Peace From Panic   for nominating me for the Encouraging Thunder Award. I appreciate that you thought of me 🙂

Here are the rules that I copy and pasted from the post that nominated me.

The Rules:

  1. Post it on your blog.
  2. Grant other bloggers the award.

What you cannot do:

  1. Abuse or misuse the logo.
  2. Claim that it is your own handmade logo.

What you should do after receiving the Encouraging Thunder Award:

  1. Enjoy the award!
  2. At least give thanks via comments, likes and/or mentioning the blog that you received the award from.
  3. Mention your purpose in blogging.

Happy Blogging!

Awakening Our Inner and Interconnection

Poems from a Fractured Mind

A Bipolars Reality

The Ninth Life

Blog of a Mad Black Woman

Mental Illness talk

Retkon Poet

Idealistic Rebel

Quantum Physics

Family Estrangement

My purpose in blogging is to find my voice. I want to be able to express my feelings and thoughts in a meaningful way to to reach out to others who are also struggling to find their voices !

sunshine-blogger-award-300x300 (1)

I would like to thank Mon from  Transcend Blog   for nominating me for the  Sunshine Blogger  awardThank you for thinking of me!!

My nominees are

wanderingsufidotcom

Unbolt

Where Words Daily Come Alive

The Joshua Generation Ministries

Sheri De Grom

Heavenly Berry24

Invoke Delight

Ramblings of the Claury

Mairacharmed

Yoshiko

Here are my questions for my nominees…

Check out this link

http://corevalueslist.com/

Then write down 10-15 of the most important and meaningful core values to you.  Circle your top 5.

You do not have to post this if you do not want to. But it will be helpful to you in order to keep your focus and your passion for your work and other things you do 🙂

Here are the answers to the Questions I was asked

QUESTIONS FOR NOMINEES

What are your views about my blog?

I like your blog. It is very interactive with the readers. It has a variety of different topics that are meaningful to your readers.

  1. Who do you consider your blogger twin?
  2. I have never heard this term before. I guess it would be someone who has similar values and messages to yours. I am not really sure who I would choose as a blogger twin.
  3. What is your favorite book?
  4. The Five Love Languages
  5. One inspirational song?
  6. Don’t You Worry Bout a Thing by Stevie Wonder
  7. Your favorite quote?
  8. Live Love Laugh
  9. One way we can be a kinder person?
  10. Try to suspend any preconceived ideas about someone based on their race, religion, color, clothing etc. Get to know them for the individual person that they are inside.
  11. One of the bloggers you can’t miss a post from?
  12. Blahpolar Diaries

  13. One writing trick that you use?
  14. I do not really think of writing that way. I write posts differently depending on the type of post. I guess I would say to write as if the person reading it has no idea about the topic at all. Explain things you are talking about or give links that would be helpful if they do not know the topic.

Sorry about all those numbers along the side. They followed me when I copied and pasted and I cannot get rid of them. I think they are stalking me !!!! AHhh

 

blogging, mental health blog, mental illness blog

1,005 Posts

blogging too much meme

I meant to post something when I got to 1,000 posts. I noticed when I got to 987 and then I don’t know what happened but now I guess there are 1,005. I really do not think I could possibly have written that many things, but apparently I have. LOL

So, yay  me or holy crap you need to get out of the bed Annie ! 🙂

  • POSTS1,005
  • VIEWS21,219
  • VISITORS8,735
  • BEST VIEWS EVER236JUNE 29, 2015
depression, mental abuse, mental health, mental health blog, mental illness, mental illness blog

Depression and Identity

From time to time I check the search terms that google connected to my page. If you do not know, this is a  feature on your Stats page that tell you what terms people typed in that they ended up at your blog from. 

Once in a while I see one that looks similar to kinds of things I write about but I have not written a post specifically about that search phrase. Today was one of those times.

I saw the search phrase depression and identity crisis. I have gone around this issue with various topics but I do not think I have written anything that is directly helpful with that topic, so I wanted to offer some of my thoughts about that. I do not know if the person who searched that will ever end up back at my blog again. 

If they were meant to read this post then they will. I believe that there are many other people that have issues surrounding identity and also suffer from depression. I think this goes back to root causes in childhood and lack of independence and autonomy being encouraged and supported.

There are other situations which can also cause identity crisis, which do not necessarily go back to childhood wiring. That topic would warrant its own post, so I will think about that issue and write a post about it later this week. For this post let us think about depression as it relates to a flickering sense of identity that was never strongly established during childhood….or the right to have a unique identity was not  there during childhood or teenage years.

There are developmental stages when we are growing up and some of them are related to developing a sense of self, a sense of personal boundaries and a sense of autonomy.

If these stages are interfered with by living with a narcissistic parent, an alcoholic parent, abandonment of a parent, divorce, or other traumatic childhood situations, then it can carry into adulthood, because the self was not fully detached from other people.

We have the right to be individual people with individual feelings. If we were made to have to cater constantly to the needs and problems of a parent, then we may not have been able to develop that individual self that exists and feel outside of the parent. We are made to be an extension of the parent, a tool of the parent, or a parent to the parent.

These kinds of dysfunctional situations are damaging to the identity development. As adults these children are thrown into a world with other people who have clear boundaries, but without proper defenses themselves.

If someone spent their childhood unable to express their feelings and thoughts, then they will naturally have trouble identifying their individuality and identity as an adult. 

Here is one exercise / technique that I can give you to help with identity issues. This is sometimes better done when the exercises are guided by a therapist or a Life Coach.

Identifying Your Own Feelings

When you are in a situation where you feel that someone is causing you to feel in a certain way, try this.

Try to mentally detach yourself from the situation and picture that you are watching the conversation that you are in, on a tv set. Listen and see the person talking to you, as if you were watching them on tv. Also see yourself as if you were watching on the tv. 

This will pull you away from a lot of the emotion of the interaction.

Then watch what the other person is doing and saying. See their body language,  their tone of voice, and their behaviors. What are they saying? Are they communicating with you in a way that is straightforward?  Are they baiting you with comments to get sympathy or attention?

Try to watch this tv program and see if the character that is talking to you is trying to elicit an emotional reaction out of you…or are they trying to rationally solve a problem. If they are trying to get an emotional reaction out of you then stay detached and just observe them.

While you have them on your tv show or movie, begin to feel your own feelings about the situation. Do not allow them to tell you how you feel, or how you should feel . Identify your own unique feelings and thoughts about them, the situation and about yourself. Do not allow them to tell you how to feel about  yourself, or to make you feel guilty about things that you do not have to feel guilty about.

This is a beginning of separating your own identity from the other person, and from other people in general. When other people try to tell you who you are, what to feel and how to think, you must begin to separate your own thoughts from the ones of the other person.

If you can practice this then you will begin to feel like a separate person from other people. You are you and they are them. It is easy for people who went through through the proper developmental stages of emotional and social development, but for people with C-PTSD, this is not something that they ever learned to do.

Depression in people with C-PTSD can be related to not feeling a right to their own feelings and thoughts. It feels like people are always dominating conversations and telling you how to think and feel. A therapist or a Life Coach that specializes in C-PTSD can guide you to be able to separate your own identity from that of other people.

You can deal better with depression if you are able to feel that you have a right to your feelings, and also that you have a right to express your feelings and thoughts to others.

domestic abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, mental abuse, mental health, mental health blog, mental illness, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse

Do Not Set Yourself on Fire to Keep Your Partner Warm and Comfortable

save yourself memeYou do not have to tolerate unfair treatment and unreasonable demands from your partner. If you are not being listened to and your needs are not being heard then you will begin to lose your feeling of worthiness.

Your thoughts and feelings matter. You should have a partner that listens and cares about your needs. Your needs are as important in a relationship as the other person’s are.

The longer you stay in a relationship where someone else’s needs are always the priority the more you will become invisible. The more invisible you feel , the lower your self esteem will get. The lower your self esteem gets, the more you will become dependent on the toxic partner.

The more dependent you feel on them, the harder it will be to leave them. The more they realize that they have been successful in their efforts to make you become dependent, the more manipulative and abusive they will be to you.

no contact ribbon

If you have gotten out of the abusive relationship then keep the No Contact rule. The only reason for having to have contact is by court orders due to mutual children with the abuser.

If you must have minimal contact due to court order, keep the contact through email where you can keep documentation of everything they say and also what you say. That way they cannot make up lies about you.

Taking a phone call from a past narcissistic abuser will open you up to further abuse. They will try to hoover you back in with promises and lies. You are only being used and manipulated.

My ex contacted me 4 months after discarding me in a cruel way. He sent two dozen red roses. He put a note in the flowers about my being a wonderful person and that he misses me.

He wanted me to do something for him. It was the only reason he would contact me

Part of me wanted to believe that he missed me. I cried when I was arranging the beautiful roses in the vase. I wished he did really love me. I remembered his false promises of us working together and buying a house together. He even showed me pictures of properties he was considering in various states. Hours of looking at beautiful houses only to keep me doing work for him. I cried as I wished the flowers were from someone who meant them in an honest way.

He emailed me about how I was doing and said he hoped that I was okay. He said he missed me.

I emailed him back …breaking the No Contact rule…which was bad. I did tell him that I would not talk to him on the phone though.

I did however implement the Grey Rock Technique with him. If you do not know what this is, I will give a brief description.

When you are faced with interaction from a past abuser, who seems interested in seeing you again, you do not fight back. You act neutral and non emotional. You can say something vague to them, like you hope their life is good and that you are busy right now with your own. Act disinterested and unemotional, rather than angry at them or hurt by them.

Even negative “supply”  like your feeling angry at them, counts as “narcissistic supply”  to them and they feed off of that. They will like to see that they were able to make such an impact on you as to hurt you.

So, I did not say anything emotional in the email, but I told him that I had been very ill , which I had , and I was still very ill. I let him know that I was too sick to do things.

If he cared about me then he would have responded to that email about my being in the hospital and being sick. But he never responded. He could care less if I died in the hospital due to my immune system crashing over the stress of the abuse. It might even make him feel victorious. But I did  not suggest that I had been sick since he left me.

I merely let him know that I was not well enough to any work for him. I assumed that he needed some work done for his company. That is what he always used me for in the past. Marketing, web design, making phone calls, etc

But when I told him I was ill, he never contacted me again. I was Broken Narcissistic Supply. I was no good to him because I could not work.

You see the lack of empathy that any normal person would have here? Any ex that contacted you and they found out you had been ill, would at least respond with  “I am sorry to hear that you have been sick”

If they approached you in the first place, sent you flowers, and told you great you are, why would they not respond to you telling them you had been in the hospital?

Because they do not care. They were only lying to get something out of you. If you appear to be disinterested in them, then you are not good narcissistic supply. If you appear to be sick then you are also not good narcissistic supply.

They reduced you to an object, a property they are entitled to, a tool to be used. There is no emotion like kindness or compassion.

All interacting with will do is get you ending up being used again, or being hurt again when you see how there is absolutely no compassion for you at all. You will only be retraumatized by their lack of humanity. You will get hit in the face with all the lies they told you in the past and the false promises of a future with them.

Do what I say, not what I do…..

I made a mistake to respond to him. It only hurt me. But at least I did not let him manipulate me into working for him. If I had taken a phone call from him, he would have had a better chance to get my sympathy by crying and telling me how the business is crashing and I am the only one who can save it.

These were only games before. I have heard the You are the Only one who can save me before. Then I was replaced by others who he said were better than me at this and that. He suddenly criticized and demeaned my work that was previously amazing.

Lest we forget….narcissists  are all about the games,,,they will beat you if you play.

Why?

Because it is their  game and they have played it a lot longer than you have. They know they rules and they make up new rules as they go along.

They will always win because they have no feelings like the ones you have of compassion, guilt, remorse. They can do things and not carry remorse for them. How can you compete with that.

Just do not play. Trust me.

blogging, mental health, mental health blog, mental illness blog

Once a Victim Now a Survivor

once-a-victim-now-a-survivor-award

I am happy to have been nominated for this particular award. I have never seen it before but I think it is a wonderful idea.

Thank you to Transparent Honesty – One Strong Soul for nominating me 🙂

I have  chosen the following nominees for this award. They are all special people and are not listed in any particular order.

Art by Rob Goldstein

Hummingbird Redemption

My Travels with Depression

Silvergirl

Better not broken

Addicted to Love and Drama

The Bipolar Chic

Whispers on the Sighs of Dreams

Killing me Softly

Life Matters

Darque Thoughts

Healing Your Grief

Sunfire and Thunderstorms

This award is for those who have gone through mental illness of any kind, abuse, trauma, and especially PTSD. Here are the rules:

  1. Thank the blogger that nominated you
  2. Nominate 5 – 10  bloggers to pass the award to
  3. Post 5 questions for your nominees to answer (you may use the same as these below)
  4. Inform your nominees and post a comment in their blog to let them know they’ve been nominated

Here are the questions for my nominees. Feel free to skip any questions that you want to skip. You can fill in your own questions as you feel appropriate.

1.  In what ways do you feel that blogging can help people with psychological trauma  or mental illness?

2. How has blogging helped you with your healing, or your personal journey?

3. What books, movies, or YouTube channels would you recommend to someone with a similar background to you?

Here are the answers to the questions that were given to me.

When did you start your blog and what inspired you? 

I started my blog in October. I did not know anything about blogging or the blogging community. I just happened to find out that I could post writings on WordPress and I thought I would try it. I was surprised about the community interaction and I was surprised at the positive response to my posts.

What types of blogs do you follow?

I follow blogs about various things including mental illness, domestic abuse, poetry, philosophy, and blogs about people who are unique and original thinkers.

How many revisions does it take before you push the publish button

I usually check through what I wrote once or twice before I hit publish.

What’s the best thing about you and what have you learned from blogging? 

I like to interact with people in a one on one basis. I can do this in person, on the phone or in the comments sections of my posts. I am finishing Life Coaching training and I want to use this skill to help other people.

I have learned many things from blogging. I have developed better self esteem and self confidence. I have learned that there are people that accept me for who I am. I have also learned that when I spend time learning new things that it helps to calm down anxiety and sometimes depression.

Do you have other blogs?

I have a poetry blog called Annie’s Poetry. I also have a blog that is for the victims of domestic abuse. I have a bipolar disorder blog and I have a Guitar with Annie blog. .

blogging, life, mental health blog

Good news, bad news, frustrating news, best news …

I took my broken laptop to Best Buy this evening. As many of you know I have been blogging on my cell phone, which is a bit frustrating. ..Aaahhhhh!!# oh, sorry. ..Ok, Very Frustrating.

The bad news is that there is damage to the keyboard and also some kind of software damage or a virus.

The great news is that I must have purchased a two year protection plan that includes hardware because they found that in their computer.

So, the work on the computer is covered and if a new keyboard is needed to replace the damaged one, that is covered too.

The inconvenient news is that the laptop will be at the surgeon doctor for two weeks.

The best news is that my ex husband has taken pity on me and is lending me his laptop for the two weeks mine is at the doctor.

So, I will have his laptop starting tomorrow and I can stop blogging via my little android phone.

Oh, and I can make memes at Image Chef again, which I really enjoy doing and missed.

Say YAY !!

Annie ❤