Predators, Narcissists and Sociopaths

The phrase “beware the wolves in sheeps’s clothing ” originates from the bible. That shows you how far back into history that humans were made up of predators and targets.

It is not an epidemic. I have heard this term “narcissist epidemic” and it is misleading. It implies that this is a new problem and that the problem is getting worse.

It is not a new problem. It is most certainly an old problem that continues to exist. The problem of sociopaths, psychopaths, and people with narcissistic personality disorder has always existed.

It should be considered number one on the public health crisis list. It has always been so.

People will say that no one is born with a predisposition to have a cluster b personality disorder. They will say that is is caused by the abuse from that person’s parents.

There are a few problems in logic with that idea.  Who started the problem of child abuse? Who were the first abusers ?

Logically there had to originally be people abusing their children that were not abused themselves.  It had to begin someplace, at some point, with people that were naturally abusive, or people that chose to be abusive because they had a Machiavellian outlook on life.

After that, the children of those abusers, either came out to be traumatized and have c-ptsd  or they came out to be narcissists and sociopaths and psychopaths.

All children of abusive parents do not become abusers. Many children of abusive parents are some of the most compassionate people you could meet.

It is not true that narcissists had a greater level of abuse and that the people that didn’t choose to be abusers had less abuse.

After over 150 coaching clients. I can tell you that there are plenty of people that grew up with horrific abuse, that did not turn out to be sociopaths or narcissists. They did not decide to hurt others intentionally, just because someone hurt them. Tbey did not choose a lifestyle that is based in machiavellian values.

Cluster b people chose their approach to the world.  There is some genetic predisposition. But in the end, they made a choice of how to deal with others and how to run their lives.

Machiavellian philosophy says the ends justifies the means. So it doesn’t matter who you hurt or who’s lives you ruin to get what you want.

People that operate this way are not always easy to spot. I tend to recognize them faster than I used to. It comes with experience, but it is experience that I don’t suggest you gain.

The old warning was accurate. “Beware the wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

Everyone claiming to be a victim is not one. Everyone claiming to be vulnerable or suffering is not what they seem to be.

Sociopaths and narcissists will lie to mislead you.

They will lie about their feelings and emotions. They will lie about things that happened or did not happen.

They will lie about what they think of you. They will lie about what they think of themselves.

They will lie about how they plan to treat you. They will lie about how they have treated others, in the past.

They will lie about what they want for you in the future. They will lie about what they intend to do, in regards to you, in the future.

They will lie about how others see you. They will lie about what others say about you.

They will mislead you about your potential. They will confuse and deceive you, until you doubt your own ability to perceive reality properly. Ad then, the games really begin to get dark.

Live your life and interact with others. Just keep the wisdom with you. All people are not what they first appear to be.

If your intuition is telling you something is wrong, it probably is.

 

Your Journey Moving Forward

Well, 2019 was a torturous year for me.  Now it is 2020, and I am taking new actions, designed to be more condusive to the journey I want to be on.

It takes time to move things in a new direction. The steps and consistency in those steps can mean pain. But at least you will be choosing your pain, and making moves based on your own mind.

If you don’t choose your pain, someone will choose it for you. And most likely it will be to build their agenda.

So, be free and think for yourself. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, because mistakes are part of moving forward.

Be accountable, but not judgemental of yourself.

If you realize something you tried didn’t work, then learn from it and move on. Don’t dwell on anything negative.

Don’t let other people’s judgement and opinions, about what you are doing, get  into your head. Brush them off.

Only your opinion really matters about how you are living your life, and building your future. You can modify and adapt your plan as you go along.

Make plans and take actions that match your values, your priorities and how you want to live.

If you don’t establish what means something to you, and why you are doing what you are doing, someone will do it for you. And then you will be wasting time serving someone else’s agenda.

 

It’s Okay to Feel

It’s okay to experience your feelings . You are human and it is human to feel emotions, in all their complexity.

It is about balance and the ability to live your life, emotios and all. Sometimes we have to just do the next logical thing, based on what we know. We may not feel like taking any action, when we are overwhelmed by emotion, but when action needs to be taken, it needs to be taken.

It is part of the maturing process into adulthood, and into healing, to be able to keep moving forward to take care of ourselves.

There can be time to think about and process emotions. You have to assess the situation and decide when action needs to happen right now instead. Then time can be allowed for thinking about the feelings afterwards.

Don’t overthink or judge your negative feelings. They are just visitors for a time. They don’t have to stay permanently.

To judge yourself for feeling a certain way is counterproductive. Accept yourself and accept the feelings that arise.

Don’t identify with them to where you feel defined by them. They are just occuring. They are not you.

Ask different questions than the ones you are asking now.  We tend to ask “why” questions, but they can be counterproductive.

Ex : “Why did they treat me that way?”

“Why didn’t I see that coming ?”

“Why do these things always happen to me ?”

“Why am I so …”

“Why did I do …”

Change the questions to generate a more resourceful state of mind.

Ex: ” What can be done next ?”

“How can I make this work?”

“What would a better plan be ?”

“How can I adjust this course of action?”

“What can I take with me from this and move on?”

Re-framing the questions you are askng yourself, will help guide your mindset back a problem solving one.

 

Lovely Blues and Greens with Pink

Photo taken at sunset, in Rockaway New Jersey.

Color editing and enhancement expressing the mood.

If it Walks like a Duck….

Watching the tv series “Grimm” tonight, reminded me that we all have a frame of reality that we were taught long ago.

As children we were conditioned to perceive things in a certain way.  We were taught by our families, our culture, our friends, and our particular religion, to accept certain realities and to reject others.

Any reality which we were conditioned to reject, was programmed into our subconscious as basically invisible.

We were conditioned to create certain associations about types of people. The brain can sum up a stranger in a manner of seconds based on the way they are dressed, their body language, and the way they speak.

This subconscious categorizing of people can protect you from danger and guide you towards the right person to ask for help. But not all of the things we were taught were correct.

Some lessons were taught to us by misguided, though well meaning, family members,  friends and teachers. People tend to hold onto whatever they were taught growing up. Therefore they pass the same biases and inaccuracies down to the next generation.

Each generation then tried to assess and rearrange their own thoughts and beliefs to fit their own situations, but there is often a lot of bleeding over of false beliefs from one generation to the next.

While grouping certain types of people into “safe” and “unsafe” categories can serve us to a great degree, it can also lead us right into danger.  It can also  lead  us away from people that would benefit our lives if we got to know them.

Your intuition is always your best and first line of defense. It also can suggest to you to go in a certain direction, even when you’ve been conditioned not to.

But typically we are taught to ignore our intuition…our gut feelings…and lean towards whatever biases we were brought up with.

Depending on what kind of parents you had growing up, you might have been given a feeling of independence and  confidence in your own judgement. But that’s not always the case.

You may have had parents that were controlling and manipulative. They may have intentionally crushed down your confidence, as well as your faith  in your intuition. They may have programmed you to believe that their opinions were somehow superior to your own senses.

You may have even been intentionally mislead about how to assess the people that you meet, as far as who to trust and who to run from.

Whether it was intentional or not, the things you learned as a child were taken in by your brain and processed at the age level that they were given to you.  Then those beliefs were reinforced,  or even contradicted to confuse you, at various ages growing up.

No matter what,  the things you learned about your world as a child, must be re-evaluated as an adult.

We cannot rely on what we were taught as children.

We cannot rely on what parents with a hidden agenda, or even good – intentioned parents conditioned us to believe.

We most certainly cannot rely on our own interpretation as a child, on those same things that were taught to us.

As adults, we must identify what beliefs are being held in our subconscious. Then we need to evaluate the truth of those beliefs. We also need to decide which of those beliefs are serving us well, and which ones might actually be harming us.

Our brain will find simple ways of making judgements because it’s faster and takes up less energy and time. If we don’t consciously think about things, we will go right to the associations that were conditioned into us as children.

No one ever told us to re-check these associations as adults. The people that wanted certain beliefs and biases programmed into you will probably  not come forward and tell you to re-evaluate them for yourselves now.

The end result is a tendency to change the facts right in front of you, in order to make them fit your beliefs.

The better option is to look at the facts realistically,  and then to re – evaluate your beliefs to fit the facts.

When you alter the facts, reframe the facts, disregard what you see to be true, or generalize things to fit what you were taught, you are in danger of more brainwashing,  and mind control.

You are in danger of letting that “perfect stranger” right into your house, because you were taught to categorize them as safe, when they may be exactly to opposite. Even if your gut is telling you to keep away, your subconscious belief system is pushing  you to make quick associations.

You can miss opportunities that might be really good for your future, because you were taught to be suspicious of certain things, or you were told time and time again that “someone like you” can’t achieve certain things.

Maybe you were taught that “someone like you” can’t attract certain kinds of people. Maybe you were covertly conditioned that certain types of friends or jobs are out of your reach.

Possibly,  someone was trying to protect you from disappointment, because they were infused with the same beliefs …. that they could not have certain things, or attract certain kinds of people who are “better” than they are.

Or maybe someone conditioned you to deny yourself opportunities because they actually had some hidden agenda for keeping you sheltered from knowing what you can actually do in your life. Maybe they wanted to keep your self esteem low, so they could wield a certain degree of control over you.

It could be that a teacher you had was the one that taught you to “stay in your place” to the degree that you are still holding a subconscious belief that you actually have a “place” or a status that you were born to stay in.

As adults, we need to re-teach ourselves. We need to re – train our brains to see what we see, and to believe things based on what we discover to be true.

As creative beings, we have the right to our passion and our personal inspiration.

You have a right to your dreams, your visions and to realize any talents that you think you might have.

Also remember that your intuition is there to serve you. If someone or something doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t.

If something feels like its calling you, then don’t give up and run the other way just because someone once told you that those kinds of dreams are for some other kind of person.

Protect yourself and prioritize your needs and desires, rather than always strive to fit within whatever box you were told was yours to fit into.

Let yourself let go of  whatever mental chains were placed on you at a young age.

Love others who deserve your love. Help others when you can, but not to the point where you are being used and exploited.

If it’s walks like a duck and talks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck.

Midnight Shadows

 

While most of the world around you sleeps, the little terrors crawl up the back of your neck, and knock to get it.

You know better than to let them enter, but the coldness on the back of your neck becomes intolerable and you just open a small crack.

Slowly the thoughts begin to sleep and slide and ooze … like a thick black oil that darkens everything  it touches.

The 2 am delusion has begun to awaken… and the shadows now begin to form. …in your mind….

…and in the left far corner of the room.. ..

You watch as the shadows melt into a form. The form will slither and sway from side to side, inevitably taking on the shape of something ominous. The night’s shadows play harmless tricks…or so people say. But as you blink your eyes once…twice…and again…that form becomes more solid and lifelike.

The veil between the daytime reality and the icy cold hand on the back of your neck becomes blurred, as you pull the blankets up and cover your head.

Only your fingertips peek out from underneath the blanket that you have diminishing faith in to protect you.

And you wonder if these black shadows started in your own mind…how they are now standing above you.

You can’t see them.

The blanket is covering your eyes.

But you know just the same.

The darkness is real … as long as you focus on it.

Your attention gives it power and makes it grow.

And as you focus your attention on not focusing on the shadows….they snicker at you with contempt.

Sleep tight!

( image souce from Pinterest)

 

 

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Guided Meditation for Anxiety

Moments of Clarity – Guided Meditation Poetry

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image from pinterest

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You can feel the sensual texture

Of the cold grass under your feet

Its wetness between your toes

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The healing warmth of sunlight

Streaming its goodness

Onto your neck and shoulders

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And down your arms

Ahead in the distance you see

The most perfect house you can

Imagine with every detail exactly

The way it would have been

If you had built it in a dream

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You create, conduct and orchestrate

Each tiny sound that you hear

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The sounds occur at once with

Your inner hearing and desires

Each birdsong and the whisper

Of the wind through the

Rustling trees that stand strong

Yet sway with a dance-like magic

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As if they are at once set upon

Their wisdom and beliefs yet

Able to adapt and flow with the

Unexpected and the unpredictable

As if they innately realize that

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Resilience has the characteristics

Of water as well as of rock…

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You venture forward towards

That beautiful dwelling and at once

You recognize it is yours because

It has every tiny detail

In just the perfect way you would

Want it to be and have dared not

Even think to dream of having but

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This is the moment to dream

In perfect clarity and minute detail

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Yes surely this is the moment

For dreams to become clear

Because we exist in both realms

At once the waking world reality

And the dream state of illusion

Where we dare or where we don’t

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Where we can accept what we see

Or create something new

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Create

With the paint brush of your imagination

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Because the more you believe

Is possible in your dreams

The more you will manifest here

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 The physical world that seems unalterable

Compared to your dream reality but

But is actually less solid and set

Than you have been conditioned

to believe and to perceive

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By others since the day you were born

But this very moment is not the

Time for thinking nor regret

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It is not the time for blidly following

Anyone or anything

Because this moment

Is the only moment there is

The moment that can influence future

but not by worrying about future

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This present moment 

That you have been conditioned to discard

For past and for future moments

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And interpretations of those

Invisible realities which they will

Tell you are more important

Than the only moment which

Really exists which is now

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So revel in its power asleep

Create in its power awake

And open your inner eyes to see

What is hidden but in plain sight

 

 

 

 

 

 

Empowerment is Within You Right Now !