Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

Parents with narcissistic personality disorder never think of their adult children as adults. There is no respect for boundaries or your right to make your own decisions.

While other parents guide their children to become independent adults, narcissistic parents attempt to condition their children to serve their agenda.

Whether you are the golden child or the scapegoat is dependent on a variety of factors. Usually one child is chosen to be the golden child. If they comply with the wishes of the narcissistic parent, then they will probably retain that role. Otherwise they are in danger of being knocked off of the pedestal.

The scapegoat child is often the one that insisted on being authentic and questioned or exposed the methods of the narcissistic parent. Other times the scapegoated child just got that role because there was already a golden child in place.

The narcissistic parent projects the qualities of their grandios false self onto the chosen one…the golden child. There is unreasonable pressure put onto this child to live up to what the parent demands.

Scapegoated children can be subjected to mobbing by the family members. The narcissist creates the narrative for the family. Anyone who does not follow blindly is usually punished.

As part of this shared psychosis, created by the narcissist, the blame for any faults, failures or shortcomings of the narcissist will be put onto the scapegoat.

Different families have somewhat different dynamics, since there can be more than two children. Some children may be ignored completely because they do not fill the role of either the golden child or the scapegoat.

Anyone can be knocked off the pedestal at any time. Narcissists can be vindictive and quick to punish with emotional or other means.

Adult children of narcissistic parents carry trauma from their childhood. How they interact with the narcissistic parent may keep them in a childish lifestyle, or they may divorce the narcissistic parent and break contact with them.

Other adult children struggle to maintain independence while the narcissist makes their lives a living hell.

Learning about narcissism and pathological liars, can help you to understand why your relationship with your parents is like other people’s. Malignant narcissists are master deceivers and manipulators.

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent then you may be suffering from C-PTSD from emotional, mental or other abuses. Finding out more about emotional trauma and C-PTSD can help you to find freedom from the narcissistic chains that bind you.

Even if you have gone No Contact, or have limited contact, the emotional trauma and emotional flashbacks can still permeate your life.

🌷Check out the gentlekindness facebook page and gentlekindnesscoaching.com site for more information and help with Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

 

 

 

Overcoming Perfectionism for Business

Take a step. Do something that you want to do, even if you are not exactly sure where it will lead you. 

You have heard the phrase  “Ready, Fire, Aim,” but there an adaptation of that quote by Thomas Peters and Bob Waterman. 

“Ready, Aim, Fire. “

I love this quote. You do not always know exactly what to do or how to do it. You cannot predict what how other people will respond to your ideas. But if you have an idea, you should go for it.

It might be an idea for your blog, or a business idea you have. If you try something, then you will see how people react to it. You can always tweak it later. 

You can use the information you gather from the feedback that you get. Then you can adapt based on that feedback. 

If you wait until you think it is perfect, before trying something then you may never go for it.

The only way to know what things will work is to try something and then try something else. 

Perfectionism is the desire to do things perfectly and the fear of not being perfect. But no one is perfect and the world is unpredictable. 

Your journey to discover your possibilities will have failures and successes. You might be surprised how well an idea you have will work. If something does not work quite the way you expected then ask people for their opinions. 

If you are not sure what your target audience is then you will discover this along the way. If you do have an idea who your target audience is, then you can try to see things from their point of view.

Put yourself in their shoes and always think of the people who will be experiencing you. Think of what those people need and what their values are. 

The emotions of people are important when you think of business or blog ideas.

Entrepreneurs are pioneers of their own unique ideas. Your frontier is in front of you and all around you. 

You can give people something that will inspire and challenge them.

You discover what you can do as you go along. You have to take one step at a time. Do not be afraid to try something that you think might be a good idea. 

Ready, Fire, Aim. It can work. You can evaluate the feedback and connect with people in an honest way. 

People respond to others who seem human like they are. You do not have to pretend to be perfect. It just makes you look pretentious and above them. People like to do business with people that are real like they are.