art, clouds photography, life, nature, parenting, photography, single mom, single mother

My Daughter and I Took These Cloud Photos

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My 12 year old daughter loves to take pictures with my cell phone. Any time she sees anything that looks like it would make a good photo, we stop and take pictures. She has gotten very good at keeping an eye out for beautiful nature.  

Every now and then I have to find a place to pull the car over, especially if it is a rainbow or a sunset that is limited by time. Otherwise if we are almost to where we are going, then we get the pictures when we get to the place and park the car.

These were taken last week from a parking lot of a doctor’s office. We got them when we came out from the appointment before we got into the car to drive home. 

life, mental health, parenting, Preteen kids parenting, single mom, single mother, single parent

First Cake Baked by my Daughter

My 12 year old daughter asked me if she could learn to bake. I suggested cookies but she had her heart set on cake, so cake it was!

Chocolate cake with pink icing

This was about two weeks ago. She enjoyed the baking, even though the cake came out a bit lop sided.

I always make lop sided cakes. It has been that way for years. My kids are so used to them that they expect cakes to look that way.

They have never complained and have always enjoyed them. They taste good.

I enjoyed this quality time with my daughter. Maybe baking will become a favorite activity of hers.

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life, single mom, single mother, working mom

Dreaming of the Beach

Beach Dreaming………………………………………

I have not been on a vacation since I was married and on my honeymoon, which was only a visit to my aunt in Connecticut. We could not afford a hotel, so we stayed with my wonderful aunt, who was great, but it was not really a honeymoon.

That would have been quite  while ago, because my daughter is 18 and we were married three years before we had her. So, I guess that 3 day vacation was about 22 years ago.

My husband decided to look for martial arts schools to go visit and work out in, and leave me at my aunt’s  house. He also ruined the honeymoon by scheduling something that cut our vacation short. So, it was three days at my aunt’s house and he only spent some of the time with me.

That is how my marriage started and it got worse from there.

In college, I had a sweet boyfriend and we drove to Florida one time. My father was living there and stayed with him. It was the last real vacation, with beach and ocean time, that I ever had. I was 19 years old then. Now I am 49.

I love the ocean. The way it smells. The way it sounds. The way it looks when the sun sparkles on the waves.

In high school, about 9th grade, before my mother left my step father, we used to go as a family to Ocean City , Baltimore. My step father had a timeshare there. He would take my mother, my sister and I a few times a summer. We stayed for a week or so, eating at nice restaurants and sunning at the pool.

annie beach

It was very nice. I would swim in the ocean and then swim in the hotel pool. I love swimming. I miss it.

So, one day handsome guy will some and take me away to the ocean. If not, then I move myself there when I am older, maybe 60.  I will be one of the people on beach, painting the ocean on my easel,  and then playing guitar at the local bar in the evening.

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It is a beautiful dream ❤

blogging, depression, life, mental health, mental illness, single mom, single mother, single parent, working mom, working mother

Financial Emergency – Hoping to Find the Silver Lining

I am going to be off from work for the weekend. My CNA license has expired. I received letters to my current address about the fact that a renewal letter was on its way. Then the renewal letter was sent to my old address, and I never received it.

The facility I work at was forced to pull me off the schedule. It is not their fault. They are only allowed to have nurses and nurse aides with valid, current licenses. I am not upset with them. They could get into legal trouble if there were any incident such as a patient fall, and I was the aide they had to list on the paperwork. Falls to happen from time to time, when the residents are in their rooms, because we cannot be on all the rooms at the same time.

This is good and bad , but I am trying to think positive.  I will lose the pay for the entire weekend. As I am going paycheck to paycheck, this is a huge problem as far as buying enough food for my kids to eat. There are a few food banks near here.

I can go to the local food banks, in order to get some canned food. If need be, there is also a soup kitchen. I used to eat there years ago. Some of the homeless people might still recognize me.

The good things about not being allowed to work are:

1. I have not had a weekend off with my kids for over 5 years. I have worked every single weekend and every single holiday, including Christmas, easter, mothers day 4th of july for almost 6 years. 

2. I can use some of this time to work on what I want to work on, which is starting my own businesses.  I have skills and things I love to do.

1. I can teach guitar lessons at people’s houses and online.

2. I would love to be a home companion for elderly, hospice, and dementia. I have an idea that I could bring my guitar, some art supplies and some cognitively stimulating activities. I would individualize a plan for each person and do things that would improve, and more maintain their cognitive level.

3. I also want to do Life Coaching via Skype.  I would specialize in people with C-PTSD from childhood abuse, people that are recovering from domestic abuse. and narcissistic abuse and people with People Pleaser Syndrome. I would really love to do this, because I am very good one on one with people. as far as being compassionate, listening and giving intelligent guidance.

4. Writing –  well this one is hard to make money at right away, but I would like to do self publishing at some point in the future

5. Playing guitar and singing at nursing homes. I would love to do sing alongs at nursing homes. I have a lot of ideas for musical activities I can do with small groups

 I have a degree in music teaching and also 16 credits of graduate studies in music teaching. I am trained to do musical activities for young people, but the same ideas and activities can be adapted for the elderly.

I have 6 years experience with the elderly and dementla, so I know how to adapt the musical activities for them. I also have an art background, a teaching background and I have done activities with the dementia patients, as part of my job. (actually I was doing that extra work during the course of my shift, because I liked it, not because it was part of the CNA job description. I spent time at home getting the activities together and used my own supplies )

So, I feel like I have been underemployed for a long time. I had been through a couple of domestic abuse and narcissistic abuse situations and my self esteem was crushed down.

I feel like I work doing a combination of the skills and dreams that I have. I enjoy a varied schedule with different types of jobs during the course of the day.

It was hard for me to get my self esteem back and my traction, so to speak in order to move forward in life. I ended up in a job that was far beneath the pay grade for my education and skills.  I have been blogging since October and blogging has helped to get  my self esteem and my self confidence back.

I have met so many supportive people on here. I have gotten a wonderful group of followers and I love all of you. The connection with everyone here has helped to set me on a path of healing from both childhood abuse and also domestic and narcissistic abuse.

I am very thankful for all of you. I feel supported in moving on to a new phase in my path. I really want to use my skills to bring light into the lives of people who feel darkness and frustration. I know how that feels and I am very compassionate to that.

So, hopefully I can find a way for my kids not to starve while I am transitioning.  Any advice, ideas or encouragement  is welcome in the comments section below.

Blessings,

Annie

close calls in parenting, life, mothering, parenting, single mom, single mother, single parent

More Kid Hair Stories…but This Time A Hair Horror story…

This must be the day for extremes in hair ! I just wrote that post about doing my older daughter’s hair and posted it. As soon as I hit Publish, my younger 12 year old daughter came into the room.

She was playing with the new comb that I bought and she was trying to roll her hair. I don’t know what her idea was…I guess to make it curl…

Anyway, somehow she got this comb completely tangled up in her hair.  I tried to get it out and the hair was so tangled and wrapped around the comb that I could not do it.

The comb was just sticking out of the front of her forehead, with a tangled mess of hair around it.  She has such beautiful hair  too !

I started to cry…I think everything is catching up with me, and the thought of having to chop off all of the hair on the front of her head, was too much.

She said “Mom, why are you crying? It is MY hair.” and she gave me a big hug. She said we have to cut it out.

dont cry momkeep the comb

I tried again to untangle,  but I knew she was right. We were going to have to cut the hair.

So, I very carefully cut a few strands at a time. I worked out the pieces that I could and I cut the ones that I had to. I tried to see where each strand was coming from so that I would keep as much length as possible. It was hard to tell where things started and where they ended.

Finally we got the comb free and pieces of hair fell to the floor. I then trimmed the front of her bangs to make them look okay. I angled the sides to match.

She actually really likes the new cut and she is happy.

Shew ! I guess it turned out  alright after all. Tomorrow, I will trim up the back and layer it. The she will have a whole new look, which is what I think she was going for in the first place.

Crazy Mama Annie