Violence of an abusive partner escalates. There is no excuse for someone threatening you or controlling you with fear.
If they are making excuses for violence then you can be sure it will happen again. Excuses like drinking too much, they had a bad day or you made them angry are not acceptable. All of these reasons are things that will occur again and next time they will go further.
Living with violence damages you psychologically and breaks down your self esteem. People that control you with fear will intentionally alter your perceptions about reality, in order to make you think you have to tolerate their abuse…or that you caused it.
You do not do anything that calls for violence or even psychological violence like corruption of your identity and self worth.