acoa, addiction, adult children of abuse, adult children of alcoholics, alcoholism, anxiety, anxiety attack, battered women, bipolar, bipolar disorder, child abuse, depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, therapy for mental disorders

Being Able to Speak About Our Mental Illness or History of Abuse

Some people with mental illness speak freely about it and others are afraid to speak. Many of us have issues of mental illness because we were traumatized and mentally abused. It may have occurred during early childhood and is so far back that we do not really remember. There may be clear memories of some type of trauma or abuse during childhood.

We may have sustained psychological injury at the hands of an abusive partner during adulthood. Often times people are abused in childhood and then end up choosing partners who abuse them also. Not that we know that in the beginning. NO one hooks up with an abusive partner on purpose. They are often very charming and seemingly sweet at the beginning of the relationship.

If we were psychologically injured as children, then we were also probably conditioned that we do not speak of such things. There is secrecy and guilt built into those early relationships. We were taught that we do not talk about abuse, feelings about what goes on on our homes and to keep everything inside.

I remember Pat Benatar’s song “Hell is for Children” and she sings “Be Daddy’s good girl and don’t tell Mommy a thing. Be a good little boy and you’ll get a new toy. Tell Grandma you fell off the swing”

Very powerful lyrics and a great song. This is where the secrecy begins. We are taught that to be “good” means keeping your torment to yourself. Do not involve other people into the situation. Do not talk to people about your problems. Keep everything bottled up.

These behavioral patterns continue into adulthood. They are imprinted onto our brains with big “DON’T TELL” stampers. It is very hard to  break out of the patterns of not talking about things and keeping our “shame” to ourselves. We feel ashamed about what happened to us as children. We feel shame for having chosen an abusive partner.

We do not see other people around us, ending up in these situations. We feel ashamed and guilty. We feel like people will not believe us or that they will judge us. There is a feeling of not wanting to burden another person with our problems. No one wants to hear about MY problems, They are busy with their own problems.

Some of us even have trouble opening up to the family doctor or primary care physician. It can even go so far as not wanting to go to a therapist because we do not think they will  want to listen to. We may not think the therapist or psychiatrist will believe us. Maybe we will not explain our problems properly , in a way that they will understand.

Maybe the psychiatrist will think that his other patients have “real” mental health problems and we are just “faking it” or maybe we are afraid to tell the psychiatrist the whole truth because he never would have met anyone that bad before. Maybe we are the worst one ever and they will decide to commit us to a psychiatric facility.

These feelings have been conditioned into us by abusive people who did not want us to tell on them. They wanted to control us and they did not want to be revealed. Once their game is exposed, they can no longer play.

It is hard to change how we feel, We have ingrained reactions to things. Emotions are associated with anything that triggers memories from past trauma. Even the voice of the therapist sounding like your abusive father’s voice, could send you into post traumatic stress and immediately shut down your ability to communicate with them.

The solution is complex and it takes time to be able to open up to other people about mental illness. Sometimes people will respond in ways that are horrifying to us. Some people treat the mentally ill, the psychologically injured, like they are third class citizens. Like we are not competent , not reliable, not truthful and not worthy.

We already feel a low self esteem and a feeling that we are not as good as other people, if we endured years of mental abuse. If we had to hide things as a child then it is easy to go into that “safety mode” of hiding again.  I put “safety mode” in quotes because it is our old belief system. It was how we survived for years. It was the way we knew that we had to be, in order to avoid further trauma. Not that it kept the abuse from continuing.

It is necessary at some point, for us to open up and speak about our mental illness. We need to speak about our abuse during childhood or our abuse from our ex husband. It is not shameful. Anyone who makes you feel ashamed is not doing the right thing. You should be able to have feelings and thoughts like any other person.

You may have had experiences that are unique and that are so unusual that many people just cannot deal with them and they do not want to hear them. I am not suggesting frightening people or distressing them with your story.

The point is to reach out and find the right people to tell your story to. WordPress is great because we can tell our story here, with an avatar as our picture if we wish. We can be truthful and transparent. It is a healing thing to write about out thoughts and feelings about what has happened to damage us mentally and emotionally.

We are not designed to sustain trauma and keep it locked up inside of us. We are people that need the community of others, We need to be listened to and understood. We must have our feelings validated or we will become more mentally ill.

It is very tricky sometimes to know who is a safe person to talk to and who is not. It is hard to know what part of our story to tell someone and what part to leave out. We are so much in the middle of what is going on in our obsessive, constantly running brains, that we cannot always see the forest through the trees.

Reach out anyway and try to find other humans to talk to. Therapy works for many people, but it is very common for someone to have to try out 2, 3 or even 5 therapists before finding the right one. It is a scary thing to tell a therapist your story, if you are not in the habit of talking about it at all.

I am writing this post in order to validate anyone that has a behavior pattern of never talking about their mental illness or their history of abuse. It may have been the rule of the abusers in our lives that we were not “allowed” to speak of these things, but the times have changed to new times.

If you are, however, still in an abusive situation, please be careful. You do need to be careful who you talk to about the abuser. Call a women’s shelter (or a men’s shelter). Talk to people on wordpress, but be careful to protect your identity.

If we can not speak then we have no voice. If we have no voice then who are we? We lose our identity.

Blessings to all and to all a good night 🙂

Annie

anxiety, buddhism, compassion, holidays, life, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, religion, self-esteem, valentines day, valentinesday

Valentines Day Self Kindness Meme Mindfulness

do something kind for yourself

anxiety, anxiety attack, blogging, mental health, mental illness

Combating Anxiety by Activating the Analytical Part of Your Brain Instead

One of the best ways I have found that helps me with a severe anxiety attack is to research something new for a blog post. The act of using the rational side of my brain calms down the running thoughts. I will fill my mind with new information so that it gets filled up to the point where there is no room for anything else.

The next thing I do is to organize the information into categories or by main ideas and secondary ideas. Personally I like to begin reading and organizing from main ideas to details. But some people prefer looking at details first and then the big picture.

The very act of sorting and organizing information activated a completely different part of the brain from the anxiety center. The amygdala rules the fight or flight response. It is very primitive and is sort of the opposite of rational thoughts. Once you go into the rational and analytical side of your brain, you will find that the amygdala gets quieter, at least I do.

You would be best to do research on something that is very interesting to you and will draw you in. You want to get completely drawn into the subject matter you are researching.

There are two basic learning styles and if you can identify your style, you will be able to approach your research in the way that works best for you. The two learning styles are Analytical Learner and Global Learner.

AN ANALYTIC LEARNER…

Analytical Learners are tuned into details. They love reading the details of things and get caught up in them. If you are an Analytical Learner then you will find your topic and delve into reading all kinds of details about it.

Go for it and have fun with it. The more engrossed and interested you become in your topic, the more you will find your anxiety level going down.

Analytical Learners usually like to complete the task they are working on before starting another one. They enjoy being engaged with all the small details of the task or project. They work best without distractions. Another typical trait is that they need the project or activity to be relevant to them in order to focus well on it.

A GLOBAL LEARNER…

  • Global Learners need to see the big picture before they can focus on details. This is my learning style and my method of researching a topic is general to specific. I may look at 3 or 4 web sites about the topic to get a better idea about it in general. Then I will write the beginning part of my post. After that I will get to the details and the examples and then organize them and decide where to put them in what I am writing.
  • Global learners have a tendency to procrastinate on getting to things on their to-do list. We also will start things and leave them unfinished and then go onto the next thing.
  • I actually tend to have 4 or 5 posts saved into drafts that are 3/4 finished. There are 3 sitting in my drafts right now.I have enough of working on a particular post and then I save what I have so far. I start another one. When I feel so moved, I go back to one of the drafts and complete it.
  • I like the feeling of having multiple projects going at the same time.

Whatever your learning style, the point is to proactively use the researching process to reduce your anxiety attack. I have come home from work in an extreme state of anxiety and sat down to find a topic to research and learn about. As I am opening tabs and looking at different articles, Wikipedia, etc, I begin to get involved in the thinking process.

Then I work on writing about the main idea and putting it into my own words. Once i get into the details and examples, I a, usually busy enough that there is little room left in my brain for the running thoughts. Sometimes when the anxiety goes down, I just save the draft and do go and do something other activity, like talk on the phone or watch Netflix.

I can open the draft tomorrow when I need to calm my anxiety. Sometimes I go back and forth between things I am writing but I usually focus on one for the evening.Of all the methods I have tried for lowering my anxiety attacks, the learning, researching and writing method had been the most helpful to me.

Of course this is only helpful when I am home and with my computer. In a pinch, I can grab a magazine and look through the articles to see if anything is interesting that I might use as an idea to write about later.

This post will be more helpful to some people than others. i used my usual method of looking through topics to pick one, then researching the general topic and getting to the details and personal examples last.

I throw in the personal examples in order to make the post more relatable to you. That is not the most de-stressing part of my writing. In fact I sometimes feel my anxiety creeping back up, as I am putting personal examples for you.

It is in the detaching from my current situation that I find anxiety lowering. By the time I get around  to telling you about my personal experiences, I am no longer in the research and learning mode.

Everyone is different and you may find that the telling of your personal experiences helps you to reduce anxiety. Whatever works for you is the right way!

Happy blogging 🙂

Annie

acoa, adult children of alcoholics, mental health, mental illness, neurology, psychology

Self Esteem and Mental Illness / Mental Abuse in Childhood

Mental Illness goes hand in hand with having  low self esteem. It is a circle that feeds itself.

The inability to do some of the basic things that other people can do, has an effect on our our self esteem. On the flip side, the low self esteem creates more depression and interferes with the chemistry in the brain.

 Self esteem is “an overall emotional judgement evaluation of his or her self worth.”  Wikidpedia

“It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, “I am competent,”   “I am worthy”)…” Wikipedia

“… self-esteem is “the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness… the sum of self-confidence (a feeling of personal capacity) and self-respect (a feeling of personal worth).” Nathaniel  Branden 1969

Dr, Brandon, author of many self esteem books, talks about a person’s belief about their own ability to face challenges. If a person is fully confident in their own ability to deal with challenges , then they have high self esteem.

When we doubt our own ability to effectively tackle the daily challenges of life, we have low self esteem. Depression can be made worse by the fear that we cannot function effectively.

Many people have come from families that want their children to be competent and have the ability to support themselves as adults. The children are encouraged to do well and succeed in school and other activities. The children were rewarded for trying hard, following through and doing well. Thus they developed a pattern of success and feeling good about success.

Some people had dysfunctional childhoods. They did not have a supportive encouragement that built their self esteem. Yjeu were not prepared for dealing with the challenges of life.

Not only was  not rewarded for succeeding, we were undermined. I lived with an alcoholic mother who would wake me up on school nights and interfere with my sleep. In addition to that, even though she had money, she did not keep enough food in the house that I knew how to prepare myself.

She would go out drinking after work and not come home until late at night. Many days I did not have enough to eat to be able to concentrate well in school.

In my perception, it was more of a priority for me to take care of her, than to take care of myself and my schoolwork. I had to take over the childcare and chores that she would not do. As far as helping me with homework or praising me for good grades, that was non-existent.

I have observed that many people with mental illness had parents that were mentally abusive. The constant criticism and lack of respect interfered with the normal development of self esteem.

“Brandon further believed ,”It (self esteem)  exists as a consequence of the implicit judgment that every person has of their ability to face life’s challenges, to understand and solve problems, and their right to achieve happiness, and be given respect.[7]”  Wikipedia

Brandon mentions the “right” to happiness. People that grew up in abusive homes, were taught that they had no right to happiness. The only person that had rights was the abuser.

According to this model by Brandon, a person with high self esteem,  feels that he or she deserves to be respected.

 A person must have experienced  “being respected”, in  order to feel that they  “should be” respected by others or even themselves. When children grow up in an atmosphere of disrespect , they have trouble as an adult having the feeling that anyone will respect them.

The feeling of not deserving respect is a condition of low self esteem.

A constant feeling that people will not respect you , will not like you, and will not value your input, can turn into mental illness. The brain chemistry is configured during childhood to have low self esteem, which causes thinking patterns that are not the same as mentally healthy people.

The brain can be rewired as an adult. We do have the capacity to develop self esteem that we were not accustomed to as children and teenagers. In order to do this, we have to somehow override the programming already set up in our brains, The neurons in our brains are re-trainable to wire differently.

It can take years to fix this problem. First we have to identify that we have a self esteem problem. Then we have to recognize that it goes back to our childhood or perhaps to an abusive adult relationship.

After that we have to decide that we are worthy of feeling good about ourselves and it is just incorrect programming of our minds that has been there for a long time. To overcome the emotional and mental injury of abuse, we need to be proactive for ourselves.

I have been doing some research about re-wiring the brain through some holistic methods. I will post some ideas in upcoming blog posts, For now, just know that you are special and unique. You are worth the focused intention from yourself that is required to become more stable and to feel better about yourself.

All of us who have been through trauma, need some extra help. We all have something to offer to each other in terms of support, encouragement and intelligent ideas for recovery.

Blessing to all

Annie

insomnia, mental illness, middle ages, middle ages beliefs, neurology, psychology, science, unban legends

Lunar Lunacy : The Power of the Full Moon

Werewolves! Vampires! Lunacy!

Seizures? Sleep disturbance? Intermittent Insanity?

All caused by the full moon?

The term “lunacy”  originated in Europe, during the mid 16th century. It comes from the word “lunar” which refers to the moon. During the middle ages, it  was believed that some people suffered from an intermittent insanity, which only occurred when there was a full moon.

The perception was that a higher number of  strange, agitated and violent behaviors occurred during a full moon. People began to fear the full moon and what kinds of unsound, disturbing events might take place.

They blamed the full moon for any unusual events at night, when the full moon was in sight. Epilepsy was not understood at the time. When someone had a seizure people thought it was brought on by demons. If this happened to coincide with a full moon, then of course, the moon was blamed for it.

Lunatic is a very old term meaning insane, reckless and unsound. The term lunacy is a combination of  “lunatic” and “acy”. The suffix “acy” means the “the state or quality of.”    So, in effect, the word  “lunacy” is the “state of  insanity caused  by the full moon.”

“It is the very error of the moon.
She comes more near the earth
than she was wont. And makes
men mad.”

—William Shakespeare, Othello

But is it true? The old belief is still alive and well. People often say and I am sure you have heard  “It must be a full moon.”  This is said in attempt to explain any unusual, seemingly unexplainable happening in the night.

Greek philosopher Aristotle and Roman historian Pliny the Elder suggested that the brain was the “moistest” organ in the body and thereby most susceptible to the pernicious influences of the moon, which triggers the tides.  Scientific American

During Europe, in the middle ages, many people believed that humans could transform into werewolves and vampires during the full moon. This is referred to as the “lunar lunacy effect” or the “Transylvania effect.”

Psychiatrist Arnold Lieber wrote the book The Lunar Effect : Biological Tides and Human Emotions. Lieber hypothesized that the moon had an effect on the water molecules in the nervous system. The disruption of the water molecules would cause certain people to behave strangely.

lunar effect

Popular legend says that there is more violence, more suicides, more accidents and more aggression during a full moon. This is a common belief amongst healthcare workers, policemen and paramedics.

There is a controversy as to whether or not there is a connection between the moon and seizures. The electrochemistry of the brain of patients suffering from seizure disorder may be affected by the moon.

“A separate analysis revealed that for nonepileptic seizures, there was an increase at the full moon, and for epileptic seizures, an increase in the last quarter. We conclude that there is no “full moon” effect on seizures as a whole, although there is a possible effect on nonepileptic seizures.” Pub Med

There has been research done to see whether or not there is any validity to the theory that the moon can affect the water in our bodies. The evidence suggests that this is impossible because the amount of water is too small.

” while lunar gravity does indeed raise tides in the oceans, it does not have any effect  on lakes and even many seas. Those bodies are simply too small to feel the effects—to say nothing of human bodies.” Time Magazine

There is research which indicates that the moon does have an effect on sleep. A study was done by scientist and author, Christian Cajochen at the University of Basel Psychiatric Hospital in Switzerland.

“We found that around full moon, … time to fall asleep increased by 5 min, and EEG-assessed total sleep duration was reduced by 20 min. These changes were associated with a decrease in subjective sleep quality and diminished endogenous melatonin levels.”  Journal Current Biology

As far as violent crime, suicide and problems with patients in psychiatric wards, the evidence in not consistent. The suicide rate does not change during a full moon. There are varying reports about violent crime.

If you like the old tales of werewolves and vampires, as I do, then maybe it is best left to the imagination as to whether or not the moon really can change people’s behavior.

I personally have not seen any difference in dementia residents during a full moon, The most common catalyst to an uproar in the dementia ward, is that the first patient will become aggressive in a room full of other residents,  The behavior of the initiating resident frightens and upsets the other dementia residents. It is like a domino effect.

I personally enjoy the old tales and the myths about the moon. I am going to leave well enough alone and leave it to you. Who knows, maybe there are werewolves when the moon is full…

HowwwL !

Annie

References:

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20131029-does-a-full-moon-make-people-mad

http://www.sci-news.com/othersciences/anthropology/science-full-moon-disturb-human-sleep-01264.html

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/lunacy-and-the-full-moon/

http://www.cell.com/current-biology/abstract/S0960-9822(13)00754-9

How the Moon Messes With Your Sleep

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15256200

anxiety, buddhism, depression, insomnia, inspirational, life, mental health, mental illness, ocd, ptsd, religion, spiritual

Ideas for Lessoning Severe Insomnia

I like listening to talks by Ajahn Brahm. He is a Buddhist monk who gives talks about how to live with a more peaceful mind. His talks are about anxiety, depression and other mental health focused issues. The talks are on YouTube and can be searched by his name.

There is one talk I remember in particular that had a section about insomnia and worrying at bed time. He gave an interesting technique that I would like to share with you.

At bedtime you take off your shoes. Nearly everyone removes their shoes at bedtime so this technique can be used by almost everyone.

You take off your left shoe and call that one The Past. Then you take off your right shoe and you call that one The Future. You set down each shoe and leave them on the floor, outside of the bed. Take off the left shoe and set the Past on the floor. Take off the right shoe and set the Future on the floor.

You never take your shoes to bed, so this way, you remember to leave the past and the future outside the bed. Do not take them to bed with you. They will be there in the morning.

I like this technique because if you associate it with your shoes, then you will always remember it.  You can remember not to take the pain of the past, or the anxiety over the future to bed with you. Set them on the floor and they will be there tomorrow.

Not that I have been able to do this every night, but it is something to work on. It is true that your problems are not going anywhere. They will still be with you tomorrow.

Just as your shoes can wait until tomorrow for you to put pick them back up again, so can the past and the future.

There is nothing that you can do to change the past, recover from past trauma, or to ensure the future, while you are trying to get rest.  Those things just keep you awake. If you could actually just take them off, as easily as your shoes, then you could relax and get to sleep.

Insomnia is caused by worrying about the past and the future.Memories of the past torment you. There are things that should have been …..and things that should not have been….

The future is an unknown and your mind tends to experience obsessive  thoughts about what is going to happen in the future. We have fears of certain things happening.

Sometimes we do not easily identify our thoughts as being past oriented. We think of the past as something that happened years ago. But in reality, anything that happened prior to this moment is in the past. Things that happened at work today and the conversation we just had an hour ago, is in the past.

I am sure it would take a high level of mindfulness (perhaps enlightenment) to  be able to remove the most recent thoughts from our heads, but it is fascinating to me that some people can do that.  Perhaps we could simply allow those thoughts to occur but not feed into them.

I  spend hours each night feeling bad about things in the recent past.  Then I spend precious sleep time   worrying about what events are going to trigger me into post traumatic stress tomorrow.

I am so fearful of being in mental trauma that I fear the triggers of the next day. It is like impending doom. Tonight I am fearful of taking my daughter to therapy tomorrow. I do not like going to therapist offices. I do not like the video camera filming me when I get called in to discuss how I feel about her progress or lack thereof.

The entire situation surrounding her having to go there, is traumatizing to me. Every time I have to go to the office, I a forced to relive trauma . So every week, the night before the appointment, I lay in bed and picture how they will traumatize me in the office tomorrow.

But the truth is that the lack of sleep makes it worse. The more sleep deprived I am tomorrow, the worse the trauma will be. There is nothing productive I can do tonight other than to sleep.

So tonight I will try to take off my shoes and leave them beside the bed, on the floor. The left shoe is my past trauma and the right shoe is tomorrow’s post traumatic stress. Neither one of them belongs in the bed with me tonight.

The  theory of mindfulness says that we should care for our thoughts. Even if  we cannot dismiss them as easily as taking off our shoes, then we can at least be kind to them. Our thoughts and feelings  do not require judgement from us. They are just our thoughts. it is what our mind is choosing to do.

We can be kind to our thoughts by allowing them to exist without judging them or shaming them. If we just let them exist as they are, then  maybe we can not attach so much energy to them. The less energy we give them, the less powerful they will become.

If we can lesson the severity and the energy of the thoughts of the past and the future, at bed time, then it is a good step. It may be easier for us to sleep, than if we fight with our own thoughts like they are our enemy. If they are part of us then so  be it.

Let them exist and then let them rest until tomorrow. We must get  sleep for the sake of our mental and physical health. Perhaps bedtime is the time to focus on our spiritual strength, rather than our mental weaknesses.

I have been pondering these things and cannot do them any better than you can, but I would like to learn. The more we consider mind / body / spiritual connection, in my opinion, the more accepting of ourselves we can become.

Namaste,

Annie

anxiety, bipolar, depression, insomnia, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness

ThE NOiSy CLocK

 Quiet the ClocK

https:wordhttps://soundcloud.com/annie-mimi-hall/quiet-the-clock-spoken-word

The clock ticks on

tick tick

The hands

go round

round and round

The time elapses

tick tock

‘Till I feel drowned

That heartless clock

Tick tick

I turn away

tick tick

To make it stop

Stop. STOP!

I want to rest

And

what  I want

is…

for time to stop!

Just for an hour

Let me catch up

I need to rest…

I have  become

tick tick

Simply exhausted

tick tock

This linear time

tick tick

Torments my mind

tock tick

I want to change

tock tick

 I know it’s strange

tick tock tick tock tick tock

For god’s sake! , Enough already, with the tick tick tock tock

Tock tick tock tick NOW STOP!

SSHHHHH!

sshhhh!

shhh!

shh!

Quieter

Be very quiet

whisper

very

very

very

softly

s  o   f   t   l   y

Be very still

Untie your mind

Just turn away

Pretend you’re blind

Pretend you’re deaf

Become oblivious

and now…

you will find…

The clock has stopped

{finally)

I made it so

(I think I did)

It needed a “time out”

(time out)

to save my soul…

(my tortured soul)

Just let me rest…

I’m very tired

No tick , no tock

No tock , no tick

no tick tock tick tock tock tick tock tick

Universal silence

Universal bliss

Be very still

Shhh!

Don’t wake up

the clock

Don’t wake him up

I don’t want to hear

That NOISY CLOCK

abnormal psychology, anxiety, depression, health, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, neurology, psychology, social anxiety

Mental Illness caused by Psychological Damage and Abuse

* this post is in honor of Silvergirl who is a wonderful wounded healer and has an excellent blog on wordpress*

People with mental illness often have psychological damage from being subject to “Situations that Must never Be”.  This is my phrase for any situation which is causing log term damage to a person in any physical or mental way.

These situations that must never be, are many and come in many forms. Any situation of mental abuse or physical abuse of a person should not be. The sad fact is that these situations occur every day. People are suffering in relationships like these as we speak. You might be one of them.

You have chosen to click on this post because the title of it struck a nerve with you. Most likely you have been abused in your lifetime. It may have been during your childhood and / or it may have been as an adult. Many people that were abused as children , end up in abusive relationships as adults.

The psychological damage from living in abuse is extensive and can cause depression, severe anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and other mental illnesses. It is also common that people with other mental disorders such as depersonalization disorder, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder , social anxiety and  insomnia have experienced abuse during their lifetimes.

As people with mental illness, we sometimes make choices that are harmful to us that other people would not make. We are so used to things being abnormal and painful that we tend to not notice the red flags of an abusive relationship until it is too late.

The mental illness causes us to end up in codependent , manipulative, abusive relationships. On the flip side, these relationships that cause severe mental suffering break our poor brains and we end up with mental illness that we may not have already had.

Which one comes first? The mental illness, the psychological damage, the abusive relationships? It is hard for us to tell. If you think back through your past , if you can remember, then you will most likely identify abuse against your mental health. 

Situations of trauma cause PTSD. The people who tend to be the most affected are the ones who have had some kind of mental trauma in their past.

There are cases of severe trauma (like military horrors,)  that can cause PTSD , even of the person had a “normal” past. But a lot of the people who endure ptsd that never seems to go away, had some form of abuse prior to that trauma.

It is sometimes difficult to identify abuse from our past/ For some people it is glaringly obvious and for others it has been blocked out by their own brain. The brain wants to protect itself from further trauma and will black out memories and deny us access to them.

People with psychological damage often have more than 1 or 2 mental disorders. Some of us have so many that we feel kind of stupid “showing off our list” to people.

It feels like it will be disbelieved to write out the list such as…

…OCD, insomnia, depersonalization disorder, PTSD,  generalized anxiety disorder, domestic abuse victim, depression,  ACOA, eating disorder,  codependence,  social anxiety and derealization disorder, and avoidant personality disorder.

 See? …Now I feel weird.  My list  looks crazy to me… Really I look at that list and wonder how the hell I get through the day at all…barely by the skin of my teeth sometimes… that is …when i am able to get out of bed…

You are not alone if your list looks as long as mine does. My mental abuse goes back into childhood and I also had abuse as an adult victim of domestic abuse.  Things that occur in life that other people could “suck it up” about and get through, send me into severe post traumatic stress.