Abusive relationship, abusive relationships, adult children of narcissistic abuse', anxiety, anxiety disorder, autism, autistic, c-ptsd, depression, health, Healthy lifestyle, mental illness

Trouble Organizing, Managing, and Proritizing

If you have executive function problems, due to PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression or ADHD or autism, I can feel your frustration.

Executive function is an impotant function of the brain that can be interfered with by many things including ptsd from abuse and gaslighting, and even ADHD and autism.

People with diminished  execucutive function can have extreme difficulty doing any or all of the following..

1. Organizing materials for a task or project

2. Planning and organizing things

3. Scheduling and keeping up with the schedule

4. Getting things done on time

5. Arriving places on time

6. Figuring out how to allow enough time for all the different parts of a task or project

7. Staying calm while trying to organize and manage things

8. Delegating tasks and responsibilities to others

9. Self motivating to stay on task and keep up with tbe schedule

10. Prioritizing things that cannot all be done the same day

11. Remembering appointments and things you need to do

If you have problems with your executive function part of your brain, you may feel frustrated or blame yourself. Negative self talk will create more anxiety, frustration or depression.

The first thing is to be understanding with yourself. Be patient and plan ahead.

Have calendars, date books, appt books, note pads, memo pad on your cell phone and time clocks with you wherever you need them. You may need multiples of calendars etc.

Give yourself the exrra time needed for tasks. Leave spaces in between activities and appointments, in order to keep your anxiety down to a minimum. You best work is done when you are feeling relaxed and confident.

Be compassionate with yourself and remember that the executive function problem is a real physiological issue in the brain. It was caused by whatever your particular circumstances were.

It is not your fault. Figbting it, ignoring it, or blaming yourself for it will not help. It will make it worse. Your memory will refuse to work if you add anxiety on top of the executive function issues.

Sleep is also important. Sleep deprivation adds to memory problems.

Blessings and compassion,

Annie

anxiety, depression, emotional abuse, emotional trauma, empowerment, gentle kindness coaching, health and wellness, Healthy lifestyle, mental illness

Self Esteem for People with Depression and Anxiety Disorder

anxiety, anxiety disorder, art therapy for depression, bipolar, bipolar disorder, body image, c-ptsd, Chronic pain and depression, dance for depression, depression, emotional abuse, emotional healing, emotional wounds, healing from abuse, healing from domestic abuse, humanity, mental illness, ptsd

Artistic Expressions of Depression

 

 

anxiety, depression, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, mental illness, ptsd

Suffering and Depression

Depression is an invisible illness, but it has real mental. emotional and physical symptoms. Feelings like sadness, and grief are felt in the body. Depression is physically painful. 

If you are suffering from depression, you are not alone. But there is still  a feeling of being alone and isolated. Interacting with other people can be stressful and draining. It can be difficult to find someone to talk to that understands what your daily life is like. 

Depression is different than feeling sad about something.

This is a common misunderstanding. People know they have felt sad before, and they do not understand the difference between that and what you feel. 

There are physiological changes in the brain, in the depressed person. It is hard to know what came first with any given person. Abuse, trauma, and feeling hopeless in an intolerable situation can cause changes in the chemicals in the brain. 

“What fires together , wires together”

This is a common neurological phrase. The brain has plasticity, also called neural plasticity.  The neural pathways wire together based on thought patterns, and behaviors. This is how we learn new things and also how we develop habits. 

Good habits and bad habits are both wired into the neural pathways. Thought behaviors and negative thought patterns can be wired into the neural pathways of the brain.

Changing thought patterns can be very difficult. The chemical reaction to changing thought patterns can feel like withdrawal from a drug. 

Self destructive thought patterns can develop from having to live in traumatic situations. struggling to survive in poverty is one situation that is often discounted. Having to work at a job you hate for an on-going period of time can also create negative thought patterns that become wired into the neurons. 

Living in abusive , chaotic or otherwise traumatic childhoods or teenage years can program thoughts if being a failure, hopelessness and worthlessness. Emotionally neglected or abused children carry low self esteem, which sets negative thought patterns into the brain. 

Your situation is unique, but it can be helpful to connect with your inner child, and any fractured parts of you that were traumatized. C-PTSD is complex post traumatic stress disorder. It happens when someone is in an intolerable situation that they see no way out of. There is a feeling of being imprisoned in a threatening, painful life. 

Even after getting away from the originating trauma, the Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder continues. Many people with depression are suffering from C-PTSD and do not know it. It can help you to heal, if you discover the root causes of your trauma and emotional wounds. 

Society and the system seems to be re-traumatizing us by making us think we should feel shame and guilt.

Media teaches fear and anxiety as a way of life.

Blame is a subliminal message is advertising and propaganda. 

That makes healing difficult. Emotional wounds to the psychological self can run very deep. It may even be a kind of soul wounding. The wounds need to be given attention, in order to create new thought patterns. 

People with C-PTSD  will often fall back into depression even after getting better for a period of time. It is your emotional body is in pain, then it is calling to you for attention.

Ekart Tolle calls this the Pain Body. He teaches us to observe the pain body and accept it’s presence, when it appears. Seeing the Pain Body as an entity in itself, which is also part if us as a whole, can help to deal with it. 

He teaches that we resist our pain body due to some kind of resistance to ourselves.  Self judgement, shame  and guilt can cause us to hold into pain. We sometimes feel that we deserve the pain. This may have been programmed into us. But in order to get out of depression, we have to let go of self judgement. 

Re-wiring the brain to get out self destructive thought patterns takes some work. Eckhart Tolle says that pain can be countered with joy. This makes sense with the idea that “neurons that fire together, wire together.”

“Pain can only feed on pain. Pain cannot feed on joy. It finds it quite indigestible! ” Eckhart Tolle

 

 

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Thoughts on Depression and C-PTSD from emotional Abuse

Depression can make you feel like staying in bed and not interacting with other people. You know that if you go out of the house, you will feel different and out of place.

Other people will not understand your inner world. You feel like you will be forced to put on a mask to fit in. It is difficult to function.

You get more and more internalized. So you self isolate, and limit your social interactions. This is understandable because certain kinds of interactions can be emotionally traumatizing.

You feel like the one person that is out of place in the world.  You sit alone and hear the thoughts that come up from your subconscious. Thoughts that there is something wrong with you.

Some of the feelings you get are from emotional flashbacks. There are things that happened and ways you were rejected during childhood that cause your subconscious to store these kinds of feelings.

If you can identify the false beliefs behind your thoughts, then the feelings can be sat with and calmed. You were not born feeling like you did not belong in the world. These thoughts were taught to you….even brainwashed into you.

When you have a feeling that is painful, like hopelessness…try to discover what core belief that thought is driven by. The belief might be that you are not as good as other people. .. Or that the world is unsafe.

If you are carrying the core belief that you are less adequate than other people…that is a bad programming. These things are programmed into children who do not have emotionally supportive childhoods.

Think back to your childhood and if you were made to feel insignificant, unworthy, unneccesary, or anything else negative. If your thoughts and feelings were dismissed, criticized, or made fun of then you are probably carrying CPTSD…complex post traumatic stress disorder.

People with C-PTSD often get depressed or feel extreme anxiety. You may have trouble keeping up with other people or feeling normal.

Those false core beliefs that were fed to you can be re-programmed. You need to question each one of those negative beliefs about yourself. Be like a scientist attempting to disprove a theory.

If you feel that something is wrong with you compared to other people, then ask what things are Right about you. Write them down. Engage in activities that prove you are as good or better at those activities, than other people are.

Look at the qualities of your parents and whomever fed those negative, false beliefs to you, about yourself. What kind of people are they?

Would you consider those people reliable critics? Did tbey have any agenda in which lowering your power would have helped them?

If those people told you something bad about the character of a person you love right now….would you believe their opinion without question? Or is their opinion not reliable?

You can begin to go out and interact with people in small increments. Go over your present state of mind, before you go out…and before you leave your car. You can just sit in your car for a few minutes and listen to music that calms or peps up your nervous system.

How you feel when you interact with others is based on the current state of your nervous system, how much sleep you have had, your mental state, and your blood sugar.

You can think of those categories and assess each of them, before you go into a store or any other place. Then you will feel more in touch with yourself and have some ways to help yourself.

If you are interested in learning. NLP State Management techniques, you can send me a message via my web site

Gentlekindnesscoaching.com

For information about C-PTSD and how emotional abuse causes depression and anxiety disorders, join us at the gentlekindness facebook page.

You are special. Your gifts and personality are an important part of the puzzle of humanity. You are connected with all living things in an important way.

You matter. You have a unique voice that other people need to hear. You have special characteristics that someone really needs right now.

You have innate value.

Namaste,

Annie. Gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Gentlekindness facebook page

Annie Mimi Hall youtube channel

aftermath of narcissistic abuse, anxiety, anxiety disorder, chronic fatigue, chronic pain, Chronic pain and depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, emotional abuse, emotional wounds, fibromayalgia, fibromyagia, mental illness

Invisible Illness and Isolation

Invisible suffering..Invisible illness…Invisible pain…Chronic illness….Mental suffering…Domestic abuse…Mental abuse..Narcissistic Victim Abuse Syndrome…PTSD…Chronic Pain…

These are all real illnesses and disorders, that other people cannot see. It can be hard for other people to understand what it is like for you. The lack of people supporting  you…or even believing you …causes re-traumatization.

There is the initial trauma of the illness, pain, or abuse and then there is a whole new kind of painful suffering caused by what happens next.

People do not see your suffering and so..

…some people do not believe you at all..

…they do not believe that it is that bad..

…they think you can just “shake it off”…

…they do not believe that you cannot do the things that they can easily do.

…they think you are lazy…

…they think you are a big baby…

..they  think you should have gotten better by now..

…they forget that you “still have” that invisible illness…

…they get tired of hearing the same things…

..they lose patience with you..

…you do not want to tell people..

…you lose friends…

..You self isolate…

Yes, that is often what ends up happening. Self isolating can be a relief from dealing with interactions with people. Over time the isolation can cause worse depression. 

The only people who really understand are people who have been through it or are going through it. 

The isolating process can begin with other people giving up on you, getting tired of you, or not wanting to listen to you anymore. You lose one ot two friends and family members. The you are afraid to lose the rest of them. 

You do not actively go out and seek new people because you fear the pain of rejection from them. “Why should you put yourself through this again”….is what your brain is saying.

The isolating can begin with ourselves, because it is too much effort or too painful to interact with other people, especially if they do not believe or understand what we are going through.

The retraumatization can be severe. When people just simply do not believe you or think you are exaggerating, that is one of the worst things you can go through.

Then, of course,  there are people who are predators, and they prey on the weak ones, who are desperate for understanding and companionship. If you have been set up and abused, because of your invisible condition, then it is very difficult to trust people again…or to trust your own judgement of who is safe and who is not.

We can also be retraumatized by bad therapists, counselors and insensitive doctors and nurses. I have heard horror stories of what people have gone through at treatment facilities, rehab facilities and emergency rooms. I have also experienced insensitive therapists and healthcare workers.

So where does this leave us? In pain…suffering…in need of human compassion…and isolated…

Some people physically isolate themselves in their homes. Other people build walls up around themselves and self isolate by disconnecting from other humans emotionally.

We can be around people all day long, yet be completely alone.

Some people cannot leave their house or apartment.

Other people just leave the house to go to work, and do necessary errands, and then self isolate themselves in their house, the rest of the time. This would be me…

When you have reached your limit of being traumatized and re-traumatized, then your mammalian instinct of self protection is going to kick in. Your brain wants to protect itself from any more trauma and abuse.

Sometimes the world appears to be a dark and dangerous place.   Interact with people is just a risk of being injured, when you are suffering from an invisible enemy.

No one can see your enemy and therefore it feels like you are fighting alone.

You energy is going into fighting against your invisible illness, mental illness, or trauma from abuse. You do not have a whole lot of energy left for reaching out to people who might end up hurting you. You do not have a lot of energy to explain and re-explain to people about your invisible illness.

You do not have energy to make new friends, knowing that at some point you have to explain to them about your invisible enemy. There is no guarantee they will understand you or stick around once they find out, anyway.

Your energy is focused on survival. Your little bit of energy that is left, is focused on just getting through one day at a time. Relationships take time and energy and after a while it can seem like there simply is not enough energy to go around.

I do not have any simple answer for this problem. I wanted to at least validate the people who are nodding their heads up and down, as they are reading this.

You are not alone, in being alone. You may be alone in your house at this moment, feeling isolated and different than everyone else. But there are other people who feel the same way.

The isolating is a normal reaction to being traumatized, suffering mental wounds and suffering pain of any kind. It is an instinct to survive be separating from potential danger.

It is also an instinct to preserve whatever energy is left, in order to use to heal and survive.

If there is any approach to this problem that could work, it would lie in the matter of balance. We have to constantly balance the various aspects of our lives. Find new methodologies for healing and for dealing with stress.

We cannot have the same amount of energy every day. Some days we feel better than other days.

On our better days, we can try to reach out a little bit. Go somewhere with people or call someone on the phone. Text someone or send and email. Whatever is in your comfort zone for that particular day.

There will be days when interacting with others is impossible. But some days we might be able to reach out, just a little bit.

Do what you can and take advantage of any days that are kind of good. If you cannot go out, then try to find people online to connect with.

Who you should reach out to and talk to, depends on what is good for you. Some of you have friends that you can all on the phone. Some people would be able to go out to a place where there are strangers and interact a little bit with them.

Another way to get some compassionate human interaction, is to do some volunteer work. Nursing homes will often let you come and visit.

You may have to set things up, to be a volunteer ahead of time. The people you visit at places like this, will not judge you in the same ways that you are afraid of your friends or family judging you.

Going out of the house depends on your condition. Some people are completely housebound. Reaching out to those people can be a way of helping yourself too. 

Animals are also great. Pets are good companions. As you know, if you read my blog, I get great joy and comfort from my bunny. I also like to go to places with a animals.  There is a place called Sun High Orchard, near my house. They have bunnies and sheep that you can pet and feed.

Sometimes you can go to speciality stores where the people will talk with you. Some places like that would be: comic book stores, craft stores, tattoo parlors, hobby shops and book stores. Any place where people gather, that have a similar interest.

It is okay to self isolate to a point.  Sometimes we need to self isolate for a while to heal our brains. But if the isolation is becoming a problem for you, then do a little bit of interacting on the good days and just rest in bed on the harder days. Balance is the key to most problems in life.

We are supportive of each other here and WordPress has been a blessing for me. I love hearing from the people that follow my blog and I consider the interactions meaningful.

Blessings to all,

Annie

anxiety, anxiety disorder, anxiety meme, bipolar disorder, depression, emotional wounds, mental illness

You are Not Your Mental Illness

you are not your mental illness

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Feeling Safe and Deflecting Shame from Others

The people that try to make you feel guilt or shame over not doing what they want you to do, are just serving their own agenda.

If they continue to try to emotionally manipulate you, they have no concern for your reality. They do not respect your right to see things from your own point of view.

People will claim to know what you should start doing…or stop doing..that will make you a better person. But take a closer look and see that they are trying to get you to fit into their own agenda.

You do not have to change your core beliefs to make someone else’s reality more comfortable. They are clearly not changing their beliefs to suit you.

If you are not trying to guilt and shame them, then what right do they have to do it to you. What gives one person, or one group of people, exclusive rights to know everything that everyone “should” and “should not” be doing?

Shaming people is not loving. Any group or individual that is making you feel bad about yourself, or trying to make you question your own truth to support theirs, is more concerned with serving their own agenda than wanting you to be your authentic self.

People that claim to care about your best interest, but try to shame and guilt you into changing for them, do not have your best interest at heart….but they have their own best interest at heart.

So let them continue to follow their own path and do what they feel best supports them…..while you follow your own path and do what best supports you.

Why is it okay for them to want an environment they feel safe and supported in….but you are selfish because you also want to feel safe and supported?

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Mental Illness, Depression, Hating Waking Up in the Morning

If you wake up every morning feeling anxiety, depression and completely overwhelmed at the thought of scraping through another day, you are not alone.

Once the day gets going after a few hours, you can get into autopilot mode, or somehow tolerate the things you have to do in order to survive. But upon waking up, you feel like one more day of painful suffering existance might be too much.

You feel alone and like there is something horribly wrong with your life. It is so severe upon opening your eyes in the morning that you cannot imagine anyone else would understand.

You are not alone. This is an important situation that gets worse being left in the darkness. Feel free to express your feelings in the comments here….if you are experiencing…or have ever experienced this.

insomnia, mental health, mental illness, mental illness awareness, mental illness stigma

Mental Illness and Toxic Loneliness

Loneliness and mental illness can often occur together. Does the mental illness cause the loneliness? Or can loneliness and isolation cause mental illness?

There are studies that suggest the loneliness and isolation can cause depression, anxiety disorders and even dementia. But for this post I want to leave the studies and references to those studies aside. We can do that another day.

If someone becomes depressed they tend to self isolate. People that are stricken by grief or loss sometimes just don’t feel enough energy or desire to interact socially.

For short periods of time, this can be a normal reaction, particularly for an introverted person. But long term isolation has detrimental effects on mental health.

Anxiety disorders also can cause people to self isolate. Without any support  or interaction with people, a person with severe anxiety can develop other disorders like agoraphobia or even hoarding.

Long term isolation cuts off the human connection that people need. This can bring up the fight or flight mechanism, because the brain may perceive extreme isolation as dangerous. Being cut off from community and basically cut off from the protection of the herd, is something that the brain may perceive as life threatening.

The reptilian brain is all about the primal urges and protection for survival. If the reptilian brain feels that the basic survival needs are not being met, then a message may be sent to the limbic system to feel the threat in the body.

The amygdala is the part of the brain that controls the fight or flight chemicals. Cortisol and adrenaline are sent into the system when a threat of danger is perceived.

If we become overloaded by cortisol for extended periods of time on a regular basis, it can create harm to the body and the brain. I will get into this more in another post.

The important thing is that these chemicals make the nervous system feel terrible. The person can hyperventilate, have heart palpitations and feel painful, uncomfortable sensations throughout the body.

We were designed to  exist in a state of fight or flight mode. This is PTSD or it can be C-PTSD. In the case of on-going experiences of feeling in danger, over many months or years, it is complex post traumatic stress disorder that occurs.

There may be feelings of extreme fear of abandonment upon meeting new people. There may be severe social anxiety from this or from feeling inadequate to interact with people.

Some of the trauma may be rooted in early childhood experiences of abandonment or rejection. Child abuse of any kind, including emotional abuse, can cause fear of abandonment and fear of being isolated from others.

The issue of loneliness and how serious it can be seems to be taboo to discuss. People do not like to say they feel lonely because it makes them fear they will be rejected for admitting this. Then they will just reinforce their problem by making people reject them.

So there can feel like there is no way out. Someone feels depressed or lonely to begin with. Then the depression results in pathological loneliness. Or the toxic lineliness results in chronic depression.

The anxiety naturally goes along side all of this, and turns into C-PTSD  or it opens old childhood trauma which had already caused C-PTSD. The person may not even know they had old wounds to open, but the emotional flashbacks to rejection and fear of abandonment are happening.

Suicidal thoughts, self harm and self medicating can occur as a result of this snowball effect. What started the process may never be known. The person just feels isolated and afraid to live this way.

The stigma of mental illness makes all of this worse. Many people are afraid to seek treatment. They are afraid to even tell anyone how they feel. They do not think anyone will understand.

Once someone starts to become isolated from other people, it can be hard to get out of. They will still feel isolated in a room full of people, because they feel that they are too different to fit in.

The issue of loneliness should not be taboo to talk about. It causes suffering for many people with mental illness, and most likely is one of the roots of mental illness to begin with.

It is when someone feels that others do not understand them, that they feel inadequate or just too different to be accepted. Everyone needs human touch and emotional intimacy of some kind.

This issue of loneliness needs to have less stigma, just like the issue of mental illness needs to have less stigma. There needs to be more awareness so that people do not isolate themselves emotionally to the point that they see no value in living.

Being in emotional and mental pain every day, on a regular, constant basis diminishes quality of life. It makes people feel hopeless and worthless.

Mental illness is painful, and so is the feeling that no one can understand and accept you.

The worst thing is believing there may be no end to the suffering. That is when people lose hope. No one wants to live with neverending suffering.