Abusive relationship, abusive relationships, adult children of narcissistic abuse', anxiety, anxiety disorder, autism, autistic, c-ptsd, depression, health, Healthy lifestyle, mental illness

Trouble Organizing, Managing, and Proritizing

If you have executive function problems, due to PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression or ADHD or autism, I can feel your frustration.

Executive function is an impotant function of the brain that can be interfered with by many things including ptsd from abuse and gaslighting, and even ADHD and autism.

People with diminished  execucutive function can have extreme difficulty doing any or all of the following..

1. Organizing materials for a task or project

2. Planning and organizing things

3. Scheduling and keeping up with the schedule

4. Getting things done on time

5. Arriving places on time

6. Figuring out how to allow enough time for all the different parts of a task or project

7. Staying calm while trying to organize and manage things

8. Delegating tasks and responsibilities to others

9. Self motivating to stay on task and keep up with tbe schedule

10. Prioritizing things that cannot all be done the same day

11. Remembering appointments and things you need to do

If you have problems with your executive function part of your brain, you may feel frustrated or blame yourself. Negative self talk will create more anxiety, frustration or depression.

The first thing is to be understanding with yourself. Be patient and plan ahead.

Have calendars, date books, appt books, note pads, memo pad on your cell phone and time clocks with you wherever you need them. You may need multiples of calendars etc.

Give yourself the exrra time needed for tasks. Leave spaces in between activities and appointments, in order to keep your anxiety down to a minimum. You best work is done when you are feeling relaxed and confident.

Be compassionate with yourself and remember that the executive function problem is a real physiological issue in the brain. It was caused by whatever your particular circumstances were.

It is not your fault. Figbting it, ignoring it, or blaming yourself for it will not help. It will make it worse. Your memory will refuse to work if you add anxiety on top of the executive function issues.

Sleep is also important. Sleep deprivation adds to memory problems.

Blessings and compassion,

Annie

autism, autistic, autistic boys, autistic children, autistic teenagers, compassion, health, kindness, life, mental health

Autistic Boy Touched my Heart / a guest post I wrote for David Snape’s blog – an Ordinary Guy with Autism

I wrote this guest post for David Snape’s blog. His blog is called David Snape’s Blog – An Ordinary Guy with Autism. I enjoy this blog and I wanted to tell this story because I remember these boys and they have a special place in my heart. I used to be a home health aide for them.
I think you will enjoy the story. It is very sentimental to me.
Annie

David Snape Show - Bourne and Beyond

A few years ago, I was a home health aide for 2 autistic brothers. They lived with their aging grandmother, because their mother had given up on taking care of them. I went to the house every week day and met their school bus. I got them off okay and then helped the grandmother with their dinner, baths and bed routine.

When I had time in between dinner and bedtime, I would do activities with them. I brought my guitar over sometimes and they liked that. I brought art and crafts supplies and we created things together, so that they could feel that they accomplished something.

The younger one was about 14 and he was more severely autistic than the older brother, who was 16. The 16 year old used to play baseball with me in the yard. I bought a plastic bat and ball at the store myself. The…

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health, holidays, life, mental illness, religion, spirituality

3:48 oops 3:49 am Time is Slipping…..Good night post

We are here once again to say good night. The day was long and full of pain and also joy. I just posted my Christmas wish list for all of you. I meant all of it sincerely from my heart.

You have given me a safe haven to express and create. A place to be myself without the usual judgement. It is a valuable gift. You are all beautiful flowers in your weed fields.

https://wordpress.com/page/73602093/1096

I am glad to get to know you all, in your ups and downs. I am blessed to have been accepted into this family of talented and creative thinkers. You are each unique and individual in the way you create and think about the world. I have great respect for those who can think for themselves. It seems rare these days.

Of course, in being independent thinkers, we take a lot of heat and a lot of blows to our self esteem from the world. We each suffer in our way, in order to still hold onto our values and beliefs. In the end that is all we have, so we must continue.

God bless the creators, the inventors, the writers, the philosophers, the thinkers and the true healers. The true healers are the ones who listen, observe and connect. It is the mind/body interconnectedness that needs to be healed as a whole.

In the coming year, I hope that we can explore the connection of the mind and the body. To take care of one, without the other is not effective. We need to be mentally healthy in order to achieve physical health. We need to tend to the needs of our bodies, in order to have mental health.

These are all things I wish for us this Christmas eve day.

I wish for peace on Christmas eve. It should be an evening and a night of peace of the soul and quietness of the mind. Let us try to let go of the anxious thoughts and controlling loops that go round and round. Let us let go of the feeling that we have not done enough or not done well enough.

We have done exactly as we have done. There could have been no more or less. We did what we did. The path is still before us. Some of us have a lot more time to travel the path and some of us have very little time. We don’t really know for sure.

The time we are sure of is the present. We have this present moment to be still. Be still and just be.

You are not your past or your present. You are just who you are right now, at this moment. Let us all take a moment of silent peace within ourselves.

As each of us takes the moment at the time you read this, we will be connected together .

Somewhere in the quantum physics world, all of our individual moments will converge together. Even though each of you will read this post at a different time, in a different time zone, we are all reading it together.

You are all reading it as I am writing it. The reality of the fact that you will read it, is becoming a possibility as the words are flowing off of my finger tips.

It is in the possibilities that we are one. It is in the possibilities that we will all be saved. We will be saved from the suffering in our minds. Keep the possibilities as real as the facts. Eventually, the facts will become secondary to the possibilities.

It is in the possibilities that exists hope, faith, forgiveness, acceptance and peace.

Merry Christmas and love to you all,

Annie

abnormal psychology, life, mental health, mental illness, psychology

Compassionate Touch Blog Part 2 / When Physical Touch is Unwelcome

While most people have a positive neurochemical response to compassionate touch, some people have had their normal response damaged. If touch is associated with abuse the brain may become trained to release stress hormones when the person is touched in any way.

People that have been sexually or physically abused may have severe anxiety when they are touched by another person. This is due to an adaptation of the brain in order to protect the person from harm. Instead of releasing oxytocin and other feel good chemicals , the brain will release stress hormones such as cortisol into the body , in response to touch.

If you notice that someone cringes at a pat on the shoulder or pulls back when people get close to them, it is best to respect their right to deny any physical contact. Forcing a triggering event onto someone can cause them extreme distress and a flashback to their original trauma.

Once someone has been conditioned in this way, the trauma has to be dealt with before they will be able to tolerate anything that is a reminder to them of  their past (or present)  trauma. The fear of being touched is a post traumatic stress response.

People in domestic abuse situations may react in an unwelcoming way to being approached too closely. They may still have muscle memory of being touched in certain ways. Abusers will use tactics like putting their feet on the victim or swatting them with things that is meant to be degrading.

https://anniemimihall.wordpress.com/2014/11/26/why-i-no-longer-eat-spaghetti-with-bread-trigger-warning-please-be-advised-that-this-content-is-a-potential-trigger-if-you-are-recovering-from-domestic-violence/

This can carry over after the person is no longer in the abusive relationship. It can cause problems with the next relationship they are in but with love and understanding the couple can work through it.

Adults of childhood abuse. may also have post traumatic stress disorder, that is triggered by touch. This is  deep emotional and mental scar. There are extreme fear responses in the brain that take over to try to protect the victim from any potential threat.  The trauma needs to be healed in order for the person to feel comfortable and safe.

In some cases, it is only a particular type of approach that is triggering to the person. They may react in a defensive way and not even be aware of the reaction. I posted a poem a while ago, about a reaction I used to have to anyone reaching near or across my face. ( I may reblog it today if I have time.)

If someone was reaching for the ketchup at dinner and happened to reach across me, near my head or face, I would throw up my hand in front of my face as a protection. I was completely unaware of the reaction until someone pointed it out to me, It was purely a reflex.

This is an example of a very mild reaction. There are people that have been through much more severe abuse than I was and their reaction may  be much stronger than blocking their face. They might shake and cry when someone touches them. Sometimes children will curl up or fight back with violence.

When I did my internship for college, I had a three month experience in an elementary school. There was a boy who reacted will an obvious pulling back when a teacher touched him on the shoulder.

Any teacher or child care provider who sees this happen on a regular basis should consider the possibility that the child could be currently in an abuse situation. If you feel that something is wrong, you should contact a supervisor.

Other types of people also have an aversion to touch. It does not always indicate an abuse situation. Children with autism do not always respond to pats on the back the way other children do. They may not be as affectionate with their parents. So , unusual behavior can be an indicator that the brain is wired differently for a variety of reason.

Compassionate touch can be very healing to most people when it is welcome. Part of being empathetic and compassionate is being observant and respectful of other people.

As always my hope is for Peace and Harmony for all of you,

Annie