So you are lying in bed, ruminating over something that you have gone over again and again.
Is there something in your subconscious that makes you think you will solve it or come up with a whole new way of looking at it?
Do we actually think that going over it for the 99th time will lead to some closure on it? Or that the 100th time is the charm?
I don’t know, and I end up doing it , time and time again. But lately I am thinking that the thinking itself might be counterproductive sometimes.
I heard Ajahn Brahm (a Buddhist monk) say that something is only a problem if it can be solved. You know. ..like a math problem that you can come up with a solution for.
So, if it isn’t something that you can come up with a solution for, then it’s not a problem, by the definition of the word.
So why do we spend our precious time, that could be put to better use (like sleeping) trying to solve the unsolveable? Are we looking for a way to change the nature of that situation or event, into a solveable situation ?
If something is not a problem, then what it is?
It’s just the way something is.
It is how things are, even if we don’t like it.
It’s an unfortunate set of circumstances.
It’s something bad that happened
It’s somebody else being who they are, whether we like it or not.
Some things we have no control over, and other things we wish we had control over.
We can’t change other people, or the nature of another person. We can’t change what another person wants, or how they behave.
We can’t change the past, including things we wish we hadn’t done, and things we wish someone else hadn’t done to us.
There are plenty of things that we have no control over, and cannot change. Yet, we go over these things, trying to generate better feelings about them, by trying to find ways to control them.
Then, there is that urge to figure out other people.
Why did they say that?
Why would they do that to me?
What did I ever do to them?
How can they behave that way, or think that way?
Again ….things we have no say in.
We desire to make reality fit into our own paradym. We want things to make some kind of sense and to have an explanation we can live with.
We want other people to behave in a logical manner. We want other people to behave in an ethical manner and valued manner.
That could be why we go over and over the same things, and let the same thoughts play out in a loop, over abd over again.
I think that we need to look at it and ask ourselves, “Can I solve this? Is there a reasonable possibility of a solution?
Or is this a non – problem, and rather a difficulty that just exists with no action needed from me?”
If you have gone over and over it, and no solution you can think of will actually work, then it might need to be tossed into the non – problem pile. And we can move on to actual problems that we have the power to fix and solve…..or better yet we can simply let it go, and sleep.
Ask yourself “what is more productive?”
Is it to keep repeating this loop of thoughts that I have repeated 100 times? Or to assign this particular loop to its proper box on our mental shelf ?
Then we can use the time in a way that supports us better overall.
After all ww are somewhat logical beings, even though emotion tends to drive our behavior, including our thinking behavior.
At the very least, we can decide that the thing isn’t going to go anyplace , if we do something more productive or more self supportive right now.
So, since it’s not going to go anywhere, and we can’t come up with any new thoughts about it, what harm will happen if we just set it on that shelf?
Goodnight all ….and pleasant dreams.
While we are all connected as humans, we are also individuals. Each one of us a unique spiritual being with our own abilities to perceive reality the way it reveals itself to us.
Everyone may not see things the way you do, or understand the messages that you have to offer.
Don’t let that stop you from believing in yourself and your unique ability to share your light and your message with those around you. For every person that is not ready for what you have to share, there is another person who is seeking the knowledge and perspective you have.
Be uniquely you. Don’t get locked into a big of only perceiving what society tells you is there.
Reach within as you expand your awareness beyond your mind/ body form.
Your existence extends way beyond your skin and your limbs. Listen. Breathe in what is around you. Allow for the unlikely or the unexpected to be there.
Someone is awaiting your very perspective. Never cease to believe in your worth and your value on this planet.
As your consciousness expands, there is a butterfly affect that travels to the four corners of the earth. Just because you cannot always see your influence on the planet dies not mean it does not happen daily.
Annie – gentlekindness coaching
Weaving our way down the paths we choose
Creating the each foot step simultaneously
with placing our toes exactly in pre-made impressions
An illusion that others have as much influence
Over which way we go, as it seems to us at the time
Travelling without taking enough time to just be still
To connect with our soul and our inner wisdom
Controlled by the false beliefs we hold
Influenced by thoughts we don’t even know are driving us
Feelings that come up without our control
Rarely taking the time to find out what we are actually feeling
Underneath the current of what we are supposed to feel
Actually coming from or why they always come up
At certain times. and in certain scenarios
We must stop and just feel the energies about us
Find the strength to go the direction that we really want to go
The way that serves us, supports us
Allows us to spread our own wings
And protects us from harm
image from Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com/pin/574068283733763854/
As you are walking along your path, you can be who you are at any time, even as you discover new things about your true self. You are not consigned to have to be imprisoned by your past, or the story of your life. It does not have to define you.
Just think of the story as events that happen to have occurred, and things you have been in the midst of at various times. The choices you made in different circumstances were based on your programming and the beliefs you were holding in your subconscious at the time.
Many of the beliefs you hold in your subconscious brain, are things that were programmed in by other people you have interacted with, by your family of origin, and by society. Any toxic shame you are carrying was brainwashed into you. Self doubt and ;earned helplessness are other things that come from believing that “you are your story.”
You are not your conditioned thoughts. You are not your story. You are not your past.
You are infinitely more that anything that has happened to you, and anything you have ever done. You are expansive and go beyond this illusion that you have been told is the only reality that matters.
There is more to reality than you see. There is more to you than other people tell you. Your feelings and intuition can guide you. You must re-train yourself to feel your feelings without self judgement. Your feelings are not your enemy, and they never mean that there is something wrong with you.
The more you shove down your true feelings and your true thoughts, the more the illusion draws you in. Who says that your inner thoughts about how your reality should be are wrong, or that they have to be approved by society?
What visions and dreams would you have, if you did not fear your own judgement of yourself? What possibilities are there that you tend to shut down, because you fear the judgement of others? What things have you denied in yourself, because someone else told you there was something wrong with it?
You are in this life to explore the dreams and possibilities. You can expand beyond the role you are playing.
This pattern of feeling obligated to repeat the same kinds of behaviors day after day is like a self imposed prison. You can be who you are, even if that does not match what people expect from you.
As a child you had imagination and played out roles and situations in a way that allowed you to explore your ideas and your feelings. Society and the people in your life may have crushed your imagination down, and discounted it as childishness.
Imagination is one of your greatest gifts. It allows you to explore possibilities and come up with creative solutions for problems. Imagination can take you outside of the box you have been restricted to and to mentally explore your own expansion.
Dream and allow your visions to be free. Imagine and create as you desire. Be who you dream of being. Follow your passions and part the veil that has been limiting your potential to be your true amazing self.
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This concept of “supposed to” …is a brainwashing by society. It keeps people functioning on autopilot like drones.
“Supposed to”…keeps people in abusive marriages.
“Supposed to”….makes children hide bruises their parents put on them, and lie about how their patents actually talk to them…(scream at them)
“Good wives” …are “supposed to” …stand by their husbands…”no matter what”.
There’s another 2 dangerous brainwashing phrases.
“Good…are sipposed to…
” Good wives do this…”
“Good daughters protect their mother’s image and reputation…”no matter what”…..(even if she is abusive behind closed doors)
“Good citizens work 9 to 5 and don’t complain about their job, even if they are miserable”
“Good people”…accept the roles they are expected to do. …accept the identity forced on them by their family…
“Good men”…do what is “expected of them by others”
You can be a good person, and still be living life the way you want to. As long as you are not hurting other people….( the relatives that say you hurt them by living your own life don’t count as “hurting people”)
Other people do not live inside of your body, and they do not have to experience the consequences of your choices. They live their own lives, and they make their own choices.
If you experienced in-going emotional abuse, or emotional neglect as a child….
If you lived with a narcissistic parent…
If your parent was an alcoholic or addicted to substances…
If your world growing up, had no room for being able to express and deal with your own needs and feelings. ..
Then you probably have C-PTSD, from abuse that was on-going, and you were entrapped in the situation.
What’s worse…is if the abusive parent…or the enabler parent…told you they loved you…and that their behavior of shutting you down, when you tried to express your needs, was a loving act.
Abuse that is disguised as love or concern for the victim, is more harmful. It is gaslighting, and it confuses the reality of the victim. It causes PTSD .
So, many survivors of childhood abuse, have C-PTSD as adults. There are “emotional flashbacks” that suddenly cause you to feel fear, sadness or anger.
You were conditioned to focus your attention on the narcissistic parent. Your needs and feelings were of no consequence.
The result of years of this kind of mind manipulation, can often be the emergence of “People Pleaser Syndrome.”
This explains why you might believe those conditioned phrases like “Good girls don’t disagree with their family”….or “real men stay in the relationship…or the job they are in …..even if tbey are miserable.
Because…. “your feelings don’t matter.”
If you were conditioned to ignore your own inner guide, that leads you in the direction that is best for you…then you may not even know how to feel, or hear, or interact with that guide.
Your inner voice wants to guide you in directions toward being supported, following your passion….and away from the pain.
You have been conditioned to fear tbe anger and dissapointment of others as a real threat. But the conditioning you experienced can be re-wired.
“People Pleaser Syndrome” does not really protect you.
It is an illusion.
People who expect you to sacrifice your own dreams for their agenda, are not really your friends….and they are crossing your personal boundaries.
Because no one taught you anout how to set healthy boundaries, or told you that it is perfectly okay to say “no” to someone…as long as you are not hurting them.
Their claim that your making your own choices, and becoming independent of them, is invalid. Narcissistic parents love to make their adult children feel shame and guilt for “going against them.”
In healthier families, the adult children are treated with respect and dignity…..not made to “be a good son”…..and do what is expected of you by the family.
These patterns can become embedded in the subconscious mind. Then it becomes easy for any narcissist you come acrods, during your life, to manipulate you with shame, guilt, or by attacking your integrity or self esteem.
I am not encouraging you to be bad person. But simply this..
You have the right to decide what “good” means to you…
You have the right to choose who to help…and who to say..”no” ..to.
You can begin to hear and feel that inner guide that wants you to listen to it.
Your true feelings can guide you and allow you to follow your core values. It is the path that matters, more than the individual goals.
Be a “good woman.
Be a “good man.”
Be a “good multi-faceted, spiritual being, that is living a life here on the earth”
Practice saying no.
Pay attention to your feelings, and honor them, by choosing paths that align with those feelings.
Be yourself! 💕💕💕💕💕💜💜💕💕💕💕💕💕🐇🐇💕💜💕💜💝💜💝💕🐇🐢🐼🐣👻💕💜💕