#domestic abuse, #narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, mental illness

Psychopathic Behavior Being Encouraged and Taught

I just came across a blog on another site which calls for people to train to be a psychopath. There are other sites like this, as if it is cool…or the best way to get ahead in the world. Some sites are very violent, and others teach more covert , Machiavellian tactics.

The site I accidentally came across has the following tag line ….

“Be a psychopath. It is better than no path at all.”

There are pictures posted on the blog I saw, and other like it, of bruised women. Images of men’s hands choking women around the neck. Other images on these kinds of sites show violent sex, which show women going along with degrading, dangerous sex acts. Other pictures show women being dominated against their will.

It is bad enough that we have 1 out of 25 people that are exploitative, psychopathic , pathological liars and deceivers. But now we have people making clubs trying to train people how to be psychopaths, how to exploit others, and how to crush down having a conscience. 

Society does things to promote narcissism.

This is probably because many of the leaders and the elite are psychopaths and narcissists themselves. They have no value for humanity or decency.

People in many fields are rewarded for manipulating clients, and finding ways to get away with lying. Western society is promoting the value of stomping on other people to get ahead. It makes them a good business person or CEO.

Many CEO’s are natural born psychopaths, or environmentally produced psychopaths and pathological narcissists. Exploiting other people just falls under the “Let the Buyer Beware” motto.

The psychopaths want you to believe that it is the fault of the victim, if they trust the predator. The psychopaths have no remorse for destroying people’s finances, or their physical and mental health. 

Crossing or exposing them can result in a smear campaign against you. There are may incidents of people losing their reputations, their careers, their families, and more. 

Surviving in this society is going to take knowledge of psychopaths and pathological narcissism. You need to learn the red flags of psychopaths and narcissists, in order not to be in harm’s way. 

It is sad, but there are still lots of good people in the world. Take care of your own family and friends. Don’t live in fear…but don’t live under a rock  either. There are predators out there. In addition, there are predators teaching others how to be predators. 

Be safe and love the ones that can love you back.

Use your energies wisely. Don’t waste them on vampires who drain your energy.

Your intuition will guide you. Your feelings matter.

Listen to your gut instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.

battered women, domestic abuse, domestic violence, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, physical abuse

The Physical Abuse

I have mostly experienced mental abuse from my partners. There was financial abuse and neglect of basic needs also. There was violence in the form of breaking my things and punching holes in the walls of the house.

I had personal things stolen, disposed of, broken and my personal space violated. I had money stolen out of my purse. I was threatened , verbally abused and psychologically abused.

There were 3 different guys that were abusive to me. The first 2 were similar with the violent outbursts and unpredictable tempers. Living with them was like walking on egg shells or being on thin slippery ice. It was constant anxiety and fear with them. I was only hit one time. I have never spoken about it before, but I decided to talk about it today.

There is a post on my Lovely Wounded Lady Blog that describes what happened and what the long term damage was to my body.

The most recent abusive person I was with, was never physically abusive but he actually hurt me the most. He was more than a borderline narcissist. He an anti-social personality and he was very intelligent. But he is not the person I am speaking about it the post.

It has taken me until now to write this post. I feel good that I was able to post it. It shows some progress in my journey of healing.

Thank you to all of my readers for bearing with me as I pick through all the abuse I have experienced since childhood and through adulthood. I believe that we need to grow and learn about ourselves and also about abusive people, in order to be able to protect ourselves. We need stronger self esteem to move forward in our lives.

I have been stuck in slow gear for a while now, due to the mental trauma of my past. I am thankful to the blogging world that I have been able to make some progress towards healing.

Blessings,

Annie

domestic abuse, emotional abuse, life, mental abuse, women abuse

New Narcissistic Abuse Video

This is a new installment in m series of YouTube videos on narcissistic abuse. These videos are intended to validate, teach and support the victims of narcissistic abuse.

If you notice the way I appear in the first narcissistic abuse videos, you can see a turn around and improvement in my mental state as I am recovering. This is something that I want the viewers to take note of, because if they are newly out of an abusive relationship, it will give them hope for healing.

Blessings to all,

Annie

bipolar, bipolar disorder, domestic abuse, domestic violence, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, obsessive compulsive disorder, poem, poetry, post traumatic stress disorder, ptsd

Healing Requires Feeling

Healing requires feeling

It is nature’s only  way

Of disinfecting

the mental wounds

And closing them to stay

It seems too much to bear at first

Sometimes we want to quit

We regress to places past

And fear the future trauma

But healing always means feeling

There is no other path

That really grows our hearts

And makes us strong at last

acoa, addiction, adult children of abuse, adult children of alcoholics, alcoholism, anxiety, anxiety attack, battered women, bipolar, bipolar disorder, child abuse, depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, therapy for mental disorders

Being Able to Speak About Our Mental Illness or History of Abuse

Some people with mental illness speak freely about it and others are afraid to speak. Many of us have issues of mental illness because we were traumatized and mentally abused. It may have occurred during early childhood and is so far back that we do not really remember. There may be clear memories of some type of trauma or abuse during childhood.

We may have sustained psychological injury at the hands of an abusive partner during adulthood. Often times people are abused in childhood and then end up choosing partners who abuse them also. Not that we know that in the beginning. NO one hooks up with an abusive partner on purpose. They are often very charming and seemingly sweet at the beginning of the relationship.

If we were psychologically injured as children, then we were also probably conditioned that we do not speak of such things. There is secrecy and guilt built into those early relationships. We were taught that we do not talk about abuse, feelings about what goes on on our homes and to keep everything inside.

I remember Pat Benatar’s song “Hell is for Children” and she sings “Be Daddy’s good girl and don’t tell Mommy a thing. Be a good little boy and you’ll get a new toy. Tell Grandma you fell off the swing”

Very powerful lyrics and a great song. This is where the secrecy begins. We are taught that to be “good” means keeping your torment to yourself. Do not involve other people into the situation. Do not talk to people about your problems. Keep everything bottled up.

These behavioral patterns continue into adulthood. They are imprinted onto our brains with big “DON’T TELL” stampers. It is very hard to  break out of the patterns of not talking about things and keeping our “shame” to ourselves. We feel ashamed about what happened to us as children. We feel shame for having chosen an abusive partner.

We do not see other people around us, ending up in these situations. We feel ashamed and guilty. We feel like people will not believe us or that they will judge us. There is a feeling of not wanting to burden another person with our problems. No one wants to hear about MY problems, They are busy with their own problems.

Some of us even have trouble opening up to the family doctor or primary care physician. It can even go so far as not wanting to go to a therapist because we do not think they will  want to listen to. We may not think the therapist or psychiatrist will believe us. Maybe we will not explain our problems properly , in a way that they will understand.

Maybe the psychiatrist will think that his other patients have “real” mental health problems and we are just “faking it” or maybe we are afraid to tell the psychiatrist the whole truth because he never would have met anyone that bad before. Maybe we are the worst one ever and they will decide to commit us to a psychiatric facility.

These feelings have been conditioned into us by abusive people who did not want us to tell on them. They wanted to control us and they did not want to be revealed. Once their game is exposed, they can no longer play.

It is hard to change how we feel, We have ingrained reactions to things. Emotions are associated with anything that triggers memories from past trauma. Even the voice of the therapist sounding like your abusive father’s voice, could send you into post traumatic stress and immediately shut down your ability to communicate with them.

The solution is complex and it takes time to be able to open up to other people about mental illness. Sometimes people will respond in ways that are horrifying to us. Some people treat the mentally ill, the psychologically injured, like they are third class citizens. Like we are not competent , not reliable, not truthful and not worthy.

We already feel a low self esteem and a feeling that we are not as good as other people, if we endured years of mental abuse. If we had to hide things as a child then it is easy to go into that “safety mode” of hiding again.  I put “safety mode” in quotes because it is our old belief system. It was how we survived for years. It was the way we knew that we had to be, in order to avoid further trauma. Not that it kept the abuse from continuing.

It is necessary at some point, for us to open up and speak about our mental illness. We need to speak about our abuse during childhood or our abuse from our ex husband. It is not shameful. Anyone who makes you feel ashamed is not doing the right thing. You should be able to have feelings and thoughts like any other person.

You may have had experiences that are unique and that are so unusual that many people just cannot deal with them and they do not want to hear them. I am not suggesting frightening people or distressing them with your story.

The point is to reach out and find the right people to tell your story to. WordPress is great because we can tell our story here, with an avatar as our picture if we wish. We can be truthful and transparent. It is a healing thing to write about out thoughts and feelings about what has happened to damage us mentally and emotionally.

We are not designed to sustain trauma and keep it locked up inside of us. We are people that need the community of others, We need to be listened to and understood. We must have our feelings validated or we will become more mentally ill.

It is very tricky sometimes to know who is a safe person to talk to and who is not. It is hard to know what part of our story to tell someone and what part to leave out. We are so much in the middle of what is going on in our obsessive, constantly running brains, that we cannot always see the forest through the trees.

Reach out anyway and try to find other humans to talk to. Therapy works for many people, but it is very common for someone to have to try out 2, 3 or even 5 therapists before finding the right one. It is a scary thing to tell a therapist your story, if you are not in the habit of talking about it at all.

I am writing this post in order to validate anyone that has a behavior pattern of never talking about their mental illness or their history of abuse. It may have been the rule of the abusers in our lives that we were not “allowed” to speak of these things, but the times have changed to new times.

If you are, however, still in an abusive situation, please be careful. You do need to be careful who you talk to about the abuser. Call a women’s shelter (or a men’s shelter). Talk to people on wordpress, but be careful to protect your identity.

If we can not speak then we have no voice. If we have no voice then who are we? We lose our identity.

Blessings to all and to all a good night 🙂

Annie

abuse, domestic abuse, domestic abuse meme, domestic abuse poem, domestic violence, emotional healing, emotional trauma, empowerment, life, mental abuse, mental illness, narcissist, poem, poetry, self-esteem

I am Your Narcissist …poem

i am your narcissist

I am your narcissist

You are my muse

You inspire me daily

By being yourself

You inspire my contempt

You inspire my jealousy

You enrage my mind

You darken my purpose

I will restrict your freedom

I will confuse your thoughts

I will make you question reality

I will make you question your sanity

You will remember what I tell you to

You will keep your opinions to yourself

You will always check-in with me or else

You will endure the resulting hell

I am your narcissist

You are my muse

It you want to play my game

I guarantee you will lose

domestic abuse, domestic violence, health, health and wellness, life, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, ptsd, PTSD from domestic abuse, wellness

Contradictions, Flexible Truth and Lies of a Narcissist …in mental domestic abuse

When you are in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, you will wonder if you are losing your grip on reality. There are constant contradictions.  Reality is malleable to the narcissist.

Truth is what they decide it is. Truth is what they say it is. Truth and reality are constantly changing. They explain the fact to you as they want you to perceive them, in order to get what they want.

They will say one thing on Friday and then say the complete opposite thing on Sunday…

FRIDAY …They will complain that the house is messy and that you are not as good as other women about taking care of your “home.” Other women do it better. The house is deplorable and any “good” woman would be embarrassed if she was so lazy about keeping her home organized and clean.

Not only that..Here is the kicker ..they will say “If you really loved me then you would keep the house clean and organized. A man needs a clean house to come home to.”

SUNDAY…They tell you that you are spending way too much time attending to the house. You care more about the “damn house” being clean than you do about them. You are insensitive and have your priorities screwed up. You should be spending time having sex with them… or helping them with finding a job… or whatever they want at the time.

Here is the kicker…they say “If you really loved me, you would spend more time with me and less time cleaning!  The house is clean enough. You are being selfish by spending so much time making the house just the way YOU want it.”

You are lazy about taking care of their home, yet you are too ambitious about your job. You are slutty when you wear make-up out of the house, but you are a prude when you are not in the mood to have sex with them  (after they have been raging at you.) You are too demanding of their time when you need something but you are too unavailable when they want you.

My ex used to demand that I be extra quiet in the morning so he could sleep. He needed to sleep so that he would not be tired at work. I agreed and said I would like the same courtesy so that I would not be tired at work.

In the morning he would get a cell phone call and answer it, in the bed. He would face directly towards the back of my head and yell into my ear. He was as loud as anyone you have heard drunk and bellowing in a local bar.

I asked him to please take the call into the other room because he was yelling into my ear. He said he would only be another minute and he did not feel like getting out of bed. Fifteen minutes later he would still be facing his mouth right into my ear and talking much too loud for any normal telephone conversation.

I would bed him not to talk so loudly in my ear in the morning. I had only had 4 hours of sleep at the point that he would get these calls, because I worked the 3-11 shift and did not get to sleep until 3am on most nights. I begged him to take the morning calls in the kitchen. I asked him to at least face away from the back of my head.

NO. NO. and….NO. My requests were not reasonable to him. He was too tired in the morning and should not have to get out of bed just because he had a phone call.

I mentioned to him that if h was so tired , he could let the voice mail pick up the call and not answer it at all. For someone that was too tired to drag himself out of bed, or turn his body the other direction, he seemed to have an awful lot of energy to talk so loudly on the phone.

When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, what is fair for them does not apply to you. The fact that they need certain basic things does not mean you are entitled to them.

If they are tired when they get home from work, it does not mean that you are allowed to be tired also. They can make mistakes and expect to be forgiven, but God forbid you make a “mistake” like being too tired when you got home from work to prepare their bag lunch for work.

It is in this sea of unending contradictions that er lose our self esteem and our basic right to take care of ourselves. We become so conditioned that our needs do not matter, that it can take months to years, after leaving the abuser, to be able to prioritize our most basic needs.

Time and connection with others who have experienced this type of abuse, will help. Stay on your path to healing. Keep reading and keep writing 🙂

Blessings,

Annie

50 shades of gray, 50 shades of grey, child abuse, domestic abuse, domestic violence, fifty shades of gray, fifty shades of grey, free form poetry, life, poem, poetry, post traumatic stress disorder, ptsd

The Silent Voice of Victims of Abuse…poetry for mental healing

No

One

Hears

the silent

screams 

of the

victims

No

One 

Sees

The scars 

we

cover up

No

One 

Feels

The sadness

in

our hearts

No

One 

Knows

the terror

of our

nightmares

Every

One 

Thinks

the victim’s

trauma 

goes away

Only

Victims

Know

the scars

are

here

to 

stay