c-ptsd, mental illness

Stream of Consciousness Writing – Becoming Yourself

I did not post much over the weekend because I have been taking care of my daughter who has been sick.

Hopefully the antibiotics are working now. I am at work now but I will be able to check in to see how she is doing in a few hours. Tuesdays I usually babysit until 6 pm.

I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle on youtube. It kept me calm throughout the weekend. He is so interesting.

The way he describes his experience with enlightenment is an 80 percent reduction in thoughts.

I agree with what he says about our thought patterns being conditioned by society and family.

Any negative thoughts that evoke guilt or shame are un-natural. They are “programs” that we were infected with.

It is not that you should not have remorse if you cause harm to another person. That is not what I am referring to when I talk about shame.

People that grew up with emotional abuse…or other types of abuse….were “conditioned” to feel shame in such a deep way that they feel like there is something innately wrong with them.

Emotional abuse over an on-going period of time warps thought patterns and in effect “brainwashes” the person into believing things thay are not true.

These false beliefs become imbedded in the subconcious brain very deeply. When certain thoughts repeat over and over in your brain, they alter your perception of reality.

Eckharte Tolle teaches us to take moments to “be in the Now,” and this means without any connection to the past or the future.

I have come to realize, from my own studies, that your memories are not accurate. They are interpretations of events from times that you were only able to interpret the meaning of things from your own “conditioned”  brain.

The real “self” that you actually are,  is not tied to these events, or to the story of your life. Those situations and interactions do not have to define you.

The views of other people about “who you are” and what you can and cannot do, are not fully true. People view who you are through their own biases, conditioned views, and with their own story as a basis for their perception.

We do not have to accept “the mirror” that others say refects us. People we know have difficulties seeing us beyond what they expect to see.

If you want to practice being a more authentic version of yourself, you have to do it with strangers and when you meet people in settings away from people you know.

Your family is more likely to keep putting you back into your “proper box” whereas when you go into a different environment, you can expand beyond those restrictions of the perception of others.

 

 

anxiety, depression, mental illness, narcissistic victim syndrome, Narcissists, teen mental health, teen mental illness

Being Authentic Means Listening to Your Feelings

elven princess

image from Pinterest 

If you are getting criticism about who you are, from the people you surround yourself with, it does not mean that you should change who you are….just the people you surround yourself with. 

If complying with the people you know is the only way to get them to stop demeaning you and shaming you, then find people that do not demand compliance with their ways just so they will be nice to you. 

People who insist that you change for them do not really like you, and changing for them will not make them like you either. Those kinds of people have an agenda, and your only value to them has to do with this agenda. 

There are people in the world that will value you for who you are. You should be surrounded with people who support you and realize the value to being authentic. When everyone follows someone else, the whole world becomes fake. 

It is better to be alone for a while to gather strength. You are never completely alone. You can find people to talk to in the blogging world and other places online.

If you cannot physically separate from people who are bringing you down, the  you can emotionally detach from them. Do not gratify them with the emotional responses they are trying to elicit from you.

You cannot gather strength from being around people who do not like you for who you are. There is always support from people online. There are others who believe in being authentic.

Once you are able to breath and find yourself amidst all the programming that others tried to brainwash you with, then you can raise your consciousness level.

fairy lights

You will then attract people who are at a similar vibrational frequency, rather than people who were attracted to you because they are predators. 

If you feel confused or uneasy after interacting with people every time you  are with them, this should be telling you something. They are only a match to your frequency because your self esteem is low, from being bullied and carrying toxic shame.

People who support you will not leave you with that uneasy feeling. Your intuition is your first line of defense against people who are not what they say they are. Just because someone says they want to help you, and that they are “doing it for your own good,” does not make it true.