I am thinking about the issue of “Shaming” and “Shame” today, because I had a horrible incident of being shamed yesterday.
The things I was accused of were misconstrued behaviors and one error in judgement on my part. I made a decision in an emergency situation which turned out to be a social error. The decision I made still seems logical to me in retrospect, but apparently the social rules are over everything else, even in urgent situations.
I missed the social etiquette in the situation. It got people very angry and I was scolded and shamed in a severe way. I was thinking about the effect that the shaming and threatening of my job , had on my self esteem .
I think shaming is an issue that all people with mental illness have experienced. In many cases , shaming may have caused the beginning of a person’s mental illness in the first place.
Particularly, being shamed as a child, would cause damage to self esteem. It can interfere with healthy emotional development.
I spell development wrong every time and get that red squiggly line telling me to get rid of the e after the p. I don’t know why it looks better to me spelled developement. There they are again LOL the red squiggles, Thank goodness for the squiggles LOL
Some children are shamed by their parents and other adults. There are a variety of issues that children are shamed for and made to feel as if there is something wrong with them. Some issues children are shamed about are being overweight, being less smart or doing worse in school, being oversensitive and crying.
Personally, I try to address the issue itself with my children. The particular incident is addressed as being inappropriate or a mistake but they are not “Bad” children.
I tell them I love them but the thing that happened needs to be addressed. Children should never be shamed as a person. Correct the behavior, do not crush the child as a person.
Many people with mental illness were made to feel that there was something wrong with them. They may have been yelled at by parents who went on rages. Some children are deliberately embarrassed and shamed in front of others as a punishment , particularly by teachers at school.
Children of sexual abuse carry huge amounts of shame with them, that was inflicted upon them as others. This is very hard to overcome and often carries into adult relationships.
There are also incidents of shaming as an adult that can cause the brain to disfunction. People that lives in domestic abuse situations which consisted of shaming , can end up with crushed self esteem and feelings of shame that do not go away.
When other people shame you in such a way that they make you feel like a freak, an inadequate person, a useless person or a hopeless misfit, they did something wrong.
It was wrong of the person to punish you or wield power over you in this way.
Some people wield control of others by shaming them into a position of submission. This is typical in domestic abuse.
Shaming keeps you in your place out of fear. There is a threat of continued shaming if you do not submit and comply.
If they can make you fear them then they have the control. Some people value control, over relationship. Rather than boosting the self esteem of others (which is what I like to do ) , they crush others down.
The point of my writing this post is to help those who have low self esteem and feel like misfits due to incidents of shaming in their lives. I would like for you to realize and put the responsibility in the proper place.
If others chose to shame you out of their own control issues , it does not make you a bad person or an inadequate person. In fact it is likely that you could have demonstrated the same behavior that was scolded and pointed out, to a different person, and they would have responded completely differently.
No one deserves to be embarrassed and shamed by a mistake or a personality difference. No one should be shamed about their body type or their weight. People should not be shamed for their sexual orientation or religious beliefs.
Different people are different. Some people are more different than the “normals” than others.
Shaming occurs in various situations when differences are not tolerated.
If you are different then that is okay. Be yourself as best as you can. Try to put the incidents of shaming in perspective in your head for the benefit of your own mental state.
Peace and Harmony,