10. The closer you get to the mall, the more people cut in front of you, practically taking the front of your car off.
9. The bell ringers will ring that damn bell right in your ear and publicly shame you if you don’t put a quarter in their bucket, even if your hands are full.
8. Your mother-in-law will ask you what you want for Christmas and then get you exactly the opposite.
7. No matter how hard you try, there will be three hours of wrapping to do on Christmas Eve.
6. Old ladies will rip a toy right out of your hand, in Walmart, because it is the last one.
5. You gain ten pounds eating chocolate, because you know someone will talk you into cutting the junk food for a New Years resolution and you’ve got to fill up now.
4. They start the Christmas music in the stores so early in the season that you can’t stand it by Christmas.
3. When you arrive at the homeless shelter to volunteer, one of the food servers offers you a bowl of soup because the stress of the holidays has reduced you to looking like you slept outside.
2. You run out of scotch tape at 11:30 pm on Christmas Eve when you have three gifts left to wrap.
1. All of the radio stations on Christmas Day are playing Christmas music. You would kill to hear a rock song.
10. Beatrice was right there a minute ago.
9. I would have sworn I put a diaper on her.
8. The only juice left to give them is prune juice.
7. The coffee maker in the break room is broken.
6. We are having a fire drill at 9pm.
5. It’s a full moon.
4. You go tell them we have no ice cream for dessert.
3. Why is Paul wearing Connie’s nightgown?
2. They just waxed the floor.
1. Aren’t those Mary’s clothes in the tv room?
10. The whole gang is going out tonight. You should join us !
9. You really need to put down that book and do something fun.
8. Honey, my mother just called and said she’s coming to visit for a whole week.
7. Honey, Mom just called back. She can’t come on Tuesday but she’s taking you to her Red Hat Club instead.
6. We are going to throw you and Bob a big party for your anniversary.
5. OK , I understand. We’ll just have a small family get together instead.
4. Surprise !!!
3. “Family, friends and loved ones. As you know, Annie and I have been dating for six months and I wanted you all to be here when..” ( “Annie? Annie? She was here a minute ago ” )
2. The new girl always takes the whole office out for drinks!
1. Are your parents coming in the delivery room too, or just mine?
10. You look great for 48 !
9. You’re 48 ? Wow, I would have thought you were only 42 or 43 !
8. You are doing a great job parenting, for a single Mom.
7. On your day off you should spend the whole day cooking and then freeze the meals. It would save you a lot of trouble.
6. Since it’s your day off and you won’t have anything to do, you should…
5. I’ve never been there myself, but you really should go.
4. Don’t worry Mom, the policeman said…
3. Hi Mom. I’m okay but…
2. You know where the yellow car always parks? Turn right after you see it.
1. You can’t miss it !