abusive relationships, domestic abuse, domestic violence, life, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic abuse, psychopath

Should you be Asking “How can I Get my Narcissist Back?” – Going Back with an Abusive Partner

I frequently check my statistics page and it tells me what search terms landed people on my blog. I was sad and concerned to see that one of the search terms was “How to get a Narcissist Back”

If you are considering getting your narcissist back or you know someone who is… please note the following truths. It is very hard to know the truth. In fact coming to terms with the truth is one of the hardest parts of overcoming narcissistic abuse.

Going No Contact is hard for all of us.  Many of us have been through it and others are still suffering with the chemical addiction and the nightmares from narcissistic abuse.

There are factors that contribute to the difficulty of a break up with a narcissist that are above and beyond normal break-up suffering. There are chemical reactions and reactive behavior to the sympathetic nervous system that make going NO Contact torturous.

You will feel lonely and you will go through tremendous emotional pain. This is all in addition to mental pain and confusion that comes from having your reality manipulated. There can be a brain fog and even feelings of depersonalization and derealization.

You may feel lost and that you can not find a way to go on without them. You will remember the “nice” things they did for you and your memories will trick you into thinking this was real.

Here is a list of reasons why you should hang on and hold your No Contact position. Have faith that the addiction will calm down with time. I know the feelings are like going through a drug withdrawal and it seems like it will go on forever. But it doesn’t.

Here is the list I came up with. If anyone has additions that I have not thought of, please leave them in the comments section here.

  1. Any “nice” things the narcissist did for you was to manipulate you.
  2. They did not love you.
  3. They lied……all the time.
  4. If they were showing any signs of violence, the violence will only get worse if you go back with them because they will respect you even less and feel all powerful over you because they were allowed to abuse you and you still took them back.
  5. If they never showed any signs of violence they  might this time. Abuse always escalates when you are on a second round with them.
  6. They do not deserve a second chance. You gave them many second chances while you were in the relationship with them.
  7. They were grooming their next target while you were with them and you did not know it.
  8. They had already decided when they were leaving you while they were still saying “I love you”
  9. If you have kids, they are in danger of psychological and possibly physical damage if you go back to the narcissist
  10. They will put you through the idealization phase all over again. You will fall for them harder and believe that they have changed. Then they will hit you harder than ever with the devaluation phase and the abuse.
  11. Narcissists tend to live a double life. It is likely that they will stay with their current victim and not tell you they are still with them.
  12. Your financial situation will be in danger. You could lose everything you own.
  13. Your reputation will be danger. They will launch a major smear campaign against you and you won’t know about it until it is too late.
  14. They will either deny you sex and make you feel cheep for wanting it or they will use you like a sex toy that is something they bought in the Adam and Eve catalogue
  15. You are not a person to the narcissist. You are just a prop, a tool and something for them to use and abuse
  16. You can have a better life without them and every time you take them back it will be more difficult to recover your life back
  17. There are people that are real and honest that would be good to you in a relationship
  18. You matter and your purpose in the world matters. Your skills and gifts are being wasted on the narcissist
  19. They are not helpless but they lie to get you to do everything for them any neglect your life.
  20. You will become less and less secure about who you are as a person . Your entire identity is at stake.
  21. They might be a psychopath and are far more dangerous than you know
  22. They are likely to have alternate identities that you know nothing about
  23. You could end up in court with them accusing you of abuse and you will be in such a bad mental state that the system is likely to prosecute you and side with the abuser
  24. You could become sick or disabled from abuse or other reasons and you would be at the mercy of the abuser to care for you
  25. You will be isolated from the people who love you and could help you
  26. You could become pregnant and your child would have an abusive father / You could get her pregnant and your child would have an abusive mother…and she would probably win the children in court
  27. You job , career and any future dreams will be in danger if being interfered with by the narcissist
  28. Your friends and family members will be in danger of abuse from the narcissist

Now we have 28…let’s see if you guys can add at least 2 more to the list. We need to warn people not to go back if they are searching this term. I intentionally used this search term in the title to this post so that it will come up when they search this.



domestic abuse, life, mental abuse, narcissist

Fictitious Tales of the Passive Aggressive Ex Girlfriend…

Random Thoughts about what might Happen to a narcissistic guy, who thought his girlfriend’s passive aggressive tendencies were cute useful while he was dating using her.

*disclaimer.. This is historical fiction…Not to be taken as suggestions…

**disclaimer 2 …if you do not have a passive aggressive bone in  your body, do not read…it will not be funny…

Other random safety notes...Also, please remove your frozen pizza from the box, prior to placing in the oven. Do not use your curling iron while sleeping. Soup may be very hot when removing glass bowl from microwave. And McDonald’s Coffee should not placed in between your legs while driving…

Enough stupid disclaimers, although I love to read safety instructions when I buy new appliances! On with the post…

An angry ex girlfriend, who has passive aggressive tendencies might…

6. Mail his new girlfriend an ad for Viagra with a note that says, “Good Luck!”

5. Take his mom out to lunch. Tell her the new girlfriend is a real family gal. She just loves family popping by unexpectedly.

4. Remind Mom that her son still can’t do his own laundry. Poor thing! And the new girlfriend needs some pointers on how and when to do his laundry for him.

3. Tell Mom that you really like the new girlfriend and you want to be the bigger person. Tell her to let the new girlfriend know that she can “tag along” with us, the next time we have lunch. Just us three girls !

2. Make sure she asks her in front of your ex.

1. Helpful Hints for the New Girlfriend…Send the new girfriend a list of things that your ex will EXPECT her to do for him. Including…

  • pack his lunch
  • answer his text messages immediately
  • but wait patiently for 5 or 6 hours for any response from him
  • never ask why he did not respond to your text
  • accept the blame for every misunderstanding
  • apologize when you do not live up to his requirements
  • never ask him for an apology. He will say “I am always apologizing to you!”  (however you will never hear one apology EVER)
  • always apologize profusely for not answering his text or voicemail, fast enough
  • let him choose all of the restaurants
  • let him decide if, when and where you go out on a date
  • give him business advice
  • do his accounting 
  • wash his socks
  • be his morning, wake up service  (even if it means you have to wake up 3 hours early just to call him)
  • stay up until 3am, the night before the wake-up service (to do secretarial work for his business)
  • go on 5 hours a sleep a night, when he is in a crisis
  • neglect your own career and job, to help him with his
  • make his doctor appointments for him
  • make sure you have other plans for your birthday, because he will be working
  • call back and change the doctor appointments (when he schedules a business meeting for the same time he told you to schedule the appt for)
  • call back and change his dr. appt. back to the original time (when he changes his business meeting on a whim)
  •  be prepared to request off  from your job, for his birthday
  • always be respectful to him in public, but understand that he has to act the way he wants to, even if it embarrasses you
  • sit in the car crying, after an argument, while he goes into the diner to eat lunch