#domestic abuse, #narcissism, #narcissistic personality disorder, Abusive relationship, adult children of abuse, adult children of alcoholics, adult children of narcissistic abuse', adult children of narcissistic parents, adult children of narcissists, aftermath of narcissistic abuse, codependence, daughter of narcissist, Dealing with difficult personalities, dealing with manipulative people, disfunctional families, dysfunctional families, emotional abuse, Healing after abuse, healing from abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from narcissistic abuse, health and wellness, mental illness

Toxic Narcissistic Family Members – Taking Your Power Back

While our brain is designed to protect us, sometimes the different parts of your brain fail to coordinate properly. The triunal brain theory teaches us that we are driven by the parts of the brain we are not conscious of.

It isn’t that we cannot discover what beliefs the subconscious brain is holding. It is more that we do not recognize the importance of doing so. There are methods of trance, hypnosis and NLP that can guide you to connect with what is driving your choices and behaviors.

Staying in a toxic relationship is something that many people do. Outsiders to the relationship may either judge you for stsying in it, or they may judge you for considering leaving it. In fact there may be both kinds of social pressure coming at you from different directions.

The subconscious brain holds core beliefs that have been imbedded and programmed since childhood. One belief that may have been programmed into you is that “good family members” tolerate any and every behavior from other family members.

You may be holding the belief that while breaking off relationships with people outside the family is okay, you should never break off relationships with family members.

Toxic family members are often catered to by the family. When other family members become exhausted and drainef of all their energy, they expect you to take over the “catering” role.

Saying No to the toxic family member will be punished and retaliated against. They will shame and guilt you, using yout “brain programming” against you.

It is often the person that put the programs there in the first place, that is emotionally manipulating you. They know which buttons to press because they put them there in the first place. Or they witnesssed how you were trained to feel.

In toxic families, you are not only trainef to behave in a certain way, but you are conditioned to FEEL certain ways in certain situations. A toxic family member will train you to respond to their emotional manipulation, in order to avoid real or perceived consequences.

Getting in touch with our feelings and beliefs that are behind the scenes, can help you to take your power back. Someone can only emotionally manipulate you if they are able to elicit those negative feelings in you.

When you are in a situation where the toxic person is making you feel bad…STOP and evaluate what you are feeling. Decide to detach emotionally from the situation and assess it like an observer.

Observe and notice what thoughts are coming up at the back of your brain. What thoughts, fears and drives are at work in your brain?

Sometimes the very things we do in order to avoid pain, will end up keeping us in a relationship that gives us continuous pain.

The subconscious brain will kick on the fight or flight mode, when we are in a confrontation or conversation with the toxic family member. This function of fight or flight, wants to cause you to take an immediate action to get rid of the threat and avoid harm. But your reptilian brain and your limbic system are only operating out of what associations that have been programmed in, and the beliefs that they hold.

If you were raised in a family with a toxic person ( or people) then there are “false beliefs” that are carried by your subconscious. The feelings you have that drive you to comply with the toxic person, are based on a false belief system.

It is in the best interest of the malignant, pathological person for you to hold onto beliefs like the following.

1. The toxic person does not harm me intentionally

2. They cannot help their behavior

3. They think their behavior is the best for the family

4. I am not worthy of standing up for myself

5. Standing up to the emotionally abusive person is rude

6. I have to do what the manipulative person wants, if I cannot reasonably get them to see my side

7. The toxic person hears me when I explain my side

8. Going against what the family wants would make me a bad person

9 Deep down the toxic person actually appreciates all I do for them

10. The manipulative family member would break down and not be able to go on, if I stopped catering to them

11. The family would fall apart without my holding it together

12. My independence and happiness  is not a priority over the family

13. If I really needed something they would be there for me

14. My needs, desires and dreams are not as important as the other family members, or as the toxic person

15. My perceptions are not valid when they are different than those of the family, or the manipulative person

16. Prioritizing my mental, emotional and physical health over the demands of the family is wrong.

17. I could not survive without the family

18. I owe my family, and the toxic person, to stay and cater to them for my entire life

19.  If I leave they will no longer love me. ( This is based on the false assumption that they love you now)

20. The toxic person loves me. They just don’t know how to show it

21. Taking abuse from someone proves your love for them.

These are all incorrect, untrue, false beliefs that are carried my adult children of toxic families. Sometimes your family is just who you were born to.

You have no obligation to people just because you share a blood line with them. All the time and energy they demand from you could be spent with people who actually deserve it.

There are people waiting to meet you, who would support and care for you. There is a higher path and sporitual connectedness for your life.

You have to emotionally detach from the narcissists,psychopaths, and emotionally manipulative, abusive people in your life.

Chances are the family will not fall to ruins without you, although they may try to manipulate you into thinking that. They can either respect you as an individual with rights and boundaries, or they can live without you.


Annie 🌷gentlekindnesscoaching.com

Very Affordable Coaching for Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

Join me on facebook gentlekindness facebook page.






funny blog, life

To End This Call Hang Up

Did you ever get into one of those automated tele-mazes ( yeah, I made that up) and after you finish doing whatever it is you are doing, they say….

“To end this call, Hang Up.”


I never would have thought of that. I just would have sat there all night, waiting for instructions on how to end the call.

Or sometimes I get..

“To end this call Hang Up..Or..push 2 to end the call.”

Does anybody actually push 2?

You know what would be really funny?  If you were on a live phone call with someone who you did not really want to talk to anymore, and you said…

“Thank you for calling.  To end this call , Hang Up…or Just Sit There if you want to, but I won’t be on the phone anymore. ”

For people that have People Pleaser Syndrome and have difficulty getting off the phone when a relative is being abusive to them, we could make a recording of this message.

They could just hold the recorder up to the phone and push Play.

blogging, mental health, mental health blog, mental illness, mental illness blog

It is Your Blog !

Do you write your blog the way you want to? Do you express your individuality and your personal uniqueness?

Good for you 🙂

It is your blog  and you should write the way you want to write. You do not have to write the way someone else does. You do not even have to write the same way each time.

Blogging is a special kind of expression. It is a way that you can identify and express your thoughts and your feelings. You can explore your values and peer into your own mind.

As you are sharing your thoughts with others, you are also sharing them with yourself.

We spend so much time under the watchful, opinionated eyes of others, that we can lose touch with our unique voice.

We become so conditioned to have to represent others, that it is easy to lose touch with our individual selves. We are more than part of a group, part of our family and part of our society and culture.

We are each unique individuals with a unique set of experiences. Our perceptions and feelings about those experiences, is uniquely our own.

We are told  what we should think and what we should feel, by the media. We are told how to think and feel by our church and our families.

We are told what kind of face to put on at work and at school. We are expected to share the opinions of the people in our church, our neighborhood and our social group.

Too much of our time is spent attempting to live up to the expectations of others. Too many hours are taken up with adapting ourselves to fit into a mold that was created for us by someone else.

We need to be able to spend some of our time,  being ourselves. We need to spend some of our day expressing our unique voice. As we explore our own values, strengths and weaknesses, through blogging, we can form a stronger, true identity.

We need a place that does not dictate our roles. We put on our hats  daughter, son, employee, boss, student. We have stereotypes placed upon us,  based on our race and sexual orientation…even our economic class and our education.

There are assumptions and expectations about what we should think and how we should express ourselves. Even what we should and should not value.

Much of our lives revolves around having to do things a certain way, because someone else wants us to conform to their vision or because others want to control us.

We are living much of our lives to fulfill someone else’s agenda.

Our family has defined a role for us.  We are expected to stay within the framework of that predefined role, even if the role does not really suit us or we are not comfortable in those shoes.

There are predesignated roles we are supposed to fill, in order to fit into the status quo. Society wants us to do things a certain way and to stay within certain expectations of our gender, our religion, our job, our socio-economic status.

None of these roles reflect who we truly are as individuals.

We have to conform to the expectations and the desires of others, to a point.  Some people are more comfortable going outside of expectations than others.

However much we conform in ways that do not express our true selves, we lose something of our spirit. We have to make a living and we have to function within society.

We are forced to make sacrifices of our identity on a regular basis. It is easy to begin to lose touch with who you are inside, when you have no safe place to think, create and express.

The ones who step outside the boundaries of the status quo, have to live with criticism and stigma. The brave ones that express their  differences are often penalized by the system in various ways.

We have to have some time to be our unique selves and to express our individuality, without fear of repercussions. That is what blogging should be for.

The simple act of writing out and expressing your true self, in your blog, is very therapeutic. The fact that you will have readers that understand and agree with you, is invaluable.

Due to the sheer number and variety of bloggers,  there is someone who will connect with your posts and enjoy reading your blog.  Receiving validation from other people, can be healing and can boost your self esteem.

People need a place where they can speak freely and voice their thoughts and feelings.

Blogging is our time to be individuals. 🙂

Blogging is the unique opportunity to speak our minds and voice our opinions. It is the place where everyone is okay. Each individual voice in the blogging world has a place.

Your voice has a place. Your voice is important. Your unique perspective and your experiences has a place in the blogging world.

Your voice matters. Use it 🙂

abnormal psychology, anxiety, depression, health, mental abuse, mental health, mental illness, neurology, psychology, social anxiety

Mental Illness caused by Psychological Damage and Abuse

* this post is in honor of Silvergirl who is a wonderful wounded healer and has an excellent blog on wordpress*

People with mental illness often have psychological damage from being subject to “Situations that Must never Be”.  This is my phrase for any situation which is causing log term damage to a person in any physical or mental way.

These situations that must never be, are many and come in many forms. Any situation of mental abuse or physical abuse of a person should not be. The sad fact is that these situations occur every day. People are suffering in relationships like these as we speak. You might be one of them.

You have chosen to click on this post because the title of it struck a nerve with you. Most likely you have been abused in your lifetime. It may have been during your childhood and / or it may have been as an adult. Many people that were abused as children , end up in abusive relationships as adults.

The psychological damage from living in abuse is extensive and can cause depression, severe anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and other mental illnesses. It is also common that people with other mental disorders such as depersonalization disorder, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder , social anxiety and  insomnia have experienced abuse during their lifetimes.

As people with mental illness, we sometimes make choices that are harmful to us that other people would not make. We are so used to things being abnormal and painful that we tend to not notice the red flags of an abusive relationship until it is too late.

The mental illness causes us to end up in codependent , manipulative, abusive relationships. On the flip side, these relationships that cause severe mental suffering break our poor brains and we end up with mental illness that we may not have already had.

Which one comes first? The mental illness, the psychological damage, the abusive relationships? It is hard for us to tell. If you think back through your past , if you can remember, then you will most likely identify abuse against your mental health. 

Situations of trauma cause PTSD. The people who tend to be the most affected are the ones who have had some kind of mental trauma in their past.

There are cases of severe trauma (like military horrors,)  that can cause PTSD , even of the person had a “normal” past. But a lot of the people who endure ptsd that never seems to go away, had some form of abuse prior to that trauma.

It is sometimes difficult to identify abuse from our past/ For some people it is glaringly obvious and for others it has been blocked out by their own brain. The brain wants to protect itself from further trauma and will black out memories and deny us access to them.

People with psychological damage often have more than 1 or 2 mental disorders. Some of us have so many that we feel kind of stupid “showing off our list” to people.

It feels like it will be disbelieved to write out the list such as…

…OCD, insomnia, depersonalization disorder, PTSD,  generalized anxiety disorder, domestic abuse victim, depression,  ACOA, eating disorder,  codependence,  social anxiety and derealization disorder, and avoidant personality disorder.

 See? …Now I feel weird.  My list  looks crazy to me… Really I look at that list and wonder how the hell I get through the day at all…barely by the skin of my teeth sometimes… that is …when i am able to get out of bed…

You are not alone if your list looks as long as mine does. My mental abuse goes back into childhood and I also had abuse as an adult victim of domestic abuse.  Things that occur in life that other people could “suck it up” about and get through, send me into severe post traumatic stress.

abnormal psychology, adult children of alcoholics, anxiety, depression, insomnia, mental disorders, mental health, mental health disorders, mental illness, parenting, psychology, work

Letter From Annie

It is easy to use wordpress and being caught up in social media for an excuse not to move. Avoidant Personality Disorder is taking a strong hold on me lately. The last few incidents that occurred at work did me in.

I was doing really well when I started that job because I thought they saw me as an asset to the company. They seemed to value my unique creative and compassionate skills.

But then things happened. I was scolded by the supervisors for things that  were made up and some of the things were greatly exaggerated and twisted by the grapevine. The female grapevine is a bitch and some women will crush other women down just to get ahead themselves.

They think is makes them look good or something to point out things about other women. I wish they would mind their own business and leave me alone.

I am very good at my job. I love my patients. I am different than other people because I do things outside the box. I like to think for myself and try new ideas. I tend to do extra things because it is fun for me to try ideas and see them work.

I do come up with good ideas that work. Most everyone liked the way I was doing my creative activity program. But some stupid women had to nit pick and complain.

I am afraid to do anything now and I just do the regular work and sit there most of the time. When I feel bored and uncreative then I get depressed.

I have to find a way to make my own business and work for myself. That is the only thing that will pull my out of this funky dark place. Yuck

I want to be free and happy.



abnormal psychology, addiction, alcoholic, alcoholism, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, psychology, self-esteem, self-help, working mom, yoga

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference Reinhold Niebuhr

The serenity prayer was written by theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, sometime during the 1930’s. It was quoted by others a few times during the 1930’s. Niebuhr sometimes used it in his sermons.

The original wording was printed as follows:
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

This prayer is widely used in alcoholics anonymous meetings and other 12 step programs. Some people think that it was written for alcoholics anonymous but it was not. They adopted it because it is a helpful tool to give recovering alcoholics a frame of reference for what to work to improve in their lives.

I love the first phrase “…accept…the things that cannot be changed” This is a very important concept for healing. It is an idea in Buddhism which is a practice that has a lot of healing benefit to it.

We cannot change everything. We cannot change other people. Peace comes through acceptance of letting go of the things we cannot change.

If we were to make a list of things that are causing us to feel anxiety right now, we might be surprised that there are things on the list that we cannot change. Especially in regards to other adult people.

We can guide and encourage. We can support and comfort. But in the end, we cannot cause other adults to change anything.

Even when someone is in a dangerous situation, like drug addiction, you can only be as supportive as you are able to be without incurring damage to yourself.

There is a point at which you have to protect yourself and draw a line as to how much help is reasonable to give to another adult.

I find the original wording interesting to compare to the updated version.  There is  a difference in the meaning of the second phrase. “courage to change the things that “should” be changed.”

I personally like this version better.

There are times we want to force our desires on other people as far as their choices go. But should we make another adult’s choices for them?  People get self-esteem and confidence from making their own decisions.  

The wisdom to know the difference...”  This may be the ultimate trick. How can we tell the difference between things we can change and things we cannot change. Well, basically we really only have the power to change ourselves. We can improve our mental and physical  health. We can make choices and decisions that will create changes in our lives.

We have some power over the environment around us. We can clean and organize. We can move to a different place or to a different job. We can choose to make changes in behavior, relationship patterns, and habits. We can educate ourselves, learn new talents and create things.

If we can let go of the anxiety of trying to change things we can’t. we have more energy for working on the things we have some control over.


anxiety, depression, holiday anxiety, holiday stress, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness

Social Anxiety Disorder an the Holiday Season

I have noticed a marked increase of readers looking at my posts on social anxiety since the second week of November. The reason that jumps to my mind is that people with social anxiety disorders become overcome with anxiety near the holidays.

The holidays are exciting for most people. They look forward to the get togethers and interacting with their relatives and friends in large groups. But to people with social anxiety the mere thought of the holiday events is extremely stressful.

I love to interact with people one on one. People find me to be funny, compassionate and understanding, At work they say that I am very patient and good at interacting with the patients.

I love my work and I love to connect with patients and family members of patients. Lucky for me, most of my interactions at work are one on one.

Sometimes two or three family members will come to me for information or just to talk and get their feelings off their chest. I am good with small intimate groups like this as well.

But put me in a room full of people and I suddenly feel very awkward, out of place, nervous and sometimes have panic attacks. I can’t follow all the group dynamics. I don’t like having to keep track of all those interactions going on at the same time.

I dread the thought of someone calling attention to me at the dinner table.

Sooner of later, someone will saySO!! Annie! You are being so quiet. Tell us what is going on in your life!”

Oh my God! What is it that they expect me to tell them? I really don’t know what they want as a response.

You are not really supposed to say the truth about your feelings if you have been experiencing depression or anxiety or financial hardships or family problems.

I don’t want to talk about anything personal with a group. ( I just LOVE when people tell me I should go to group therapy! NOT)

So I get kind of paralyzed. Everyone is looking at you for a response. What is going on in your life?

There is nothing going on in my life that I do not feel is somewhat personal. It is hard to talk about work because I have emotion about that. I can’t talk about my living situation because it is all tremendous financial struggling.

I cant thimk of anything that conform to the rules and that I feel comfortable talking about in a group of people. But there you are. Everyone is waiting… You have to say something….

What I want to say is “please ask someone else. I don’t mind talking to any of you in private but please don’t force me to feel so embarrassed and awkward by cornering me at the dinner table.”

But we all know that it would be considered rude to say that. Actually that alone gives me anxiety

Why can’t we say “I am not comfortable interacting with all of you at one time. I am not skilled in the procedure for this. I feel stupid and really uncomfortable in this situation.”

And I don’t think most of the people here would be interested even if I did talk. Then I would feel embarrassed that they are bored or worse yet judgemental of what I say about my life”

I don’t feel like I think and process things the way other people do. They would not understand if I told them things I am doing or the reasons why.

I feel inauthentic playing a role that is expected. It is not really me. If I spoke and acted like myself, I fear the social consequences. I don’t like confrontation.

If someone becomes critical of something I say, I do not want to have to justify myself. On the other hand, I do not want to be silent and allow the other person to “win” the social interaction.

It all feels like a game to me that I do not like to play.

Everyone puts on this “face” in the group.

They all seem to fit into the unit in a special place , like puzzle pieces. I am on the outside, like an extra puzzle piece that is too different to fond a place.

I really don’t like their puzzle, as a whole anyway.

To me this is a question you ask someone in private. I would never ask someone this question in a room full of people. I would not presume their life was so great that they would want to tell it to a group.

Social anxiety kicks into high gear the closer and closer we get to having to suffer through the get togethers. Everyone is so loud at these things.

Everyone interacts with each other. I feel like my individuality gets lost and I am supposed to blend myself into the group. But I do not want to.

I try to leave early of I can, although I do enjoy the food. LOL

I also know that people with post traumatic stress disorder have trouble during the holidays. There are so many potential triggers everywhere being inflicted upon you.

My OCD will also kick into high gear during the holidays but that is for another blog.

I would love to hear from anyone who is experiencing increased anxiety as we get closer to the impending trauma and discomfort of the group events. Maybe we can at least validate each other’s feelings.

Thank you

addiction, alcoholic, alcoholism, anxiety, codependence, depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, drug abuse, mental health, mental illness

Staying Sober while Living with an Alcoholic Drinker

The question has been posed to me as to whether or not a newly sober person can maintain their sobriety while living with an alcoholic who is drinking.

This is a tremendously difficult situation to be in. It is extremely painful and full of mental and emotional torture.

If you have become sober then you have achieved a difficult goal. In order to maintain it, you need support. You need the support of people who understand how difficult it is to stay sober. You need the support of people who boost your self-esteem.

You also need emotional support. You need family and friends that are on your side and can understand how you feel. It is important to be around people that boost your self-esteem. You need to feel worthy of the effort to stay sober.

An alcoholic partner who is drinking , is not able to be emotionally available for you. They cannot sympathize with your feelings. They cannot understand what it is like to maintain your sobriety. It is a daily struggle to be strong and find alternate ways to relieve anxiety and stress.

The alcohol is a way of escape from anxiety and stress. If you are no longer drinking then you need other ways to reduce stress and help with depression.

The alcoholic is still drowning themselves in alcohol as a way of escaping reality and responsibility. They are dumping their responsibilities on you. They are not only leaving you alone, in your time of need but they are adding on the stress of dealing with them.

It is not a good situation. If you are trapped in this type of homelife then you need extra support from other people.

It is bad for your mental health to be in this situation. It is easier said than done to tell you to get out. Financial entanglements are hard to unwind. Emotional tangles are even harder.

You want the person to be proud of you. You want them to hold you and comfort you. You need them to praise you and encourage you for each day you stay sober, as you become comfortable with your new behavioral patterns.

The sad truth is – they won’t do any of these things for you and are not going to in the near future.

It seems so cruel to say that. But misleading someone is not kind, especially if it will cause them to seek something, only to be disappointed and crushed.

Someone who is newly sober needs to find new things that they will enjoy to do. Activities outside of the house might help. Going out with friends after AA meetings is good.

Do not let the partner discourage you from attending meetings. You need to keep up with your healing.

It would be very easy to feel sorry for the alcoholic. You may also feel angry at them or sad that they don’t love you enough. All of these feelings are normal and you are allowed to feel what you feel. But don’t let the alcoholic’s bad addictive behaviors draw you in.

They may resent you or perceive that you think that you are better than them, now that you are sober.

Do not let them manipulate you by making you feel guilty for being sober.

They are choosing their own path of demise. Sadly, they are choosing it over you.

No matter what the partner tells you – You are important and your path to maintaining a happy, fulfilling, sober lifestyle is a good path. If you keep going forward there will be good things that await you.

addiction, addictive personality, adult children of alcoholics, alcoholism, anxiety, codependence, depression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, empowerment, health, mental health, mental illness, ocd, ptsd, self-help

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Interpersonal Relationships

Adults that grew up living in the home of an alcoholic ( or drug addict) parent tend to have some problems with interpersonal relationships. We need help to learn the things that we were deprived of learning as a child about setting boundaries and maintaining balance within relationships.

As a child the world within an alcoholic household was unpredictable, unstable and unsafe.

Children need to feel that they can count on their parents to care for them and to love them. Adult children of alcoholics did not have this type of experience.

There are stages of development that require proper nurturing , support and guidance.

Children in alcoholic households do not properly progress through these stages, particularly in regards to social interaction. We  did not develop a sense of self, and sense of self-esteem, like other children do.

Other children were growing up in families which defined clear roles of each family member. Each member had a place and a value in the family. The roles and responsibilities of the children are appropriate. The family works together as a unit and the older members teach, encourage and guide the younger ones.

This functionality and delegation of appropriate roles is non-existent in an alcoholic household.

In fact, children often take on inappropriate roles and have responsibilities that are unfair for their age. They take on responsibilities that should belong to an adult.

So, the adult coming from this kind of upbringing is truly confused about roles an responsibilities. Often they will voluntarily take on an unreasonable amount of work. They will pick up responsibilities in a relationship that are not appropriate.

A woman may pick up responsibilities that should belong to her husband because he is too sick with alcoholism to do them. A man will take over the job of mother and father to cover for his alcoholic wife.

There is a confusion in the mind of the Adult Child as to what “normal” is and what is fair.

They are often unaware that too much is being dumped on them. They perceive that they are being a helpful partner and are being supportive.

It often does not occur to them when they are being taken advantage of by a romantic partner.

Often the partner they choose is an alcoholic or some other compulsive personality, like a workaholic. Someone who is emotionally unavailable. As much as the Adult Child needs emotional support and love, they lack the self-esteem to know that they are worthy of it.

Realizing that these are common tendencies of an adult child of alcoholism can help the Adult Child to begin to look at their behavioral patterns and their relationship roles more realistically.

As Adult Children of Alcoholics, we tend to believe the emotionally abusive partner acting in a way that is understandable and acceptable. We feel we have done something to deserve it when they attack our self-esteem which is already tenuous.

Children of alcoholics are used to NOT having our needs met. We are used to people being emotionally unavailable to us.

As a children we  had to pick up the slack for the alcoholic parent. We had to make sure dinner was made and other things were taken care of. When the alcoholic parent was disabled , we had to pick up their jobs for them, especially if we had younger siblings. The younger children in the family become used to relying on the oldest child or the oldest daughter to take care of things.

It is very easy for the romantic partner of the Adult Child to take advantage of them. It is easy for them to say things to make the Adult Child feel unworthy , ashamed and obligated to take on an unreasonable amount of jobs.

There is a loss of self if the partner takes advantage of the adult child. .

It is difficult for the Adult Child to identify their own needs. But they are aware and indulgent of the partner even to the point of neglecting their own needs.

Children and especially teenagers of alcoholics have to help the parent, because the parent is disabled to perform even the most basic functions like cooking, cleaning and child care.

Adult children of alcoholics need help, to learn how to have balance in a relationship. They need to be with a partner that is sensitive to the fact that the other person is unclear on the roles. A partner that will help to maintain a fair balance in the work. Someone who is emotionally available and cares about their feelings.

If you are an Adult Child of an alcoholic you may be stuck in a relationship now with an inappropriate partner. The best thing for you to do is to find ways to build your self-esteem.

This would most likely be things that do not involve your partner. Activities that require using your gifts and your strengths and interests would be helpful to increasing your self-esteem.

In order to evaluate a current relationship or search for a new relationship , you need to build your self esteem. When we have a low self esteem, we cannot see things in perspective. We may perceive a relationship as being balanced and fair, even when all the responsibility is being dumped on us.

You need to see yourself as a valuable and worthy person. This will help you to have more clarity of mind and perspective when making relationship decisions.

Without self-esteem a person will continue find themselves in bad relationships.

I would suggest writing down a list of things you are good at. Write down things that you value in yourself and qualities that are attached to your self-esteem.

The more comfortable you become with feeling that you deserve good things, the more you will be able to evaluate situations in a healthy way.

Slowly your life can become more manageable. You will become comfortable with healthy relationships and uncomfortable with bad ones.

God bless you on your path

Namaste ,

anxiety, bipolar, health, mental disorders, mental health, mental illness, obsessive compulsive disorder, ocd, post traumatic stress disorder, ptsd, schitzophrenia, spiritual, suicude

Mental Illness / Emotional Healing – The Poweful Effects of Human Electromagnetic Fields on the Nervous System

“The human nervous system can create electric energy waves that can be measured with scientific instruments. The human body produces infra-red radiation that, with night vision equipment, can be seen from miles away.”
Human Electricity

Spiritual garden.com

Scientists have proven that all people give off an electromagnetic field. The nerve impulses in our bodies are actually electric signals. These occur inside of our bodies but they also project out of the body. They create a magnetic energy field that radiates out into the air.

Positive people will radiate a positive energy field and negative people will send out a negative one.
When you are in the vicinity of another person, you will be affected by the energy field that radiates from them.

When close to some people, you may feel as if your body and mind becomes more energised, more hopeful and optimistic.
When close to other people, you may feel as if your energy drains away, a depressing or
lazy feeling.

Human Electricity Spiritual garden.com

When we are trying to heal from a mental illness and addiction, it is critical that we surround ourselves with positive energy fields. If we are made to feel depressed and discouraged, then our self-esteem will go down.

We need our self-esteem to be high in order to have healing in our minds and our bodies.
Low self-esteem is counterproductive to our personal healing and peace of mind.

It is extremely important for our self-esteem that we are around people that radiate positive energy fields. Our bodies will be affected by the other person’s nervous system and the resulting energy field.

When we are around people that are mean, judgemental, vindictive, violent, depressed etc, it sends that exact feeling into us. When you are trying to get better from depression , it is not a good thing to be around people who emit negative energy.

As part of the healing process of mental illness, please surround yourself with healthy, compassionate, kind people. It will help your nervous system to feel calmer. Your nervous system will regulate itself with the other person’s.

*This is similar to the way a newborn baby’s heartbeat and breath regulates to its mother’s when they are cuddled together.*

It is dangerous for us to be around a person with a negative spirit about them. Their nervous system is full of negtivity. This negativity will be felt and absorbed directly into our own personal nervous system.

This is a tested scientific fact. The energy fields have been measured and recorded. This is the reason why you feel bad when you are around a selfish, unkind person.

I know that sometimes we live with someone who is like this. It happens to the best of us. We meet a beautiful man and he seems so great in the beginning. After we move in together then his true colors show themselves. I have done it myself.

If you are stuck in a house with someone that emits negativity then you have a problem. The only thing I can suggest is that you try to spend some with other people who are good for you. Think about your physical proximity to this person and try not to sit close to them all the time.

If you have severe anxiety, PTSD or another mental illness that invades your mind with negative intrusive thoughts, then you need to regulate your nervous system with someone else’s as often as possible.

If you are near someone who is calm and patient, with a kind personality, your nervous system will regulate with theirs and you will feel calmer. It is amazing but it is true.

All the work we go though to become sober from alcohol, quit drugs, control intrusive thoughts etc, we don’t need to be going up the down escalator by sucking bad energy into our nervous systems.

Check out the article called Human Electricity, at spiritual garden.com
I found this article and the web site very interesting and informative. I stumbled upon the site this evening.

On a personal note, I find that I feel my nervous system calming down when I pet my bunny rabbit. I think that animals must also emit energy fields that can be calming to our nervous system. So spending time with your pet be may be helpful. I have not researched this yet but now I have something to do while I am up with my insomnia tonight. LOL

Peace be to you all.