I am getting settled into this new schedule. I have now been at my new part time job for about 2 weeks.
I am working as a mother’s helper / tutor for 2 wonderful children ages 9 and 12. I arrive daily at the house on weekdays at 2:30. I try to be here before the 12 year old’s bus arrives so she will not arrive to an empty house.
Then we work on her homework until her brother arrives at 3 :45 ish.
There is love in this house because the mother is kind and she encourages her kids to be creative and to be kids.
It is a very different atmosphere than the “kids should be quiet and not bother the adults unless they are being useful” household that I struggle to breath in , where I live, every day.
The ex in-laws I live with ensure their ominous, all powerful presense in “their house” and make sure that there is no one other than them that is treated with respect.
As far as they are concerned there are no adults in the house other than the 2 of them. The 4 other adults in the house, including myself are treated as teenagers. The ominous cloud that permeates the house is fueled by implied threats, shaming and constant boundary violation.
It is hard to explain without giving examples but I will not do that now.
Being in this new environment for a few hours a day is good for me. Now I remember what it feels like to be treated as an equal by another adult ( the mother who I work for) rather than a tool or a pawn in someone’s game to meet their agenda, with no consideration of my having a right to my own dreams.
I believe this contrast is good for me to experience. After a while you forget what “normal” is. When you are living in a household that is like a mini cult with everyone fearing the retaliation of the leader, you become lost in a fog of the shared psychosis of the group.
I am always the one that is called ” the most difficult person in the house” but the reality is that they fear the fact that I can see through their brainwashing tactics now.
They are trying desperately to recondition me with rewards and punishments. But I have been doing extensive