funny blog, life

To End This Call Hang Up

Did you ever get into one of those automated tele-mazes ( yeah, I made that up) and after you finish doing whatever it is you are doing, they say….

“To end this call, Hang Up.”

Really??

I never would have thought of that. I just would have sat there all night, waiting for instructions on how to end the call.

Or sometimes I get..

“To end this call Hang Up..Or..push 2 to end the call.”

Does anybody actually push 2?

You know what would be really funny?  If you were on a live phone call with someone who you did not really want to talk to anymore, and you said…

“Thank you for calling.  To end this call , Hang Up…or Just Sit There if you want to, but I won’t be on the phone anymore. ”

For people that have People Pleaser Syndrome and have difficulty getting off the phone when a relative is being abusive to them, we could make a recording of this message.

They could just hold the recorder up to the phone and push Play.

bloggers, blogging, life

Quote Day for Three Days Challenge “It is better to Have Loved and Lost…”

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”   Alfred Lord Tennyson

aww so sweet …

This is my second day of the quote challenge. I am to choose a quote and write a post about it. I have chosen the above quote and here is my offering…

It is better to have loved and lost,  than never to have loved at all

It is better to have stabbed your fork into your eye, than never have owned utensils

It is better to have had your leg chewed off by a cougar, than never to have owned a pet at all

It is better to have fallen off of the mountain, than never to have climbed at all

It is better to have lived in a mansion and then become homeless, than never to have lived indoors at all

It is better to be run over by a car, than to never have walked at all

It is better to have shoved your hand into the garbage disposal and had it chopped into little bits, than to never have had a garbage disposal  at all

It is better to have climbed up to your roof and fallen off,  than never to have owned a house at all

funny, funny blog, life

True to Life Math Humor – Funny Conversation

Here is a funny story that I just heard from my daughter. 

This was a conversation between 2 of the guys she goes to church with.  The first guy is 20 years old and the second one is 40 years old. 

Guy number one – “Wow, I am 2o and you are 40 !

Guy number two So?

Guy number one That means I am half your age

Guy number two Yeah

Guy number one –  That means that when I am 50 years old, you will be 100 !

Guy number two  ?

funny kids, funny story, kids, life, parenting, single mom

Are Ponies Real?

My 18 year old daughter relayed this funny story to me today. She was spending time with her little 7 year old cousin. This is my niece, who is a very cute little girl.

My daughter recently was hired at her first job. She will be starting this coming week and of course is very excited. She was telling my little niece that when she got paid, she would be able to buy her a little gift, with her first paycheck.

My daughter was being silly with her and said  “I can get you something you will like, but not a ferris wheel or a pony.”

The little one looked at her and said, “I do not want a ferris wheel and ponies are not even real ! “

My daughter was kind of stunned and said to her  “You don’t think ponies are real?”

The little one said, “NO silly! You know that unicorns and ponies are not real ! “

At this point my 8 year old nephew chimed in with  ” Unicorns are too real !   I saw one in the yard one time ! “

The older brother who is 13 said  “That was a deer ! It was not a unicorn ! “

At this point in telling me the story, my daughter was laughing so hard she could hardly continue.

Apparently my daughter’s uncle was there are decided to chime in. He asked them,  “Are mermaids real?” 

“No,”  they said.

“Are horses real?”

“Yes,” they said

“Are zebras real?”

The little boy said, “Yes we saw a zebra at the zoo last year.”

To which his father, who has a goofy sort of sense of humor, said  “No. That was not a Zebra. It was a Zoobra. “

All of the kinds just stared at him and were not sure what to think.

Once my daughter stopped  laughing, then she went through all the animals with them. The fairy tale ones and the real ones. I guess they all had different opinions about which animals were real and which ones weren’t real.

It must be a funny land inside of a child’s mind.

funny kids, life, parenting humor

Happy Mess

When my kids were little they used to worry if they spilled something.  So, I used to “accidentally” spill something on myself, in front of them, and say “Look Mama is a mess!”

“But Mama is a happy mess because I am happy to have you!”

This was my way of seperating their idea of happiness from making a mistake. I wanted them to know that they could be happy in general,  even if things went wrong in the moment.

They thought this was very funny. Anytime I spilled something,  either by accident or on purpose,  they would laugh happily and say, “Look! Mama is a happy mess!  She is happy because she has me!”

I remember once being at the grocery store, in the check out aisle, and I dropped something.

My daughter quickly looked up at the cashier and said, ” That’s my Mama! She is a Happy Mess!”

The cashier looked a bit puzzled and my daughter was smiling.

Then my daughter said to the cashier, “I drop and spill things too. And then I am a Happy Mess, just like Mama.”

bunny, bunny dancing around feet, house rabbit, life, pet bunny, pets

Bunny Dancing Around Annie’s Feet !

Finally I got a video of the bunny doing his love dance around my feet.  I have tried a few times but I never got it to come out.

Everytime the bunny comes out of his cage, he  does this cute little bunny dance around my feet, to greet me and let me know that he loves me. It is so cute.

Enjoy !

blogging, funny blog, funny poem, funny post, life, limerick, limericks, writing, writing contest, writing contests

Don’t Let Annie Write Limericks

There was a young woman from Druck

Who really loved only to suck

She sucked on big lollies

That gave her the jollies

And slept with her long hair all stuck

funny blog, health, life, mental health, mental illness, wellness, women's health, women's issues

Telekinesis and the Mustard Baloons

telekinesis kitty

My bedroom door is open. Someone came into the room and they did not close it when they left. Being that I called out of work due to a tummy ache, Yuck !  I really do not want to come out from under these soft blankets and close that door,

My preteen daughter has her music playing too loudly and the open door is  sending  the teenie bop beats right through into my otherwise peaceful, quiet space.

So, I did something which I do from time to time….

I tried to close that bloody door with telekinesis! I put out my hand, hopefully, and sent all the  powerful telekinetic energy I could muster, towards that blasted door.

Guess what?

Oh, crap.

Hang on. I am going to to try , one more time…

I am very pleased to announce to you all….. This is very exciting….

The amazing news is that…….

Oh, crap. I guess the news is that I have not given up.  One day I will do it ! I will practice and then I will do it. There will be an amazing announcement and then you will all know that I have achieved my superpower.

Coming soon, to a WordPress Blog near you….will be the news feed…There will be a grand announcement and it will go something like this….

Hold Onto Your Hats ! OR Your HEADS!.. (whichever is more likely to fly off… )

Annie!  That’s right ! Our beloved sister  Annie…..  poet of the Realm of WordPress,  in all her infinite wisdom and super-fantastic power … has  closed that damn door! Yes ! You heard correctly folks! Annie has closed that door  and did not even have to get out from under her fuzzy blankets or call across the apartment for a random kid to close the door for her!

She just reached out her marvelous hand and told that door to close. She sent the energy of “Close the Darn Door” into the air and POW! Close it did!! Yay! Yay!

Crowds of anxious and very nosy, gossipy spectators are gathering outside, beneath Annie’s bedroom window. One of our correspondents has reported than  Annie dropped some water balloons on the heads of the gathering crowd.

Annie then  called down to the nosy crowd. She told them  that she currently has  her children  filling balloons with mustard.  So, everyone  should back away from the house,  if they know what is good for them! The voices in her head told her to splash them with mustard and then possibly …cold  pea soup…or mashed potatoes.

Crazy Annie ! I don’t think she would really bomb the crowd  with mustard. Do you???

We will be closely monitoring this breaking news for you.  We anticipate a new amazing feat within the next  few hours.

Sources have informed us that Annie is planning to stay in bed all day, therefore, she will  be telekinetically making  a sandwich for herself (secret informers tell us that it will be roast beef and swiss on whole wheat) . Then she will  float said sandwich through the air, from the kitchen  and if all goes well, it will land PLOP! right into to Annie’s eager hands.  Annie will never leave the bed.

Updates are expected within the hour. We will return after these important messages…”

Yeah, so that is my dream. I have been trying for years. Everytime I drop something on the floor, I hold my hand out and tell the thing to rise up into my hand. I don’t know why it has not worked yet, but I have not given up.

This should be a lesson to all of you. When you have a dream, you should hold onto it. Hold onto it until it comes to fruition. That way you will end up like Crazy Annie, sitting in her bed, with hand outstretched to the bedroom door. It still has not closed, but I have the heart of a fighter. And so should you !

You may never accomplish your dream, but at least you can type up your fantasy on WordPress.

One of my favorite fellow bloggers was lamenting the human condition yesterday, as I am doing now. But maybe if we can all become superheroes then we will not have to put up with our human shortcomings anymore. Better yet, we will just throw mustard balloons on the people that are annoying us. 🙂

This post is dedicated to Nekaaar , who is a wonderful human and writes wonderful ramblings that inspire and make me smile. It was in lieu of putting a comment in her comment section of her recent post.

Blessings,

Annie