At the local park, in Oak Ridge, Tennesee
At the local park, in Oak Ridge, Tennesee
October in New Jersey comes with various feelings, memories and triggers for me. I love Halloween, so that part of October is fun and exciting. I love the creativity of Halloween such as the costumes, the imagination of both children and adults coordinating together, the haunted houses and the decorations.
October is also a reminder to me that I am not living the life of freedom and independence that I would like to be, I ended up having to move back in with my ex in-laws a few years ago.
This was following a situation that I had to exit rather quickly and the offer from the in-laws was a last resort, emergency measure for me, in order to keep my kids safe and make sure there was a warm place for them to be for the winter.
Along with living here comes many restrictions, control, manipulation and boundary crossing, which is how I knew it would be from many years of past experience with them. There are always conditions and intentional miscommunication about things that are important to me.
If you have ever been in a situation where you felt your freedom was restricted then you know what I mean. I am sure many of you have felt your creativity, self esteem and your efforts to follow your own dreams and values, restricted by situations and people before.
The reason October reminds me of just how controlled and limited I feel is that the in laws do not like Halloween. In fact they see it as Satanic Witchcraft Time, which if any of you has ever done research about these things, you know that people that call themselves witches do not worship Satan, and that Halloween is not al about witchcraft for most people anyway.
But living here restricts the type and amount of decorating I can do. I have to try to sneak my kids out in their costumes for trick or treating, or just deal with the consequences. My ability to be a parent that makes my own decisions about my own kids is severely interfered with in all kinds of areas of their lives. Halloween is not the biggest one.
Other things about my life are intentionally interfered with and monitored to the point where I have to keep certain goals, dreams, activities, and even mail and bank statements invisible. I am completely alone with my decisions to move forward in my life, my behaviors towards those goals, and there is no one I can discuss or share these things with at this time. At least not in the “real life” world.
I have to count on myself. I have to plan by myself. I have to keep everything to myself, in order not to have any of my plans undermined by people who would rather have me dependent upon them, and follow the role and identity that suits their agenda.
What happens after an abusive situation is over? Are we condemned to a life of post traumatic trauma that we can never get out from under? Can we still reach towards being the person we were meant to be?
If we were meant to do certain things…contribute to humanity in a certain area…care and love others…then why has the universe restricted us?..punished us?…
Are we being tested? Are being strengthened? Are we being punished? Are we being educated somehow? Are we being prevented from reaching our full potential due some bad thing we did in our past?
Have we been forgotten…forsaken… by God or the universe ?
One of the first steps to surviving the feeling of being controlled and imprisoned, is to consider the questions and to consider that there are possibilities that we cannot see.
Our minds allow us to see only that which we believe is possible. It has been proven by quantum physics that there are many things happening around us that our brains see but that our eyes do not see.
It has to do with the subconscious mind and how it interacts with your conscious mind. The subconscious mind has all of our associations stored in it. It holds our beliefs about reality, our biases, and associations between things and situations to what we think the meaning is of those things.
Our subconscious mind assigns meaning to what we see, what we hear, what other people do and everything else in our environment. Our subconscious mind decides the rules about what we can allow into our consciousness. This includes what we see with our eyes or what we do not see that another person right next to us, might easily see.
This does not just apply to seeing objects that are in our space of vision. This also includes seeing possibilities for us. It includes seeing what potential we have. It includes seeing reality in a completely different way than we are used to seeing it.
We can question the rules about how reality has to be. We can question our inner rules that dictate how we expect people to treat us, how we expect people to see us.
We can question any beliefs we have about ourselves such as not being good enough, deserving to suffer, being easy to control or manipulate and any beliefs we have about being inadequate to go after the things we want.
If you think that you are destined to be controlled and manipulated for example, where do you think that belief came from? We did not put it there ourselves.
If you have a belief that you will never find a partner that understands you, wants the best for you and really loves you…where do you think that belief came from? You did not put it there yourself.
These things were programmed by other people and situations that you were in…mostly during your childhood.
Once you begin to question your limitations and the beliefs that are behind those limitation, people will find you much harder to control and to threaten. Once you can change the early programming from your childhood, you will not be stoppable by others.
You will see ways around other people and situations that may have been right in front of you the entire time. But other people may have been redirecting your conscious mind so that you would not see them.
You were meant to do great things in this world and in this reality. Begin with the questions…
Why do I feel stuck? Who do I think is controlling me? What authority do they really have over me? Why do I feel inferior or inadequate? Who told me that?
What agenda did it serve for them? Were they telling the truth? Did they know the truth about me?
Is this feeling of being stuck something new or is it a conditioned state that is familiar to us from our past? Maybe others are trying to control and manipulate us but do they have as much power over us of we refuse to react the way they expect us to?
Why do I want others to approve of me? Do I need everyone to approve of me? Is everyone looking out for my best interest? Does everyone tell me the truth?
Did the people who told me I was inadequate, non-compliant, undeserving or not worthy…have some agenda of their own? Did they really know me? Were they telling the truth? Were they lying? Did they even know what the truth was about me?
Who knows me better than I know myself? Why should I live my life to please other people who will never be happy with me anyway? What am I trying to avoid?
Is avoiding the pain of conflict worth living for others? Is the fear of upsetting someone else worth giving my dreams away, my self esteem away, and my life purpose away…just to serve someone else’s agenda?
See what beliefs are no longer serving you. Anything negative about you is not serving you at all. Anything that is limiting your possibility to go after your dreams is also not serving you anymore.
Let go of the early programming and other programming that other people forced onto you only to serve their own purposes.
Anyone that told you things like.…You Can’t….You Don’t Deserve…You are not good enough…
You will fail…You should …You should not……. was probably thinking of their agenda and not about your happiness… or “the Truth” for that matter….
You have one life to live. You should live this life in order to fulfill your happiness and your dreams. The people that really matter are the ones that will love you for being who you really are.
I am getting ready to take my 12 year old daughter to the mall. I thought I would share some pictures of myself with you. It has taken me a long time to grown my hair back out long again.
I am afraid of hair dressers because they always chop off my long hair no matter what tell them. So this time I cut and angled the front and sides myself with special hair cutting scissors you can buy at a beauty supply store.
There is a great healing that comes along with accepting ourselves just as we are. You are not a compilation of your mistakes. You are the beautiful person inside that is more meaningful to life than you realize.
Once we can do that then we can begin to explore who we can become. We do not have to be entrapped in a perception that because we have not done things in the past that we cannot do them.
Others say things about us. They label us, describe us, talk about us. They tell us what we can do, what we can’t do, what we should do.
They advise us on our careers, families, religious beliefs. Other people’s opinions can limit us if we choose to believe their perception of us.
They can limit our potential.
They can limit our possibilities.
If we allow them to keep us in the little box they have assigned to us then they will destroy what we could have become.
We do not have to take on the perception that other people have of us. There are great gifts deep inside of you that have yet to flourish. Because others in our lives do see our possibilities, we do not explore them. We feel like we need to conform to who other people think we are.
To reach out for possibilities and explore untapped gifts inside of ourselves is to upset the apple cart. It upsets people who have their reality based on who they think we are. They have assigned to us roles and levels.
You are far more gifted and intelligent than you let other people see. You keep those parts of you hidden and give up on them as unattainable dreams of who you wish you were.
If you have a vision…a picture in your mind’s… eye of you want to become…of things you wish you could do…then do not let other people determine your boundaries or keep you in their box.
It might be inconvenient for other people to get used to you becoming more of who you are. People like to keep things the same. Some people are better off when you are struggling and kept down. Your true self may intimidate them.
But you are not living your entire life to fit into another person’s perception. That is not your purpose.
But there are so many things you can do and so many other people who can benefit from your stretching beyond just going through the motions of your designated roles. Some people may not even be worth keeping in your life, if they are always minimizing you and telling you what you cannot do.
We are each of us on our own path. We are on a path of discovery. Discovery of knowledge, beauty and spirituality. Discovery of our own potential and possibilities.
Reach into your heart and mind. Feel what your soul is calling you to do. The people that see you day to day can sometimes be the ones that know you the least. They just know the role that you play.
You have a purpose that is beyond the people in your family. your workplace, your school and your group of friends. You can start right where you are. It does not matter what choices you have made in the past.
Each new moment is a fresh opportunity to think differently and see things from a completely different point of view….to see yourself as much more significant than you have ever considered before.