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deterioration, degeneration, crumbling,decline,degradation, decomposition,breaking down,collapse
Narcissists believe that relationships follow this Law Of Entropy. They know in their minds that every relationship is doomed to end, after a period of slow torturous crumbling.
The only question to them is who is in control of the deterioration as opposed to who is at the receiving end of it.
They feed off of the energy, and the resources of other people. Most of the relationships they begin, are with the intention to drain as much from you as they can and use you up.
Pathological Narcissists choose to be the one who ends relationships before the other person can leave first. If the other person ended the relationship this would invalidate the narcissist’s need to be all powerful, all knowing and all desirable and sought after.
Some malignant narcissists are co-morbid with borderline personality disorder. This adds another dimension to their pathology. The fear being abandoned, but they have no problem dumping their victims in the cruelest possible ways.
They take this Law of Entropy a step further and twist it into something that is sadistic. As long as the relationship is doomed and the victim is going to “turn on them” eventually anyway, the narcissistic psychopath will mentally torment them.…perhaps as a way to punish them ahead of time for the betrayal that the narcissist anticipates.
The relationship not only decays slowly and painfully, but the victim is broken down bit by bit psychologically so that when the “Zombie Witch Doctor” leaves the victim, they are a broken shell of who they once were.
The term “Zombie Witchdoctor” was coined by Richard Grannon and you can click on the term to watch the video where he describes this in detail. This is a great video that I would recommend you watch. It is not too long and you will see a new perspective on this issue of how narcissists break the victim down psychologically, as well as emotionally.
The Law of Entropy is learned by the victim. They are broken down emotionally, psychologically, financially, cognitively, and physically.
Victims of psychopaths, and other Cluster B disordered people, are often left with PTSD. This can lead to a compromised immune system, that causes the person to develop infections and disease.
*On a personal note… I was hospitalized for infection of internal organs three times after my relationship with a psychopathic narcissist. In addition I was in the emergency room with life threatening infections at least 6 times within a 6 month period.
The body does not escape the abuse, even if there is no physical striking, punching, kicking or bruising that can be seen by the naked eye. Mental pain always manifests itself in a physical way.
When there are severe levels of trauma, and ongoing periods of forced fear, the body is flooded with too much cortisol and other stress hormones.
Check out this article about Cortisol and Adrenal Function.
The victim’s cognitive function is been broken down along with their ability to work and function the way they used to be able to.
The skills needed to get up, dust yourself off and recover from financial devastation are lacking. The narcissist will leave the victim in the worst financial state that they are able to. This adds to the suffering and the continued mental interference of the victim by the abuser.
The Law of Entropy states that things will continue to break down over time, until there is nothing useful left of them or they die. ‘
The psychopathic narcissist wants to leave the victim is an ongoing state of deterioration, so that they will continue to get worse after the narcissist is long gone from the scene.
They may even check in with you just to see how you are doing, in the hopes to hear how broken you are and how much of a affect they had on you. This makes them feel all powerful and enforces their grandiose sense of self.
Not only does the narcissist see relationships in relation to the Law of Entropy, they also see their pathological space this way too. The term pathological space was coined by Sam Vaknin. I recommend that you watch his video about this topic HERE.
The narcissist tends to move more frequently than other people. Over time their narcissistic environment is likely to break down because of all the wreckage in the lives of people that have interacted with the narcissist.
If you are in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad much of the time, you should save yourself and get out.
Psychopaths and narcissists will intentionally get into your head. They distort your reality and isolate you from anyone who would warn you about how they are treating you.
They use their minions to back them up and to manipulate you, and the people around you. Your mind in attacked by a kind of psychic violence that breaks down your critical thinking.
The only thing you can do is to leave. If you have to interact with them, then take proactive measures to protect your own brain from their mental attacks.
They will strip you of your dignity and your identity. There is no end to their tactics . These are people with no remorse and no conscience. If you are dealing with someone who never admits they are wrong,. always shames you, or makes you feel bad every time you interact with them…then stay away as best as you can.
Psychopaths are 1 in every 25 people. This is 4 percent of the population. Psychopaths are pathological liars. Pathological liars are psychopaths. If you are dealing with someone that lies all the time, and contradicts their own stories, please get away from them.
The abuse escalates over time. They are nice to you at first to charm you. This is the idealization phase, to lure you in. After that comes the degrading stage, called the devaluation stage. They will intentionally, systematically break you down, in order to control you.
They are control freaks with huge egos. Do not let their masks fool you. They can portray any personality, and pretend to have your values. Watch the behavior of anyone who makes you feel like there is something wrong with them…or they make you feel like there is something wrong with you.
Recovering from abuse from a psychopath or a narcissist, is a painful process. There are many resources to help you to heal and to overcome narcissistic abuse.
Also join the emailing list on my web site gentlkindnesscoaching.com
Many great people, who did great things in the world, were not acknowledged for who they were in their own homes.
The people who you live with do not necessarily have perspective about your potential in the world. Especially if you grew up in an emotionally abusive household, you were not seen for who you are.
Do not judge yourself based on what people see. You have more to you than what your family sees.
See inside of yourself for who you are and what you can achieve.
If you feel drawn towards doing certain things and you can imagine yourself doing them, then you can go after those dreams.
Do not accept false mirrors that other people refect you with. Their refections of you are limiting.
The perceptions of other people are not true mirrors of you. Even your perception of yourself is not a true mirror of you.
You can achieve things that are beyond what you can perceive of right now.
Seek wisdom from what your feelings are telling you. Your thoughts and perceptions can be interfered with
Go towards what makes you feel happy. Go away from what makes you unhappy.
Think of the advice that Teal Swan gives. When making any decision, no matter how small, ask yourself “What would someone who loves themselves do?”
You can make changes, learn new things and progress towards a goal any way you desire to, but your innate beauty and self worth are fully in tact right now at this minute.
Other creatures like bunnies are beautiful just the way they are and they do not need to change or grow or do anything in particular in order for us to see the beauty and value in them.
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They cannot do anything to contribute to the household other than just to be there. They cannot do anything for people but strangers come up to them in the store and want to see them.
There is an innate beauty in life and in living things because of the spiritual nature of life itself. The possibilities for the new baby are endless.
People sometimes feel they envy the baby and the endless possibilities it has to become anything it wants to become. But you can still become anything you want to become. Your possibilities are still available to you of you can see reality as less rigid than the matrix you perceive it to be.
You have an inner beauty as well as an outer beauty. There is no path you can take which will add or subtract from the spiritual being that you are.
It does not change the fact that you are beautiful right now, and your self worth in perfect, even more than you can imagine.
When you are a Life Coach for victims of narcissistic psychopath abuse, most of the time you get clients who are broken and suffering from the effects of abuse. They are looking for validation and help to reduce the anxiety. The client wants to heal and be able to move forward with their life.
You assume before you get onto a Skype call that the person you will be talking to has been victimized and they are probably going to be a state of trauma. Depending in what stage they are in, there will be signs of psychological abuse, emotional / verbal abuse and cognitive interference.
But every now and then you get a client that does not exhibit any of the usual signs of abuse. You do not see any signs of trauma, C-PTSD, or narcissistic victim abuse syndrome.
The longer you talk to them the more you see that they are disinterested in healing. They are not only disinterested in healing. they are disinterested in considering that anything is wrong with them at all. The longer you are in the conversation the more you realize that they are dominating the entire conversation.
They do not feel that there is anything wrong with them. In fact they are perfect just the way they are and everything that is wrong with their lives has been caused by someone else.
The reason that people do not like them is the fault of the other people. There is nothing that could possible be doing that other people may be responding negatively to. Other people are to blame. In fact everyone in their life in actively trying to interfere with their life.
You try to interject a question or a comment here and there in order to slow down their incessant talking about how people have caused them to become angry and how people have caused them to treat others they way they do. They carry extreme anger towards everyone and everyone around them is against them.
At this point I pay attention to the pronoun density. This is how many times someone used the word “I” while they are talking. particularly where they could have easily used a different word.
They are talking as if they are on a stage. It is a monologue that sounds pretentious and grandios. I take my pencil and begin to make a tally of how many times they say “I” per minute.
If you are getting 15 to 20 “I” words per minute, then this should be a red flag to you. You may be dealing with a narcissist. Keep tallying for a few more minutes. You get 14 times per minute of them saying “I”. Then you get 17. Then you get 19.
The entire conversation is about how they are better than everyone else and how the people around them are plotting against them in order to ruin them. When you ask what reasons the people have to plot against them, there is no rational answer.
You ask them what they think all these people are getting out of undermining them and they have no answer. You ask them what particular tactics these people are using against them and they cannot answer you. But they are sure that the reason they are in a bad job, have no girlfriend, and are in bad health, is a direct result of these people undermining them.
You ask them what their goal is for the life coaching, so that you can help them with healing. But they are not interesting in healing. They have an ulterior motive for the Skype call. There is an agenda underneath that begins to show itself as you go along.
Dealing with a psychopath on the phone or Skype can be disconcerting. The good thing is that you can recognize them in a reasonable amount of time before they begin luring you in to their tactics. As they are claiming to be the victim of this abuse which they cannot give any real examples of, they are playing games with your mental state.
The best thing to do is to try to detach from any emotional feelings about things they say. Do not be emotionally manipulated by them. Think of this as practice for you, in order that you will be better prepared to teach others. Once they can begin to manipulate your emotions, they have a hook in you.
What is the agenda? Maybe they want you to make a video that will discredit their supposed abusers. Maybe they want to lure you into a sexual agenda. Keep in mind that if a client says something of a sexual nature and it makes you really uncomfortable then it was probably inappropriate.
If they talk about something sexual and it is not related to their abuse, then you should put up one red flag. Try to redirect the conversation onto a non-sexual topic. Preferable back to the abuse they say they experienced. If they refuse to allow you to redirect them and continue to talk about sexual things that are unrelated to their abuse, then you are being manipulated.
If you are dealing with a narcissistic psychopath for a client then you need to make the decisions that you need to make, in order to protect yourself. You can end the call if you need to. You can refund their payment.
Another option is to juts let them finish talking for the rest of the session and act disinterested in any topics that you feel are inappropriate to what the session is supposed to be for. Try to get them back on the topic of the session. Ask them what their goals are for the session.
If they refuse to discuss goals. or tell you what they set up the session for, or if the reason they give you is inappropriate then you can finish the session and then not schedule another one with them. You have every right to refuse a client based on the reason that you do not feel that your skills are suited to their particular goals.
Since they have no life coaching goals at all and are just playing games with you, then you can use this reason. Just email them that during the first session you felt that you were not a good match for them. You felt that their particular issues and their goals would be better met by another life coach.
Or you can tell them that their problems are out of your scope and you recommend that they see a mental health professional. Tell them that you are obligated not to take clients that seem to be out of your scope or what you can legally do as a life coach.
That’s it. If they do not accept your reasons or want to argue with them, that is very narcissistic and you have your final evidence that you are dealing with a narcissist. If someone was in a state of trauma from abuse, they would not be arguing with you about whether you should continue to keep them in order to discuss their sexual life or to help them find ways to destroy their targets.
A narcissist may use you to help them to conspire against their targets. The reason for this is that they know you are empathic and you have skills that they do not have. They can manipuate you into thinking you are being helpful be explaining to them how someone might be thinking and feeling and what they might respond to. Be very careful disussing the thoughts and feelings of other people during a session,
Remember you are there to discuss the thoughts and feelings of the client , not other people that you have not met. Do not them lure you into getting into the heads of other people. These people may be targets of theirs. I let someone do this to me once and I still feel bad that I helped him to manipulate other people.
I had no idea that he was using my skills and knowledge for evil and not for good. He told me he had good intentions towards the people and he needed my help because he did not understand how to talk to people. I ended up helping him lure people into situations that were not good for them.
You don’t want to go there, so be careful.
When you are working with a client, you need to have control to guide the conversation. You should allow them a safe space to talk and you should validate their experiences. This is the first step to healing from narcissistic abuse.
But if you feel that they are taking over the conversation and dominating over you in a pretentious way, then you might be dealing with a narcissist. Be careful and remember to protect your own psychological and spiritual state.
Remember someone saying “I I I I ” 20 times per minute is not really open to hearing any suggestions from you about ways they can change. Change is required to heal from narcissistic abuse. If someone thinks they are perfect then you cannot help them.
I was able to make an upload two new videos to my YouTube Channel today.
The first one is a Part One in a series of videos dispelling the myths about abuse victims.
The second one is about the idealization phase of narcissistic abuse. What is it? Why does it work? Who does it work on? How can you avoid being duped by this tactic?